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Good morning.... Day six found me feeling fine physically. I drove. I grocery shopped. I took the kids to McDonald's. Being in the kitchen is hard for me. I have children that must be fed. While preparing plates of burgers and chips for my two youngest kids, I dropped a chip on the counter. I reflectively reached down and popped it in my mouth. Of course I immediately spit it out. However, the incident left me wondering..... This morning I woke with an epiphany! What I am going through each day post-surgery is the major reason that patients must go through "training" for surgery. All of the nutrition training was to help with the actual - in your face - reality that I cannot, under any condition, pop chips or anything else in my mouth without thinking. Nutrition training was to help train my mind to tune out the billions of food commercials as I watch TV during my recovery. Nutrition training was giving me a foundation or a home base to turn to when I feel that I must have something to eat or I will die. Nutrition training was to give me something to think about and cling to when my mind is going crazy and I panic because today's stress cannot be fixed by food. Had I not had the time before surgery hearing about and thinking about what I must do after surgery, I would be a big fat failure. I would have been one of the people who cheats themselves by eating what shouldn't be eaten and stretched my stomach right back out to hold my dear and faithful friend, Food. I am not one of those and refuse to succumb to the overwhelming temptation to do so. I will hold on to my goal and let my goal be my friend. (My goal is to be healthy and active.) I will survive. I am woman. Hear me roar! (You have to be over 50 to get this.)

9 more days! In honor of this milestone I thought I would give y'all a list of 9 things I'm excited about post banded weight loss life. I'm excited about... 9. Not feeling squished on the airplane 8. Not being embarrassed of my big arse when squeezing between rows of chairs 7. Not avoiding going to the beach with my friends 6. Not being embarrassed when out shopping with friends 5. Not being scared to ride my bike in public! (see last blog post for explanation) 4. Not deleting any and all pictures of me 3. Not feeling like people are judging/watching me when I eat 2. Not having to cover my arms because they are as big as some girl's thighs 1. Not having men yell "I like your jiggle" when I run!

That awesome moment when your ex is getting fatter and you are getting hotter!! Love this. I don't have an ex but I have many ex friends and saw one the other day and she couldn't believe how great my hub and I look.

So just a little vent... I think i have been pretty good on here lately with keeping my mouth shut. lol... i can think what i want... Anywho. The amount of people come on and saying they are getting them band to "control" there eating... ONLY.... Because they eat "healthy". People that eat healthy are not fat.... have you ever seen a fat vegetarians ... or a fat organic eating person? I haven't... Those people eat Healthy.... WEEEEEE are fat because WEEEEEE eat McDonalds, Burger King, Taco Bell..... Just because you go to Wendy's and order a Salad to go with your burger instead of the fries... Dose not make you a "healthy" eater.....What kind of delusional world do some living in. And i'm going to the all caps now...... IF YOU ATE HEALTHY, YOU WOULD NOT BE NEEDING THE LB..... WAKE THE HELL UP!!!!! We all needed the LB because we ALL eat too much and eat not the best choices. Be real people.... if you can't come here, in a forum, of fat and former fatties and be honest... what do you have too look forward too. I tell you what you have too look forward too.... blaming your band for not losing weight. I know why i have gainded back 7 lbs in the past few months.... because 1. my hubby lost his job and has been home and I have been making bad choices.... 2. i have been eating way too much junk. 3. I need to get my butt back too the gym. End vent... Peace and Love...

Yep need to start documenting this before I forget everything. Not to say I won't have the visual reminders to help me remember where I started (pictures, clothes, bum imprint on the couch) but it is the other things that fade with time that do not have a physical reminder. The worry about the what ifs and can I , the concern about what will happen and what won't happen. Right now my biggest concern is not the surgery. Considering, in 6 weeks they are removing a significant portion of my stomach you would think that is the worry. But nope I have blown right through that like an out of control 3 year old in the toy department at Christmas. I have even moved beyond the thought of recovery pain and the "possible" side effects it will bring. Nope I am already into....what if it doesn't work - which of course turns into it doesn't look like its working in after surgery thought (always wanted to be ahead of the class even in grade school...skipped right past glue eating to advanced macaroni art). Yep that is where I am at. I see pictures, read forums and absorb before and after pictures like a teenage boy absorbs girlie mags....but still I have that voice (to be named later) in my head saying what if it doesn't work. What if you go through all of this just to lose it and then gain? That doesn't mean I don't want to do it. I'm funny that way I still want to try it however unlike the tattoo I "tried" this can not be covered with clothes. Once people know they will start to judge and comment (you haven't lost much, was it REALLY worth it, or my favorite you looked better before). Nope this change will be out there for all to see, judge and comment about...which brings me to my issue...what if it doesn't work.....my head says it will but my inner skinny person who is really shy questions me. Maybe I should be worrying about excess skin and whether because of it my "hidden" tattoo will be even harder to find in its wrinkles .....

I am so happy that I had the sleeve surgery. My life changed almost immediately. I got rid of the C-pak machine for my sleep apnea and no longer take high blood pressure meds! My knees and feet no longer ache from the 207 pounds I was carrying around. And I have discovered that I am tolerating the climate heat like never before. I have actually worked in my flower beds this summer! I am 9 months out from my surgery, weigh 149 ( down 58 pounds)! I want to lose another 14 pounds. My weight loss has been on a stall but I understand what is happening and I am staying on course with exercise and diet. I know that weight loss will continue with my efforts. This experience has been a miracle for me. I just wanted to feel better! My energy level is astonishing! I am loving my sleeve! No regrets at all! It was an answer to a prayer for me!

My revision surgery was on June 10th 2013. I arrived at the hospital at 10 am. My surgery was was set to begin at noon. However due to an emergency, he was called away. We didn't get started until 1:45. I remember being rolled into the operating room. The next thing I remember was waking up in my room. It was 9:40 at night. Dr. Simon had no trouble removing my slipped lap-band and constructing my new sleeve. He was happy to report that I had little damage from the band. No hernias. Minimal scarring. At first I felt like I was hit by a train. But, the pain meds they gave me worked well and I slept throughout the night. The next morning I was up walking. I walked 1.5 miles. I passed my water test and was then brought my lunch. (Tea, chicken broth, and jello) I had minor discomfort. But I was exhausted. I slept most of the day. The following day I was released. I was sent home with a PPI and a pain med. Once home I put myself on a schedule and continued to sip sip sip. I have had no issues with my sleeve. It likes both hot and cold liquids. I also have had no nausea or gas pain. In fact, I felt so good that I stopped taking my pain meds after two nights at home. I just didn't need them. I am one week post op. I am down 14 lbs!!!!!!! I am on liquids until Wednesday. Then I get to move to mushies!!!! I can't wait to have some refried beans. I am not hunger but every time I see a Taco Bell commercial I crave Mexican. HEAD HUNGER!!!! (Oh and by the way..... I hate Taco Bell! But, if I don't get some real food soon I might just lick a taco shell!) Oh..... I forgot one major thing. I had an allergic reaction to the surgical glue. Very painful and itchy. My incision sites were all blistered up by day three. I have to take Benadryl around the clock. It is however, healing nicely. Well, I wish I had more to report. It has actually been pretty uneventful. May your surgery go as well as mine!

Well today is a good day so far!! Yesterday I kept an eye on my blood pressure all day, and every time I started feeling dizzy I went and checked it. It was running 115/76 or 123/77. In that range, which makes me happy because that was without blood pressure meds. My pulse was a little high, but at the same time Yeaaaah on the blood pressure being low! Today I woke up at 10!! That is soo unusual for me. For the past 6 months I have been an early riser, not because I wanted to, but because that's just how I woke up on my own. So today was a total treat to me. Although not to my animals. The chicks and ducks were ready to be let out of their pens, and the dogs were ready to be let outside to go potty! I ate 1/2 cup of cottage cheese, Yummm!! And for lunch I made en egg omelet. My first real ''food''. 2 small brown free range chicken eggs, 1 tbs of heavy cream, about 1/4 tsp of green onion, 1 tbs of pre-cooked bacon, and 1/3 cup of mozzarella cheese. Took me almost 40 minutes to eat it but I did Sloooww and steady wins the race! I am now in my 30 minutes of no water after eating. I got 15 minutes to go. and after I eat I don't feel dizzy, which is a total plus! This evening when it cools off some I am going to go outside and transplant my lavender, my rosemary, and maybe some of my German and lemon thyme into some smaller pots so I can bring them in and out of the house. Right now they are sitting in my outside raised bed garden, and the sun is doing a number on them. Ahhhh summer's in South Coast Texas. I am also thinking this evening I am going to make for dinner; pork chops, fresh green beans from the garden, and some grilled squash........ I personally will be having 1 cup of split pea soup blended into oblivion. I might even make some home made bread... mmmm maybe not. I don't want to push myself too hard. I'm feeling good right now, I don't want to jinx it. I hope everyone has a great day!

Ok I feel like a total failure today. I'm lightheaded Yesterday I felt great!! Today I am right back to the light headedness When does this get better? I am going to look into the vertigo meds that were suggested the other day, but I was soo happy yesterday, I felt absolutely wonderful! I woke up feeling great, ate some cottage cheese, then boom... the vertigo/light headedness sets in. SMDH.. Ugh! But on the plus side...kinda, My shorts are usually very snug, but yesterday I could pull them off and on without even unbuttoning them! I was like YEAAAAH!! So this morning I figured I would hop on the scale (after my bm of course) to see what happiness the scale was going to show..... NOT. A. DAMN. CHANGE. I know, I know. This is an NSV. Before the shorts were snug on me and I had to unbutton them to go to the bathroom, now I can just ''pull them down'' and they are loose. That is a good thing, and yes you can lose inches without losing weight. I know that. It's just frustrating because I feel I hardly eat ANYTHING and it's not showing where I want it to. I think I am going to go back to using myfitnesspal so I can keep track of how many calories I am eating. Oh and to top it off, we have no water in our house. The city that I live in decided that we have a leak somewhere in my neighborhood and shut the water off. No warning, no nothing. Just don't flush!! Boy I am just a ray of freaking sunshine this morning huh? I will try to amend this post this evening with something positive that's happened today... but until them BLAH!

The Warrior. I am not new to stress, any kinds of stress. I have it in abundance, it finds me no matter where or how I try to hide from it. I am not one of those people that seeks out drama and enjoys creating struggles in her life. I would much rather turn on the TV and see it play out there, where I can turn it off when it gets to be too much. My life is nothing like TV and there is no remote to change the channel or to mute the nonsense or abort it all together by switching it off. Nope not for me, some days I feel like it's a constant assault of one thing after another. Trust me I am not one of those people that makes mountains out of mole hills either. The stress I speak of is real, it is the stress of 5 children all over the age of 18 that can't seem to find their direction and all live at home with me. It is the stress of working 12 hour days 5 days a week with an hour each way to commute. It is the stress of sick in laws and fathers. It is the stress of burying ex-wives, and the untimely death of friends with megawatt high profile funerals to plan and execute. It is also the stress of good things like graduations and holidays. Weddings, and new babies being born. It is the stress of family, I'm sure everyone can relate, not need to expand here. There are days when I just want to cave in, I want to curl up and give up. If you knew me that would be one of the last things that this warrior would say or do, but it doesn't mean that I don't think about it, and just having those thoughts of giving up bring me even more stress because I know I am that low, and it is going to take me that much more work to pull myself up and out. I am the Warrior. I have spent my 42 years battling everything under the sun, yet the hardest battle there is to fight is the one against myself. I am my own worst enemy. I get so lost in the excuse of having to do this and that for all others that I lose the focus on what I really should be doing. I put aside taking care of myself and I say it's for this one or that one and what would they do if I didn't stop to do it or help them out? They can't get along without my help and my input right? The world as we know it might come to an end is my response. If you follow any of the movies Hollywood is putting out these days…that might just happen with me or without me helping. So why am I doing something for everyone but me? This year I vowed along with my husband that this was going to be the year I get healthy WE get healthy. Wait a second, I didn't realize that I was doing it AGAIN. I don't have to wait around, or put the fault on him or anyone else. If he can't walk or he's tired or my cousin bought a new car, or his having a baby, that doesn't mean I shouldn't lace up my sneakers and get that walk in today! My father is in surgery and my son is graduating and the tent my sister in law was supposed to lend me conveniently has holes in it from of all things ants, that or she just didn't like that I called her out last night on her bullshit, but either way that doesn't mean that I shouldn't make a better choice for dinner then Domino's pizza! Even if I can only eat 2 slices instead of half the pie it's still a bad choice. Wait a second, I think the bug zapper in my brain finally came to life, and zapped a few of those annoying thoughts that plague me with their incessant buzzing annoyance. You know the ones that I bred to keep me distracted and diverted from doing all the things I should be doing to make my life healthy. I went through major surgery to make my life better! I didn't just sit in some pretend yoga pose chanting I think I can I think I can I think I can. No, I really can! So what the heck am I doing? Why am I not getting my act together and getting out there and working out and eating better. I have NO excuse. I have to stop blaming everyone and THEIR problems. I have to stop making their problems my problems. I have to start taking care of my problems because I just realized no one else is going to do it! No matter how much I help them, they are never going to be able to help me with what I need. I have to open up and let go and start doing it and stop making excuses to myself about why I feel the way I do. So what you, feel the way you feel. Acknowledged now deal with it. Get off your ass and do something about it! I know I can, I will and I AM! Right now! Today! This very moment. I am the Warrior!