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My hubby and I just got back from a 3 day Anniversary trip to Vegas. I knew d be eating and drinking whatever I wanted, and I knew I'd gain weight. But I also knew I'd hunker down as soon as I got home and wean myself into my protein drink week. If I thought I was going to be able to forget about my weight issues a d upcoming surgery for a week....forget about it! First off, I dreaded right away trying to fasten my seatbelt. My husband had to help my pull and stretch it so I could latch it. I was almost in tears. The next time I fly, it will be different. We went to a Buffett the first night and I enjoyed shrimp, crab sushi and a laded baked potato. I sampled a few desserts, but decided they weren't worth it. The old me would have eaten all that I took. The new me left a pork chop, carrots, sushi and several desserts on the table. We did enjoy 2 Amazing steak dinners (one at Vic and Anthony's, and the other at Gordon Ramsay's. Only once did I eat to the point of being over full....I told my husband: "I won't ever have to feel like this again" I know already that I will never ever eat that much food again! I tried several times to not drink water with my meals...this and being hungry are the two things I worry about the most. I've been working on chewing to a pulp, taking smaller bites. But I'm still worried I will fail at this and be miserable because of it. Last night as I was waiting to fall asleep, I actually wondered what God would think of me "mutilating" my stomach by having it hacked off? Then the voice in my head reminded me that I've already mutilated my body by getting 150# overweight!! I'm near tears writing this. I can't believe my husband of 36 years would still find me attractive or sexy at this size. I just want to be done with this....I'm terrified that I won't be successful on this liquid diet, that my liver will be too big, or something will happen during surgery. I want to be successful....I want to do this! I deserve this...

Over the last four months I became almost unable to walk. I had so much pain in my muscles and weakness I was walking like duck. My old doctor who is now my old doctor would sit in the hallway and write me prescriptions for muscle relaxers and tell me to go home. I was in so much pain that I could not function, could barely get by at work. I had muscle spasms so bad in my lower back I was going weekly for a deep tissue massage. I never believed in Fibromyalgia because I didnt want to be labeled with something they have no explanation for. I was so miserable I had to find a new doctor. I made an appointment two weeks ago, drove myself and almost needed a wheel chair to get inside the building. Two guys were standing outside talking and said mam do you need help? Well what the hell I am 50 years old and needing someone to almost carry me inside. So I said yes if you would be so kind. I met with the doctor and he listened as I explained all my symptoms that started last year in July with no feeling in my leg and how I had MRI's of every part of my spine and head and nothing was wrong. He listened for one hour. Never rushed me so he could move on. After he examined me he told me I have Fibromyalgia. I cringed at those words because how can I live with something I dont believe in. I told him my thoughts and he said it's not a label we put on people when we can't find out what is wrong. It's a real disease with all the symptoms you are having and your nerves are over firing and causing muscle pain and spasming. He put me on Savella, which has been a God send, change my sleeping medication and told me to continue on the muscle relaxers and yes gave me something for pain because he believed I was having excrutiating pain. I gained about 6lbs because of lack of activity but I still tried to maintain my diet. Two weeks later I feel a lot better but still have pain but it is bearable. I am thankful to my new doctor and my husband who sends me weekly to get a massage. I dont know if I still believe in this disease but I know the medication I am taking makes me feel so much better.

This is going to be a GREAT day! My daughter, Makenna had a hard time getting to sleep last night so I was up until about 12:30 because of her. Then my husband who has been also trying to get his weight under control woke me up around 4 this morning while he gets ready to go for a bike ride... My response to that was "could you take some of this new found energy you have and fix the toilet seat?!" I am not a helpless woman, I do a lot of the fixing up around here myself, but for the LIFE of me I can not get the darn toilet seat to tighten up so that when you sit on it it doesn't FLOP to one side! If he were to wake me at 4 AM because he was fixing the toilet, I would be less likely to complain about it. At least I woke up feeling better today, my sinus infection may actually be clearing up! So I wake up, I grab my dog. I have two Pomeranians, a male name Optimus Prime and a female named Vidia. They are very important to me and I am sure I will mention them more. My little Vidia is only about 4.5# and she loves to cuddle with me in the morning while I have coffee. So I grabbed my Vidia and head to the kitchen for coffee. I get about half way through making my coffee when my daughter comes out and she has so much energy! She is jumping around, twirling her dress! I tell her to come to me so I can fix her hair and she hops over to me with big smiles and giggles. Nothing starts your day off better than a happy little girl! I begin fixing her hair and I ask her what has made her so happy this morning. She yells out "We are going to the circus!!!" Then her twin brother, Ethan comes into the conversation. He too was excited, the two of them start talking about what is at the circus. Mind you, neither one of them has ever been this will be their first time. In my last marriage, my husband never held a job and I rarely had any money to do anything. So Ethan says that he thinks there will be clowns, balloons, and lions. Makenna says there will be zebras, tigers and camels! I add in that there will be elephants too!! Ethan gets a very worried look on his face and says to me "I hope we don't step in elephant poop mommy!" Let me tell ya, the thought had never really crossed my mind before then, but I sure hope we don't either! After I sent the kids off on the bus I got to thinking about that statement and I laughed, but also I learned a lesson from it. I have spent the past two or three days stuck in a negative funk about my decisions for surgery and really the things that got me in that negative place are just as relevant as the idea of stepping in elephant poop. Its so unlikely to happen and if I just keep my eyes open, stay on the clear path its highly unlikely I should suffer such misfortune! Just to prove my point, I stepped on my scale and I have made it to 300.0! I can't wait to see that wonderful 200 range again! So my plan for the day is to remain positive, to love my family, enjoy the circus and to stay clear of elephant poop!

Well I did it! I am now banded! Yesterday I had the lap band surgery and I don’t know how to feel and I am not going to stress over it. I had to be at the hospital at 530am and I guess my surgery was around 7 then only thing I remember was me being cold. The nursing staff was amazing and they took really took good care of me. There was a lot lap band surgeries going on yesterday. I had a walking buddy name Melissa and we walked around now the hospital floor at least 12 times. My dad is amazing he was off at 8am the morning and was with me the whole time. I was more concerned for him then myself but he was able to catch a few ZZZ while he was there. My best friend Mandy came up to see me and was there until I was discharge at 730pm. My dad stayed with me until Mandy came to my house. Mandy was my unofficial nurse last night. Oh I forgot to mention that my dad went to work last night! I was shock but that is my dad and that is why I love him! Last night was hard because I had a hard time sleeping I thought if I sleep on my couch it would be easier for me. I was so wrong! However I was comfortable in my bed and I slept on my side and had some pillows on my stomach. I just had hard time getting out of bed. I have this fear of if I do too much I will burst my incisions. I am moving around my house hopefully some on of this gas pressure will get release. I feel like I have 5 burps stuck inside me so I am going to keep moving until something comes out. I have a water bottle besides me at all times. Sipping is hard but I think I got the hang of it. This is a slow process. I am not really hungry but I know I need to eat something more like drink something. I meet my surgeon and my primary doctor next week. Today I will take it move around as much as I can and keep my momentum going! Thanks for reading.

So, you're saying that I have to CRUSH all my pills and swallow the powder? Do you know how disgusting that propanalol tastes before crushing? I don't think so. Liquids? Most of my meds don't come in liquid. Put the powder in water? Then I have nasty tasting water with particles in it. Hide it in pudding. Great but what about after surgery? you know, those first few weeks? Seriously, how did you get your medication down without gaging or puking? Just my random question of the day. Judy

Hi, My name is Myla and I'm from Boone, IA. I am 48 years old, the mother of three beautiful daughters and grandmother to a gorgeous little grandaughter and one handsome little grandson. We live close enough to all that I could see them daily and yet like to give them some privacy also. I work full time as a buyer for a company that I love...I have watched it grow from a mom and pop place to a huge company. I truly enjoy the challenges that come with my job...and after all who does not like to s spend money and haggle for a good deal... I also own my own online scrapbook store that keeps me hopping most of the time. My daughters are all grown and with families of their own. My husband is retired and we are enjoying the the grandparenting years. Looking for some vacationing time. It is tough to do when one works full time and the other is retired. Our schedules dont usually match up. About a year ago, I really started thinking more and more about a healthier way of life... I want to be here to see those grandbabies graduate and get married. Another fear that set in was I lost my own mother at 53 years of age...and as I approach that 50 mark it starts to get a little scarry. The doctor has told me that I have pre-hypertension... and so I have started to come into touch with my own health... Over the years I have tried so many diets and the only one that really was ever successful for me was Weight Watchers, for my oldest daughters wedding, I lost 40 lbs.It just seemed as their was a big goal at the end...and once that was over... then the goal was gone. I also stumbled with some depression shortly after the wedding. I think it was a sense of knowing that it would not be long and the youngest would be gone from home also...Needless to say the weight came back on. It seemed like for the past 6 years I have held to between 230 and 240. Always being told that I was not over weight enough to have the surgery....You need that BMI to be at 40, well since I been shrinking in height over the past few years and have been working hard to quit smoking that number crept right up on me. Now at 5'6" and 253 lbs. I have to admit that I feel better not smoking and everything smells better... With all this has also come the continued borderline high blood pressure, now the LDL is too high and the pre-diabetis... I have started the steps to have the Bariatric Sleeve done. I have been to one informational class, and have a group class on May 3, followed by the first visit with the Doctor on May 13th. I'm ready for the life style change and to be thin and feel good again. I know that it wont be easy, but I'm sure it will be so worth it.

Well we are down to the final stretch… this time next week I imagine I will be walking around the Star Medica hospital, burping up a storm and not feeling too clever. The faster time seems to fly, the slower time goes… does that make any sense? Every day seems to drag waiting for my surgery, even though it has been full of adventures (mainly involving Justin). I’m so anxious to get on with this journey and bring myself up through the back swing of recovery. I have been reading scores of forums, blogs and Facebook posts about people stalling in their weight loss efforts around week three post op. I am beginning to thing I have hit that stall myself already. I have been pre-op dieting since April 08, and I dropped a total of 21 lbs… then this week my scales shot up 9 lbs literally overnight and have not moved! Now, I confess, having been on low carb, low calorie for three weeks, I have all but lost my appetite and I am barely getting my food in. Most days I will eat an Atkins meal bar (I think I am addicted they are so darn yummy), and some dinner. Add to that a decaf coffee with cream and sweetner, about 13 cups of water and a cup of tea at bed time. Certainly a small enough amount of calories to make me loose – or maybe not enough to help me continue to drop. Either way, I am very disinterested in eating these days so I am not going to let the scale bother me… it’s just a number and in the end, it is going to come off. I am not changing my recorded weight, I am simply flicking my hair, putting my nose up and saying, “Screw you scale, you are wrong.” At this point I think it’s a good thing that I have physically prepared myself to this extent – I will not suffer when I move to clear liquids for two weeks and thicker liquids for two more – the requirement for recovery with my doctor. BRING. IT. ON. Now, with all that said, almost nightly I am having strange vivid dreams about cheating on my diet!! Just last night I dreamt I “accidentally” ate chocolate, and a couple of nights before I dreamt I was sitting at a table eating cupcake after cupcake. What’s that about?! It’s just too bad that the dreams battle my conscious mind, and cause angst. If I could control it I would say, "Hey Dream Girl… you snarf just as many of those delicious cupcakes as you want… do it every night and don’t spare a crumb!!"

Today I shall begin to document my progress. Today I am going to give you all some information about myself and vow to stop by at least every Thurs from here on out and give an update. To start with allow me to introduce myself! My name is Reena, I am from upstate New York, I live and love the country! I am currently 32 years old and the mother of 4 beautiful children. My oldest child is 12 years old, he is 5'11" 180# and autistic. My pride meter went through the roof this year for this child, he has been on honor roll all school year! I am very proud of him. Besides his wonderful grades he also plays saxophone, and drums. He has recently gotten into sports, played basketball and just started up playing baseball. I love seeing his progress, a child who at 5 years old, didn't talk... is now on high honor roll! The next in line would be my twins. I have a set of twins, boy and girl. They are 6 1/2 years old. My son is the older of the two (by a whole minute), he is also a special needs child, he plays baseball and LOVES school! He is an amazing young man, I call him my lil runt because he is much smaller than his sister and has always needed a lil more protection than the rest of the group. After him would be his twin sister, She is our little princess! She is beyond spoiled by nature, a beautiful young lady, long dark hair, large blue eyes, eye lashes all women would die for! Shes tall and very thin! Oh and the brain of her! Shes awful smart. My youngest child is 2 1/2, which is very hard for me to believe! Each of my children are very special to me, the youngest holds a very special place in my heart for many reasons, to start with he was born on my 30th birthday! He is the only child I share with my current husband, and of course, he is the youngest ... his older siblings spoil him rotten! But what a sweet young man he is! I am currently into my second marriage... my first was with a boy/man I met when I was 14 years old. I dated him for about 5 years and we were married a year after I finished high school. Within 2 years of the marriage he developed a drinking problem, 3 or 4 years in he also developed a drug problem... these situations left me and my children homeless a few times, often with no food or no money to pay bills, no car ect. I went through about 10 years of that when I finally woke up one morning and as I was getting ready for work I told him I wanted a divorce. I have tried my best from that day to do nothing but move forward! I started dating my current husband the fall of 2009, we were married june of 2012. He and I are very happy with the life we have built together. Although I still have to deal with my ex husband from time to time, it is pretty limited between his time in the county jail for stealing ect. So about a year and a half ago I came to the decision that I need to continue to better my life and I should start with bettering my health. I started my WL journey at this point. It hasn't gone very well lol! When I began, I weighed 252#... I currently tipped my scale at 305#! So heres what happened. I went to my PCP for over a year, he had me on prescription WL pills and diets ect. I didn't loose, I didn't gain either. He suggested I talk to a WLS. I went through the seminar, went to my first appointment in November 2012. After talking to him I had come to the conclusion that this was the road for me! at that time I was 281#. He told me if I want to continue I MUST quit smoking for 6 months in order for him to do the surgery!... UGH!!!!!!!! I have smoked for 21 years! But I want a happier, healthier life for me and my kids... wouldn't that include smoking? Yes, yes it would. So I got myself in the mind set and I said good bye to smoking! I may have said good bye to smoking, but in turn I said hello to 25#! Now I am busting my tail to get rid of my "I quit smoking so I gained a bunch of weight" weight! Ive lowered my calories to about 1200 a day, drinking water, doing at least 45 mins of some kind of workout each day, which is very hard for me lately because Ive had a sinus infection from hell! I will wrap this up because I need to get some housework done before the kids get home. Today.. today I make the choice to tune out the negative around me, to make great choices for the foods I give my body (and my mind)! To hug my children just a little longer than I did yesterday! I welcome me to the loser's bench, may I be here a long, long time!

I was really struggling with the dissapointment yet again, i just sat and poured my heart out to the lord, and said i give up, i cant do this anymore, you take it lord, and then just got on with living. 2 days ago i got a phone call to say that they knew how upset i was and they have juggled everything around and i have a new earlier date, sun19th may, first thing, i also found out that my old scales were saying i was a stone lighter that what i thought, normally they would cancell due to this, but they are overlooking the weight gain,God knew that and has worked this for my good, totally in awe of God and so gratefull, now i start my liver shrinking diet again on sat and cant wait to start, knowing that its going to happen this time, xx

Ok here we go!! My sugery is two weeks from today and I am starting my own version of the Pre-Op diet!! If anyone has read my previous entries you will know that I decided to start cutting stuff back and out since the day my surgery was booked (April 1, 2013). For the last two weeks I have been carb free and in dietary ketosis… so this week I have decided to go clear liquids only throughout the day, and one sensible low carb low fat protein rich meal for dinner – it will be chicken or fish with a low carb vegetable. Day 1, 12:24… I am FREAKING HUNGRY!! However, I am going to withstand this physical discomfort because I know that on the flip side, it will be gone. Why am I torturing myself you may ask? Because I feel that the challenge I will face following my surgery will be as much mental and emotional as it is physical. I want to learn now, over the next 14 days how much protein my body needs, and when, along with the various other nutrient requirements (Multi Vit, Calcium,D, B12). My resolve is not to feel unwell or weak the first couple of weeks following my surgery, but moreover; to not panic and start climbing the walls because there is nothing solid going into my body. I hope it works. So far, the gradual decrease has been working for me. I feel physically stable, and mentally empowered. I have lost 18 lbs this year, and 39 since my top weight. Neither refined sugar nor caffeine call the shots anymore so now I tackle ghrelin – I hope it knows the strong stubborn b***h its up against. In other news, my sister will now be coming with me to Juarez and I am super excited. She is as silly as me and I think we will have a ball. My bf/ ex bf?? whatever he is now... has not been home since Monday. We have talked and “made up” so to speak. I don’t believe there was any affair or any of the sort going on... because I know exactly where he stayed (and with whom). However, to get in a snit and not come home or check in for a couple of days after a fight, is extremely childish and disrespectful - especially for a man in his 40s!!!. My feeling at this point is that he is waiting for me to ask him to come home. That’s not happening. I love the man, but I am far to old for this crap, and I have a wonderful son to think about. And really, if I can get over Chocolate, I can get over Justin! :Þ