Leaderboard

I'm not sure why and I'm not sure how, but early on in my life I learned to lie to myself about many things, but most importantly about what I ate. It is one of the things that I am having to unlearn in order for my band to work for me. Today, even though I ate less than anyone at the table, I over ate and I'm not ashamed, I'm not guilty. I made a choice, and went past my soft stop. Yes I was uncomfortable. No, I didn't PB or vomit. No I didn't stretch my pouch or cause my band to slip. But the important part, I am not going to lie to myself about what I did. I am going to log the calories (as best I can), I am going to eat lightly tonight (protein shake) and I am going to go back to my normal eating pattern because if I eat like I did today on a regular basis I won't lose any more weight.

I became the proud owner of a Realize band on April 16, 2012. My band and I have had (like most) a love/hate relationship at times but even at the rockiest of times I've had no regrets. As time has gone on the 'novelty' of having the band has worn off. Worn off in a sense that we have become one. I have lost a ton of weight so far but honestly as happy as I am about that it is not what amazes me the most. What amazes me is the way I look at food now. I am 46 years old and have been overweight since I was a little boy. I use to plan my binges. I was never one for eating huge portioned meals but I was a severe junk food junky. I would eat my dinner with anticipation that I had Cheez-its, ice cream and soda waiting for me as part of my nightly ritual. I wouldn't be satisfied until the 1 pound box of Cheez-its was gone and the half gallon of ice cream heavily dented if not empty. Next day or every other day I would be going to the store to replenish. For the first time in my life I felt I wasn't controlled by food. I have had some strange moments in this journey where I felt like something was missing....There was times when I would be sitting there while watching t.v or whatever it was I might be doing and thinking 'I am bored and I don't recall every being this bored before' and I would get up and go do something. This was my AH HA moment..that moment when you feel liberated, that moment when you think my god what happened? My band had released me from years of food imprisonment. As time has gone on my appetite is almost non existent. I am amazed that I have not battled head hunger at all. I hope this is not a fluke. I still battle with my laziness but at least food is not a factor. Most of my weight loss has been with minimal exercise and it is something I am working on. Now that the nice weather is here I have been going out for 1 mile walks during my lunch hour. I remember a time when I couldn't walk the grocery store for 10 minutes and now I easily do a mile in 20 minutes. I am going to work on increasing the distance. I am doing a 5K Walk for Cancer in September. So was the band worth it? (in my best Adam Sandler voice) Hell yeah!!

Today at work I had to give a presentation to over 100 staff members, the majority being managers & directors. Before I was banded I would get so nervous fearing all they would see was this talking whale…. Today, I felt confident in myself. I knew the subject matter, I was dressed professionally and I was ready. The presentation went off without any hicks and after it was over my coworker said to me, “Wow, you were so confident up there. How do you do that?” It made me think. I am confident, I am in control, I like myself…. No I love myself. I stand tall! All because in February 2012 I decided to put myself first, to change my lifestyle, to eat right & exercise. I got a tool to help me accomplish this, my band, and together we have done incredible stuff. I have changed and improved myself and today I do stand tall. I thank the band for that!

And so begins the FIRST day of my 2 week Liver Shrinking Diet. It involves 2 protein shakes per day, 1 “lean & green” meal (for me it will be my dinners) and 2 “protein snacks” which can be a protein bar or 2 eggs or cottage cheese or poke, etc. Sugarfree jello is unlimited. Yay. LOL. Not gonna lie, last night, being the last night of old food habits, I had a cheeseburger, ......and there was a late evening trip to Baskin Robbins. HOWEVER, I have actually been pretty in control with this looming on the horizon. My husband (fit & athletic all his life, god bless him) said “Gosh I guess if it was me I’d totally pig out so that I wouldn’t WANT junk food for a while” While I understand that he is alluding to a form of aversion therapy, that clearly is not the answer in the case of a food addict – otherwise I wouldn’t be so overweight. Yes I have totally pigged out at times in my life and guesswhat? It has never made me not want to eat again. But he meant well, and I’d venture to guess that the fact that I didn’t take him up on his offer to let me binge til I puked may have impressed him a bit SO. ….To be honest, it’s early yet, but I’m not panicking about the aspects of this 2 weeks diet. I’m actually quite stoked to be starting the process! From past experience, I know that the Carb Crazies may set in round day 3 or 4. And that is also when my nose will become acutely attuned to smelling ANY bread or crackers within a mile radius. But, I shall overcome! And, a wise vet on VST has said - - when in doubt, drink water. I’m going to be very well hydrated. Also practicing the no water til 30 min after I eat. I had to spit some water out a little while ago because I took a sip without thinking. Glad I'm in my office where no one can see me Really what hit me between the eyes this morning was that today signifies that in 2 weeks, I will be at the medical center being prepped for surgery. That is kinda unbelievable. That is exciting! That is coming up SO fast!!! I’m ready! Or rather, I will be by then! ONWARD!

I don't even know how to begin to describe my day... it's been a pretty good one. How about I just walk you through it. 4:20am: My alarm goes off informing me that I have 5 minutes to get out of bed. "Don't tell me how to live my life alarm... I do me." I spend the next 4 minutes contemplating skipping the gym since I have been working so hard lately. I deserve a break right? 4:24am: I check my daily horoscope. 4:25am: So I get up, realizing the only that is holding me back from success is me. The only thing that has held me back for the last 20+ years has always been me. I am my own maker. So I get out of bed and head to the bathroom. 4:27am: I pull out the scale. I know that I shouldn't be doing this, that I should wait. But on Sunday I weighed myself after a 4 day weekend from work and knew that I could have done better and weighed myself at my parent's house and saw that I had gained 3 pounds. No sirree! This is a one way express to the new me, so I decided there and then it was go time. That I was failing my band when all it was trying to do was fulfill its destiny. To save my life. So now I've decided to weigh myself at least once a week to make sure I'm at least heading in the right direction. So this morning when I got on the scale... what did I see you may ask?? Pa dow! That's what I saw. Under 260! Haven't seen that in about a year and a half! 4:28am: Run screaming from the bathroom and jump onto Ty who is completely asleep. Tell him the news and watch him have an internal struggle of trying to show happiness for me and not punch me in the face for screaming and jumping on him at 4:30 in the morning. 5:00am: Get to the gym and jump on the treadmill. I chose the treadmill because I am doing a 30 day fitness photo challenge on instagram (Follow me! Shell_LB) and today's picture is supposed to be of "Calories Burned" So away I went. 5:42am: Then this happen.... FML right? What are ya gonna do? Fast forward to talking to my best friend who moved 3000 miles away from me to get married. Boo. She is having trouble get motivated to work out and eat right, so I just told her what I was doing. And how it is so helpful. All the journaling, food logs, counting, working out. ACCOUNTABLITY. This is part of conversation. Welcome to my life... And now I am at work... blogging.... I should win employee of the year! After work (hour and a halfish) I'm going to Costco for a few things, then River fitness Boot Camp. Gotta get that booty in shape. My Goal is 250 by the end of June... I may need to come up with a new goal. ;D

I'm ending day 2 of my "Liver Shrinking Diet" I have to be honest and say that I've been in tears most of it. I started out with my premeire protein drink nd made it into a smoothly with ice and 1/2 a banana. It took me or ever to get it down but I felt satisfied.....until about 2 hours later. So I decided to have a Cup of cottage cheese for 200 Calories instead of the 160 in protein drink and the 50 in banana. I enjoyed chewing the cottage cheese and took tiny bites practicing hw my post op eating should be. But.... About 2pm I was starving again. So I tired to fill up on water and iced tea. Chatted with friends online and just quietly cried. I mean SERIOSLY if i was ABLE to eat only 870 calories a day, then I wouldn't be 150 pounds over weight!! So hubby took me out f the house to get some hanging potted plants for the back yard. We picked him up some baked chicken and veggies etc for His next couple of meals. I asked him to just Not eat any pizza on front of me. He understands and agrees. I've been called by the anesthesia department and just waiting for hosp call tomorrow or Fri with Surgery time. I can and WILL do this. I've lost 6 pounds since Sunday so will def meet my goal of losing 10lb a week before surgery. But I gotta say....it's Not an Easy Road.

Tomorrow will be 5 weeks with my band, my Husband comments on my loss everyday and my kids do regularly which feels great! My husband was saying a few days ago "your butt is getting smaller" after telling me several times over a few days I start thinking, maybe it really is getting smaller, so I say to my son (he is 7 and the youngest of 4 kids, he being the only boy and his sisters are all teenagers, so he is used to these questions and usually puts in his 2 cents whether he's asked or not) Is my butt smaller or is dad just being nice? You can tell the pressures on... "uum, um," and his eyebrows are pulled together in thought, what to do, what to do??? he finally says "I think it's smaller?" I laugh cause he's obviously trying to get this right and I ask "is it really smaller or are you just being nice?" his confidence must kick in now cause he sits up a little straighter and says "I think it's smaller yeah, yeah, it's smaller" so there you have it, either my family is being sweet or it's smaller. I've been really lucky, I didn't have to get a fill when I went in a few days ago, I'm never hungry and have to remember to eat, I don't have many cravings and haven't had a problem with wanting to over eat. i'm losing about 15 lbs. a month or 1/2-1 lbs. a day. I'm enjoying it now cause I know any day it will slow down and I'll have to really start working for it. I am noticing inches and my clothes are getting to big, today..right now, I love my band, we seem to be working together very well! My husband says if you could do it again would you. well right now yes, but like so many others I worry that I will lose 35 lbs and it will just stop, it's scary to think that I paid $10,000.00 to lose 30 or 40 lbs (I was self pay) and then he says... we need to get a bag going for you so every time you put something on that no longer fits (which is starting to happen !!!!) you can put it in it and get rid of it you'll never need it again. I gasp, he doesn't know but inside I think wait, what if I gain my weight back I'll need clothes.... Wow, why is this so scary, it's fun I'm losing weight I've only just started this journey... and I know some people return to bad habits ad gain there weight back, I'm familiar with plateau's and sure I will have my share, but since when have I been so weak to not be able to control myself??? not so long ago. or I wouldn't be where I am today. The band helps the belly not the brain. But you know my family has made lifestyle changes we eat better, we only buy healthy things my husband has lost 22 lbs and my teenagers all lost between between 5-9 lbs (all have and had healthy bmi's) but none of them have the band, we are making our life so that I and all of us know how to eat and live better. so I'm going to stick to it. worry about today and eat right so I'll be ready for tomorrow and then I'll repeat. this plan should work... NO NO It will work!

HELLO Y'ALL!!! I don't have much to report. Life has been pretty good. Because of my workload, going to the gym has been pretty impossible. Because of that, I am very careful with my food intake. Speaking of food intake, I am able to eat more!! PRETTY SCARY :ph34r: I remember at the beginning, I wanted to eat more. Now that I can, I wish I could go back to the days where two bites was all I needed :wub: But life goes on!!! HAPPY MOMENTS: ​No seat belt extender needed ( Flew to NY) My daughter's friends called my skinny SHAMEFUL MOMENT: I ate half a bag of cheetos

So this is the last day I will be sitting comfortably at my desk and able to put up a proper blog entry before my surgery - Lucky you… I will actually have to shut up for a few days – a rare occurrence! Tonight my sister and I drive out to my parents’ home in Brantford and drop off my son (which I anticipate being the hardest part of this journey)– and then off to the border of Niagara Falls to stay overnight beside the Buffalo Airport. My flight to El Paso leaves at 6 am and I should touch down at 12:30 pm. From there my driver will take me to Juarez, Star Medica. I have heard nothing but wonderful things about my doctor, Dr. Jose Rodrigues, and although I did pay a higher price than some, I have 100% confidence in his ability, work and the organization I booked with. I will definitely post a thorough review when I am home . I started my pre-op dieting a month ago, and although there has been some up and down with my scale (and my life) in that time, I am officially down 16 lbs since April 1, 35 since January 2012 when I hit my top weight. There is something attached to this weight loss this time… that I have never had before. Hope. Two more sleeps, neither in my own bed, with my own cuddly furry boyfriend… so today, it begins.

Last night was for sure the best night of my life. Last year I went to an event with my husband. I felt beautiful but yet uncomfortable the whole time. I had on a pretty dress, nice make up, a pretty smile, and my handsome husband right next to me. But yet I felt like I didn't quiet blend. This year was a different story. I walked in and own my space !!! I was so happy to be in a room FULL of food but yet my attention was not on that( Nothing taste as good as skinny honey!). We spoke to other people and flirted with each other like little kids :wub: Needless to say I fell in love with the man again! I felt proud of myself. When I asked my husband to take me to the dance floor, his facial expression was priceless!! Before I would have bite his head off for even suggesting it. But last night I ASKED! he loved it! we danced songs, after songs until my toes begged for mercy lol!! I am grateful to God for allowing me to see this day. I went from a size 28 to a 16 and that is the best XMAS present ever... 1st picture: Picture of last year VS this year with my hubby 2nd picture: Me, Last year VS this year