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I am sorry I have not blogged in a while. Life got busy and is about to get busier. I promised when I started blogging to tell the good and the bad so here goes.. Last month was a ton of bad. Not the bands fault. However, it was easy for me to blame the band and say WTH when it was me trying to sabotage myself all along. Not only did my weight loss come to a screaming halt, I gained 4lbs back in one week. One day I felt great and the next I felt no restriction. It was like I never had anything done. For some weird reason I freaked out and started eating and eating to try to feel "full". I am still not quite sure why I did that. I "know" what my portions should be and how I should eat. I do not know why I was looking for that "full" feeling other than I reverted back to eating for comfort which is something I thought I had conquered. Apparently not. So I went in for my monthly check up with my doctor with my b***h on. I was furious I gained weight, convinced I should have done another surgery, pissed at the world because "What if I did all this and am fat forever?" Now, my doc is a no bullshit kind of guy. He doesn't do well with whining because he has the band himself and he knows whats up. Its like a teenager getting caught sneaking out of the house by a parent who already did all that when they were a teenager. You can't really get anything past this guy. So he comes in the room and says What's going on? Are you drinking your calories? Are you partying? Are you eating a ton of carbs? *Bingo* the Carb alarm goes off. I don't drink and seriously with 6 kids who the hell has time to party? But I was eating baked potatoes, mashed potatoes, fried potatoes. They went down well. I had stopped recording all my calories and was only going to the gym 3 days a week. He told me absolutely no veggies that grow under the ground from now on. Exercise 3 times a week was only going to maintain for me so he wants 45 minutes 7 days a week. *faint* My poor inner fat girl wanted to cry. He asked me what exactly did I expect? The weight was not going to pack its bags and take off on its own. I had gotten lazy again because the band had been working so well for me that I thought I didn't have to work anymore. We did another fill and guess what? I had to re learn how to eat! I thought it was too tight for a bit but it was my bad habits again. It was hard the first week after the fill. I got stuck and finally learned what people mean when they say they "slimed". It is gross and a horrible feeling and completely my fault again. I got complacent. I got lazy again and looked for anyone but myself to lash out at. This month I am back on track. I have learned that eating a lot during the day is not going to be something I will ever do again. I have very small meals now but I am not looking for the feeling of "full" anymore. I understand now that is not what I need. I need to make sure I don't get dizzy or light headed from not having enough food. Feeling "full" is too much. I have replaced all the potatoes I was eating with squash or zucchini. I replaced a lot of the meat I was eating with fish because it has a lot of protein that I desperately need. I need to make sure that every single day I push my body just for a little while. I need to make sure I am helping the band work. Not expecting it to do all the work. I lost sight of the fact this band is a tool not a cure. This month I lost all the weight I had gained back. I made it to the next decade down. Since seeing the doctor 3 weeks ago I have lost 8 lbs. I feel great. I am not going to be "fat" or should I say "unhealthy" forever. I have forgiven myself for slipping up. I think maybe that is the most important thing. I have owned the mistake and forgiven myself for it. I will never come on here and bash this tool and say it is evil or its all the bands fault things are not working out for me. The band is an inanimate object. Not capable of either being good or bad or having choices. We control it. We decide how it works for us. The thing I want people to take from this is if you are in a stall or a plateau right now really look at everything. See maybe the tiny things you might be doing. Do NOT get angry. Try to stay calm and look at it from all angles. Write down everything. Write down how you are feeling emotionally, what are you eating, when are you eating? Once I started keeping logs again I figured out what was wrong. Don't give up hope and don't take it out on yourself or the band. It's just a matter of figuring out where the roadblock is and you will be back on track. Keep your head up. It does not have to come off over night. The goal is to be healthy. You are on track for that already. I have gone from 305 to 259 since January 11. I am going slow but I am doing it. All I can ask of myself is to be nicer to me.

So, this is my first entry, and planning to behave like a grown up and take control of my health and use this lapband tool properly. I read somewhere once that people who overeat are emotionally underdeveloped as they use food as a emotional escape - not true for everyone - but for someone like me, that rung a true and clear bell, and frankly, it really hurt. Can't remember how I responded, but I probably ate something.... I have read in a million different approaches to this type of task, that keeping a journal is ideal and helps in some way. I have no desire to keep a paper journal and run the risk of having it read upon my demise, or even before. This may be public, but it is only public to people who can relate to what is happening to and for me during this process. I don't expect anyone will read this, but as a journal this will serve nicely. My handwriting resembles ransom notes these days anyway! Next entry - after a trip to Paris - surely not the ideal place to commence healthy food choices, but this is a "for life" change so location should be irrelevant. I

4 more days! I'm going to share 4 things I have done in the past week.... 4. Had my pre-op appointment with the anesthesiologist. She said I would do fine and that I have a big mouth for easy intubation haha 3. I went to two spin classes, walked 3 miles every day I wasn't at the gym and even started running a bit 2. Took my dog to the vet because he has e.coli. If you know what that is then you will know that my week also consisted of cleaning up gross dog poop accidents in the house. 1. Practiced living the lap band lifestyle since my surgery is 4 days away!!

I have felt very lucky to have had a couple of months preop to be on this site & learn from others. I appreciate the knowledge, advice, and the sharing of experiences I have found here, and I plan to pay it forward by posting regularly on my post op progress. So far, my experience has been pretty good, although in some ways it’s different than what I imagined. I was sleeved on Wednesday, June 19 at Northside Hospital in Atlanta, GA. When I woke up from surgery, I felt queasy, but I didn’t get sick. The nursing staff was great, and so was my special bariatric nurse, Debbie. I was able to wear my own gown & robe, and somehow that made me feel better. I was up walking within a couple of hours of being in my room. I needed help walking at first, mainly just to have somebody keep the IV stand out of my way. At first, I was instructed to walk once every four hours, but on the second day they bumped it up to once every 2 hours. By the second day, I could do it by myself, but my husband usually came with me anyway. I used the breathing tube thing (spirometer?) almost every hour. I never hit the goal they set for me, but I came fairly close. I didn’t sleep much on Wednesday night, only dozing on and off. They came in to take vitals every 4 hours & I just couldn’t get comfortable. That first afternoon, another VST member, journeybegins05032013 came by to meet me, and brought me the sweetest goody bag with samples of different protein powders & flavors, drink mix-ins, iron & calcium chews, a Dr. Seuss book, and a lovely journal. It was such a thoughtful gesture! I have also received wonderful calls, texts, and messages from many of my sleeve peeps, and I am just so thankful for this community. WARNING – Grossness alert! The next paragraph is about poop. Based on what I had read from others, I was expecting to not have a BM for several days. However, on Thursday morning I started pooping. It was extremely liquid, just like it had been the night before surgery with the bowel cleanse. It literally felt like I was peeing from the back side. Almost every time I peed, I would let go some more from the back. As a result, my anus hurt a lot. It was very tender & made it even more uncomfortable to lie on my back. The liquid poop has continued at home, but strangely enough I did not fart until this morning, on the 4th day out. I have been burping like crazy, but not farting. I never even used a Gas-X strip since I was pooping so much. I am on clear liquids for 2 weeks, and then will be on full liquids for 2 more weeks. My doc counts skim milk as a clear, and I’m supposed to take in 32 oz of skim milk & 32 oz of other clears every day. I made SF Jello with milk & it turned out pretty good. I used about a quarter or half cup of boiling water to dissolve & then mixed in about 1 cup & a half of skim milk. I just tried the Unjury Chicken soup with water, but next time will make it with warm milk & see how that works out. I’m not doing a good job tracking my intake, and I really need to get better about that. I am going to start using MyFitnessPal today, since I know it has been so helpful for so many folks. My energy level is still pretty low. I am walking around my house every couple of hours & taking a longer walk with the hubs every evening. I’m trying not to push myself, and just give my body a chance to heal. I haven’t felt hungry at all, either physical hunger or head hunger. Overall, I feel pretty good about my recovery so far and about how my food intake is going. For the next week, I have nothing on my schedule away from the house except for Wednesday. I am planning to keep taking it easy and just continue to heal & build my stamina back up. One day at a time, little by little, I will get to where I want to be.

With today being the first day of summer my thoughts have been on light and flowing dresses and tops. I went into a store and hit the clearance rack. I found a cute sassy dress that I know I can alter as the weight melts away. I was tickled pink when it slid over the body and did not cling to me. I instantly thought of push up bras and sexy undies, 7/22/13 can't come fast enough. All of that to say I want the foundation garments that will have me walking with that extra spring in my step. Lol So the planning begins, I want to reward myself with a visit to Victoria Secrets (VS) and purchase underwear that scream SEXY! And they have to be HOT RED. In the past I've darkened the doors of a VS store because I was with my friend that can fit their products. It's going to be a total scream the first time I can make a purchase. There is not a plan to buy then work to get into the undies. The goal is to reward each milestone I hit in order them without the psychological stress. So I figure at 30, 60, and 90 pound milestones I'll reward myself. Once I hit the ultimate goal of 100 pounds lost its the full hot res sexy ensemble. Push-up bra, high cut sexy undies, garter and stocking to seal the deal. LOL. To round this all out,how has the VGS community been rewarding themselves for reaching their goals?

So four weeks ago today, I got the lap band done. I can't believe how time has flown! And guess what? I'm okay! I'm doing this! Pre-op diet I lost 25 pounds. Post op, I've lost 22 pounds so far. I'm trying to be gracious about it to everyone but inside I'm insanely happy with myself. Even when the hunger came back, I stuck to the diet the doctor had me on (he's very strict) and I was able to lose. Today I had my first fill. Everyone was very positive and I even got a 3/4 cup measure for my meals. My doctor had put in 3.4 cc's and today they added 1 cc to my band. I'm kinda bummed about being back on liquids for a couple of days but that's the way the ball rolls, I suppose! So I'm going on vacation next month and before I leave I'll be going back to see how I've progressed. I'm kinda thinking about getting some fluid taken out before flying but we'll see. Let's see how this month goes!

i looooove this post! I wish I would have made a goal list like this!! Good luck. Keep us posted. i am excited for you.

I am right there with you. However, I am 5 days out. I'm not getting enough protein and everything I eat I poop out.

I haven't had my surgery yet, but I did have 3 c-sections. It will definitely get better. :-)