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http://www.stuff.co....r-says-shes-fat Dear Mum, I was seven when I discovered that you were fat, ugly and horrible. Up until that point I had believed that you were beautiful - in every sense of the word. I remember flicking through old photo albums and staring at pictures of you standing on the deck of a boat. Your white strapless bathing suit looked so glamorous, just like a movie star. Whenever I had the chance I'd pull out that wondrous white bathing suit hidden in your bottom drawer and imagine a time when I'd be big enough to wear it; when I'd be like you. But all of that changed when, one night, we were dressed up for a party and you said to me, ''Look at you, so thin, beautiful and lovely. And look at me, fat, ugly and horrible.'' At first I didn't understand what you meant. ''You're not fat,'' I said earnestly and innocently, and you replied, ''Yes I am, darling. I've always been fat; even as a child.'' In the days that followed I had some painful revelations that have shaped my whole life. I learned that: 1. You must be fat because mothers don't lie. 2. Fat is ugly and horrible. 3. When I grow up I'll look like you and therefore I will be fat, ugly and horrible too. Years later, I looked back on this conversation and the hundreds that followed and cursed you for feeling so unattractive, insecure and unworthy. Because, as my first and most influential role model, you taught me to believe the same thing about myself. With every grimace at your reflection in the mirror, every new wonder diet that was going to change your life, and every guilty spoon of ''Oh-I-really-shouldn't'', I learned that women must be thin to be valid and worthy. Girls must go without because their greatest contribution to the world is their physical beauty. Just like you, I have spent my whole life feeling fat. When did fat become a feeling anyway? And because I believed I was fat, I knew I was no good. But now that I am older, and a mother myself, I know that blaming you for my body hatred is unhelpful and unfair. I now understand that you too are a product of a long and rich lineage of women who were taught to loathe themselves. Look at the example Nanna set for you. Despite being what could only be described as famine-victim chic, she dieted every day of her life until the day she died at 79 years of age. She used to put on make-up to walk to the letterbox for fear that somebody might see her unpainted face. I remember her ''compassionate'' response when you announced that Dad had left you for another woman. Her first comment was, ''I don't understand why he'd leave you. You look after yourself, you wear lipstick. You're overweight - but not that much.'' Before Dad left, he provided no balm for your body-image torment either. ''Jesus, Jan,'' I overheard him say to you. ''It's not that hard. Energy in versus energy out. If you want to lose weight you just have to eat less.'' That night at dinner I watched you implement Dad's ''Energy In, Energy Out: Jesus, Jan, Just Eat Less'' weight-loss cure. You served up chow mein for dinner. (Remember how in 1980s Australian suburbia, a combination of mince, cabbage, and soy sauce was considered the height of exotic gourmet?) Everyone else's food was on a dinner plate except yours. You served your chow mein on a tiny bread-and-butter plate. As you sat in front of that pathetic scoop of mince, silent tears streamed down your face. I said nothing. Not even when your shoulders started heaving from your distress. We all ate our dinner in silence. Nobody comforted you. Nobody told you to stop being ridiculous and get a proper plate. Nobody told you that you were already loved and already good enough. Your achievements and your worth - as a teacher of children with special needs and a devoted mother of three of your own - paled into insignificance when compared with the centimetres you couldn't lose from your waist. It broke my heart to witness your despair and I'm sorry that I didn't rush to your defence. I'd already learned that it was your fault that you were fat. I'd even heard Dad describe losing weight as a ''simple'' process - yet one that you still couldn't come to grips with. The lesson: you didn't deserve any food and you certainly didn't deserve any sympathy. But I was wrong, Mum. Now I understand what it's like to grow up in a society that tells women that their beauty matters most, and at the same time defines a standard of beauty that is perpetually out of our reach. I also know the pain of internalising these messages. We have become our own jailors and we inflict our own punishments for failing to measure up. No one is crueler to us than we are to ourselves. But this madness has to stop, Mum. It stops with you, it stops with me and it stops now. We deserve better - better than to have our days brought to ruin by bad body thoughts, wishing we were otherwise. And it's not just about you and me any more. It's also about Violet. Your granddaughter is only 3 and I do not want body hatred to take root inside her and strangle her happiness, her confidence and her potential. I don't want Violet to believe that her beauty is her most important asset; that it will define her worth in the world. When Violet looks to us to learn how to be a woman, we need to be the best role models we can. We need to show her with our words and our actions that women are good enough just the way they are. And for her to believe us, we need to believe it ourselves. The older we get, the more loved ones we lose to accidents and illness. Their passing is always tragic and far too soon. I sometimes think about what these friends - and the people who love them - wouldn't give for more time in a body that was healthy. A body that would allow them to live just a little longer. The size of that body's thighs or the lines on its face wouldn't matter. It would be alive and therefore it would be perfect. Your body is perfect too. It allows you to disarm a room with your smile and infect everyone with your laugh. It gives you arms to wrap around Violet and squeeze her until she giggles. Every moment we spend worrying about our physical ''flaws'' is a moment wasted, a precious slice of life that we will never get back. Let us honour and respect our bodies for what they do instead of despising them for how they appear. Focus on living healthy and active lives, let our weight fall where it may, and consign our body hatred in the past where it belongs. When I looked at that photo of you in the white bathing suit all those years ago, my innocent young eyes saw the truth. I saw unconditional love, beauty and wisdom. I saw my Mum. Love, Kasey xx This is an excerpt from Dear Mum, a collection of letters from Australian sporting stars, musicians, models, cooks and authors revealing what they would like to say to their mothers before it's too late, or would have said if only they'd had the chance. All royalties go to the National Breast Cancer Foundation. Published by Random House and available now.

Well, I hit ONEDERLAND on June 6th, and have dropped another 3 pounds since then. It feels great to know that those #s are behind me, and will be gone for the rest of my life now. I'm 6 pounds away from hitting 50# total loss post-op. It's a great feeling being more active, wanting to work out, knowing that each healthy choice I make is finally actually making a difference in my end weight...whereas before it felt like all work and no pay off. I'm so glad I made this decision for myself, there has not been one day of regret so far. My sisters and my dad are all talking about having the surgery now too, which makes me feel good, like I made the right choice- and they can see the positive changes it's made in my life- and they want it too. My size 14 jeans are literally falling off of me, but I HATE to buy new jeans, knowing soon enough- they're going to be too big too...random, isn't it?! Just wanted to check in, I told myself that I'd blog as much as I could on this journey to keep folks informed, and maybe someone out there deciding on the surgery will be able to see this thing through from my perspective, and it'll help them make their own decisions.

I think I have split personalities, I'm not quite two weeks out, but one part of me expects that I should be 50 pounds lighter or something. While the other side knows better. On one hand I am already rethinking my decision, while on the other hand I am happy it has finally came. I am fighting with myself that I have only just begun this journey, and it has not even been 2 weeks. So, I am going back and forth with this junk in my head. I know I need time to heal and then time to get the right fill possibly,but the other side of me is like I'm not eating so I should be dropping weight right?. My husband says my face looks thinner even though the scales not moved. I think a part of me unconsciously expected to much, I think i secretly thought I'd wake up from surgery and be thinner and drop weight as I walked., a pound a day type thing. Consciously and reasonably I know that is not realistic by any means, but i still struggle with that other "personality" in me. I'm still fighting with that part of me that has helped keep me big all this time and has helped me fail in every aspect of losing this extra person I carry around. Maybe that's it, It is like a second person I carry around one that does not want to be pushed away or put aside. But I'm so done with that relationship. I want the thin me to be the only one I carry around. So, to do that I'm going to have to win this fight between my two egos and literally beat the fat out of the fat person in me. So with the help of this group, my Doc's team of professionals, and the thin person in me I will prevail. I have to do this, I have to be successful this time it's the bottom of the ninth with 2 outs, and I up to bat with 2 strikes and 3 balls and this girls not walking or striking out it is a hit I'm going for so I'm going to swing and with help of my new bat (band) I will hit a home run. ~~~Stephanie

Try this . NEW WHEY liguid protien shots. They are 3.8 oz tubes with 42 gr of protien. I do one in AM one in PM for a whopping 84 gr without all the mixing and drinking, They are thick and minimal after taste but I like getting it over with quick and spend my time drinking water . I can handle better than the rest. Walmart cheapest I have found by a dollar.

Yes.is is unfortunate that some people get a band and then become the Forum expert (only in their mind) don't want to hear anything negative . Then will say it must be something YOU did, because they know everything about bands. And lack empathy towards others I like being the Forum Troll. I like not living in the land of perfection. But I'm allot happier than you'll ever be. If anyone is looking for true support with your band check out facebook.....Allot less proclaimed bands experts there.

Week 1 on my high protein low carb eating plan and exercising 6 days a week. I had been having really bad issues with being extremely hungry at night so I told myself this past week i was going to work on kicking that to the curb. I ate dinner a little later one night that worked, I took a 1/2 protein shot one night and that worked and then I cleaned a few nights and kept myself busy by doing my nails and that also worked. All week I didn't snack or eat crazy stuff after the girls went down. So problem being worked on and I think solved. Thank you to all who responded to my post on the forum your suggestions and comments helped ALOT. Now also my weekends are horrible my husband is home wants to go out to eat all weekend and weekends sabotage my hardwork from the week so this weekend If we went out I really thought hard about what I was ordering and tried to order healthy all the time. We ate out 3 x's first time was Wendy's so I got a grilled chicken wrap and side salad, 2nd was Chili's and I got a low calorie meal and replaced my rice with brocolli so I had chicken , black beans and Broccoli, the 3rd time was the hardest - Popeyes- I took the skin off the chicken and heated up my left over black beans from the previous night. I did have a biscuit but I made sure to work out after dinner so I could burn some calories. All in all it was the BEST weekend I have had so far!!!! I even made cinnamon buns for my girls on Saturday morning and didn't have any. I figure I am going to have to cook stuff I can't have and what a better time to start working on controlling myself from eating it but now. So all my hardwork paid off and I was down 5.2 lbs this morning. I was so excited to see it working and I also feel great, more energized and alive. I can always start doing the healthy things but some where down the line i always fall off and gain it all back. This time knowing my Sleeve is just around the corner 42 days to be exact to stop that from happening has me smiling , I can see myself healthy again!!! Can't wait.

I like to think that If someone is in pain I feel Empathy for that person and will do all I can to help. Since being Banded in 09 I've researched allot online and gone to numerous sites that promote forums for the Band. But the Thing that occurs consistently is the Lack of compassion for others If your going through a tough time, or went through it, SHARE your experience, research, or humor ( it goes along way to heal) about that experience. The people needing help don't always know the right thing to do, or questions to ask. Maybe their Doctor wasn't "the Best", and who's to judge? Do any of us really know all their is about our Health care professionals, or about the band? No, I think Not. NO ONE PERSON has ALL the answers to LIFE or surgery Negativity only breeds MORE Negativity. If someone said, you may only post FACTS, your experience is then irrelevant, and Thus, there is No need for forums like this, because we would only be able to view "The Facts" as presented by the manufactures, doctors, scientists, and researchers and then must take that as Fact. I personally believe Life experiences are more fact based at times than anything else but that is just my opinion ( and Yes I know we all have one ) Unfortunately, it's not only online that compassion has been lost, society as a whole seems lacking as well.. I guess I'll continue to listen to the little voice inside that keeps saying "If you can't say anything nice Don't say anything at all" Because I don't know everything, ( I've yet to meet someone that does) and I surely don't know what the Other person is going through right now..so I wish them, and You Well......

My Labs, X-rays, and EGD have all been scheduled for 06/17/2013 and 06/26/2013. Surgery date early July, I hope!!

Hello all!! Today makes day 4 for me. It's been pretty exciting! I woke up this morning with no pain. I almost cried, I was so happy. Then I moved, and the gas woke up..lol I think my Dr. wanted to make me a Macy's Thanksgiving Day Balloon, he filled me with so much gas. But I have been laying with the heating pad, walking, and sitting up a lot in bed. My urine is a weird pink-ish yellow-ish brown. Not dark, but I have increased my water intake. At first I was afraid to even drink water because I was soo positive it would get stuck or something. I have discovered as long as I don't gulp it and give it a few seconds between drinks I can actually drink quite a bit of water, that makes me happy I'm only doing 4 oz every 30 minutes or so, but I think that's a good start. I don't feel like I have water belly or that I am stretching anything. And when I drink water it makes me burp, so its a win-win situation! Also, this morning when I got up I had sinus drainage and you know how that makes you feel nauseated. I tried some chicken broth, didn't help, water didn't help, nausea bracelet and drops didn't help so I went and made me a protein shake, only had about 2 oz of it, but it got rid of the nauseous feeling. I know some people have said they were on clear liquids for 2 weeks then the solid liquids for 2 weeks then on week 5 onto smushies. I have gone over my paperwork over and over, and it doesn't specify when I am suppose to start stage 2 liquids, but I had to have something this morning. it was either put something in there or throw up. And I DONT want to throw up! **Oh happy news** I just had my first bm post surgery!! YEAAAHHH!! No straining, I think the protein shake helped move the mail. I am going to stop with the pain medication, I am not a big fan of pain meds anyways, I don't like the way they make me feel but they are great for sleeping! I have liquid Tylenol for the minor cramps and ickies so that should be good. If not I still have the other, One thing I am going to to today is shower!!! I feel nasty. hahaha anyways I will try to write here every day about how my journey is going. :wub:Later Taters