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HI all, it has been forever since I have been on this site. Got lots of reasons/and or excuses, but I am back regardless. First of all I have had my 2nd fill since I checked in last. I now have 4 cc's in my band. For the most part I am doing terrific with it. I am down to 272 pounds. That is a 54 pound weight loss since mid January. I am so happy, so very, very, very happy!! I have lost 42 pounds since my surgery March 18th. In losing all that weight I have gain oh so very much. I have super confidence, I have more energy, and I have such a different outlook on life. I was in a size 26...sometimes a 28 jean. Now, I am PROUDLY ROCKING a size 20!!! Flipping size 20!!!! OMG!!!! The difference is amazing. Both to me and my family and friends. I went shopping this last weekend and bought something I never thought I ever would. See, I have been with the same man for 17 years...well..17 in July. We are not married, have thought about it, just never have done it. Well, he PROPOSED to me a month ago. I AM GETTING MARRIED!!! YES ITS EXCITING!! HAHA. So, I went and tried on wedding dresses, just to see if I could even bear the thought of wearing one...I love dresses, just not on me, they do nothing to hide fat!!! lol. So there I was trying on wedding dresses and I was so surprised to be LOVING IT!! I was going to get one with sleeves, because as with all of us, my arms are a big issue. But I fell in love with this strapless-halter type dress. AND I BOUGHT IT!!!. I figured that it doesnt matter about those arms, see, I fell in love with ME again. I felt beautiful in all of those dresses. That was something I had never expected. NEVER. I cannot wait to ROCK that wedding dress come September!!! So yes my weight loss is fantastic, wonderful, exciting, and all of those other adjectives. But, what is even better, is that I have found me again. I have found the confident, out-going, smiling former image of myself. I still have a ways to go and I am not quiting until I am there. Everyday I have something to look forward to. Everyday I am happy when I wake up and feel so excited with my new life. Well thats it. This is my life. Go me!!!

I almost finished my first one without stopping, it was so good. The chocolate shakes deserve 2 thumbs up in a Z formation! Very good taste, no grittiness. I like them better than the EAS chocolate carb control shakes. Although I do wish both brands were a little thicker. I've tried Muscle Milk, EAS, Pure Soy and Premier Protein chocolate shakes and Premier Protein has been the best for flavor and smoothness. Very yummy, almost as good as chocolate milk. Price wise, they are a little more expensive than EAS. EAS are 4 for $5 at Walmart. Premier Protien was 12 for $19 at Sam's Club (my Walmart didn't carry Premier). But as good as Premier tastes, I will won't mind paying a little more. I only wish Sam's had the Premier Protein bars as well - but they were sold out. Maybe next trip.

My surgery is scheduled for June 26th 2013 at 10:15am. I have contemplated lap band for over 2 years and just within the past year decided to do it. Sometimes I still think to myself "do I really need this? am I being crazy? I'm not THAT fat", but then I look in the mirror, look at the numbers on the scale or see someone in public looking at me funny and I realize that I am THAT fat and I need help. I had my first appointment with the surgeon on April 18th, 2013. Since then I have been eating like my life depends on it! Trying to get in everything I won't be eating after surgery. I know, I know, I'll be able to eat all the same things, just smaller portions (eventually), but I'm a food addict. Like an alcoholic can't have just one drink, I can't have just one bite. So for the last 2 months I've been eating like a glutton. I'm happy to say though, that over the last week I've come to terms with the fact that I won't be able to eat certain foods anymore. I've stopped the binge eating and am getting excited for my surgery. I've cut back my calories, started changing my eating habits by taking in more protein and not drinking when eating. I said goodbye to binge eating, my social and emotional crutch, the most damaging relationship I've ever been in, and we broke up. Like many break ups I know it will be hard, and there will be slip ups, but I'm ready to start a new life with a new love, me.

Yesterday morning Mandy met me at my house and she brought me over my shirt. I thought she ordered a XL but she got me a large. At first I was like I can’t wear large but she encouraged me to try it on. To my surprise the large was a perfect fit and I was shocked! One thing about me and Mandy we are always late. So how late were we? One hour but better late than never right? Anyway yesterday it finally hit me that I have the lap band. I know you would have thought the weight loss and my change of eating habits would turn on the light upstairs but it didn’t. So what happened to me that finally clicked? I had my first frothing but I know what happened. Me and Mandy were rushing and while we were getting ready. I was drinking on my protein shake and when I was done with the shake I started drinking on my coffee. While waiting on the metro link (the train) I started to get nauseous and on my way to the race I started frothing. Mandy asked me if I was okay I told her if she ever seen me drinking a protein shake and coffee back to back stop me. I believe that was the cause of my frothing. I was afraid that I couldn’t do the race but the frothing came and went. Me and Mandy walked 3.34 miles and had fun. I was dancing and didn’t feel like stopping. We finished the race and gave each other a big hug and it was amazing. Afterwards we went to subway I ordered a chopped turkey salad and Mandy was teasing me because it took me 45 mins to finish. Yesterday was a great day. My plan for the rest of today is to go spent time with my daddy. He work overtime this morning so I am want him to rest up before I go see him. My daddy is amazing and I love him so much. Happy Father’s Day to all my readers and thank you for reading

First, let me say honestly and with all my heart – I hate telemarketers. I believe that anyone that is a telemarketer is an undiagnosed sociopath and should kill themselves. Seriously, if you are a telemarketer – KILL YOURSELF! Really, I’m not joking…KILL YOURSELF, NOW… I’ll wait. Now, this may sound like a conversation right out of sitcom, but it happened to me. A telemarketing firm was trying to gather information about our company to include us in some kind of “green” business directory. My office was bombarded with literally dozens of phone calls. Basically they wanted to know what we did, how many employees we had, the amount of our budgets, and the who’s who of our executive staff. At the time, we had over 120 employees and everyone’s phone number is published on our web site. So it was very easy for the telemarketers to get ahold of us. Apparently they had a team of callers, each with a copy of our phone numbers. We were getting repeated calls to the same phone numbers over and over, from different telemarketers. Now as we are a service oriented business, we are trained to be polite and courteous to every caller, no matter the situation. They would call, we would politely tell them that we could not give them the information they wanted, 30 minutes later -a new telemarketer would call, rinse and repeat. We had so many repeat phone calls that it was interfering with our regular business operations. Finally, our executive director sent out an email telling us, next time we get a call, please tell them politely to stop calling us. Day one was irritating, day two was annoying, and on day three – they finally picked my phone to call. The first call I received, I politely told the sociopath on the other end that we could not provide them with the information they were requesting. Two hours later, I told the next sociopath, politely, that I was not allowed to give them (and I was not privy to) information regarding our payroll and budgets and to please stop calling our offices. The third call, I recognized the number on the caller ID, I was ready for them. The conversation goes as follows: Me: “Thank you for calling ______. This is Randy” Sociopath: “Hello, I’m calling from ______. Can I ask you for some information about your company?” Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t give that information out over the phone. What information we do give out is posted on our website.” Sociopath: “Can’t you tell me who your director is and the approximate budget size of your department?” Me: “No, I’m sorry, but I can’t provide you with that information.” “Your associates have been calling our office for the past two days asking those types of questions, and repeatedly calling the same phone numbers over and over.” “Our director has told us to ask you to stop calling our office. I have had two other calls from your company in the past few hours. And I have asked each caller to stop calling, but your staff will not stop calling.” “We cannot give out the information you want.” Sociopath: “Hold sir.” At this point I’m transferred to a manger or some higher up sociopath. Sociopath Manager: “Hello, my name is ____. Don’t you want to be part of our “green” business directory? We are creating a business directory that features companies like yours that recycle and operate in and environmentally manner.” Me: “I’m sorry, but we cannot release the information you want over the phone. If you want a list of our staff, it is on our website, but I don’t have access to or permission to give out financial information about our office." “On top of that, your people have been calling us for the past three days, calling the same person multiple times, even after being told that we were not allowed to give out the information and please stop calling. Some of our people have gotten a dozen calls in one day.” Sociopath Manager: “Maybe you don’t understand. Don’t you want your company to be listed in our “green” directory? I’m sure it would be a plus for your company to be recognized as being an environmentally friendly business.” At this point, an evil thought entered my head. (Picture me sitting there with an angle on one shoulder and a devil on the other – scratch that, there was a devil on both shoulders! :-P) Me: “I’m sorry, but maybe you don’t understand. We are an information business. And information is valuable. We charge for providing information.” Sociopath Manager: “Yes, sir. But what has that got to do with being in our directory?” Me: “Well, we charge for answering questions. We charge $25 for each question we answer over the phone.” Sociopath Manager: “That’s a lot, to answer a question.” Me: “Yes it is, but information is valuable. At this point I must inform you that this phone call is being recorded and if you ask one more question, you accept our terms and conditions and agree to pay $25 for each additional question.” Sociopath Manager: “You’re kidding?” Me: “Thank you for asking a question and acknowledging that your company is agreeing to pay the $25 per question fee. Please feel free to ask anything you want.” CLICK!... He hung up!... The nerve! When I hung up and turned around, my director was standing there with a horrified look on her face. I asked, “What’s wrong?” And she asks, “What if they file a complaint against us?” I asked, “File a complaint with WHO? They called me, I didn’t call them. I was polite and treated them with respect at all times. They have been calling all our departments for three days now, repeatedly calling some of us, even after we have nicely asked them to stop calling.” “Obviously, they do not care what we want or that they are costing us man hours and interfering with our operations.” She says, “You lied to them. We don’t charge for answering questions over the phone.” I replied, “They don’t know that. And how would they find out?” At this point, my director gives up and walks away. With a worried look that said, “Somehow a telemarketing company is going to lodge a complaint against us.” Because I lied to a telemarketer! But we didn’t get any more calls from them – ever. P.S. I’m still trying to figure out who the telemarketing company would complain to and how the conversation would go? I imagine it would be something like this: “Hello, we would like to register a complaint against a business that lied to us.” “Yes, sir. Could you describe the situation?” “Yes. For three days, we have been repeatedly calling every phone number at a business, asking them for their financial information, budgets, names of staff, names of their directors and executive staff. And they have told us that they can’t give us that information and to please stop calling them. As our phone calls are disrupting their normal operations.” “Yes, sir. Go on.” “Well, on the third day of calls, I talked with a gentleman that informed me that THEY charge $25 per question. I was so perplexed that I hung up, told my staff to stop calling, and have been afraid to call them again – as we might get charged. Since then, I have been afraid to make probing calls to other businesses! Afraid to ask questions that even I realize no sane business person would answer over the phone.” “It’s really interfering with my staff’s ability to continue normal business operations.” “Since that time, I have learned that gentleman lied to me. They in fact, DO NOT charge $25 per question. I want to lodge a formal complaint!” Pause “Thank you for your call sir. I would be happy to register your complaint. But first I must tell you that this phone call is being recorded and that we charge $25 ……………”

I am coming upon my 1 month anniversary. It has gone by fast, but at the same time slow. I would say the first two weeks with the healing and pain were rough at times but, then nothing is easy re: losing weight. I am pleased and shocked at my progress. I am presently on stage 4 (diet) and by the end of this month I will go onto stage 5. I like that I can sit down and eat a meal, salmon and a sweet potatoes or some chicken and butternut squash, I can eat with my family and feel normal. I am glad to have more options re: soups other than those cream O' this & cream O' that. Egg drop soup is my favorite. Turkey burgers are fantastic for bbq's and tasty, my son likes them too, and ate my whole turkey burger, so I had to make another one. I am losing in places like I have never lost before and it is freakin' me out!! Usually I lose it in my tummy first, but I am losing it in my arms, legs, face and stomach, and not pudge area first like before (moms know, that pouch area, below your belly button) I am losing it in my upper stomach!! I have more options now, like almonds for snacks or some string cheese. Hopefully the Dr. will give me the green light to start some work out dvd's on Monday and I can find out the info re: my fills etc... I am nervous, but excited, I want the fill asap, b/c the hunger monster is back. I watch my portions, and am mindful of what I am eating but seriously it is hard. I got the Mindful eating book again(eat drink and be mindful), and I am giving myself mani's and pedi's, reading alot more, minor indulgences I never took the time for before. I am trying not to be hard on myself too, but the stress level is still there trying to be the main cook in the house and my family can eat things I don't. Honestly it doesn't bother me a whole lot, I am kind of amazed by this, the only thing that bothered me lately is meatballs, yes meatballs, they were what was for dinner one night and the smell, well it made a river run in my mouth. I did not touch them, b/c red meat is not allowed. I left the kitchen, and drank a iced tea. Point is, I got over it! I got over it, and I lived and life went on. Ok gotta go, I am missing DishNation.

Well, it's been awhile since I blogged, so I Thought I should do another blog on how it's been going for me now 7 months post sleeve. I can't believe that it's been 14 months since I started my weight loss journey, and 7 months since I was sleeved! I'm down 109 pounds now, and only have 26 pounds to my goal weight. I feel 20 years younger, and the best that I have felt in many, many years! I'm off all my prescription medications other than my hormone pills. I use to take (2) different blood pressure pills 2X'S a day, Prozac for depression/anxiety, Prilosec for acid reflux, and I had high, BAD cholesterol, and LOW good kind of cholesterol. I also had bad knees, and back pain all the time! I would get tired and out of breath just doing simple little household chores. I had turned into a "hermit", and never wanted to go anywhere, or do anything in public where I would be judged for my weight. I have come such a long way, and it hasn't been an easy journey, but SO WORTH IT! I'm no longer a "hermit", and actually enjoy going out in public and doing things. I now exercise several times a week by either walking our dogs for almost 4 miles, or riding bikes with my husband at least 5 miles. I actually ENJOY doing this, and look forward to it! My times doing both things have greatly improved the longer I have been doing them. It use to take me 1 hour and 40 minutes to walk the 4 miles with our dogs, and now I can do it in a little less than an HOUR! The bike ride use to take me 50 minutes, and now I can do it in 32 minutes. I use to be dead TIRED after coming back from my walks, or our bike rides, and collapse in my chair when I got back. Now when I get back I still feel great, and not all out of breath, or dead tired, but feel so good, and accomplished! I use to wear a size 26 W, and now I'm wearing a 12/14 regular womens depending on the clothes. I haven't been this weight, or size in clothes since the 1980's! It seems so strange to say I weigh 100 and something, and not start with 200 and something! I was close to 300 pounds (285 pounds) when I started this, and I know I would have been OVER 300 pounds by now if I hadn't made the choice to get sleeved last November 2012! It's not the "easy way out" like some people think! It's taken a lot of hard work, and determination to get to where I am today. The sleeve is only a "tool", but an awesome tool! You still have to eat healthier, and get off your butt, and DO SOMETHING! I'm 55 almost 56 years old, and I feel like I'm in my 30's again! I'm even thinking about entering a 5K walk/run coming up in our neighborhood later this month. If you would have told me I would be thinking about doing something like that a year and a half ago, I would have said, "You're nuts"! LOL I feel so much better about myself, everyone tells me that I look so much happier, and younger. Getting sleeved is one of the best things I have ever done, and I have no regrets!

"You cant be afraid of what people will feel at the expense of what you feel." - Steve Harvey I was half asleep with the TV on when I heard Steve Harvey say this. The topic on his show today is being able to tell other people no. It got me thinking, "Do I say NO enough?" Kids wanna borrow money, if I have it I give it to them. When my friends want to borrow something, I usually say yes. When it comes to compromise it seems that I was always the one bending over backwards to accommodate everyone but myself. Then I decided 6 months ago that I was going to do something for me. I might revisit this topic above at another time.. but for right now I think I will just talk about how I am feeling. Today makes day 6. How do I feel? gurgly hahahaha My stomach is gurgling and talking bubbles. Which is a good thing, my incision sites are not sore anymore and I slept partly on my side last night. (I did cheat though and took some of my lovely liquid codeine to help me sleep) Before I completely woke up this morning I got Bret (who was already up, thanks DD2) to bring me my medication so I could take it the correct way, no chewing up the pills and before I got up and started moving around. I have discovered I am going to take the blood pressure meds a little later in the day, and the thyroid soon as I get up with an empty stomach..haha but as it is now its an empty stomach all darn day!! I got me 2 popsicles, some chicken broth, a lime jello and a small cup of Gatorade....and that was breakfast. This liquid diet is murder, but I can say I do not have any diarrhea. So if that's what it takes then ok. But right now I would fight a wild pack of dogs for just one scrambled egg and a slice of toast. I guess I can tie in the whole no thing after all. For my health, for my healing I have to say NO. To myself, to my kids, to people who want something from me right now. It's not gonna happen. I have to put myself first right now and heal, then I can go back to being the pushover that I once was..lol