Leaderboard

I know that is a bold statement, but not doing this is what got me to 250 and not doing this will make me gain weight back. Yesterday was Father's Day and I went up to see my dad. I ordered a nice cake with a pic of him and his tractor on it and we got him a new Tab computer for a gift. He was so happy. I am a Daddy's Girl, so I love bringing a smile to his face. My brother's came, my mom had gotten chips and icecream to go with the cake. So we snacked. I got a small piece of cake with one scoop of ice cream. I ate about 3 bits of cake and got the hicups. At first I wanted to ignore them, but then I realized, wait that is my single to stop. My body is saying ok, we tasted this, now we are done- put the darn cake down. This is when I can either continue eating or put it down. I ate another couple of bites and tossed the remainder. I learned something in this. My body knows what it is suppose to do, but I over rule it sometimes and this is what lead to my original weight gain. If I just shut up and listen to my band/tummy it will tell me what I need to know. If I ignore it, not only will I gain weight, or not lose, I will increase my chance for complication with my band. Soooo- if you are choosing to ignore your body, to ignore your band, to ignore your doctor, who do you have to blame for lack of weight loss or weight gain- YOURSELF. I know that may sound harsh, but it's true. I haven't lost as much as I wish I had, and you know whose fault it is - it's not Dr. Yoo's or my band's- it's Kim's!!! I have to own it. Food is awesome, it taste wonderful. One of the great things about the band is- no I can't eat as much, but if I eat the way I am suppose to, slow and chew slow I can enjoy, savor, taste, really get the joy out of what I am eating. Think about it when you scarf something down, do you really taste all the flavors, do you taste the layers, the goodness, all the hard work put into making the dish - nope. Enjoy food- slow down and take the time to savor. When you body says ok enough listen. Then when you body says ok, I need nutrition- eat.

I was going to type "I woke up this morning thinking..." But, no. I woke up this morning to a giant thunderstorm after two hours of sleep, angry at the world. I drove an hour to work in the driving rain and had to stop and scramble for doctor-approved protein shakes at the grocery store so I could eat ("eat") at work. When I got to work fifty loud teenagers were babbling in the breakfast hall, three people needed transportation, and so on. So it was only after I finally got to run back, sit in my office and turn on some ridiculous cheesy "meditation" piano music that I cleared my head and I thought: Today is the last day I have my whole, I-got-born-with-it stomach. And that's cool by me. Goodbye, 75% of my stomach. We've had some okay times, particularly downing way more alcohol than we ever should have in the 18-21 years and getting stuffed full of all kinds of delicious things that were probably mostly butter and sugar painted to look like something edible. I'd say it's been a good run, but actually, now wearing clothes bums me out and my leg joints hurt a lot. So I think it's time we part ways. Goodbye, regular stomach; I'm trading you in for a bionic model. Helloooo, staple line~

I am so happy that I had the sleeve surgery. My life changed almost immediately. I got rid of the C-pak machine for my sleep apnea and no longer take high blood pressure meds! My knees and feet no longer ache from the 207 pounds I was carrying around. And I have discovered that I am tolerating the climate heat like never before. I have actually worked in my flower beds this summer! I am 9 months out from my surgery, weigh 149 ( down 58 pounds)! I want to lose another 14 pounds. My weight loss has been on a stall but I understand what is happening and I am staying on course with exercise and diet. I know that weight loss will continue with my efforts. This experience has been a miracle for me. I just wanted to feel better! My energy level is astonishing! I am loving my sleeve! No regrets at all! It was an answer to a prayer for me!

That awesome moment when your ex is getting fatter and you are getting hotter!! Love this. I don't have an ex but I have many ex friends and saw one the other day and she couldn't believe how great my hub and I look.

Ok I feel like a total failure today. I'm lightheaded Yesterday I felt great!! Today I am right back to the light headedness When does this get better? I am going to look into the vertigo meds that were suggested the other day, but I was soo happy yesterday, I felt absolutely wonderful! I woke up feeling great, ate some cottage cheese, then boom... the vertigo/light headedness sets in. SMDH.. Ugh! But on the plus side...kinda, My shorts are usually very snug, but yesterday I could pull them off and on without even unbuttoning them! I was like YEAAAAH!! So this morning I figured I would hop on the scale (after my bm of course) to see what happiness the scale was going to show..... NOT. A. DAMN. CHANGE. I know, I know. This is an NSV. Before the shorts were snug on me and I had to unbutton them to go to the bathroom, now I can just ''pull them down'' and they are loose. That is a good thing, and yes you can lose inches without losing weight. I know that. It's just frustrating because I feel I hardly eat ANYTHING and it's not showing where I want it to. I think I am going to go back to using myfitnesspal so I can keep track of how many calories I am eating. Oh and to top it off, we have no water in our house. The city that I live in decided that we have a leak somewhere in my neighborhood and shut the water off. No warning, no nothing. Just don't flush!! Boy I am just a ray of freaking sunshine this morning huh? I will try to amend this post this evening with something positive that's happened today... but until them BLAH!

The Warrior. I am not new to stress, any kinds of stress. I have it in abundance, it finds me no matter where or how I try to hide from it. I am not one of those people that seeks out drama and enjoys creating struggles in her life. I would much rather turn on the TV and see it play out there, where I can turn it off when it gets to be too much. My life is nothing like TV and there is no remote to change the channel or to mute the nonsense or abort it all together by switching it off. Nope not for me, some days I feel like it's a constant assault of one thing after another. Trust me I am not one of those people that makes mountains out of mole hills either. The stress I speak of is real, it is the stress of 5 children all over the age of 18 that can't seem to find their direction and all live at home with me. It is the stress of working 12 hour days 5 days a week with an hour each way to commute. It is the stress of sick in laws and fathers. It is the stress of burying ex-wives, and the untimely death of friends with megawatt high profile funerals to plan and execute. It is also the stress of good things like graduations and holidays. Weddings, and new babies being born. It is the stress of family, I'm sure everyone can relate, not need to expand here. There are days when I just want to cave in, I want to curl up and give up. If you knew me that would be one of the last things that this warrior would say or do, but it doesn't mean that I don't think about it, and just having those thoughts of giving up bring me even more stress because I know I am that low, and it is going to take me that much more work to pull myself up and out. I am the Warrior. I have spent my 42 years battling everything under the sun, yet the hardest battle there is to fight is the one against myself. I am my own worst enemy. I get so lost in the excuse of having to do this and that for all others that I lose the focus on what I really should be doing. I put aside taking care of myself and I say it's for this one or that one and what would they do if I didn't stop to do it or help them out? They can't get along without my help and my input right? The world as we know it might come to an end is my response. If you follow any of the movies Hollywood is putting out these days…that might just happen with me or without me helping. So why am I doing something for everyone but me? This year I vowed along with my husband that this was going to be the year I get healthy WE get healthy. Wait a second, I didn't realize that I was doing it AGAIN. I don't have to wait around, or put the fault on him or anyone else. If he can't walk or he's tired or my cousin bought a new car, or his having a baby, that doesn't mean I shouldn't lace up my sneakers and get that walk in today! My father is in surgery and my son is graduating and the tent my sister in law was supposed to lend me conveniently has holes in it from of all things ants, that or she just didn't like that I called her out last night on her bullshit, but either way that doesn't mean that I shouldn't make a better choice for dinner then Domino's pizza! Even if I can only eat 2 slices instead of half the pie it's still a bad choice. Wait a second, I think the bug zapper in my brain finally came to life, and zapped a few of those annoying thoughts that plague me with their incessant buzzing annoyance. You know the ones that I bred to keep me distracted and diverted from doing all the things I should be doing to make my life healthy. I went through major surgery to make my life better! I didn't just sit in some pretend yoga pose chanting I think I can I think I can I think I can. No, I really can! So what the heck am I doing? Why am I not getting my act together and getting out there and working out and eating better. I have NO excuse. I have to stop blaming everyone and THEIR problems. I have to stop making their problems my problems. I have to start taking care of my problems because I just realized no one else is going to do it! No matter how much I help them, they are never going to be able to help me with what I need. I have to open up and let go and start doing it and stop making excuses to myself about why I feel the way I do. So what you, feel the way you feel. Acknowledged now deal with it. Get off your ass and do something about it! I know I can, I will and I AM! Right now! Today! This very moment. I am the Warrior!

HI all, it has been forever since I have been on this site. Got lots of reasons/and or excuses, but I am back regardless. First of all I have had my 2nd fill since I checked in last. I now have 4 cc's in my band. For the most part I am doing terrific with it. I am down to 272 pounds. That is a 54 pound weight loss since mid January. I am so happy, so very, very, very happy!! I have lost 42 pounds since my surgery March 18th. In losing all that weight I have gain oh so very much. I have super confidence, I have more energy, and I have such a different outlook on life. I was in a size 26...sometimes a 28 jean. Now, I am PROUDLY ROCKING a size 20!!! Flipping size 20!!!! OMG!!!! The difference is amazing. Both to me and my family and friends. I went shopping this last weekend and bought something I never thought I ever would. See, I have been with the same man for 17 years...well..17 in July. We are not married, have thought about it, just never have done it. Well, he PROPOSED to me a month ago. I AM GETTING MARRIED!!! YES ITS EXCITING!! HAHA. So, I went and tried on wedding dresses, just to see if I could even bear the thought of wearing one...I love dresses, just not on me, they do nothing to hide fat!!! lol. So there I was trying on wedding dresses and I was so surprised to be LOVING IT!! I was going to get one with sleeves, because as with all of us, my arms are a big issue. But I fell in love with this strapless-halter type dress. AND I BOUGHT IT!!!. I figured that it doesnt matter about those arms, see, I fell in love with ME again. I felt beautiful in all of those dresses. That was something I had never expected. NEVER. I cannot wait to ROCK that wedding dress come September!!! So yes my weight loss is fantastic, wonderful, exciting, and all of those other adjectives. But, what is even better, is that I have found me again. I have found the confident, out-going, smiling former image of myself. I still have a ways to go and I am not quiting until I am there. Everyday I have something to look forward to. Everyday I am happy when I wake up and feel so excited with my new life. Well thats it. This is my life. Go me!!!

Today I made a HUGE FEAST for Fathers Day!! I made; ranchy bacon potatoes, baked beans, corn on the cob (in the husks, straight on the pit) chicken leg quarters, ribs, and 2 different types of sausage, (pork with venison and pico de gallo sausage), home made chocolate ice cream (sugar free!) and turtle ice cream cake. There was also buffalo ranch dip and chips and fresh brewed ice tea. I had 1/2 cup split pea soup blended in my bullet and 2 bites of the potato ranch dressing chewed, chewed, chewed, chewed, till it was mush. (there was no onion or bacon in the 2 bites, just potato) Then about an hour later, after I cleaned up the entire kitchen and put everything up in the refrigerator, I had 1/3 cup of the sugar free chocolate ice cream! I am pretty damn proud of myself because ribs and chicken are my two most favorite bbq items. Especially since I made the bbq sauce and seasoned the ribs and chicken, but I resisted. I considered taking some bites of each, chewing them up and spitting them out (I know that's called dumping), but I didn't do it!! Yeah me! Now I am sitting here watching Rediculousness and feeling pretty good about myself. I am so nerdy. Anyways I hope everyone else had a great Fathers Day!!

Woke up this morning actually feeling a bit more like myself. HOORAY! The light at the end of the tunnel has appeared. Only taking tylenol for the pain/fevers now. Had a hard day/night last night, very depressed and hungry, but still on the liquid only diet so there's very little I can put into that new stomach. Really looking forward to Tuesday when I get to eat eggs, refried beans, cottage cheese, etc. Yippee! So the doctor did admit that a blood vessel burst in my abdomen during surgery which has caused the crazy bruising and the low hemoglobin problem. Things happen, but somehow I felt better that he explained WHY they happened. The the most positive thing is that my husband can tell I'm losing weight. Of course the scale says it, but when I look in the mirror, I DON'T SEE IT. There's still so much swelling in my belly that I feel bigger. UGH! My boys have been super supportive. I'm feeling guilty that tomorrow is Father's Day and I don't have much planned for the most wonderful Dad in the world. I'm so blessed to be his wife.

I wrote a pretty long post about my surgery and experience on my blogger blog, which you can find HERE . But for the reader's digest version: Surgery went great with Dr. Aceves and his staff down at Hospital Almater down in Mexicali. The hospital beautiful and clean, the staff super friendly and the language difference wasn't an issue. My "final meal" the night before was a fantastic italian dish of chicken and tortellini with tiramisu for dessert. The day after surgery was the worst and painful with the gas pains and drain site discomfort, but by day 3, I was much better. Day 4 we flew home, and today I have done 3 loads of laundry and put them up, walked 30 minutes on my treadmill, and put up everything from traveling, and feel almost back to "normal"...ha! I didn't reach my 64 oz liquid, 70 grams of protein, but I'm getting closer every day. I did make some "protein infused sugar free jello" and with a dollup of coolwhip, it rocked. I've also had the unjury chicken broth, and diluted gatorade today...both good. I have found my Tiny Tum doesn't really care for the artificial sweetners added to water (like vitamin water zero and the syntrix necture stuff), but hopefully that will change. I even made a big spaghetti dinner for my husband with roasted yellow squash and garlic bread, and didn't even crave it...it was very odd. Like perhaps I wanted a taste, but didn't want it in my stomach if that makes sense. It was the weirdest thing... but I'm thankful! Still happy I made this decision, and I plan to wait until Friday morning to do my first post surgery weigh in. And so...Life begins with Tiny Tum