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I like to think that If someone is in pain I feel Empathy for that person and will do all I can to help. Since being Banded in 09 I've researched allot online and gone to numerous sites that promote forums for the Band. But the Thing that occurs consistently is the Lack of compassion for others If your going through a tough time, or went through it, SHARE your experience, research, or humor ( it goes along way to heal) about that experience. The people needing help don't always know the right thing to do, or questions to ask. Maybe their Doctor wasn't "the Best", and who's to judge? Do any of us really know all their is about our Health care professionals, or about the band? No, I think Not. NO ONE PERSON has ALL the answers to LIFE or surgery Negativity only breeds MORE Negativity. If someone said, you may only post FACTS, your experience is then irrelevant, and Thus, there is No need for forums like this, because we would only be able to view "The Facts" as presented by the manufactures, doctors, scientists, and researchers and then must take that as Fact. I personally believe Life experiences are more fact based at times than anything else but that is just my opinion ( and Yes I know we all have one ) Unfortunately, it's not only online that compassion has been lost, society as a whole seems lacking as well.. I guess I'll continue to listen to the little voice inside that keeps saying "If you can't say anything nice Don't say anything at all" Because I don't know everything, ( I've yet to meet someone that does) and I surely don't know what the Other person is going through right now..so I wish them, and You Well......

Had my 3 month appointment on 05/17/13. My doctor says I'm losing weight a little faster than expected, averaging about 3 1/2 pounds a week. I thought WTF? Don't get me wrong, I'm happy with that, but I thought it was a little slower than a lot of people. I know I shouldn't compare myself to others, but it's hard not to wonder why others are losing so much more than I am. I went shopping over the weekend because I'm just tired of wearing clothes that don't fit right. What a frustrating experience. I'm still in the plus size section, but just can't seem to find anything that isn't ugly, to my at least. Of course, I'm shopping at stores that the clothes cost a little less because I know I won't be in them long and don't want to spend a lot of money on something that I will grow out of fast. The other issues I'm having is although I look at myself in clothes and can't believe how skinny I look in them, when I take pictures, I still see that "bigger" woman that I was last year. It's hard to get those thoughts out of my mind. I did go dancing on Saturday night, which I hadn't done in about 2 or 3 years and it felt so good to be able to dance through 3 or 4 songs without my ankles hurting or getting tired.

I had my surgery on May 23rd and today is my 4th day post-op. I was extremely calm before the surgery. I wasn't feeling any anxiety or fear at all but ooh boy, then it hit. After I was sitting home trying to gulp down my disgusting protein shake, I just started to sob. What have I done? I love food and now I can't touch it. Will it ever get better? Logically I know that it will but when I get like this I feel so helpless. Then of course my mind starts to wonder - I'm 30 years old, single, no love prospects. I broke it off with my boyfriend on my 30th birthday because I was tired of the drama yet here I am, wondering if I dial him with my caller ID off will he know it's me? So ridiculous! It's amazing how the beginning of this journey is bringing so many emotions that I thought I wouldn't have to deal with. I just want to say that reading the forums has been a tremendous help. You guys are some of the most positive people I have ever come across and you're truly an inspiration. I know you don't know me from Adam but you've been a tremendous help. And for that, I thank you.

I hope this will be the last part...lol Me: Really, u cant know who this is. Him: Yes, I do I dont giving my # 2 all kinds of women Me: Y me? Him: I dont kno, I was just lead 2. Me: um hum, game Him: no, seriously..I was walking by & I saw u, I thought she's beautiful but u looked so sad & I said 2 myself I would really like 2 make her day, so I did. Me: yea ok. So we talked for what seemed like hrs. Time flew by & it was time 2 go get my son, so I packed up my baby, got in the truck, picked up my son all while on the phone with HIM. I couldnt believe that I was talking 2 another man but his accent intrigued me & I just wanted 2 know more & more. Well, once I got home Josh was sitting on the couch in his usual spot, he asked me where I had been all day..I told him at my mom's & he said so u just dont give a damn if I dont have a way 2 get around or nothing 2 eat? I said no its not like that but in my head I was think hell no I dont care, I had reached my boiling point with him. We started a routine, as soon as I got in the house with the kids he would grab the keys from me & be gone until 2-3 in the morning, in my heart I knew we were done. While he was doing his dirt as he had been for 7yrs, I was developing a friendship with the "kroger's dude"...lol It wasnt about anything but convo, we would talk about my marriage, our kids, his baby moma & just life period. He was awesome, he was actually concerned about me & who I was, he would tell me if I ever needed 2 tlk I could call him, he would tell me how unhealthy my situation was..he never judged me for sticking around so long...he was my friend. One night, Josh called me & said that he wasnt coming home until the next day because of whatever reason he was giving, I was like ok um hum thats fine..I didnt put up a fight & ask 1000 ?'s like I normally would. My focus was changing. He said, whats wrong with u & I said nothing just used 2 ur lies & drama. He said, whatever bye. So after we hung up, I called HIM & he asked how I was doing, the usual stuff & this time I told him exactly how I felt, my marriage was over & I deserve better for me & my boys ect. He said, yea u do but u have 2 make sure that this is wht u want & ur not acting off of anger, I said, Im done. Josh came home the next morning, i grabbed the keys & left with the boys, dropped me oldest at school & this time I went 2 visit HIM. When I got there, I sat in the car for what seemed like hrs before I called 2 tell him I was outside, because I went back & forth in my head about, Im doing the same thing Josh done 2 me & so what he gets what he deserves. Finally, I called HIM & told him I was there, he came outside..we tlked for hrs, I had the baby with me & he asked could he hold him, I said yes & my baby was content in his arms. It was weird but he was. On the way 2 my son's school, I felt bad like I was taking it 2 far, Josh is my husband, what about my kids, everything was going thru my head. Once, I got home as usual Josh was out the door but he said, " I know u tlking 2 another man but u not bold enough 2 do nothing else." I looked at him & all that doubt/fear in my head went away & I was sure about my next move. The next morning Josh came home, I left & once again I went 2 see HIM...that also became apart of the routine before I knew it, we had spent a whole 30 days 2gether & it was wonderful. One saturday I came home, I handed the keys 2 Josh & he said, "im not going anywhere 2day, so lets tlk." I said, about wht? He said," the man u tlking 2" I said, I dont know what ur tlking about" He said, I see how rushed u are 2 leave every morning, how u give me the keys at night with no hesitation, how u hide ur phone now, how u smiling when u get a txt message, u in love with him?" I said, I dont know wht ur tlking about", he got up & he punched me in my stomach, he slapped me, he cursed me out, he pushed me on the floor all while the kids were right there watching, he told me 2 call him & tell him it was over or he would kill me & the boys. So because I feared what he might do, I called HIM & told him it was over & I was going 2 work it out with my husband..HE said,"Wow ok if thats what u got 2 do" then he hung up. I was crying but it was because, I felt like I was going 2 loose my best friend forever. Josh took my phone, he deleted HIS #, messages anything that came from HIM. That night I told Josh EVRYTHING, I told him that I didnt need him & he was I was worth more than what he thought, I even said, "u aint the only man that wants me"...I told him how I loved HIM..how he cared about me & didnt judge me, how he made me feel needed & wanted at the same time, how he held my hand for hrs & just listened 2 me...I know yall thinkin that was crazy because Josh was abusive but I didnt care, all those yrs that he made me feel unloved, unworthy, guilty, ugly, fat, like nobody wanted me but him, like I wasnt good enough for real love..I had 2 tell him why & I was ready for the fight that came with it...I didnt care. The rest of that night was queit, after I put the boys 2 bed & got in the bed..he came in the room & sat in a chair by the foot of the bed. I tired 2 stay awake becuase I didnt know what he was going 2 do but I couldnt & I actually slept the best I ever had in yrs...its crazy because he sat there watching me ALL night crying. Can u believe that he was crying, as if he had never done anything 2 push me 2 this, as if I hurt him, as if he was faithful all those yrs while I cheated, as if all those feeliings I felt he now feels...2 be honest with yall I hoped he felt the way I did for the past 7yrs. 3 days later, we had an eviction letter on the door..he left that morning then he called me around 11 saying he got a place...I said,"ok when can we move in"..he said, "I guess u didnt hear me, I got a place". I said, "what about the boys?" he said, "oh yall will find something soon." I know that we having problems but how could he turn his back on his son's & not care if they had a place 2 live? Although, I found out over the yrs who this man was, it still amazed me that he was done with his son's too. I called HIM as soon as Josh hung up & I explained 2 him what happened & y I called him 2 tell him it was over. He said, " u hurt me, I have feelings for u that I never felt for anybody else, I didnt kno if he hurt yall or what, I called ur phone, u didnt answer, I txted & no response, I cant believe that u hurt me"...I started 2 cry & tell him how sorry I was & that I had all of those same feelings for him, he told me 2 come see him but I couldnt go with the bruises on my arms & neck, so I said no..he told me that he needed 2 see me. So all that night I put ice on me, creams anything that would lighten up those marks..I didnt own any make up, so I couldnt use that. The next morning, I got up took my son 2 school & I went 2 see HIM. As soon as he seen me he started 2 cry which was so odd 2 me but he said, "I thought that I would never see u again, & then 2 see u with these bruises from him hurting u, & I was not there 2 protect u" then he grabbed me & hugged me, he wouldnt let go..he went 2 the back seat where the baby was & he got him out & held him so tight. This man must really love us, but I had no idea about what real love was so I didnt say anything, I didnt kno what 2 say. On March 26, 2009 I was moving out of that old apt 2 my sisters house until I could get things in order. While I was in the house, Josh came over...I didnt know he was coming, I didnt even know how he got there. He said he was coming 2 get the rest of his things, so I let him & I didnt say a word 2 him. When I was in the bathroom, getting things from under te cabinet..he came in & locked the door, he started choking me..he punched me & then he rapped me! All I could hear was my kids scratching & crying at the door..the worst part was I was on my cycle. He didnt care, when he was done he told me that I was still his wife & whenever he wanted me he could have me no matter where I'm at, then he left. I was disgusted & I didnt know what 2 do...I was confused & lost, he was crazy but I didnt know how crazy until then. I got 2 my sisters house, I moved all of my stuff in, within a few days I found a job, me & HIM were getting much closer..finally things were starting 2 look up in my life. Me & the boys were happy & safe. Josh called me one day & asked me could I help him get his lights back on because he was in the dark with no food. Keep in mind he didnt want me 2 know where he was staying, that same place he got & wouldnt let my boys come 2, I told him dont ever call me again, I know who u are & it took me a long time 2 get here but I'm here & I aint turning around. Over the next 7 months he called me EVERYDAY, asking can we fix our marriage & saying how he will never hurt me again ect. I told him no & I kept living my life. I am now in my own place, & have been for the last 4yrs...I havent broken NO lease, I am at a full time GOOD job, my lights have never been off, my kids are in a Private Christian Academy,me & HIM are 2gether, Im getting sleeved June 3rd., we are planning 2 buy a house next year...life is GOOD. Josh, has 5 kids with 4 different mothers, has a girlfriend that has miscarried 2 times, 2 babies 5 days apart by the same girl mentioned in part 3 Keisha & Keturah, he is currently cheating on his girlfriend with those same girls. He has had his clothes burned, been put in jail for assault of 1 of them, no car, no job & no contact with his kids, he doesnt call, help out NOTHING. I tlked 2 his girlfriend the other day & she stood out there while he was in jail, tlking 2 me about why he was in there BUT what stood out the most is that she defended him & said how she loved him so much & at that moment I saw what I looked like after all those yrs. & I told her I feel sorry for u...oh yea, I know u didnt read anything about a divorce but thats because for the last 4 yrs he wouldnt sign the papers because he said when he's done doing all this he is coming back 2 his family. Anyway, we will be in court getting divorced June 26th rather he shows up or not! It tookn alot 2 get 2 this point but I lived thru all of that for whatever reason & it was sad, it was hard, it hurt ect but WE MADE IT & thats all that matters. I needed 2 get this out before I started my NEW life, I didnt want 2 take this with me in the O.R. when I started this process I still carried this burden but 2day, I leave it all behind! (HIM :wub: ) (my babies )

Thanks to everyone for their kind words and encouragement. I've lost 6 lbs on the liquid diet and I'm still 7 days away from surgery. I made it through the graduation and party without 'cheating' but it was the leftovers yesterday when it was just my immediate family that did me in - a snuck a bit of walking taco, potato salad and of course cake. AND it showed on the scale today! I'm forgiving myself and starting new today. It's surprisingly hard to get 1200 calories in a day with just liquid. I'm thrilled with myself, honestly, who knew I actually had WILL POWER! My family was feeling sorry for me, but I don't feel sorry for myself at all - I'm just so darn excited about the new me that is taking over! This time next week I'll be done with surgery and hopefully out of recovery, in my room (NOT dry-heaving) and looking forward to my new life as a healthy person.

When my hubs ask his mom what her Mother's Day/Birthday Wish was, her answer was come up and see me. My MIL lives in Ohio and we see her about once, sometimes twice a year. She is a sweet little lady and I want to make her happy. But, with my insane work issues these days, it has been hard for the hubs and I to set a date to go. Which seemed to make the MIL very sad, but she didn't say anything. After some time and getting some training dates and such I figured out when I could manage to get a few days off work. So last night we called her and told her we were looking at the weekend of July 27th and wanted to make sure that would work for her. She was elated and said that she would make it okay, if that was the only time it would work for us. So date said, headed north that weekend. My MIL cheerfully continued to talk a bit and ask how much had I lost now. I turned red faced! When she was here in November she took me shopping for new clothes, at that time I had lost right at 50 lbs. Now it is 6 months later and I am only 8 more lbs down. So I lied a touch- I told her I was down 60 lbs and I am only down 58- so not to bad. My MIL had a friend who lost 100 lbs in a year. I am afraid she is going to be disappointed when she sees me. I know it shouldn't bother me and I should be happy with the results so far, but I want her to see me as a success not a failure. For some odd reason I always feel a need to impress my MIL. When I first started see my hubs it took her a long time to warm up to me. I am 7 almost 8 years younger than my honey. While she didn't say anything to him, she ask mutual friends if they thought I was just going for him for his money or if I really love him. Of course that was a LOL because I had seen his bank statement and if I was in it for money I would have quickly broken up with him. Anyway, she was still not getting the warm and fuzzys when we married, she told me on our wedding day - "make my son happy and don't leave him". Her tone was one of if you hurt him I will hurt you! My husband's first wife walked out on him just said she didn't love him maybe never did. He was messed up from this for a while. When I got pregnant the MIL was all of a sudden so happy that I was in his life. After all I was going to give her a grandbaby. Then we had to call her a few weeks later and tell her we had lost the baby- this killed me - I hated to hear the disappointment in her voice, but she was very sweet to me. Since that time she and I have gotten along very well. All I want to do is please her, which is nuts. Hopefully, getting on the Vit D will help my weight start heading down- maybe I will be at the 60 mark by July! I hope so.

It occurred to me today that my weight has been stagnant for 10 days... I remember when I thought holding the same weight for 10 days was some amazing accomplishment now it's some sort of curse and I'm growing impatient. A good friend of mine gave me some advice that when the scale stalls bust out the tape measure. Woo - hoo Motivation. Inches decreased all over my body! What great advice!!! So I'm back to feeling positive and trying to remember that my body just dropped 50 lbs in 2.5 months it may need some recovery time. My appetite is funny, some days I can only stand a few bites and other days I'm eating a decent amount. The crazy part is I seem to lose on the days I eat more. I know I know - the body needs fuel but I can only put in what I can stand. Does anyone else have some advice for when weight gets stagnant?

I am so sick of playing by the band rules; I just want to break one or two of them. Eat a big huge meal, take big bites, or wolf food down in ten minutes flat. Wish I could have a break and not think about my food choices, my portion size, how I eat, my water intake, and exercise, ugh…. Calgon take me away! Do you feel that way some days? I’m sure we all do. So how do we get past this? There are some who have reached their goal and have been maintaining for years. They say they think like a thin person. They never think of food. Will I ever be like that? I reached my goal in December and have been maintaining since then. Has it been easy? NO. It has been the most difficult part of my journey so far. But, I won’t give up because I look in the mirror and I really like the person that looks back at me. So, I will continue to play the game. I will make health food choices, take small bites (hubby calls them band-bites), drink water and exercise. I will do this for the rest of my life because I am worth it!

Today was day 6 of my all liquid pre-op diet. I am supposed to drink 3-4 "Bariatric Advantage" shakes a day. I can also eat anything from the clear liquids list - broth has been my savior. The shakes have killed my appetite. I barely had one today. I drink plenty of water and broth but I'm worried about straight starving myself. I haven't really heard that many people struggling with this part very much. I'm feeling alone. I'm proud that I haven't cheated at all, but I'm really hoping I'm not damaging myself. If my body goes into starvation I may not lose. I guess I'll talk to my surgeon tomorrow. Only 7 days away...seems strange. I will just take it one day at a time and one shake at a time. What else can I do?

I've been feeling really good about my progress lately, not just the weight loss, but also my physical abilities and what i can now accomplish. I had taken the day off from work yesterday and decided to reward myself. I went to the movies and saw GI Joe 2. I know I shouldn't have bought the popcorn, but I did and just got the smallest size. The sales girl tried to get me to buy the size bigger (she was just doing her job) and although I would have loved it, I refused because I knew I couldn't eat that much and didn't want to take it home with me only to finish it off later. Then she asked the bigger question, do you want butter on that? I said yes (even though I know how bad it is), but I didn't ask her to put some in the middle as I would have before surgery. Ohhhhh....how yummy it was. Half way through the movie and I had only eaten half the bag. I put it down to stop myself from getting sick. I later picked it back up and ate a little more. I had to put it back down again because it was making me feel sick. The movie was almost over and I had the urge to use the bathroom. So glad I was able to finish the movie before rushing out, although I could have waited for this movie to come out on DVD. Not worth the money, even though I did see it in 3D. On my way home, I decided that I was going to make this a "cheat" day for myself. I stopped at my favorite Teriyaki place and got some spicy chicken teriyaki. I also stopped at the local produce stand and got some fruits for the week and vegitables for the soup I planned to make for the weekend. By the time I got home, I was hungry, so I started eating some of the chicken. I didn't touch the rice because I know I shouldn't be eating it, even though this is my cheat day. I probably ate about 4 or 5 pieces of the chicken and had to stop. That chicken ended up being 3 meals for me. Yes, I did eat it again for dinner and the rest of it this morning for breakfast. So, what I'm finding that even though I want to try to eat some of the things that I used to before surgery, I'm still applying some of the teachings my nutritionist taught me, by habit and not from guilt of what I'm eating. I also weighed myself this morning and I'm down 3 pounds, which made me not feel so bad about eating things that aren't so good for me yesterday. I did realize that even though the popcorn tasted amazing, I probably will try it without the butter next time I go to the movies (I don't do it very often). I also realized that the teriyaki that I used to love doesn't taste as good now. Lastly, I know that it's okay to treat myself once in a while and knowing that I still can apply what I've learned to my choices, I still can do it without feeling guilty providing that it's on a rare occasion. Today, I am back on my schedule of making good choices (minus the teriyaki breakfast). By the way, I did eat my normal breakfast for lunch. I'm feeling good, possitive and happy and can't wait to see/feel the changes that will happen through out the next year. =)