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Subtitle: I'm no longer obese! I'm no longer obese! I never in my life thought I'd be so happy to utter these words! I weighed in this morning at 227.0. That calculates to a BMI of 29.9, and I'm no longer considered obese! I was 227.6 yesterday, so I knew it would be a matter of days. In less than 8 short weeks, I've moved from obese to overweight, have cut my blood pressure medication dosage in half, and stopped taking my prescription Prilosec. Next goals: I'm 3 lbs away from losing 50, getting off my BP med completely, and getting off my CPAP machine (AKA the medieval torture device). Another (perhaps less realistic) goal is to lose 7 lbs by May 13. May 13 is my 13th wedding anniversary, and I'd love to get down to the same weight I was then (220). It will be hard, because my weight loss has slowed this past week or so, but I know it's possible.

"It ain't over till the fat lady sings" So, I think I'll write a song about this struggle and drama and love/hate relationship with food and my experiences with being obese....errr, I'm FAT...then I'll sing it and it'll be OVER. Ha ha ha... well, maybe not. Maybe I'll change the saying to "It ain't over till the fat lady sleeves!" There are so many things I can't do, or choose not to do because of my weight. It's like a prison in ways (weighs)..and self-imposed sometimes, other times because of things I can't control. Some things are just literally impossible to do. Like running, fitting into a roller coaster seat, etc. Other things I won't do because it embarrasses me to do it or I'm afraid of being judged (wearing shorts, having my picture taken) Silly and sad and vain at times, but true. Singing is one of those things in my life that people say I should do more of. Why don't I? It's because of my weight. I absolutely LOVE to sing, and I believe I'm pretty good at it. My husband even bought me a guitar last Christmas and I attempted to learn to play it three or four times till it made me cry trying to hold it and play it with nearly no lap and a belly that looks like I'm about 7 months pregnant. Then, of course, I feel guilty because it looks like I didn't totally adore him for buying it for me - he loves me to sing. Of course, being overweight doesn't prevent me from singing, physically speaking, other than I seem to have more limits on my lung capacity. There is, however, the lack of energy, and being depressed about being unable to lose weight without WLS and be healthy and realizing how it affects my family and my goals and our future... all add up to mean I don't feel much like singing these days. I admit the way I look affects my self acceptance and esteem. What's there to sing about? Yeah, and the occasional pity party. So, WLS is my "swan song"...lol. I'm gonna be the fat lady singing that my losing battle with FAT is OVER. I'm gonna use this WLS tool to kick the BUTT of obesity in my life! And, this got me to thinking about all those "little things" and "big things" I will be so very happy to do again, or things that will be different (in a good way), whether it's because of the physical limits, or because I choose not to because of my weight and size and my feelings of guilt and frustration for not keeping myself healthy and fit. So, the parts of my life or things that will change or improve when I am at my healthy goal weight --- (from 295 to 150-ish) Energy - Hugs - Clothing - Shoes - Less pain - Marriage - Travel - Sleep - Pictures - Singing - Swelling - Exercise - Activities - Social life - Family get-togethers - Summertime - well, here's some detail...in no particular order and by no means complete: 1. I can walk into a "normal people" department store and find a cute dress that fits me. How happy I will feel... because I will always remember what it was like before, at 300 lbs.... (No more crying in the dressing room, I have to get a bigger size? good grief, how hard it is to move around just to change clothes because I'm sweating and it's a small space and the mirror is mean to me.) 2. I can wear cute shoes. I can wear strappy sandals. I can wear heels. I can put shoes on without holding my breath. (No more "supportive" shoes for plantar faciitis-hopefully, so no more heel pain and knee pain, hip pain that presently prevent the heels and cute shoes I want to wear) 3. I can sleep.. fall asleep for a nap anywhere... spend the night anywhere. Sleep will be good. (No more CPAP needed. Sleep Apnea cured.) 4. Climb stairs, walk fast, walk all day shopping (No more getting totally out of breath to the point I black out or wheezing like I am dying) 5. Fit in things/seats.... - be it plane, train, roller coaster... or restaurant booth, movie theater, desk chair, swing, stadium seat. (No more fear of breaking a chair, not fitting and being told I'm too heavy, no more pain in chairs that are not big enough for me, no fear of the terribly judgmental looks from passengers on a plane or train as they see me get on - hoping I'm not sitting next to them...uugghh) 6. ENERGY ... Oh my, that one applies to so many areas - or every area of life. 7. Sex ... I'll leave the details unsaid - but this is a priority. It's gonna be better than my present weight allows it to be. 8. Mom & Grandmother things - My grown children are close to marrying age and in serious relationships which means upcoming weddings and not too many years till they'll be having kids, too. The thought of being healthy, energetic and active for the future is great motivation here too. 9. Long life - My husband and I have been married three years this July. It's not our first go-around, and we have a LOT of things to enjoy as we grow together and we want a long, enjoyable future - not one filled with pain, health problems and limitations. 10. I'll SING - I have committed to pursue this talent in a way that will be personally fulfilling and hopefully inspirational. It's not that I can't sing now, while I'm overweight... but I feel as though losing my excess weight will be like a curtain lifting to reveal the "me" I've been all along, but finally I admitted needing help to find again. So many more... but for now, that's what I'll remind myself of today. This is why the surgery will be worth it. The pain, the challenge, the new habits, the struggles, the day to day choices, the realization and commitment to the lifestyle changes, and the milestones that may come slowly. Flutterby (it's gotta be what butterflies were really called first... there it goes, fluttering by) and I'm coming out of this cocoon too... soon!

Today is April 30th the last day of month.. May 1st will be here tomorrow. I am looking forward to May 9th my first nutritional class. I am so excited to finally face my journey. I am so happy that I have all kinds of support here. I hope and pray that this will work for me.. as I pray that surgery will work for all of you that are here for the same reason. May 13 will be my physical and then the 20th of May is the big day. Well, I will be back with more news on the 9th of May. In the mean time good luck to all my friends, follow directions, listen to your nurses, and exercise if you can. God Bless you all. Signing off Sheryl

I have a serious problem with wanting instant gradification. I think I've always been this way. My mom says patience was never my strong suit. I guess this is way gaining weight was so easy for me. You eat, it taste good, instant grad. Where the calories don't build up to pounds quickly so I don't see the negive consequence so fast. I went into this surgery knowing that the loss would not be instant, however I did believe I would have lost more by this point (only 55 lbs in 10 months). I did well the first little bit, but then it has taken me 4 months to lose 10 lbs. I worry that I've lost all I will lose, a co-worker has told me over and over that with lapband you only lose 50 to 60 % of your excess body weight, and I am right there. With exercise I also find it hard to keep on schedule. Due to my desire for instant gradification I find it difficult to say walk, do the elliptical, lift weights for x length of time because I see no result afterwards. Now, I love cutting my grass (I push mow my .28 acre), working in my flowers, even cleaning my kitchen and house because when I am done I can see a difference- instant grad. I know I need a regular exerecise plan, but I am having a really hard time sticking to one. I can go a month maybe two then I slack off due to other obligations that get in the way. Once I don't do it one day it makes it hard to get back at it. The hubs fusses at me for this, but he does the same thing. At one point we were walking the dogs on the trail behind the house every night, but long hours at work rain, we don't do that now. My eating I think I am doing well with. I am making good choices, eating small portions, and drinking water. I know that limiting my carbs more than I have already done may help me get it down even more, but I worry I wouldn't be able to keep that up long term. I am a meat and potatos girl, always have been. I think basically I need to suck it up, put on my big girl panties, stop wining and do something!!! I find it easier to cut carbs than I think, I had a much easier time letting go of soda than I thought I would. The exercise may still be an issue, but maybe I will be more apt to do it if I get a gym membership- I don't like to waste money. I am in contemplative mode right now, the pity party is over, I am planning now to get over this hump. I want to kick my want power into high geer!! Please any one who want to kick me in the seat of the pants, bring it on. I want to move forward!

I can't believe it's been a month already!! Life is so much like normal now. I can eat out, go to parties with no issues, etc. I am down 29 pounds and feel great. I went to a communion yesterday and was able to find enough friendly protein to eat. I think the hardest part this week has been to eat enough! My calorie intake is not high enough so I have hit a plateau. I ate some shredded cheese in between lunch and dinner today, let's see how that works. It's very hard to make yourself eat when you really don't want it .... I guess that's always been my issue though. Does anyone have any snack ideas?

So here I am, 4 days after full band replacement surgery. Feeling weird because I've done this before so I don't really relate to those who have just gotten their bands for the first time, but at the same time, knowing that what I'm going through isn't much different. S why did I get a band replacement? Well my band has been leaking for 15 months now, maybe longer. I was first banded in 2008 and had great success with the band, losing all my excess weight and more. In fact the band was so successful for me that I eventually had to make a conscious decision not to lose anymore. I finally settled on a 'happy' weight of 128lbs and maintained for 3 years before one day feeling almost like something 'popped' in my belly. I was able to eat more for a while before hand but after that day, there wasn't anything I couldn't eat. I felt no restriction. So I took myself off to see my surgeon. March 2012, I got port replacement surgery. The tubing had an obvious leak in it. All done. Leak sorted. Right? Wrong. I still couldn't keep any restriction and soon they realised that, yes, I was still losing fluid from my band. This time, in Aug 2012, when I went in for a port replacement though, they didn't find any leak, so they didn't change anything, just sewed me back up. Fast forward to early 2013. I have given up on my band working. I've gained 37lbs and with diet and exercise, I lose 15lbs of that, but it's annoying me, niggling me, that the band isn't working, so I make an appt to see my dr again. I've lost fluid from my band. Again. So after all that, 4 days ago, I finally got a full band replacement. I tossed up the idea of revising to a sleeve but decided to stick with the band because when it works, it works a charm for me. Right now I'm really sore and sorry for myself. I remember feeling better far more quickly after my initial band op. They also moved my port from my right hand side to the my left hand side so I'm sore in both places now. I've got some localised swelling but I'm hoping that it's subsiding. In the meantime, I'm having liquids, and have lost 2lbs already in 4 days, though I know enough not to really count those lbs in the long run! I have a fill in 3 weeks so I'm hoping that I've now rejoined the band life for real.

I started this journey two years ago with mostly wishes. I had no insurance at that time but I researched every option anyway. I have three grown kids and 6 at home. One of my six is a foster baby. The others range in age from 10 - 17. I have to live to see everyone grown. In order to attain this goal, I had to do something drastic. I am currently on 3 blood pressure medications, prilosec, 2 anti-depressants, have sleep apnea and moderate limiting arthritis. Most of all, I am too fat. I started putting on the pounds about 25 years ago, just after a complete hysterectomy. Those pounds have stubbornly held on no matter how hard I try to get them off. I enjoy cooking and eating and sometimes eat for comfort. I am not really an overeater, just not a healthy eater. This is Texas and we fry everything. I now have insurance and am driving 500 miles round trip to the only surgeon that will take Medicaid in Texas. He and his team are awesome. I have done all of the dieting, studying, tests, procedures and have a "go" from Cardiology, Pulmonology and my surgeon. Now, it is in the hands of Medicaid. They tell me it will be about 2 weeks for an answer. Then, I meet with the doctor one more time to set a date for surgery. I am soooo excited. I am sooooo scared. My dream is finally coming to pass. What if I don't loose any weight? I will be able to lean over and pick something up off the floor. What if something goes wrong? I will be able to buy clothes from a regular store. What if I miss food too much? I will be able to walk more than two blocks without panting. Where will my comfort come from? (I already have a plan but it is still scary.) So, here I am my new friends.

Well, it's been a week and my life is already different ... in a good way that is My husband and I took a ride in our new car since it hit finally hit 75!! What a beautiful day. We even went to a pizzeria and I had broth with a smile, didn't even crave the pizza!! I decided that I need to go about my life as if I would normally or else I may fall into a rut. We have lots coming up soon with family and friends and I will be @ all Have a great night everyone!! Getting ready to have some broth while the family has greek chicken for dinner.