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I am 7 days away from an 8 mile hike up to LeConte Lodge in Great Smoky Mountains National Park, 8 days away from hiking 5.5 miles down from that mountain, 9 days away from a 7 day vacation in Hawaii, and 32 days away from being sleeved. It is going to be an exciting month. However, I have really struggled with the "food funeral". I have had binge like behavior for the past couple of weeks, and have basically let my "inner fat girl" have everything she wants, and the result of that...the added weight, the bloat, the heart burn, the sluggish "I just want to be lazy" feelings, etc have taken enough of a toll on me, and I have finally decided that enough is enough. It's time to start preparing my brain for what my body is about to go through. Today I kind of gave the following talk to myself... Dear Food, You have always been there for me. You were there for me when I was alone in the evenings after school, you were there for me when people hurt my feelings, you were there when I was alone, you were there when I was rejected, when I was awarded, when I was celebrated. You were there through the loneliness of my teens when I didn't have any "real" friends..during the long hour and a half drive from my mom's to my dad's house when I started driving alone. You were there through my college years when boys rejected me, when the school work got hard and continued on into the night. You were there in my lonely apartment in my early 20's, and there when I went through the financial crisis which landed me back in my parent's house feeling defeated. You were there when I moved to a new state at 28 with my fiance' and I was stressed about leaving everything I knew and loved behind other than this one man. And you were there when my dad died of a heart attack at 57 (obesity related) one week after that move, and through the months that followed trying to get his estate finalized while living 500 miles away. You were there in the nervousness of my wedding, and of being a new bride. You were there through the stresses of every long day of every tax season, and then when I went out on my own as a bookkeeper. You have been there every evening to help me alleviate stress lately. You have been what I've looked forward to at the end of the day. You have comforted me, you have praised me, you have distracted me, you have brought me pleasure. But you have also brought me pain. You have brought me "weight", literally. My bones hurt, my body aches, my feet are killing me, my back feels like it's in knots. My heart races these days with the slightest hill or stair case. You have made me depressed which caused me to ponder that death might be better than life when I feel I can't overcome your power. You are holding me back from my passions of the outdoors. I can hardly hike up hills these days without feeling like I'm going to die. My heel pain is just getting worse with every pound you add to my body. I don't feel sexy anymore... You are tearing apart my life and I'm only 32. I thank you for having been there for me, but I think in order to have the best life I can, I'm going to have to part with you, or atleast part of you. God has brought other things into my life to take over the work you were doing all alone. I have a husband who can comfort me and celebrate me. I have friends who can help me to not be lonely and a bible study group to strengthen me when I'm feeling bad. I have a bike, a kayak, hiking boots and a backpack that will keep me entertained. I have a fantastic gym membership and a mini home gym that can keep me distracted from work when need be. I have kitties who can sooth me on lonely days when I need "love" (okay, my husband can do that too if he's not working late) I will be okay with out large quantities of you. Our relationship is changing, and while I'll still partake of you, I need the best you, you have to give.... things that will make me strong and healthy instead of weak and lazy. The sugary things that I let sooth me have to go...perhaps one day I'll be able to enjoy a bite or two, but since you've turned me into a sugar addict, that day will be far away when I'm at goal and am finally in control. Here's to change! Tomorrow, I will start a low carb, 2 protein shakes a day (I have plenty of sample packets to choose from), and one protein + complex carb + either 1/2 a sweet potato or 1/2 cup cooked quinoa meal a day, food plan. I will get out of this sugar fog, and back into "the light". And I'll flush out the funk with lots of water and green tea. I'm ready to start my new life even though I am 32 days before surgery and am only required to do a 7 day low carb pre-op diet. I'm just ready! With my hike before Hawaii, and lots of hiking/walking planned in Hawaii (and fresh pineapple!!) I can stay on track until my surgery. Wish me luck fellow pre op and post op sleevers! I appreciate you and your stories and questions more than you know!! Edit: No need to suggest counseling...I've already been doing it for 5 months and will probably continue after surgery. I wish I could say it's helping with the mental stuff...but I don't see it.

Greetings from my hospital bed: I am absolutely flabbergasted at how good I feel, already! Didn't sleep much more than an hour last night and arrived at 5:00 am to the pre surgical unit. I distracted myself with a book for some of the waiting time, and ended up not needing any anti-anxiety medication other than what was already in the plan. Yay me! I woke up in the recovery room with a sore, dry throat and had already been given a pretty awesome painkiller by IV (some kind of pump). I am on a strict day of nothing by mouth and will be administered the leak test tomorrow morning. After that it will be clear liquids as tolerated for a couple of days. The doctor said everything went well in the surgery so I am one Happy Cat! My husband has been an angel and helped me to the bathroom twice and took my arm for two short walks in the corridor. Other than a little dizziness and minimal nausea, I am truly blessed to be feeling great at the end of the first day of the rest of my life I hope my sleeve sisters and brothers out there had the same experience, but I know that another phase will start tomorrow and am praying for the best! Good night all and sleep tight xxx

I'm sitting here in my house going crazy. I woke up this morning at 4:30, and could not go back to sleep. I've been going crazy over the past week. I've got about 3 weeks before my surgery and I am so anxious. I mean really anxious. I am obsessed with this website I've read everything on here. I post whenever I have a question, just so I can communicate and interact with people going through what I'm going through. I keep trying to find new people to talk to. I don't have anyone around that I know personally that has or is going through this. I'm so obsessed with getting my lap-band that it can't come fast enough. Luckily I have meet some people through this site that I talk to, but it doesn't seem to be enough. What's going on with me? Has anyone else been this obsessed with getting the band? I know my husband Is getting tired of hearing me talk about what I've done,what I need to do,what he needs to do, what I should not do etc., you get the picture. But he is being a real trouper. I don't really have any questions to post about so I decided to post this blog and hopefully get some of this energy out. Get this, I hate writing,but that is how bored I am. I know I'll get through this, but I'm driving everyone else, along with myself crazy in the meantime. Maybe I should go for a walk after this, I really hate walking too, but I have to start sometime. Anyone else going crazy waiting? Along with all this I'm also on a high protein low carb diet and staying at about 1200 calories, which seems to be adding to this anxious bored feeling, I don't know why, maybe because I can't eat and don't know what to do with my time and energy. Writing that just mad me think, that might be it I just finished finals too. I think I eat when I get bored and I don't have anything as of yet to take it's place. Not even banded yet and having issues,Oh boy. It is a weird feeling it is a lost feeling. Can anyone relate? Funny, this has been therapeutic, I never would have thought. I have heard journaling(sp?) is helpful but did not believe it. Learn something new everyday. Well that's about it just needed to vent some. Good luck to everyone with your journey.

This seems to be a topic that comes up often so I will try to explain all of them and how they happen. Over eating causes your 2-4 ounce pouch to stretch and force food up into your esophagus causing it to dilate. Just because people think that food does not stay in the pouch long that is not true as you get tighter. The food takes longer to go down and eating fast or over eating causes pouch stretching. Band erosion is also caused from over eating. Imagine your band around your stomach and every time you over eat you are forcing your band into the stomach wall. Over a period of time your stomach tissue will wear away and your band will erode into your stomach causing your stomach contents to go into your abdominal cavity which is poison to your system. If you feel like food is backing up into your throat then you are over eating. I know some people eat a cup of food but if you look at most pictures of the band and ask your doctor how much food will my pouch hold not how big is my band, I am sure they will tell you 4 ounces which is a half cup of food. Now the cup to half cup can be debated all day long but the fact is if you over eat which ever that means for you, you are risking your pouch to stretch, dilate your esophagus (which will cause problems pushing the food down) and band erosion. Take your time to eat, don't over eat and take care of your band and yourself so that it can last a long time. Also being too tight can add to much pressure to the band and cause it to erode also. So make wise choices when eating and getting fills.

OK- when I say "there" I don't mean my final goal- but I do mean ONEDERLAND! Weighed in today at 204....I have been trying so hard to stay on track and push this extra weight off...I'm about 1/2 way to my actual goal- and saying as it's only been 9 1/2 weeks, I'm pretty proud to report that I'm excited to go through my summer stuff- and toss/donate all the old clothes from fall/winter that are now way too big, and dig out the summer clothes that I've been storing for years (that used to be too small), telling myself that "eventually these WILL fit again". I'm down 3 sizes since my surgery- which is a great feeling...and even if it was an XL, I bought a new summer dress for myself in the juniors section the other day (little victories make this so much more fun!) I'm a little worried that those that knew me best were right, that I've become so hyper-critical of myself that I'm still not pleased with what I see. I feel better- don't get me wrong, but I'm already mentally planning to get pretty much a full-body makeover when I'm at my goal. A plastic surgeon in the area does what he calls a "Mommy Makeover"...tummy, arms, thighs, boobs...SIGN ME UP. Anyone else feel that way? Anyone else a little worried that you'll NEVER look in the mirror and just be happy with what you see??

Hi my name is Erica, I've always been on the big bone or Heavy side so this past few months I started looking into the gastric sleeve process and I started to educate myself about the pros and con's of the surgery. when I went in to see my doctor he was so warn and understanding i then felt really comfortable going on through with the surgery. so I had to do some pre surgery tests before i could set a surgery date. That took about a month and I had my date set after the date was set i had to wait 2 weeks to allow time for my pre op liquid diet. So, I've had my surgery and all I can say is it is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life! the first two to three days after surgery were the worst! but, its been almost a week now and I'm feeling better. I still can't eat real food yet I'm on a all liquid diet but the pain has let off some. I have five small incision's on the upper on my stomach. I have been taking pro mod high protein liquid (it tastes awful) so its been very hard getting enough down. I've also been eating the cool pops. I was under the impression after my surgery I wouldn't be hungry any longer but boy was I wrong! My family has been eating everything and I feel like I'm starving to death here but can't eat. I think this is a awful feeling and I'm hoping it will pass soon! I'm Praying that this gets better! someone please tell me it will??

I want each of you to know that you are my heroes. The more I read about each of you, the more I admire you. My prayer for you all this week is for courage, self confidence, energy, hope, and love. Where ever you are on your journey, I applaud you. Pat yourself on the back. You are a great person. As you look in the mirror each day this week, say out loud, "I am someone's hero." Whether you take one step at a time or many steps at once, you will get there. Looking back is only for learning, not dwelling on. Judy

So it turns out I might have been having a reaction to my painkillers this entire time, and that's what was causing the overwhelming nausea. Tramadol. Not quite an opiate which is why it was prescribed to me, because this little duck is allergic to opiates. Except it made me nauseous because the number one adverse effect of Tramadol is, low and behold, nausea. I took that little pill every freaking night. And woke up the next day feeling like death. Not last night though, and today I feel SO SO SO much better! So I'm praying that that was it, and I can go back to being human now. Maybe I might even be able to go back to work tomorrow! *happy dance* And can I say, in the absence of nausea, that I'm feeling otherwise pretty damned fine.

Soo today is my first official day of clean eating and it hasn't been that bad, I feel kinda hungry, so i've been nomming on carrots and strawberries.I had some gluten/wheat free waffles for breakfast, salad with chicken for lunch, a granola bar, and some delicious quinoa chillli for dinner. Then cuz i only had 1000 calories i had a turkey sandwich on rye with spin-NATCH. hehehe. It's been pretty tasty so far, but i still feel hun-gray, i think i just need time to adjust, prolly like a week or so and itll be easier x...x. I then jammed out to some bob marley with my dad in the living room, and now i'm just chiling, freaking out about my AP eng exam this friday, and us history on wednesday when those things are over i'll finally have a life and I can make some youtube videos!!Something delicious i discovered while tumblering is flavored water! You guys who are already sleeved have to drink a lot of water right? I need to drink it in the morning but at such an early time i just can't stand it for some reason.Ok so I got a platic juice container that was empty,filled it with water and chopped up 2 lemons and some strawberries so i can drink it tomorrow :3theoretically you can use any fruits like.. blueberries, peaches, pears, whatever you like, itll give your morning a nice kick.I only used a plastic juice container cuz im rachet but if you have a glass one its prolly a better idea to use that thing o...o

Good morning! After a solid week of battling the same damn pound, I dropped it Monday, and two more since then It is a great and rewarding feeling to get on the scale and see those changes. It makes the extra time it took to dig out a weight watchers recipe and cook versus grabbing fast food that much more rewarding. The weather is finally breaking here in Michigan, and it's beautiful out!! Can't wait to get out and walk every single day again- I miss it sooooo much! I'm back horseback riding again, which wasn't something I had given up due to my weight or anything...but I kind of see now, looking back, I gave up a lot of stuff indirectly becuase of my weight. I didn't feel like going out, I wasn't in the mood, didn't have the energy, etc. I love getting out now- getting dressed and going out in the world. I'm almost to my 1/2 way point in my journey...down 49# total, with 56# more to go. I'm excited to start seeing myself IN pictures with my kids, instead of just standing behind the camera all the time. I'm excited to get dressed and know that nobody is noticing me for what is or isn't showing- it's like an entirely new outlook on life. I have always had my weight weigh really heavily on my mental well-being and my attitude, so I'm glad to see as I shed pounds, my attitude changes, my life is better, and I'm so much happier! Had to share some uplifting stuff today- I know that I haven't been on as much, and I want to be able to track my journey on here as well as maybe help someone out that is questioning if this is the right choice for them or not. I know everyone is different, but I would do this for myself 100xs over if I had to. I finally have my LIFE BACK Have a great day y'all!