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I wasn't expecting to write any type of entry for week two, but this week has a big impact on my thought process. Losing 22lbs in week 1 was amazing. I felt great! On top of the world! Ready to jump-start my new life! ...And then, it stopped. On day #7 the scale stopped moving. Now, I've researched this surgery soooo much and knew this was very likely. It seems many people have a stall around week 2-3. I thought I was prepared for this strange phenomena... But I was wrong. I had so many doubts this week. Would I ever lose the weight? Am I doing everything I'm supposed to do? Did I just have surgery to lose 22lbs? It was a terrible week. And then I realized... This is completely normal. Not only not losing weight is normal, but also all these feeling are normal as well. It's easy to get discouraged when things don't go your way. It's easy to get angry or sad... But that's what this journey is about- it's about a fight to a better you. A physically better you AND an emotionally better you. It's about strength, determination, and learning. To all you who are discouraged and down this week, pick up the pieces and keep on keeping on. This is all part of your story- the ups AND the downs. There are many times we will feel this way, down and depressed, but we just have to pick ourselves up, dust off, sip some water, and walk it off.

I'm into week 3 and I'm 21 lbs down since surgery 40 since my heaviest. Eating less than 1/4 of a cup of food at meals, which doesn't amount to many calories, so still struggling with fatigue. BUT - I am walking a mile now in my 30 minutes of required daily walking. (PITIFUL, I know, since I used to jog 3 miles in 45 minutes.) So I called the nurse to ask when I can swallow pills again and found out I have 3 more weeks of the nasty liquid/chewable crap. She shared with me that I really HAVE to get the 60 grams of protein in a day OR ELSE my hair will start falling out. So now I'm serious. Back to the gross protein drinks. Thinking about going to Goodwill to find some shorts since mine are about to fall off. HOORAY! My belly STILL looks like a train wreck, but oh well, I'll not be wearing a bikini anytime soon. And I think I might have found a shoulder under all my vanishing fat! Looking forward to finding a WAIST eventually.

I just wanted to post about my experience last week. We decided to take my 2 year old daughter to the water park that is near my house. I have never been there because I have been extremely overweight for the past 4 years of my life. I always worried about climbing and things falling out and just being totally uncomfortable. Over the past 5 months I have lost 80 pounds and boy has it made a difference. I don't think it is just the weight loss, but my strength training as well. I lift weights 4x a week at a bare minimum and I really think that it has made a world of difference. I had it planned in my head that I could only make it for 3 hours because I would be tired and I ended up staying there for 6 hours!!! I had no problem with stairs, slides, swimming, climbing, and I even carried this massive tube up the mountain! All of this really hit me when I went down the lazy river. I hopped up on the tube and laid down in it and put my daughter on my belly. I didn't even give it a second thought...I just did it. As we started flowing down the river, I noticed this very large man behind me trying to climb in the tube like I did. Well, he tried over and over and over again. He didn't make it and eventually tried to stick his body in the donut hole part of the tube, but his body was too large. It made me sad that he was struggling. He eventually gave up and just walked the tube and himself down the river until the end. It was at that point that I realized that would have been me struggling, probably feeling embarrassed. I was very appreciative of my progress. I am very proud of my 80 pound loss! I even more proud of myself that I go to the gym 6 days a week and can do 90 minutes of straight intense cardio. I used to think to myself, "why is everyone losing faster? Why are those people who don't exercise losing faster than me? or those who are older or weigh less than me losing faster?" Now, I am truly at peace with my pace of loss. The scale does not reflect the muscle I have built. The scale does not show how much strength I have gained. The scale does not measure my progress. The scale is an instrument affected by so many factors! It is affected by the slant of the floor, my sodium intake, my time of month, inflammation, water intake, water loss, female hormones. I think it is funny that I depend on an instrument that is so unreliable.

Hello everyone! Wow - it has been quite the eventful past almost 2 weeks. This blog is dedicated to those who are pre-op Everyone is different, but I hope if I give you my story, it will help some of you to be a little more prepared for what you're about to undergo! 1st, I did my surgery in Egypt - so far away from most of you...but the surgery is the same, albeit the administration a bit different... Soooo....(drum-roll!) I started my surgery at approximately 253.9 lbs. May be a bit less than that, but I was too nervous to go wandering around trying to find a scale! The operation was last Sunday... Everything was smooth in the operation - they knocked me out peacefully and happily and although the operation was only 45 minutes in total, I was out for around 5 hours. The torture happened the minute I was being transferred to my hospital room. I was screaming in pain (still out of it from the anesthetic), and vomited blood 4-5 times. Warning!!! For those of you who have sensitive stomachs to medicine, especially hard-core medicine like Morphine, be ready to have to make a tough decision....you will be in an incredible amount of pain..and will NEED strong pain-killers...but if you tend to throw-up fairly easily, taking those strong pain-killers may mean that you end up in even more pain. Throwing up after a gastric-sleeve operation, as you can imagine, is not fun. The doctors had to torture me with medium-strength pain-killers to avoid my throwing up to prevent further bleeding. OUCH! I was quite embarrassed of myself - I was in so much pain over these 2 days in the hospital that I created quite a scene. I don't remember most of it, but I remember getting the nurses and doctors all flustered with my carrying on. Oh well, not much I can do now The actual surgical pain - is more than manageable. Hopefully (touch wood) all of you will be just fine with that. I had two issues - 1) the gas issue - this pain was ridiculous. You have this constant feeling of just wanting to "deflate" and the pain that goes with it is indescribable....but, par for the course. It took me 6 days to "deflate" enough that I wasn't walking around looking 7 mos. pregnant and the pain was mostly gone. 2) the drainage site - you will have a drain for 2(ish) days. This is extremely painful and unfortunately I had developed cysts internally around the incision of the drain, and this was also an incredible amount of pain. I couldn't sit, lay down, stand from pain. When I went back for my 7 day post-op appointment, I yelped enough that they gave me an ultra-sound and CT scan and found multiple cysts formed in this area. A 5-day course of anitbiotics/anti-inflammatory cured this - I am now feeling almost normal. Writing this, I feel like I was such a baby...but I've delivered normally 3 babies (2 without an epidural, so I KNOW pain), and I was up and changing the babies the same night and taking my mom on a tour of my area the day after..in pain yes...but I was proud of my pain theshold. In my opinion, that means that this is one seriously painful operation (but hopefully none of you will develop the cysts which was the cause of at least 50% of the pain). So, now - I am now at 236.0 lbs (17.9 lbs less), 12 days post-op. Great!!!!! I am feeling very weak and I feel like I've done 5000 crunches and the incision areas are drying and itching like crazy, but I feel great compared to just a few days ago. I'm back home and back at work. It's hard figuring out how much I can drink before I'm full - the feeling of fullness doesn't exist in me yet - but when the juice starts bubbling back up (a weird feeling), I stop drinking for 10-15 minutes or so. POPSICLES rock!!!!!! I feel SOOOOOO much better after munching on a popsicle.. I've started putting all my juices in the freezer. It makes me feel like I'm eating, but it does nothing but soothes my aching tummy. Stock up on popsicles!!! I'm still on a full liquid diet - soups, jello, juices, and popsicles Working my way up to the thicker soups, protein shakes and will transition into mushed food. My tummy/esophagus controls me on this issue...I get a really yucky uncomfortable feeling and it lasts quite some time when I try eating something I'm not ready for yet.... ohhhh - one thing I had read up on before I went for surgery.... My doc requested my husband crush all of my meds. YUCK! When I was a kid, my mom had to chase me around with the medicine syrup...imagine how I was with crushed tablets? Super yuck! So, after suffering for around 5 days, I googled around on the internet and finally broke the tablets in half and swallowed those as normal. No issues whatsoever. Now I can swallow them whole (probably could the whole time, but I was being careful). So guys - there you have it. If you have any questions, I'm happy to answer!!! Looking forward to the days to come!

So it's Day6 and I still have the most horrible pain in my neck and shoulder. Yesterday I went to see my Dr and I lost 11 lbs in a week and 2 lbs from before surgery so 13lbs in a week and a half. I'm super happy and motivated even more but this pain will not go away and I'm so over it. But my question is does anyone have mental hunger? I can't seem to stop thinking about food, is it cause I haven't eaten in over a week or I'm really emotionally attached to food?? This is driving me nuts....

Eating my stress away, and meeting Mrs. Strange It's one of those days! Have you ever had one? Where you go to sleep early you wake up late your hubby has been up hours ahead of you and is in a bad mood because while you were sleeping the insert curse word here (kids) yes that's the word I was talking about, went around the house doing their own thing with regard to nothing and no one. So that ticked him off and rightfully so, if I wasn't so tired I'd be upset about it too, but good grief I am sooooo tired of the drama and the stress. It seems like it's my life really, it's not just since surgery though surgery has changed the way I think about it all. Before surgery it was easy to ride to the local pharmacy or corner store and pick up a bag of chocolate go home and eat my stress and fustration away. Today it's not so easy to do. Not because I don't want some, but because I think about all I have gone through in the last month, and it's just not worth it to go backwards. I want to move ahead, I want to be healthy and bag of chocolate is not the healthiest choice for me to make and I wouldn't be able to eat a whole bag and I might just end up not enjoying it anyway since I have no desire for it to begin with. This is were Mrs. Strange comes in, that's how I feel about it all. As if there was this insecure and scared part of me that has had to grow up and deal with these little every day and not so little but for me just about every day!!!! Stressors. She has had to grow up and can't have her bag of candy, she has to deal with the feelings and the issues and cope with them in another way. She's not doing a bad job if I do say so myself, but in these moments….it all feels so strange. I feel so strange. I am not used to floundering through my feelings and my emotions, I'm used to just dealing with it head on and medicating it later with a bag of candy! I'm not as familiar with Mrs. Strange as I am with Mr. Hershey! Though I am getting to know her a little more each day. Mr. Band-it introduced me to her about a month ago. Mr. Band-it and I bonded instantly the day after surgery, he was part of my life. It's this new Mrs. Strange, who walks away from the candy isle and heads to the gym to work off her fustration and stress. Who sits here and watches all her co-works come up to the desk to take cookies out of the tin, and pretzles out of the bucket and thinks to herself as they all complain about eating yet another cookie, it would serve them right if I super glued the container shut. At least I would have something to laugh at watching them fight to get it open so they could reach those cookies and pretzles! I shared that thought out loud, and my boss laughed but later gave me that sideways look before he dived into the pretzle bucket, I'm sure wondering if I actually did or would super glue it shut Mrs. Strange has a way about her, but I’m starting to like her better every day! She and Mr. Band-It are getting along very well and helping me to make a lot of positive changes in my life.

The Warrior. I am not new to stress, any kinds of stress. I have it in abundance, it finds me no matter where or how I try to hide from it. I am not one of those people that seeks out drama and enjoys creating struggles in her life. I would much rather turn on the TV and see it play out there, where I can turn it off when it gets to be too much. My life is nothing like TV and there is no remote to change the channel or to mute the nonsense or abort it all together by switching it off. Nope not for me, some days I feel like it's a constant assault of one thing after another. Trust me I am not one of those people that makes mountains out of mole hills either. The stress I speak of is real, it is the stress of 5 children all over the age of 18 that can't seem to find their direction and all live at home with me. It is the stress of working 12 hour days 5 days a week with an hour each way to commute. It is the stress of sick in laws and fathers. It is the stress of burying ex-wives, and the untimely death of friends with megawatt high profile funerals to plan and execute. It is also the stress of good things like graduations and holidays. Weddings, and new babies being born. It is the stress of family, I'm sure everyone can relate, not need to expand here. There are days when I just want to cave in, I want to curl up and give up. If you knew me that would be one of the last things that this warrior would say or do, but it doesn't mean that I don't think about it, and just having those thoughts of giving up bring me even more stress because I know I am that low, and it is going to take me that much more work to pull myself up and out. I am the Warrior. I have spent my 42 years battling everything under the sun, yet the hardest battle there is to fight is the one against myself. I am my own worst enemy. I get so lost in the excuse of having to do this and that for all others that I lose the focus on what I really should be doing. I put aside taking care of myself and I say it's for this one or that one and what would they do if I didn't stop to do it or help them out? They can't get along without my help and my input right? The world as we know it might come to an end is my response. If you follow any of the movies Hollywood is putting out these days…that might just happen with me or without me helping. So why am I doing something for everyone but me? This year I vowed along with my husband that this was going to be the year I get healthy WE get healthy. Wait a second, I didn't realize that I was doing it AGAIN. I don't have to wait around, or put the fault on him or anyone else. If he can't walk or he's tired or my cousin bought a new car, or his having a baby, that doesn't mean I shouldn't lace up my sneakers and get that walk in today! My father is in surgery and my son is graduating and the tent my sister in law was supposed to lend me conveniently has holes in it from of all things ants, that or she just didn't like that I called her out last night on her bullshit, but either way that doesn't mean that I shouldn't make a better choice for dinner then Domino's pizza! Even if I can only eat 2 slices instead of half the pie it's still a bad choice. Wait a second, I think the bug zapper in my brain finally came to life, and zapped a few of those annoying thoughts that plague me with their incessant buzzing annoyance. You know the ones that I bred to keep me distracted and diverted from doing all the things I should be doing to make my life healthy. I went through major surgery to make my life better! I didn't just sit in some pretend yoga pose chanting I think I can I think I can I think I can. No, I really can! So what the heck am I doing? Why am I not getting my act together and getting out there and working out and eating better. I have NO excuse. I have to stop blaming everyone and THEIR problems. I have to stop making their problems my problems. I have to start taking care of my problems because I just realized no one else is going to do it! No matter how much I help them, they are never going to be able to help me with what I need. I have to open up and let go and start doing it and stop making excuses to myself about why I feel the way I do. So what you, feel the way you feel. Acknowledged now deal with it. Get off your ass and do something about it! I know I can, I will and I AM! Right now! Today! This very moment. I am the Warrior!

First off, I don't believe in being coddled. I understand people post on forums because they are looking for moral support or advice, but sometimes they expect too much. What I mean to say is if someone posts on a forum, then they need to expect to be supported even if it means being challenged! I can understand if the person posting is doing everything right to a tee and still not losing weight or hitting stalls, then yes they do need complete moral support because they are not in control. It might be metabolic, hormonal, genetic etc. The people I am talking about are those that don't get enough protein in, eat too many carbs, don't exercise enough and then complain on the forums. I see it quite a bit actually and usually just refrain from answering. In general, the same people posting and whining, are the same ones that get offended when others offer constructive criticism on why his or her weight loss has stalled or is slow. Being coddled will get you know where. If you really are in this to lose weight, then you should be willing to listen to the things you "might" not be doing right. We all know everyone is different, but when it comes to weight loss there is a general trend that works BETTER than other ways. Of course, there is a respectful way of disagreeing. I don't agree with the name calling, or yelling, or the "i did it this way and I lost this much weight". In a recent forum, I witnessed someone trying to tell the original poster that they didn't think what they were doing was working for them and offered advice. He wasn't disrespectful in any way. It just sounded like he disagreed. Well, the original poster got upset and then it all went downhill. It kind of got out of hand and everyone started chiming in. It was like the original poster just wanted to hear things that supported her, and nothing else. I think people just need to understand that sometimes being challenged and having someone disagree with you is in support. Would you want to go to the doctor and have them tell you there is nothing wrong with you just to make you feel better? Wouldn't you want the doctor to help figure out what is wrong with you and what you can do to get better? Granted, most of us are not doctors, but you get what I am saying? Having a vertical sleeve is a very personal experience. Some people get it and lose weight effortlessly. Others have to work harder and try everything possible to lose weight at a faster rate. If you have a question or a concern and post it on a forum, then you must be willing to get responses both agreeing and disagreeing, but all supportive. If you are looking for people who will simply shake his or her head "yes" to everything you say, then make a friend and send private messages. You can live happily in your bubble of only hearing what you want. *Note: I am not a "yes" woman. I am going to tell you what I did and what I helped and give you suggestions in a nice way. If I think you are doing something that isn't healthy or could stall your weight loss, then I am going to let you know because I would rather truly help you than watch you struggle and whine and complain. This is the type of friend I am and those are the type of friends I want.