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Hey today is great day.... WLS has saved my life in so many ways. I have more energy self esteem and overall healthy than I have been in a long time. Yesterday I slipped into a size 14 capris and a large top!!!! I never imagined wearing a size 14 because it has been soooo long! Just wanted to share that I have lost 50 lbs and I am closely approaching my 6 months mark... I am praying to get down to a size 10 that would be totally awesome and my highschool weight(lol) I have been trying to exercise more and really stay active,. I pray for much continued success to all TD41

Today marks 3 weeks since surgery, and things are going quite well. I started my pre-op liver shrinking diet on 5/8/13, so I consider that my “start”. Since then I have lost 27.8 lbs, although my period started today so I’m probably good for another pound or two soon. I’m in the “soft foods” stage right now. I do feel restriction now! I also do feel hunger, although it is a reasonable hunger (not like the hunger I felt before all my life – THAT was unreasonable crazy and all-consuming hunger!). …..And once I have a few bites of good protein, my reasonable hunger is satisfied I love that. I am eating things like cottage cheese, good quality lunch meat (chewed well), baked fish, ricotta, PB2, eggs, and protein shakes of course. For an obese girl I am a pretty healthy person –I love and have missed my fruits and veggies. So I bought a nutria-bullet! For those who haven’t seen the infomercial, it is a small blender type thing that is extremely powerful and will pulverize anything you put in it. So this week I have begun incorporating ‘green drinks’ into my daily routine. It has made a WORLD of difference in my energy level! You load it up with half dark green leafies, some avocado, and half fruit (covers the taste of the green leafies!) and add healthy nuts or dried goji berries (these get pulverized so it’s not bad for the sleeve!). The resulting smoothie is much better than jamba and no doubt much more healthy. I also add my protein powder and voila! I get my protein drink plus my fruits & veggies! I now feel much better that I am getting a good balanced diet. I do 3 meals a day of a good protein, then 2 snacks in between of the green protein drinks, and I feel awesome. Sometimes for a late night snack I will mix up a tablespoon of PB2. Yum. My nails are growing like crazy! I guess it’s the protein? I certainly don’t feel malnourished, even though my calories are still pretty low. I’m not losing all that crazy-fast, but it’s ok. I am losing. And I had wondered pre-surgery whether I would be a fast loser or a slow loser, and I have to say – both have good things about them. If I am indeed a slow loser, I believe my skin will be in better shape in the long run. I hope. I also have high hopes that my hair will not fall out if I am a slower loser. I also think that my colleagues and other people who don't know I had surgery will be less likely to try to get all in my business if I lose slowly, because it will be a more gradual change. The obvious benefit to being a fast loser is that you get to have the weight off faster!!! Since it;s summer time, that is really appealing. But I takes what I gets! I have to say that all the months and months prior to surgery, time seemed to go by so quickly, and now time actually seems to go really slowly….because I know it’s just a matter of time until I lose a significant amount of weight. I am being a bit impatient in that way. Oh! I must share this too – yesterday I decided to have one of those Morningstar farm breakfast sausages for lunch -- I'd been thinking about those for the whole time I was on liquids! I ate too quickly, and/or didn’t chew well enough, because OMG I had a really bad experience! It honestly felt like someone had punched me in the stomach, and I got really nauseas – although I never threw up. It. Really. Really. Sucked. Lesson learned. I guess we all go through that at least once, ya? I think next on my agenda will be starting some more rigorous activity or even what could be called exercising So far I have just been hiking up the hill behind my house and back everyday. My dog loves it, because I am able to let her off leash. It’s maybe a mile round trip but it is an incline. The first few times I did it after surgery I was really going at a snail’s pace. But now I’m able to go at a pretty good clip. So it’s time to go farther I believe! Onward!

15 years ago today, I proposed to my best friend and she said yes. 2 dozen roses just got delivered, now I need to think something really special for next month and the marriage anniversary.

Everyone has a different idea as to what the ‘Green Zone’ should be like, how it should feel. How tight do you need to be in order to be in the zone? Some like to be really tight where as other like their band a little looser. I have experienced my band being ‘nice and tight’ so to speak. I never felt physical hunger, but there was food I couldn’t eat like chicken breasts and vegetables. I would cook a wonderful meal for the family and then find I couldn’t eat it. I also found that it would take me over 30 minutes to eat. I hated meals; I would get frustrated and found myself turning to slider foods like cheese and crackers or peanuts. I struggled to maintain my weight from week to week and I was miserable. This was not the lifestyle I wanted so I had my doctor take out half a cc of fluid from my band. The result is I can eat any and all foods without problems, I go 3-4 hours without feeling physical hunger and most important is being able to enjoy mealtime with my family. This is my ‘Green Zone’. This experience makes me understand why so many posts say they are gaining weight and they might be too tight. It is very easy to gain weight when the foods you eat slides right down (they can be healthy foods too – mine was cheese & peanuts). I cannot manage my band when it is too tight, I would rather manage my lifestyle and use my band to complement that style. I am a loosey goosey! (Yep I made up a new term)

"You cant be afraid of what people will feel at the expense of what you feel." - Steve Harvey I was half asleep with the TV on when I heard Steve Harvey say this. The topic on his show today is being able to tell other people no. It got me thinking, "Do I say NO enough?" Kids wanna borrow money, if I have it I give it to them. When my friends want to borrow something, I usually say yes. When it comes to compromise it seems that I was always the one bending over backwards to accommodate everyone but myself. Then I decided 6 months ago that I was going to do something for me. I might revisit this topic above at another time.. but for right now I think I will just talk about how I am feeling. Today makes day 6. How do I feel? gurgly hahahaha My stomach is gurgling and talking bubbles. Which is a good thing, my incision sites are not sore anymore and I slept partly on my side last night. (I did cheat though and took some of my lovely liquid codeine to help me sleep) Before I completely woke up this morning I got Bret (who was already up, thanks DD2) to bring me my medication so I could take it the correct way, no chewing up the pills and before I got up and started moving around. I have discovered I am going to take the blood pressure meds a little later in the day, and the thyroid soon as I get up with an empty stomach..haha but as it is now its an empty stomach all darn day!! I got me 2 popsicles, some chicken broth, a lime jello and a small cup of Gatorade....and that was breakfast. This liquid diet is murder, but I can say I do not have any diarrhea. So if that's what it takes then ok. But right now I would fight a wild pack of dogs for just one scrambled egg and a slice of toast. I guess I can tie in the whole no thing after all. For my health, for my healing I have to say NO. To myself, to my kids, to people who want something from me right now. It's not gonna happen. I have to put myself first right now and heal, then I can go back to being the pushover that I once was..lol

http://www.stuff.co....r-says-shes-fat Dear Mum, I was seven when I discovered that you were fat, ugly and horrible. Up until that point I had believed that you were beautiful - in every sense of the word. I remember flicking through old photo albums and staring at pictures of you standing on the deck of a boat. Your white strapless bathing suit looked so glamorous, just like a movie star. Whenever I had the chance I'd pull out that wondrous white bathing suit hidden in your bottom drawer and imagine a time when I'd be big enough to wear it; when I'd be like you. But all of that changed when, one night, we were dressed up for a party and you said to me, ''Look at you, so thin, beautiful and lovely. And look at me, fat, ugly and horrible.'' At first I didn't understand what you meant. ''You're not fat,'' I said earnestly and innocently, and you replied, ''Yes I am, darling. I've always been fat; even as a child.'' In the days that followed I had some painful revelations that have shaped my whole life. I learned that: 1. You must be fat because mothers don't lie. 2. Fat is ugly and horrible. 3. When I grow up I'll look like you and therefore I will be fat, ugly and horrible too. Years later, I looked back on this conversation and the hundreds that followed and cursed you for feeling so unattractive, insecure and unworthy. Because, as my first and most influential role model, you taught me to believe the same thing about myself. With every grimace at your reflection in the mirror, every new wonder diet that was going to change your life, and every guilty spoon of ''Oh-I-really-shouldn't'', I learned that women must be thin to be valid and worthy. Girls must go without because their greatest contribution to the world is their physical beauty. Just like you, I have spent my whole life feeling fat. When did fat become a feeling anyway? And because I believed I was fat, I knew I was no good. But now that I am older, and a mother myself, I know that blaming you for my body hatred is unhelpful and unfair. I now understand that you too are a product of a long and rich lineage of women who were taught to loathe themselves. Look at the example Nanna set for you. Despite being what could only be described as famine-victim chic, she dieted every day of her life until the day she died at 79 years of age. She used to put on make-up to walk to the letterbox for fear that somebody might see her unpainted face. I remember her ''compassionate'' response when you announced that Dad had left you for another woman. Her first comment was, ''I don't understand why he'd leave you. You look after yourself, you wear lipstick. You're overweight - but not that much.'' Before Dad left, he provided no balm for your body-image torment either. ''Jesus, Jan,'' I overheard him say to you. ''It's not that hard. Energy in versus energy out. If you want to lose weight you just have to eat less.'' That night at dinner I watched you implement Dad's ''Energy In, Energy Out: Jesus, Jan, Just Eat Less'' weight-loss cure. You served up chow mein for dinner. (Remember how in 1980s Australian suburbia, a combination of mince, cabbage, and soy sauce was considered the height of exotic gourmet?) Everyone else's food was on a dinner plate except yours. You served your chow mein on a tiny bread-and-butter plate. As you sat in front of that pathetic scoop of mince, silent tears streamed down your face. I said nothing. Not even when your shoulders started heaving from your distress. We all ate our dinner in silence. Nobody comforted you. Nobody told you to stop being ridiculous and get a proper plate. Nobody told you that you were already loved and already good enough. Your achievements and your worth - as a teacher of children with special needs and a devoted mother of three of your own - paled into insignificance when compared with the centimetres you couldn't lose from your waist. It broke my heart to witness your despair and I'm sorry that I didn't rush to your defence. I'd already learned that it was your fault that you were fat. I'd even heard Dad describe losing weight as a ''simple'' process - yet one that you still couldn't come to grips with. The lesson: you didn't deserve any food and you certainly didn't deserve any sympathy. But I was wrong, Mum. Now I understand what it's like to grow up in a society that tells women that their beauty matters most, and at the same time defines a standard of beauty that is perpetually out of our reach. I also know the pain of internalising these messages. We have become our own jailors and we inflict our own punishments for failing to measure up. No one is crueler to us than we are to ourselves. But this madness has to stop, Mum. It stops with you, it stops with me and it stops now. We deserve better - better than to have our days brought to ruin by bad body thoughts, wishing we were otherwise. And it's not just about you and me any more. It's also about Violet. Your granddaughter is only 3 and I do not want body hatred to take root inside her and strangle her happiness, her confidence and her potential. I don't want Violet to believe that her beauty is her most important asset; that it will define her worth in the world. When Violet looks to us to learn how to be a woman, we need to be the best role models we can. We need to show her with our words and our actions that women are good enough just the way they are. And for her to believe us, we need to believe it ourselves. The older we get, the more loved ones we lose to accidents and illness. Their passing is always tragic and far too soon. I sometimes think about what these friends - and the people who love them - wouldn't give for more time in a body that was healthy. A body that would allow them to live just a little longer. The size of that body's thighs or the lines on its face wouldn't matter. It would be alive and therefore it would be perfect. Your body is perfect too. It allows you to disarm a room with your smile and infect everyone with your laugh. It gives you arms to wrap around Violet and squeeze her until she giggles. Every moment we spend worrying about our physical ''flaws'' is a moment wasted, a precious slice of life that we will never get back. Let us honour and respect our bodies for what they do instead of despising them for how they appear. Focus on living healthy and active lives, let our weight fall where it may, and consign our body hatred in the past where it belongs. When I looked at that photo of you in the white bathing suit all those years ago, my innocent young eyes saw the truth. I saw unconditional love, beauty and wisdom. I saw my Mum. Love, Kasey xx This is an excerpt from Dear Mum, a collection of letters from Australian sporting stars, musicians, models, cooks and authors revealing what they would like to say to their mothers before it's too late, or would have said if only they'd had the chance. All royalties go to the National Breast Cancer Foundation. Published by Random House and available now.

Well it’s been a while hasn’t it?! I believe an insanely long blog entry is in order!! I want to first say that due to you, my dear VST people, nothing that has happened has been a surprise, and that has been really, really nice I had my sleeve surgery on Wed., May 22nd. My “call time” was 1 pm, and my surgery was scheduled for 2:45. I believe I was #3 on my surgeon’s docket for the day. My parents, my husband and I arrived and were all ushered into pre-op, where I was asked to go behind a curtain and put on a hospital gown. I was so interested in the conversation my parents and husband were having that I rushed, and when I popped out from behind the curtain, the nurse said “No honey, you’ve got it on backward”. Lol. I was wearing it like a robe. So I had to switch it. Then I climbed into bed and my family sat in front of me in chairs – felt like I had an audience. The nurse was extremely nice – she got me all covered up and warm under the blankets and this special inflatable thing that blew warm air on me. I also got the leg-squeezy things and some fab socks with nonskid rubber on the bottom. Another nurse came by and started an IV – I asked what was in it and she said it was basically Gatorade without sugar. I’m guessing there was no color or flavor either. Then I heard some commotion and found out that my surgeon was running ahead of schedule so they’d be taking me early (!) The anesthesiologist came over. This was the first time I’d met him, and let me tell you, he was so adorable I would have gone anywhere with him! But alas, he only wanted to take me to the OR…. lol. Before we left, he put something in my IV that made me goofy – I remember looking at my family and saying “ooh that was fast” and then someone putting the shower cap type thing on my head & I had to help because I have long hair. I remember being wheeled into the OR, and once in there they had me scooch onto a different table. I think. That could well have been after – it’s one of those weird disconnected memories. Anyways, I do know that my surgeon was there and they started introducing all the support team “this is John, and you know Dr. Z, and here’s Vern “ and I was chuckling to myself like you guys really think I care at this point who’s who? I think they were chuckling too – I just remember that there was happy banter and/or joking as they went about prepping me, and it was a good feeling all around to have happy people around me. Next thing I knew someone was calling my name, and I surfaced VERY reluctantly from a deep sleep. Once I let them know I was awake they left me alone, and I could drift in and out all I wanted. At times I had pain in my upper belly and felt a little nauseous. What’s interesting is that it is such a distant memory now it hardly seemed like anything as far as the pain goes. I was aware of another patient in the recovery room – a large man who was moaning a lot. In my drugged out mind, this made me feel the need to do some moaning of my own just so I wouldn’t be forgotten. LOL. No logic there, just instinct. Someone was apparently standing behind me monitoring my machines, because pretty soon they said it was time to go and my bed started moving. We went in the elevator and pretty soon I saw my family come into view as I was wheeled past them to my room. I felt very concerned with making sure they knew I was just fine, so I was saying hi and trying to smile. But boy I was still pretty high! Once in my room, I began to experience some more pain. I must say it is nearly impossible to assign a number to pain. I think I’m a people pleaser, and I was like “oh it’s not so bad, a 4? Maybe?” But it was a bit worse than that. My mom said she could tell I was in pain because she could see my blood pressure going up. The nurse gave me morphine in my IV, and within a few minutes I felt no pain, but I did feel the nausea. I salivated a lot, but I breathed through it without heaving, thank goodness. In retrospect, the pain must have been gas and the nausea was from the morphine. I drifted in and out for a few hours, then in the evening I got the nurse to disconnect me from everything but the IV, so I could walk and go to the restroom. From that time on, I honestly had no real pain. I used gas x strips every 3 hours, burped a little, didn’t toot at all I felt the tiniest bit of the gas in my neck, but even that came and went quickly. They never had to put the oxygen thing back in my nose because my oxygen levels stayed good (yay for me for quitting smoking!!!) My hospital stay was uneventful. The tray they brought the next day was silly – I asked if there was any protein in any of it, and when I was told no, I thought why waste the time & tummy space? I ate some to prove no problems, and then was released to go so I could start working on protein My surgeon came by and said everything went really well. I have one incision in my belly button and two more "punctures" high up on my left side. These are smaller than a grain of rice and I'm sure will be undetectable once healed. I'm still completely amazed at this surgeon's skill -- to think that 85% of my stomach was removed and no one will ever be able to see a scar -- blows my mind. He said I was good to go if I wanted. Once unhooked from the IV, I admit I didn’t feel nearly as perky as I had when I was hooked up to it. But they let me walk out on my own and I did not have to do the wheel chair ride. The next 2-3 days were all about sleeping. I tried my darndest to get fluid & protein in, but I felt pretty nauseas. Had the super-saliva production thing going on a couple of times where I thought I would start heaving, but I never did, thank goodness. My sweet husband would run to bring me a paper towel to spit the saliva into (I mean I was producing tremendous amounts of saliva when I got nauseas! sorry if TMI) and then he would rub my back and say sweet things to me while I took deep breaths and let it pass. Nausea sucks. But! By day 3 it was ALL gone. Ever since then all I can say is that the vague soreness in my tummy has gotten MUCH better every day, and the tiredness is slowly getting better. Day 4 after surgery I went on a very short trip to Target and was amazed to stop and think about the surgery I’d just had and that I was out walking around. After about 10 minutes though, I was headed to the lawn furniture department for a lil break I have a desk job, and I took just short of 2 weeks off work – I honestly can’t imagine taking more than that with how normal I feel. Yes, I am pretty damn tired right now, but c’mon, I was tired all the time before surgery! It’s just going to get better and better. Today is the last day of ‘full liquids’. Tomorrow I get pureed! Hooraaaaay! Been daydreaming about cottage cheese lol. The liquid diet has begun to go literally right through me. Yes I get hungry but nothing like presurgery. Once I drink a few sips off a protein drink, I am satisfied. However, within half an hour, it is coming out tha other end if you know what I mean. TMI I know, but I’m here to tell it like it is So I’m hoping that pureed foods will be just what I need to set things right in that department. I had my first poo maybe 3 or 4 days post op and it was normal, if a bit small. I was very happy not to have the severe constipation some folks have immediately post op. I know it could still happen, but at least I’ll be a little further out from surgery. Last I checked, I had lost 20 lbs since the start of pre-op, and about 10 lbs since surgery (about a lb per day). HOWEVER – and here’s something really fun --- my husband accidentally kicked my scale into the wall in the dark and it shattered into a million pieces. I had left it out in the middle of the floor – my bad So... I haven’t weighed in days! I’ve ordered a new fancy scale on Amazon, and I think it will be kinda neat to just wait until it arrives. I know I’m losing weight. But for some reason, my immediate focus is not the weight loss, it’s just about doing what I should be doing. I really feel like I made the right decision for me, and honestly, it has been a good experience so far. looking forward to feeling better and better and better! ONWARD!

This really gripes my band lol. You did not gain weight over night and you will not lose it overnight with the band. If you wanted fast weight loss then you should have chosen the by pass. The band was not intended for people to drop 50lbs in a month. 1 to 2 pounds a week is normal if you lose more then that is great. You can not expect to get the results that others get. Everyone is different, we all have different metabolisms. However now comes the be mean mommy part..... If you are only giving part of your self to the band you can not expect 100% results. If you are not following the diet plan your doctor has given to you, you can not expect results. If you eat more then you should you will not lose weight. If you are starving call your doctor and ask for suggestions. No one ever said this was gonna be easy except for the people who know nothing about the band and say we are taking the easy way out. If you are eating cookies 2 weeks post op or pizza or fried chicken you might as well forget about doing anything. You have to want this and not following your doctors instructions is like going to court and being accused of murder and telling the judge well yeah I did stab him 30 times but can you just give me probation because I knew it was wrong but I did it anyway. The decisions you make in eating will tell on you. What ever you do in the dark always comes out to the light. Its like getting caught with your hand in the cookie jar while having your mouth full and as you spit out the cookies while you are saying I didnt do it, then you have made yoursel a total liar. Stop cheating yourself if you are newly banded. Our eating habits is what got us to weight loss surgery and weightloss surgery is only as successful as the person makes it. The only guarantee you have is that you will lose the weight if you follow directions. Weight loss does stop at times. Those are the times you have to be strong. If you have only lost 10 pounds in 8 months then its not the bands fault. At some point you did not follow instructions. I went on an ice cream spree which lead to weight gain. I knew it and I accepted it but soon realized I was not helping myself. You have to be willing to give 100% if you want 100% results.

And so begins the FIRST day of my 2 week Liver Shrinking Diet. It involves 2 protein shakes per day, 1 “lean & green” meal (for me it will be my dinners) and 2 “protein snacks” which can be a protein bar or 2 eggs or cottage cheese or poke, etc. Sugarfree jello is unlimited. Yay. LOL. Not gonna lie, last night, being the last night of old food habits, I had a cheeseburger, ......and there was a late evening trip to Baskin Robbins. HOWEVER, I have actually been pretty in control with this looming on the horizon. My husband (fit & athletic all his life, god bless him) said “Gosh I guess if it was me I’d totally pig out so that I wouldn’t WANT junk food for a while” While I understand that he is alluding to a form of aversion therapy, that clearly is not the answer in the case of a food addict – otherwise I wouldn’t be so overweight. Yes I have totally pigged out at times in my life and guesswhat? It has never made me not want to eat again. But he meant well, and I’d venture to guess that the fact that I didn’t take him up on his offer to let me binge til I puked may have impressed him a bit SO. ….To be honest, it’s early yet, but I’m not panicking about the aspects of this 2 weeks diet. I’m actually quite stoked to be starting the process! From past experience, I know that the Carb Crazies may set in round day 3 or 4. And that is also when my nose will become acutely attuned to smelling ANY bread or crackers within a mile radius. But, I shall overcome! And, a wise vet on VST has said - - when in doubt, drink water. I’m going to be very well hydrated. Also practicing the no water til 30 min after I eat. I had to spit some water out a little while ago because I took a sip without thinking. Glad I'm in my office where no one can see me Really what hit me between the eyes this morning was that today signifies that in 2 weeks, I will be at the medical center being prepped for surgery. That is kinda unbelievable. That is exciting! That is coming up SO fast!!! I’m ready! Or rather, I will be by then! ONWARD!

Weds, June 12 Hello again loyal Bloggins, Johnny fans and fellow Bandsters! It's been about a week since we chatted so I thought I'd let you know how it's going on The World According to Johnny. I gotta say ... pretty damn good! It's been 4 weeks today since the capable Dr. X installed the anti-eating apparatus in my oh so blubbery mid-section. As advertised by the Doc and his staff, I feel completely healed and am suffering no side effects what-so-ever. Other than this strange hankerin' for a trash bag full of Fritos I can't seem to shake, life has settled in to my new normal. Yes, NEW normal. I have totally embraced my band and what it stands for. That is commitment. It is just so crystal clear to me that inserting a medical device inside your body is the last, desperate measure a fat person can take. And why take this drastic step if you are not going to change your life? Well, so far, I have changed my life. Dramatically. I have not yet had my band filled which means it's wide open. I think I could pretty much get anything down the ol' yapper that I wanted and not have a stuck episode. But just knowing "Bandy" is in there, keeps me on the straight and narrow. Yep. I've changed. Hopefully for ever. Although not required, I still start my day with the protein shake blended with a little ice. It's just like a milk shake and I like it! I have recently started adding a tablespoon of low sugar peanut butter to the chocolate flavored shakes and it's delish! So no more big breakfasts or even breakfasts that I thought were healthy for me. I'm sticking with these shakes whenever possible. Lunch has turned into a 240 calorie tuna snack lunch or a low fat soup. No more fast food, deli or 3 martini lunches for this fat ass!Dinner has consisted of ground up beef or turkey with a bit of flavoring, cooked veggies and some watermelon. And I'm good with it! It does help that wife wife L is a fine chef and makes even a mundane dish rival a nice dinner out. Add in my snacks of yogurt, sugar free puddin' and a night cap Fudgie bar, I'm feeling real satisfied. I am actually blown away that this is working. Am I losing weight? You betcha! 30 unsightly pounds of extra mass have evaporated from my roly poly body. That's 2 bowling balls of F-A-T! Let that sink in. Am I on target? You betcha! I was told to expect to lose 1.5 pounds a week after surgery. I'm exactly at that figure. If I can keep that pace up, I'll hit my 8th grade weight by October. Hey, there's another goal! Do I have any pain? Nope. Most importantly, can I play golf? Yep. 3 rounds last week alone. So all in all, I am right where I should be. On the path to success! As rosy as it all appears, there are a few bummers. I'm a party guy. As explained in detail in previous posts, I excel at eating, drinking and merrymaking. My history is legendary. And I if I could remember it, it would make quite a book. This No Fun Johnny is, well, no fun. I am making healthy decisions daily when comes to food and booze. That includes avoiding almost all situations that include the Devils temptresses. So far I have declined offers to at least 2 BBQs, 2 parties and a wedding. Yep. No fun at all. But this is the new normal. Am I embracing the No Fun Johnny? Nope. Check back soon! First band fill on Monday. Then we have to talk about the dreaded "W" word. Floow along on my blog: Thedeconstructionofjohnny.blogspot.com