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Wanted to share a rundown of my surgery day and 1st week Postop. I was sleeved on June 11, 2013. Here goes: Surgery day!: the surgery itself went smoothly. No complaints or complications. When I woke up, I did experience some nausea. I also felt a little too sedated. My mind was like, "ok, Misty, you need to get up and walk." But my body was like, "F*** that." My mom and husband brought me to my very comfy hotel room and I was instructed to start sipping on water at 10pm. So, I did. And I vomited. I did have some mild pain, but I couldn't tolerate the pain medication (I couldn't tolerate the water). Recap of the day: pain- very mild. Nausea- holy hell. Day 1: I continued with nausea until I hit the 24 hour mark. Then I was able to drink. Magic! The day's intake totaled 5oz, and I was super proud of that. On this day I met my new best friend = Gas X. I attribute the Gas X with me feeling so much better. Oh! And I was allowed to take a shower!! (A shower cures everything). That evening Dr. Borland came visit me, and gave me terrible news = no bowel sounds! Ahhh! Some people might be like, "so what?" But in my mind (my nurse mind) I pictured myself with an NG tube, large midline abdominal incision, and a colostomy. Ah! I took Phenergan that night, not for nausea, but for sleep. Day 2: I was able to leave the hotel. Home sweet home! After the car ride, I did have some mild soreness and a little trickle of blood at the bellybutton site. No biggie. And on this day I learned the value of burping myself, yes, like a baby. Day 3: ok, we talked about no bowel sounds- Since the doc told me that, my ridiculously obsessed self kept listening for my bowel sounds. And I had been hearing increased grumbling. Yay. And today??? A BM!! Yes, thank you, I was happy for myself too. Today I felt no pain or soreness. I walked to the mailbox a few times- I was afraid to leave my driveway. I had a total intake of 17.5 oz! Day 4: Feeling good! Walked outside a little. No pain. Total intake of 19 oz (I felt like I pushed it too much). I was feeling much stronger until I had to wash my hair-- OMG! Day 5: Felt great!!! I discovered today that my engagement ring no longer fits. but and I got 21oz in with no problem. And today, I ventured past the mailbox into the street!!! Day 6: I woke up feeling weak. After thinking about it, I believe I was a little dehydrated. I actually slept late this day. So my observation= sleeping too much= not drinking= dehydration= weakness. I did some light housework, walked outside, had an all around good day once I caught up on my fluids. And I went on my first outing: Walmart to shop for thickened liquids: dear god that was exhausting. Lol Day 7: I started my protein shakes! And vitamins!! After all that clear liquid, I was kinda excited for protein. Feeling strong! Feeling good! I went to my first Postop appointment. Lost 22lbs! Yay! I will see my doc again in 2 weeks. Oh, and I learned I love V8. So that was the first seven days. Honestly, I thought I'd be worse. And with no pain medications, I felt like I did well.

Hey there everyone. I know I have not been keeping up on my blogs... I guess its because I am now out living life and discovering who I am as a normal person. Finding out I like to hang out, I like to go to the gym, I don't mind being in front of a crowd now... As for normal life its kinda hard rite now, I just started a new job and its not really paying out what I hoped, so the bills are a bit tight rite now. But I can tell you that my cloths are not! I am having to sew and alter many of my cloths because I am loosing so fast! Thank god I can sew! Or I would be in cloths that looked like sacks and togas...lol This sleeve is proving to be the most wonderful "tool"! And yes, everyone was right to say its a tool for weight loss! Its the thing that helps keep me on track. The reminder that I have a goal and that I don't want to stray from my mission. As of this week I am 14 weeks post op. I have lost 71 pounds and almost 45 inches! (9 inches off my waist alone!) I have gone from a size 22 pants to a size 16! Everything looks and feels different. I can cross my legs when I sit, I can run up and down stairs, I can be on my feet for longer periods of time, I am starting to be able to ware high heals again! And when I pass by a shop window, I don't recognize the person I see in the reflection... The little changes and victories are endless! I am so happy I made this decision. There are a few things for me that I have noticed are a little different than some of my other sleever friends. One is I am hungry regularly. I don't really know if it is what they call head hunger, or if my body is just telling me to eat more. I know that I am satisfied rather quickly, but I do feel hungry often. I am able to eat most anything I want (in moderation) I have a little bit of a hard time with fried foods. I try to stay away from them in general, but sometimes my will gets the best of me... I am normally sorry in the end because my tummy dose not really like it... In general I am at about 1000-1100 cal a day... And I loose about 2 or maybe 3 pounds a week rite now... I have been on the low end of my protein the past couple weeks. I have been making it a priority over the past couple days so I hope to see my loss pick up again. I have noticed it slow down a little. Im sure this will help. My other problem area is water ( I know, I am preaching to the choir on this one...lol every one has a hard time with water) I have been trying to drink allot more! I keep a glass full at work now and a bottle in my car. What ever it takes rite? Well, I think I have covered most of the things that are going on with me. I want to be able to keep a record not only for myself but for all of you who might find a little help or hope in following my story. I know I am not supper interesting, or amazingly charismatic, but its my story... and maybe it will help someone... All I got is my experiences and my personal victories... To all my supper awesome friends out there... Thank you for your support! You guys are awesome! Sarahr and TTL you girls are the best! I am always able to talk to you guys... and especially my friend VSGkirk ... You have been so wonderful, and such a great friend... Thank you! I am so glad we live close. Until next time. Keep up the good work!

16 days post op. I've been eating real food (soft) for 2 days and I'm feeling better, a bit more energy. I'm learning to 'read' my new stomach for the new full feeling. UGH! I'm only able to eat about 1/4 of a cup of food at this point. Here's what I've had so far: one egg with Franks hot sauce 1/4 of mushed, ripe banana refried, black beans with taco sauce mushed avocado humus canned pears cottage cheese sliced deli ham sugar free Carnation instant good start with skim milk It's so wonderful to move away from the overly sweet crap. I never knew how much I love savory foods with flavor. One big disappointment I'm having is that the bathroom situation has not returned to normal yet. Maybe someday - sigh. I've lost 16 lbs since the surgery - about 1 lb a day. My belly still has some swelling, so I only notice the weight loss in my face, but dear husband says he can tell I'm losing everywhere. I've lost 35 lbs since my heaviest weight. I had my first picture taken yesterday (for the swim pass) and WOW, I can see the difference already. HOORAY! I've passed the point of feeling "why the hell did I do this!" However, I'm realizing now that food is essential, not just for the yummy taste or comfort, etc. I need food - BUT I can't eat much of is, so I'm sort of frustrated. I also HATE the nasty liquid/chewable meds. JUST PUKEY! I'll be so excited when I get the go ahead to swallow a PILL! I can't imagine the lap-band people never being able to swallow another pill - forever. This week-end we're traveling down to visit my folks at their lake home. It will be the first time they've seen me, and I'm excited and nervous. They've been nothing but supportive, but . . . parents. Someone asked me to share the whole, ugly truth of my experience. I'm reticent to do so, because I don't want to scare anyone off, but reality is - **** happens. Soooo . . . my surgeon 'nicked' a blood vessel during surgery and I bled internally. My hemoglobins went critically low and I had to have two units of blood. Then I spiked a high fever and was given strong antibiotics for another day. So I was supposed to stay 2 nights, ended up staying 4 nights and my entire belly looks horrendous. Seriously 'zombified' and swollen. I've had to go into the dr. 2 times to make sure the hemoglobins are returning to normal - they are. I had low grade temps for the first week (with the cold sweats, shiver-shakes, and all.) So happy those are gone now. I would say I passed the 'hell' point on day 11 post op. I'm also so glad I'm doing this during the summer (I'm a teacher) because I really can't imagine going back to work next week. I really don't have the energy level back up to normal. I'll post a new picture soon. I just hate that my belly is still so huge.

I lost my uncle today. He had been battling cancer and though we knew he was terminal you can never fully prepare yourself. It started me thinking about my own mortality. I am about to willingly endure a major operation with risks - no matter how slim they are there are still risks. A friend, who is part of my group of people that I have told about this operation, called me yesterday. It had been a while since we last talked and she asked me if I was still going through with "it" (giving the surgery a similar intonation we usually only reserve for the word cancer). Today after hearing about my uncle I thought of the question again. I also wondered if my uncle had any major regrets. I mean I am sure we all have regrets when this situation happens but I mean a big regret...one maybe influenced by others comments. I wanted to call my girlfriend back and reaffirm my YES bigger and louder than before. I wasn't really close to my uncle but his passing today allowed me to put to rest in my mind the one last doubt about the surgery. Rest in peace Uncle P and thank you for the assistance to eliminate regrets! No regrets!

So I had a tentative date of June 27th which would have been next week! YIKES! I was bummed when I hung-up with my dr. office Tuesday saying no go on June 27th. Once again that pesky insurance throws a monkey wrench in my plans! However I am offically scheduled for July 23rd. I am at peace with this date...now. Not so much at first. But this date has meaning. On July 24th of 2011 my brother died while on vacation here in TX. He LOVED TX and was a true Texan eventhough he was born and raised in NC. He LOVED texas country music, the longhorns, his room was TX decor. Obsessed with Walker Texas Ranger. Chuck Norris was his hero. (We personally thought all this was strange lol) So it was kinda funny I ended up married to a texan and moved here. My family didn't want me to move but he was excited because then he could come visit me in the great state of Texas! Anyway off topic! July 23rd was the last time he was awake and responsive and the last time I felt him squeeze my hand and look at me in my eyes. It was also the day I realized in my heart that he was not going to make it and my time with him was short. He knew that day too that he was going to die. It is the date that has caused anxiety and stress. Since that date my memories of my brother have been that last few days replayed over and over. On top of that my mom and daughter (who will be visiting my mom in NC from July3-July 23rd) will be flying in that day too. Another stressor. So all this stuff around my surgery date had me questioning if it was such a good idea. Then this thought popped in my head. It was my brother's voice saying it was all ok. July 23rd is my rebirth day. Before 2011 that date was just another day. Since then that date causes pain and reliving those 3 days in hospital with my brother and watching him take his last breath. I have mourned him since that day and I kinda stopped living my full life. I just exsisted. i forgot all the good memories of my brother. (back story, My brother and I were very close. I was his second mama. No one was as close to him other than our mother. He had down syndrome and we were nearly four years apart. Adam was truly an angel here on Earth! Losing him that day felt like I had lost one of my children. It was tough) So even though that date makes my heart heavy it will hold a new meaning. The day I finally took control of my life. Adam thank you for being here with us those short 26 years and on July 23rd I know you will be looking down from heaven and watching over us all that day, keeping us safe and cheering me on. July 23rd will no longing be a day of mourning but of rebirth. I know he wants us to remember all the good and not focus a just a few bad memories. Even in death he still influences my life and can bring sunshine when I thought it was going to rain. Funny how life is and how things seem to work out. Happy Friday y'all!

My NUT told me that a good bite was the size of a pencil eraser and I have been studiously working at making every bite that small. Hard to do, I always felt like one of those dogs that inhaled the food, I could not get it in fast enough. Interestingly, although it took much conscious effort, it is becoming much more natural to eat tiny little bits. when I saw others eating and saw the size of what they put in their mouths I was aghast! was that me in the past? the twenty chews still needs work but I am close. I need much work on the timing between bites. I need to learn to pause. However, the effect it has already had on me is dramatic. My stomach has time to tell my brain it is full, I rarely get that horrible pain from overeating. I feel satisfied easier with much less food. So far I am continuing to lose prior to the liquid diet. They want 12 more pounds lost by surgery date, my plan (shhhh dont tell) is to lose a good portion of that prior to the start of the liquid diet and shorten the period of time I take the Optifast. I have already lost 30 pounds in preparation for the surgery! The research regarding the preop weight loss indicates that 5% of body weight helps a lot, I am already over 10% lost. OF course if i gain weight over then next week I will do the full two weeks of Optifast, but I am quite motivated. I figure 12 pounds is 12 pounds, it does not matter how it came off. BTW- it is amazing to me that my dear wife of 36yrs who has seen me struggle with food all my adult life ( since we met 39 years ago) still suggests things that are so unhelpful. I know she is one of the chosen few that can keep her weight within a few pounds of goal with very little effort, but suggesting that one day of overeating ( at a party one week prior to surgery) can't hurt, is rather unenlightened ( sounds better than dimwitted).

I am so happy that I had the sleeve surgery. My life changed almost immediately. I got rid of the C-pak machine for my sleep apnea and no longer take high blood pressure meds! My knees and feet no longer ache from the 207 pounds I was carrying around. And I have discovered that I am tolerating the climate heat like never before. I have actually worked in my flower beds this summer! I am 9 months out from my surgery, weigh 149 ( down 58 pounds)! I want to lose another 14 pounds. My weight loss has been on a stall but I understand what is happening and I am staying on course with exercise and diet. I know that weight loss will continue with my efforts. This experience has been a miracle for me. I just wanted to feel better! My energy level is astonishing! I am loving my sleeve! No regrets at all! It was an answer to a prayer for me!

I'm down 8.2 lbs on my 11th day of the liquid diet. I'm actually feeling the loss in my clothes, which just makes me more excited and pumped up to have the surgery and get even MORE off. I had my pre-op app. with my gp and she's 'signed off' so there's no stopping me now. I'm understanding that need to chew issue that I read about. But the V8 satiates my need for salt pretty well (I would HOPE 920 mg of sodium would do the trick!) Right now I'm feeling absurdly narcissistic and completely wrapped up in ME ME ME. I feel a bit badly about this, but I think I'm feeling weirdly about it because I never have thought about ME in the past; it's always been about my husband or kids or parents or students or anybody EXCEPT me. I've neglected myself and it shows in my excessive weight. I feel differently already and wonder if people can SEE the change in me.

I hope this will be the last part...lol Me: Really, u cant know who this is. Him: Yes, I do I dont giving my # 2 all kinds of women Me: Y me? Him: I dont kno, I was just lead 2. Me: um hum, game Him: no, seriously..I was walking by & I saw u, I thought she's beautiful but u looked so sad & I said 2 myself I would really like 2 make her day, so I did. Me: yea ok. So we talked for what seemed like hrs. Time flew by & it was time 2 go get my son, so I packed up my baby, got in the truck, picked up my son all while on the phone with HIM. I couldnt believe that I was talking 2 another man but his accent intrigued me & I just wanted 2 know more & more. Well, once I got home Josh was sitting on the couch in his usual spot, he asked me where I had been all day..I told him at my mom's & he said so u just dont give a damn if I dont have a way 2 get around or nothing 2 eat? I said no its not like that but in my head I was think hell no I dont care, I had reached my boiling point with him. We started a routine, as soon as I got in the house with the kids he would grab the keys from me & be gone until 2-3 in the morning, in my heart I knew we were done. While he was doing his dirt as he had been for 7yrs, I was developing a friendship with the "kroger's dude"...lol It wasnt about anything but convo, we would talk about my marriage, our kids, his baby moma & just life period. He was awesome, he was actually concerned about me & who I was, he would tell me if I ever needed 2 tlk I could call him, he would tell me how unhealthy my situation was..he never judged me for sticking around so long...he was my friend. One night, Josh called me & said that he wasnt coming home until the next day because of whatever reason he was giving, I was like ok um hum thats fine..I didnt put up a fight & ask 1000 ?'s like I normally would. My focus was changing. He said, whats wrong with u & I said nothing just used 2 ur lies & drama. He said, whatever bye. So after we hung up, I called HIM & he asked how I was doing, the usual stuff & this time I told him exactly how I felt, my marriage was over & I deserve better for me & my boys ect. He said, yea u do but u have 2 make sure that this is wht u want & ur not acting off of anger, I said, Im done. Josh came home the next morning, i grabbed the keys & left with the boys, dropped me oldest at school & this time I went 2 visit HIM. When I got there, I sat in the car for what seemed like hrs before I called 2 tell him I was outside, because I went back & forth in my head about, Im doing the same thing Josh done 2 me & so what he gets what he deserves. Finally, I called HIM & told him I was there, he came outside..we tlked for hrs, I had the baby with me & he asked could he hold him, I said yes & my baby was content in his arms. It was weird but he was. On the way 2 my son's school, I felt bad like I was taking it 2 far, Josh is my husband, what about my kids, everything was going thru my head. Once, I got home as usual Josh was out the door but he said, " I know u tlking 2 another man but u not bold enough 2 do nothing else." I looked at him & all that doubt/fear in my head went away & I was sure about my next move. The next morning Josh came home, I left & once again I went 2 see HIM...that also became apart of the routine before I knew it, we had spent a whole 30 days 2gether & it was wonderful. One saturday I came home, I handed the keys 2 Josh & he said, "im not going anywhere 2day, so lets tlk." I said, about wht? He said," the man u tlking 2" I said, I dont know what ur tlking about" He said, I see how rushed u are 2 leave every morning, how u give me the keys at night with no hesitation, how u hide ur phone now, how u smiling when u get a txt message, u in love with him?" I said, I dont know wht ur tlking about", he got up & he punched me in my stomach, he slapped me, he cursed me out, he pushed me on the floor all while the kids were right there watching, he told me 2 call him & tell him it was over or he would kill me & the boys. So because I feared what he might do, I called HIM & told him it was over & I was going 2 work it out with my husband..HE said,"Wow ok if thats what u got 2 do" then he hung up. I was crying but it was because, I felt like I was going 2 loose my best friend forever. Josh took my phone, he deleted HIS #, messages anything that came from HIM. That night I told Josh EVRYTHING, I told him that I didnt need him & he was I was worth more than what he thought, I even said, "u aint the only man that wants me"...I told him how I loved HIM..how he cared about me & didnt judge me, how he made me feel needed & wanted at the same time, how he held my hand for hrs & just listened 2 me...I know yall thinkin that was crazy because Josh was abusive but I didnt care, all those yrs that he made me feel unloved, unworthy, guilty, ugly, fat, like nobody wanted me but him, like I wasnt good enough for real love..I had 2 tell him why & I was ready for the fight that came with it...I didnt care. The rest of that night was queit, after I put the boys 2 bed & got in the bed..he came in the room & sat in a chair by the foot of the bed. I tired 2 stay awake becuase I didnt know what he was going 2 do but I couldnt & I actually slept the best I ever had in yrs...its crazy because he sat there watching me ALL night crying. Can u believe that he was crying, as if he had never done anything 2 push me 2 this, as if I hurt him, as if he was faithful all those yrs while I cheated, as if all those feeliings I felt he now feels...2 be honest with yall I hoped he felt the way I did for the past 7yrs. 3 days later, we had an eviction letter on the door..he left that morning then he called me around 11 saying he got a place...I said,"ok when can we move in"..he said, "I guess u didnt hear me, I got a place". I said, "what about the boys?" he said, "oh yall will find something soon." I know that we having problems but how could he turn his back on his son's & not care if they had a place 2 live? Although, I found out over the yrs who this man was, it still amazed me that he was done with his son's too. I called HIM as soon as Josh hung up & I explained 2 him what happened & y I called him 2 tell him it was over. He said, " u hurt me, I have feelings for u that I never felt for anybody else, I didnt kno if he hurt yall or what, I called ur phone, u didnt answer, I txted & no response, I cant believe that u hurt me"...I started 2 cry & tell him how sorry I was & that I had all of those same feelings for him, he told me 2 come see him but I couldnt go with the bruises on my arms & neck, so I said no..he told me that he needed 2 see me. So all that night I put ice on me, creams anything that would lighten up those marks..I didnt own any make up, so I couldnt use that. The next morning, I got up took my son 2 school & I went 2 see HIM. As soon as he seen me he started 2 cry which was so odd 2 me but he said, "I thought that I would never see u again, & then 2 see u with these bruises from him hurting u, & I was not there 2 protect u" then he grabbed me & hugged me, he wouldnt let go..he went 2 the back seat where the baby was & he got him out & held him so tight. This man must really love us, but I had no idea about what real love was so I didnt say anything, I didnt kno what 2 say. On March 26, 2009 I was moving out of that old apt 2 my sisters house until I could get things in order. While I was in the house, Josh came over...I didnt know he was coming, I didnt even know how he got there. He said he was coming 2 get the rest of his things, so I let him & I didnt say a word 2 him. When I was in the bathroom, getting things from under te cabinet..he came in & locked the door, he started choking me..he punched me & then he rapped me! All I could hear was my kids scratching & crying at the door..the worst part was I was on my cycle. He didnt care, when he was done he told me that I was still his wife & whenever he wanted me he could have me no matter where I'm at, then he left. I was disgusted & I didnt know what 2 do...I was confused & lost, he was crazy but I didnt know how crazy until then. I got 2 my sisters house, I moved all of my stuff in, within a few days I found a job, me & HIM were getting much closer..finally things were starting 2 look up in my life. Me & the boys were happy & safe. Josh called me one day & asked me could I help him get his lights back on because he was in the dark with no food. Keep in mind he didnt want me 2 know where he was staying, that same place he got & wouldnt let my boys come 2, I told him dont ever call me again, I know who u are & it took me a long time 2 get here but I'm here & I aint turning around. Over the next 7 months he called me EVERYDAY, asking can we fix our marriage & saying how he will never hurt me again ect. I told him no & I kept living my life. I am now in my own place, & have been for the last 4yrs...I havent broken NO lease, I am at a full time GOOD job, my lights have never been off, my kids are in a Private Christian Academy,me & HIM are 2gether, Im getting sleeved June 3rd., we are planning 2 buy a house next year...life is GOOD. Josh, has 5 kids with 4 different mothers, has a girlfriend that has miscarried 2 times, 2 babies 5 days apart by the same girl mentioned in part 3 Keisha & Keturah, he is currently cheating on his girlfriend with those same girls. He has had his clothes burned, been put in jail for assault of 1 of them, no car, no job & no contact with his kids, he doesnt call, help out NOTHING. I tlked 2 his girlfriend the other day & she stood out there while he was in jail, tlking 2 me about why he was in there BUT what stood out the most is that she defended him & said how she loved him so much & at that moment I saw what I looked like after all those yrs. & I told her I feel sorry for u...oh yea, I know u didnt read anything about a divorce but thats because for the last 4 yrs he wouldnt sign the papers because he said when he's done doing all this he is coming back 2 his family. Anyway, we will be in court getting divorced June 26th rather he shows up or not! It tookn alot 2 get 2 this point but I lived thru all of that for whatever reason & it was sad, it was hard, it hurt ect but WE MADE IT & thats all that matters. I needed 2 get this out before I started my NEW life, I didnt want 2 take this with me in the O.R. when I started this process I still carried this burden but 2day, I leave it all behind! (HIM :wub: ) (my babies )

Sorry yall! Me: "u must have the wrong #", Keisha: "do u kno Josh?"..Me: "yes thats my husband" Keisha: ur husband, Josh cant be married, he is over here EVERY day and some nights as well. Me: (starts 2 cry) well since u didnt know YES, he is married and we have a son. Keisha: I knew about his son, he has brought him over here before Me: (complete anger) Well let me tell u this, u better not EVER call my phone again and if u continue 2 mess with my family I will find u and it wont be pretty. Keisha: I dont have 2 come for him, he keeps coming for me (hangs up). I started crying & I grabbed my baby, I held him for what seemed like hrs & of course Josh is not home. I got up, went into the kitchen to make the baby a bottle..I cooked, cried & ate! Probably 2 hrs later, here comes Josh thru the door....I didnt even know what 2 say 2 him. I put the baby 2 sleep, then I told him we need 2 talk. We sat dwn & I told him everything she told me & he said, she doesnt mean anything & he's not going 2 tlk 2 her anymore" & this bastard actually started crying...lol A few weeks went by, me & Josh were laying in bed tlkin...he said baby, the Lord called me 2 preach, I looked at him, he was crying & I said u cant be serious, he said that he is very serious & he was going 2 change his ways & he was so sorry 4 all of the things he's ever done 2 me blah blah blah. Time went on & Keisha called again 2 tell me that Josh needs 2 bring her cd's back 2 her...she said they got in a fight the day after she tlked 2 me & she hasnt seen or heard from him since. I have 2 say, I had a sense of relief but I was still so hurt. I dont think she actually wanted any cd's but she just wanted 2 know what was going on. Anyway, 1 night we were sitting in Bible study & Josh said, "I have 2 tell u something, I will tell u after church." I had that bubbly feeling in my stomach like wht is it now but it cant be bad after all he is a "preacher" now. After, church was over we got in the car & I said "whats up now?" He said, " I dont know how 2 tell u this but Keisha found me & she saying that she is pregnant! I just looked at him & I said " U know what, I hate u..I wish I had never met u, I shoulda listened 2 all of the things my moma had 2 say about u, then I wouldnt have 2 feel like this..Is she really pregnant? He said, "I dont think so but she say she is." I turned & looked out of the window as we drove all the way home & I could remember having a feelin of rage, thinkin that I should kill him but if I did my son would be left without either 1 of us. When we got home, he begged me 2 forgive him, he said he has not seen her in months nor has he tlked 2 her. I believed him BUT I told him, if she is pregnant then u didnt protect urself & therefore was not worried about my life at all, ur selfish! The rest of the week was completely quiet in the house, I didnt say anything 2 him & he didnt say nothing 2 me. On sunday, we went 2 church & I watched him sit in that pulpit like he had it all 2gether, I left out of the back with the baby & we just sat in the back of the church as I cried. I was wondering tho, why wont I leave him, whats wrong with me? After church, he came lookin for me, I told him the baby was crying so I brought him out 2 walk around for awhile. We got in the car, went home & his phone started ringing from a private #...so of course I was listening real close as I COOKED dinner, he said, "what, where, ok man give me a minute"...so I came out if the kitchen & he said, "Im going 2 the store real quick & I will be right back". I looked at him & rolled my eyes as he left, he was gone about 30 mins, when he walked thru the door...he said, "I seen Keisha at the store & she still says that she is pregnant & I dont think she is, she didnt have any papers 2 prove it." I looked at him & said , "u left out of here 2 meet her?" He said, "I had 2 know." At that moment, I felt like he needs me...while I look back I see exactly how stupid I was for just stayin there taking whatever he dished out because I never had a family so I wanted 2 keep mine 2gether..I was a fool & I fooled myself in2 thinkin that he loved me. Anyway, we moved 2 another apt. (we moved 13 times the entire marriage smh), while we were cleaning the apt we were movin from...Josh left his phone in the kitchen while he went 2 take the last load 2 the new apt. Of course I looked thru it but I was shocked because I didnt see ANYTHING outta place, until I READ the messages. He had alot of messages back & forth between him & a dude named "Kenneth"...so I read them. One message said, "I'm not about 2 run after u behind ur baby...if u want 2 be in this baby life u need 2 say that or leave me alone" another read, "come see me 2day & bring me some of that ice cream u brought monday" another read, "are you going 2 leave her or what." As I put the phone back dwn Josh comes RUNNING thru the door tlkin about he left his phone, this time I wasnt going 2 play the good wife & not say anything. When he came in the room I was in I started punching him everywhere...he had a fight on his hands 2day & I wasnt going 2 stop until 1 of us was going 2 the hosp. After about 1 hr of fightin he threw me on the ground & he kicked me, he said, "im am not going 2 leave my kids behind because u want me 2, if thats my baby ima be there for it, rather u like it or not." We went 2 the new place & I was in the bathroom crying by this time my baby could tlk & he said, "what's wrong mommy?" What do I tell my baby, I couldnt tell him what was really wrong all I could say was "mommy dont feel good baby", he said, "ur stomach hurt, u hungry?" I cried more & said, Yes baby lets get something 2 eat." Days went by, weeks went by & Keisha was calling the house like everything was all good, she told me that she was getting an abortion because she didnt want 2 bring a baby in2 the world like this & that she didnt want 2 mess up my family. Are u serious, u dont think u already done that? That next week I went 2 the doctor he weighed me, I was 426 lbs & he told me that I had PCOS & that I would never be able 2 have kids again & since I had 1 already 2 be glad. I went home devestated, & with my stupid self I told Josh that maybe they should keep the baby because I wouldnt never be able 2 give him that again. I was depressed, devestated & for days I cried & ate all the time. Maybe a week went by & Keisha called 2 tell us that the next day she was aborting the baby & could she come over 2 tlk 2 Josh for a few minutes. He said, Yes come on over. I wondered, how could he be so disrespectful 2 me, why would he say yes 2 her coming over? So he went outside 2 tlk 2 her & he came in 2 hrs later, I asked wht happened & he said, "she told me how u been tlking about my mom, she told me how u been calling her everyday forcing her 2 get that abortion, this is all ur fault." I couldnt believe that he was blaming me for his screw up & she was lyin on me just 2 try 2 tear us apart. He slept on the couch, me & the baby in the room..in the morning he woke up & he was throwin up & all quiet so I assumed maybe he's sick. Later that day I called Keisha, I said, "are u ok?" she said, "yea,why?" I said, "didnt u have that abortion 2day, she said," Oh yea, Im good." I knew then that something here just aint right. So, as the weeks & months rolled by I didnt hear anything else about or from Keisha until 1 day Josh came home & he said that he had seen Keisha & confronted her about the abortion papers, he said he asked for a reciept or paperwork from her even being pregnant in the 1st place because he believed it was all a lie. Come 2 find out it was! With my stupid self, I felt bad for him that she played him like that but at the same time he DESERVED it! Things started 2 look up, Minister Josh was trying 2 act better, now dont get me wrong, he was so much fun 2 be around, very smart & had lots of things 2 tlk about all the time but he was a *****! I guess being on the right path was old for him, I found out about more & more women, he even had a std from 1 of them...the baby was growing up & I was getting bigger...we moved maybe 3 more times since then, him cheating became the norm as sad as that sounds. Women were calling me, sending me messages on myspace it was awful. Well, in our new place 5 yrs later I was cooking some quesadillas (if thats how u spell it) & I went 2 lay dwn after I ate but I was feelin really sick & I was thinkin I over did it on the cheese & stuff. So in the middle of the night I had 2 go 2 the bathroom & when I got done there was ALOT of blood but it was from my stool...so of course I was scared & I went 2 the doctor the next day...she said let me run some test, it will take a few days 2 get the results but let me give u some anti inflammatories for ur stomach. Cool, got my prescription & we left. A few days went by & I got a call from the doctor who said, Mrs. White, dont take that medicine that gave u becuase u're pregnant!" TO BE CONTINUED!!!!!!!!!!!