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In fact I'm pretty much feeling 100% now. My port incision still hurts a little but that's the extent of my discomfort of late. I'm even back to wearing the jeans that I couldn't quite get into earlier this year. This pic is of me in those very jeans TODAY. I did my post op appt early too, by one week, because I can't make it next week. So I saw my surgeon yesterday, two weeks post band replacement. He was SO pleased with how I was healing, weighed me (I've officially lost 4kgs since he last saw me) and he put 4cc into my 10cc band to 'start me off'. I'm nowhere near my green zone but I'm feeling a tiny bit of restriction and you know what feels amazing? It's NOT disappearing, like it always did with my leak. I'm so hopeful for the future now. I'm not even stressing about getting back to the green zone. I didn't have much to lose to get back to my stable weight of 60kgs but I'm already at 65kgs 2 weeks out of surgery so if I don't lose anymore now, I'd be perfectly happy. As long as I don't have to struggle not to gain, I'd be happy! So regrets? No, not anymore.

Ok this week has been a doozy. I have been so busy with life and then on top of that trying to get all this pre-op appointments behind me. I had to cancel my last f/u with my psy to go to a NUT appt. I couldn't do both so I had to make a choice. Damn work! Anyway it is how it goes sometimes. So now I am rescheduled on June 5th! Really that feels like a lifetime away. I will never get a surgery date! I have had hurdle after hurdle to get this surgery and it has me questioning my choice again. I know this is right but then there is this little voice saying maybe all this is a sign. (Damn little voice...bet it's my stomach! I have been depriving it of junk and refined sugar!) Plus at my psy computer test the Dr. said, "You arent that big. I can't believe you are considering surgery. Yes on paper you are obese but you carry it well."(thanks I guess but I don't feel that way and my joints and lungs don't like it either) Then again yesterday the NUT said, "Are you sure you can't lose the weight without surgery you don't have too much to lose. Surgery is a lifetime change. Most of our patients are 350+. " Um hello people my BMI is 41 I need to lose a little over 100 pounds to be within a normal BMI. Plus if I keep on my track I will be one of those patients in 10 years! I thought after being apporved by insurance the hurdles would stop. But they don't. So I thought I made peace with this little voice. Then today my PCP office called and informed me their lab no longer accepts Quest and I would have to pay 350.00 up front or go get the blood work done at Quest. The nearest Quest is 45 minutes away. Really?! If I was just honest with my employer I could get my labs and EKG done here. So I am making this so much harder on myself and the voice is back. I really don't want to have to go to my boss and admit that while my gallbladder is being removed so is 80% of my stomach and that is why I am having so many appts. I work at a drs office so I am sure they are on to me. Gallbladder surgery doesn't require all I have gone through. I feel like I am being pushed to my limit. I have had atleast 1 appt every week for over a month now and I feel like they are all saying the same thing. Madness! Plus the co-pays and PTO! On the bright side I have surprisingly not "cheated" on my low-carb diet. I have had to talk myself out of eating a candy bar a few times! One was last night I had it unwrapped and everything. I threw it away then looked at it in the trash (almost a Senfield moment). But I conquered! woohoo! Anyway...I am not the only one who is going through this and I have to remember that. It will all be ok...right? So how did y'all deal with the stress leading up to surgery? How did you handle the appts. and work with your boss? TGIfreakingF!

Dates and what I am telling my CoWorkers. http://youtu.be/BDBTRRY53j0

Quick 1 min update. I've been approved! http://youtu.be/ncTAbRaSmqs

I'm on day 4 of my preop diet..and decided to make my "Own" tastier Lean Cuisine type meal tonite. I took chicken mixed with Greek yogurt and curry...to be put on top of broccoli with a smidge of cheese and heated up. But while mixing the chicken mixture, I decided to add some fresh ground Himalayan salt The entire lid came off and dumped salt everywhere!! I carefully tried to scoop most of it out and had to vacuumed the rest. I was Soooo hungry I tried to eat it anyway. Alas. It sucked and couldn't finish the chicken. I want some frigging pizza! But fear not...I won't.

Wow. Talk about a life changing experience on Wednesday! I think I had a full blown panic attack during my discharge. Everything hit me all at once about the finality of this decision and that there is no turning back. I think the pain and nonstop nausea depleted my ability to stay positive and forward-thinking. I am so going to start attending a support group in my area (1st Wed of every month) and seek counseling if necessary to keep this from happening again. I have never felt so terrified in my life! Thank God I had the benefit of a nurse (bariatric program director for my program ) who came by to give me her card during my 1st post op day while,I was still in the throes of yay- I did it! And under the last vestiges of anesthesia. Boy oh boy was she right about the first four days being hell, although it started on day two for me. I was able to connect with her yesterday several times as well as stayed in communication with my sister and mom for extra moral support at that critical time, emotionally for me. My husband was a life saver and had a front row seat for my little melt down. I don't know how I would have coped without this support network the past three days. I am physically doing as well as can be expected and concentrating on following the clear liquid diet up until tomorrow when I start adding the protein shakes. The nurse said I would definitely feel better after that. I trust her opinion since she just had the sleeve done herself about three weeks ago. I can hardly believe she is already back at work! As much as I hanker for positive posts, I also believe it is good to be as honest as possible about the bumps in the road, too. Now I understand why everyone calls this a journey and I feel in my bones that it is not anywhere near being an easy way out. So, from now on, I look forward and keep survival and optimum health as my holy grails. RIP recreational/emotional eating; hello food as fuel to nourish my body. Looking forward to exploring new hobbies. Baby steps, baby steps.

On May 17th I will hit the 5 month mark on my weightloss journey. I've officially lost 63 lbs since surgery, made it into Onderland (at last), experienced the dreaded stall, had my pants fall off because they were simply too big (I call it the Pants on the Ground Phenomena), cursed my scale which I swear was broken for a month, had my rings fall off my hand, gotten tons of great compliments, rediscovered mirrors, stopped hiding behind people in pictures, flown on Southwest planes where people actually chose the seat next to me even though there were many others open, been ushered out of the plus sizes section at a department store by a well meaning sales lady who thought I was lost, started wearing high heels again, eaten too much too fast and puked, gotten very drunk off of very little alcohol, learned how much I love solid proteins, started exercising again, and have started reaching out to old friends as part of my reconnection plan - which was part of my New Years resolution. My life is 100% happier. I cannot imagine NOT having this surgery. I look forward to what lies ahead, and I although I expect that I will be cursing my scale again at some point, I have faith that the remaining 73 lbs will be worked off in time. In many ways, I've restarted my life at age 40!

Well, hello out there~ This is my very first blog, ever, and it happens to be on the day before my gastric sleeve surgery. I am less nervous than anytime before since being approved for this surgery and hope that this calm, positive, forward-looking feeling stays with me all the way to the anesthetic! I have had other surgeries before, so I know what to expect in that regard (always a couple of nerves during the medical history/IV pre-surgical stages). For now, I am visualizing my success through the first phase of the post-surgical diet and walking every two hours. I have started packing my bag for the short hospital stay and organized a shelf in the fridge for my shakes and drinks, plus one in the cupboard for the protein powder and broths. Something I found yesterday at Target was a 42-gram protein shake from EAS Myoplex in strawberry cream flavor that may be the best tasting protein shake, ever! Really tasty! If you are tired of chocolate and vanilla this is for you, and better than the Slimfast strawberry flavored shake (plus, 42 grams of protein in one bottle is hard to find). That being said, I did not realize how bad my breath was from the protein shakes in general, until my husband said something. I thought the aftertaste was just something I could detect, myself. Apparently, it rivals my cat's breath (I checked, he's right) so my nutritionist recommended breath strips. I sure hope the bad breath is a temporary side effect that will go away after the protein shakes are no longer such a big part of my diet! Good luck to everyone out there who has had or will have a gastric sleeve! I truly wish success for all of us~ I hope that if anyone posts a comment on my blog that they will be positive and supportive (thanks in advance!).