Leaderboard

I have a serious problem with wanting instant gradification. I think I've always been this way. My mom says patience was never my strong suit. I guess this is way gaining weight was so easy for me. You eat, it taste good, instant grad. Where the calories don't build up to pounds quickly so I don't see the negive consequence so fast. I went into this surgery knowing that the loss would not be instant, however I did believe I would have lost more by this point (only 55 lbs in 10 months). I did well the first little bit, but then it has taken me 4 months to lose 10 lbs. I worry that I've lost all I will lose, a co-worker has told me over and over that with lapband you only lose 50 to 60 % of your excess body weight, and I am right there. With exercise I also find it hard to keep on schedule. Due to my desire for instant gradification I find it difficult to say walk, do the elliptical, lift weights for x length of time because I see no result afterwards. Now, I love cutting my grass (I push mow my .28 acre), working in my flowers, even cleaning my kitchen and house because when I am done I can see a difference- instant grad. I know I need a regular exerecise plan, but I am having a really hard time sticking to one. I can go a month maybe two then I slack off due to other obligations that get in the way. Once I don't do it one day it makes it hard to get back at it. The hubs fusses at me for this, but he does the same thing. At one point we were walking the dogs on the trail behind the house every night, but long hours at work rain, we don't do that now. My eating I think I am doing well with. I am making good choices, eating small portions, and drinking water. I know that limiting my carbs more than I have already done may help me get it down even more, but I worry I wouldn't be able to keep that up long term. I am a meat and potatos girl, always have been. I think basically I need to suck it up, put on my big girl panties, stop wining and do something!!! I find it easier to cut carbs than I think, I had a much easier time letting go of soda than I thought I would. The exercise may still be an issue, but maybe I will be more apt to do it if I get a gym membership- I don't like to waste money. I am in contemplative mode right now, the pity party is over, I am planning now to get over this hump. I want to kick my want power into high geer!! Please any one who want to kick me in the seat of the pants, bring it on. I want to move forward!

I don't expect anyone to read this blog. I'm mainly writing it to myself to read at a future date. My digital time capsale. I really want to remember the old me (pre-surgery). Being weight conscious started when I was in sixth grade. I went to the doctor to get a sports physical and the doctor told me I was a chubby little girl and needed to lose ten pounds. I didn't really know how to process that, so I just stopped eating (it made sense at the time). I lost the ten pounds but didn't know how to handle food after that. So I was on a constant diet for the next fifteen years. So when I got pregnant, I thought, finally I can eat anything I want and not feel guilty about it!!!! Oh, happy days. I was going to nurse so the extra weight was just going to fall off. Boy was I wrong - so naieve- so blissfully naieve. As if pregnancy weight is some how different from the regular stuff. I was 245 when I delivered my bouncing baby boy. I got down to 192 in about six months but couldn't move the scale after that. Repeat the same story two more times. Except after pregnancy number three I can not move the scale more than five pounds. I still weigh 245 two years later. I am in such a rut and I can not climb out on my own. I've really tried everything I can think of. In the spring of 2012 I begain considering weight loss surgery and settled on the sleeve after a lot of reasearch. Monday 05/0613 @12:00p.m. is my surgery. I'm a little scared of the procedure and complications from the procedure, but's it's a risk I'm willing to take because I can not continue on my current path any longer. My husband is supportive, but nervous for me. He's nervous about something going wrong and altering my body for the rest of my life. Which I appreciate and love him for, but I'm ready for this. I'll just have to keep praying - What shall be, will be. So future self: I can't wait to check in with you in six months and to see how well you've done. I am so ready for a different type of life.

I am at peace What can I say… I have accepted the fact that of me doing this pre op diet. Today is 4 day and I am at peace. I have lost 3 pounds and is ready to lose some more. I am more mentally prepared than ever and I just want to have my surgery and move on. I AM THE POINT OF NO RETURN! J I am looking forward to my ups and downs of being banded. So I wrote down my unofficial Top 10 things I look forward to being banded and I would like to share with everyone. 10. Crossing my legs 9. Finding an athletic hobby 8. Asking for a go box 7. Walking a 5K 6. Getting back into the dating scene 5. Cutting my grocery budget in half 4. Shopping for new clothes 3. Outlasting the day care kids at my second job 2. Reintroducing myself. 1. Standing in the mirror and telling myself….. DAMN I LOOK GOOD. Not bad right? My momentum is still going and I am feeling good. Thanks you for reading.

I’m trying a few things to see if I can get my weight down on my own. Not like I haven’t tried a thousand times before but whatever. I measure out my food in increments – 1/4 cup, 1/2 cup, 1 cup etc. I try and eat half of what I’m used too – 1 egg instead of 2 ( or 3), 1 soysage pattie instead of 2; 1 slice of toast or maybe none at all. I use tiny plates, bowls, forks, knives, and spoons. I set my fork down between every single bite, I chew everything at least 30 times, and I try and make sure my meal lasts at least half an hour. It’s all much harder than you would think! Yesterday I made a snack of 3 little peppers cut up and 2 tablespoons of hummus last an hour. Here’s my breakfast today, eaten at 10:30 but I was pretty busy this morning. I also had 2 cups of my favorite coffee. One egg, one Morningstar Farms maple soysage pattie. I didn’t eat the quarter. But I wanted too… It seems to be working. I’ve lost 3.6 lbs since I got home from Florida last Friday night, and I’m down 6.8 lbs since my all time high just a month ago. Sure this sounds good, but I still have so far to go. I know that this is basically how I’ll have to eat if I have the Lap Band surgery. But so far these changes seem to be working better than Weight Watchers ever did. Some weeks I would only lose 1/4 or 1/2 a pound. Ridiculous!

It has been a ruff couple of weeks. I'm taking this food funeral thing a bit too far, and I've felt like crap and been depressed because of it. I know that the way I feel is because I'm eating the wrong things, not exercising like normal, and the scale is going up. I'm not sure if others out there are sugar addicts as well (meaning one of something is never enough, and you feel like a junkie when you haven't had sugar...but as soon as you do you are "all good" and can think straight again)....but I am so ready for this surgery. I'm ready for the pain and misery with having to deal with my food addiction in the weeks that follow, and that will be my "come clean" time. When I make it past about 7 days sugar free, I feel "normal" again...happy. But these days I can't seem to make it a day. (And I've been in counseling for 5 months now with no avail.....) Being that weak and lacking in self control feel so humiliating...but it's truth. I had planned to lose 10 lbs before going to Hawaii in a few weeks, but I feel so powerless right now, that I don't know if I can. I need to get back to "clean eating" even if just for the next two weeks to detox my digestive system (and brain). So starting tomorrow I'm going to. I hate the way sugar makes me feel. I seriously need this "intervention"....come on June 7th!!!

I swear that I see my toilet flinch each time I walk past the bathroom door. And I can hear my toilet give off the pitiful wail of a prisoner being tortured in a Medieval dungeon when I sit on the toilet, "Nooooo, nooooo, I'll tell you what you want to know. Just make it stop!" It all started cause I was worried. I hadn't had a decent poop in over 5 days. What little pebbles did come out of me weren't nearly enough to the amount I had consumed. So I was worried. I went online looking for a good tasting, safe, effective, and not too powerful laxative. After all, I didn't want to be like a cartoon character hanging onto hand rails to keep from launching like a rocket off the toilet. Nor did I want to wait 24 hours or more for it to work and get caught too far from the toilet. So I spent an hour or so reading the reviews on natural health forums and it boiled my choices down to Milk of Magnesia or Epsom Salts. I didn't want to drink the salt, so that left Milk of Magnesia. To the Batbuick! I didn't have a secret shaft to slide down, so I had to take the stairs. Na na na na, na na na na. Our hero finds himself standing in Walmart, debating the merits of original flavor or cherry. I chose cherry hoping it would be the least disgusting of the two flavors. My only weakness, bad flavors. I can stop bullets (well, once anyway) but I can't handle the yucky taste of medicine. I made my purchase and raced back to my secret bunker. A detailed analyzation of a sample (I read the label) told me the chemical components of Milk of Magnesia is composed of Magnesium Hydroxide. The instructions said to drink at least 8 oz. per tablespoon taken. I had my trusty Batmug handy, loaded with 30 oz. of Crystal Light lemonade. The adult dosage was 3 to 4 tablespoons for constipation. So of course I took 4. It also said that it was suppose to work within 5 hours. But others had said expect immediate action and not to wander too far from the toilet. So I was prepared to stay around the house for the next 5 or so hours. The taste wasn't quite as bad as the barium the hospital gave me for the leak test, but it was pretty disgusting. 1/2 hour later, nothing. And there I sat, broken hearted, paid 4 bucks and only farted. More or less an hour later I felt the 1st rumblings. 1/2 hour later, time to RELEASE THE KRACKEN! So all in all, it was a smooth move. So smooth in fact that I was worried it was another failure to launch. But when I looked behind me, it was everything I had dreamed a poo could be. Call Guinness, it was a monster. I could fight crime with a poo this big. I'm still working on my superhero name. Captain Poo, Pinch e Loaf a, Sir Bag of Crap, The Brown Stain, Skid Mark, The Brown Eye? Suggestions are welcomed. Alls well that ends well, sort of. I overdosed a little (should have stuck with 2 or 3 tablespoons instead of 4) and everything I ate for the rest of the day passed through my system rapidly. Every 4 or 5 hours, I'd get the urge. Not - EMERGENCY! EMERGENCY! - kinda urge, just the sense that I needed to get to the bathroom soon. And I kept drinking as much Crystal Light as I could. Milk of Magnesia's main ingredient pulls water into the intestines and I didn't want to get dehydrated. So if you need to go, as I did, Milk of Magnesia gets a big thumbs up from me. My colon is so clean you could eat off it or fight crime with it, your choice. Just get your own superhero name. Comments and suggestions are welcome. I'm trying to improve my writing. If you liked this post or hated it, please leave a comment.

So today I have my 4th appointment which is my second Bariatric class. I'm excited as this only leaves me with two more sessions before my paperwork is submitted to the board for approval. This process has gone quicker than I thought it would. Oh, and I've also decided to start attending an over eaters anonymous meeting. I never really thought of myself as an over-eater, however, I do eat when I'm bored so I guess that could be considered over-eating. I hope to get to the root of the problem and find some tools that I can use now and after surgery. I don't want to get the surgery and have the same issues that I started with. I have been doing a lot of life planning over the last couple of months and I'm just ready to get everything in order. Although I haven't gotten the surgery yet, just knowing that I'm going to get it has given me a second wind to get things going in the right direction. I'll write another blog to let you know how my class went. I'm not sure what she will cover, but I think it has something to do with the things you can and cannot eat after surgery.

I started this journey two years ago with mostly wishes. I had no insurance at that time but I researched every option anyway. I have three grown kids and 6 at home. One of my six is a foster baby. The others range in age from 10 - 17. I have to live to see everyone grown. In order to attain this goal, I had to do something drastic. I am currently on 3 blood pressure medications, prilosec, 2 anti-depressants, have sleep apnea and moderate limiting arthritis. Most of all, I am too fat. I started putting on the pounds about 25 years ago, just after a complete hysterectomy. Those pounds have stubbornly held on no matter how hard I try to get them off. I enjoy cooking and eating and sometimes eat for comfort. I am not really an overeater, just not a healthy eater. This is Texas and we fry everything. I now have insurance and am driving 500 miles round trip to the only surgeon that will take Medicaid in Texas. He and his team are awesome. I have done all of the dieting, studying, tests, procedures and have a "go" from Cardiology, Pulmonology and my surgeon. Now, it is in the hands of Medicaid. They tell me it will be about 2 weeks for an answer. Then, I meet with the doctor one more time to set a date for surgery. I am soooo excited. I am sooooo scared. My dream is finally coming to pass. What if I don't loose any weight? I will be able to lean over and pick something up off the floor. What if something goes wrong? I will be able to buy clothes from a regular store. What if I miss food too much? I will be able to walk more than two blocks without panting. Where will my comfort come from? (I already have a plan but it is still scary.) So, here I am my new friends.

6 days out of surgery & I am feeling better. I have an occasional tweak of what I'm assuming is gas pain & I don't have the endurance back yet but I am definitely feeling better. I've been up & out: grocery store, Farmer's Market, etc. Strangely enough, even though I'm still on liquids, everyone else in the house still needs to eat That first day home was really bad until my Dr prescribed an antinausea med for me. One tab & I felt so much better. I was able to get liquids down & feel better. Now I'm getting at least 2 shakes a day down & quite a bit of other liquid. Probably not the 80 ounces I'm supposed to but I'm getting there. I've had a couple of bites of motzerella cheese & some hummus. Felt good to taste something other than shakes & crystal light

OK, So this is my very first " public" blog. Let me start off by saying I am a 36 year old single mom of 4, live in Florida and currently I am waiting for my surgeon to turn in all my info into the insurance company to see if they will approve me for RNY gastric bypass. I was told everything would be sent off on Thursday 3/28/13 so it's safe to say that anytime after then I will be a mess of nerves and jumping up every time the phone rings! I have researched just about every aspect of this surgery I could think of to try and prepare myself and my family. At this point even my kids know what I will most likely be able to eat at any given week after surgery. I have gotten myself into the habit of taking my vitamins every morning so that it is easier to remember for me. I have even done what a year ago I thought would be impossible, I STOPPED SMOKING!!!!!!!!!!. I am truly trying as hard as I can to start making better decisions when it comes to the food that my family and I eat. I am determined to be approved for this life saving tool! I want to be here for my children, as well as for their children (which better be quite a ways off still), I want to be able to take the kids and their friends to the beach, or to the springs without thinking that I'm an embarrassment to them. I want to walk along the beach without getting out of breath within the first 5 min, or to go to an amusement park and not rent a scooter. I WANT TO BE HEALTHY!!! I know this journey is not going to be simple, I understand this fully, I'm not wanting this simply to fit into a bikini, or into any size in particular, I just want to be healthy. I know I am one of the lucky ones as I have an amazing support group including family and friends that will support, help, listen to, push me, and make sure I don't get too big in the head. WOW, kinda long winded for a first blog...lol..ohh well. I hope to be able to follow other peoples journeys to ask questions or to help if I am able to. I would appreciate any help or suggestions from any of you reading this blog also as my journey continues.