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I swear that I see my toilet flinch each time I walk past the bathroom door. And I can hear my toilet give off the pitiful wail of a prisoner being tortured in a Medieval dungeon when I sit on the toilet, "Nooooo, nooooo, I'll tell you what you want to know. Just make it stop!" It all started cause I was worried. I hadn't had a decent poop in over 5 days. What little pebbles did come out of me weren't nearly enough to the amount I had consumed. So I was worried. I went online looking for a good tasting, safe, effective, and not too powerful laxative. After all, I didn't want to be like a cartoon character hanging onto hand rails to keep from launching like a rocket off the toilet. Nor did I want to wait 24 hours or more for it to work and get caught too far from the toilet. So I spent an hour or so reading the reviews on natural health forums and it boiled my choices down to Milk of Magnesia or Epsom Salts. I didn't want to drink the salt, so that left Milk of Magnesia. To the Batbuick! I didn't have a secret shaft to slide down, so I had to take the stairs. Na na na na, na na na na. Our hero finds himself standing in Walmart, debating the merits of original flavor or cherry. I chose cherry hoping it would be the least disgusting of the two flavors. My only weakness, bad flavors. I can stop bullets (well, once anyway) but I can't handle the yucky taste of medicine. I made my purchase and raced back to my secret bunker. A detailed analyzation of a sample (I read the label) told me the chemical components of Milk of Magnesia is composed of Magnesium Hydroxide. The instructions said to drink at least 8 oz. per tablespoon taken. I had my trusty Batmug handy, loaded with 30 oz. of Crystal Light lemonade. The adult dosage was 3 to 4 tablespoons for constipation. So of course I took 4. It also said that it was suppose to work within 5 hours. But others had said expect immediate action and not to wander too far from the toilet. So I was prepared to stay around the house for the next 5 or so hours. The taste wasn't quite as bad as the barium the hospital gave me for the leak test, but it was pretty disgusting. 1/2 hour later, nothing. And there I sat, broken hearted, paid 4 bucks and only farted. More or less an hour later I felt the 1st rumblings. 1/2 hour later, time to RELEASE THE KRACKEN! So all in all, it was a smooth move. So smooth in fact that I was worried it was another failure to launch. But when I looked behind me, it was everything I had dreamed a poo could be. Call Guinness, it was a monster. I could fight crime with a poo this big. I'm still working on my superhero name. Captain Poo, Pinch e Loaf a, Sir Bag of Crap, The Brown Stain, Skid Mark, The Brown Eye? Suggestions are welcomed. Alls well that ends well, sort of. I overdosed a little (should have stuck with 2 or 3 tablespoons instead of 4) and everything I ate for the rest of the day passed through my system rapidly. Every 4 or 5 hours, I'd get the urge. Not - EMERGENCY! EMERGENCY! - kinda urge, just the sense that I needed to get to the bathroom soon. And I kept drinking as much Crystal Light as I could. Milk of Magnesia's main ingredient pulls water into the intestines and I didn't want to get dehydrated. So if you need to go, as I did, Milk of Magnesia gets a big thumbs up from me. My colon is so clean you could eat off it or fight crime with it, your choice. Just get your own superhero name. Comments and suggestions are welcome. I'm trying to improve my writing. If you liked this post or hated it, please leave a comment.

I am at peace What can I say… I have accepted the fact that of me doing this pre op diet. Today is 4 day and I am at peace. I have lost 3 pounds and is ready to lose some more. I am more mentally prepared than ever and I just want to have my surgery and move on. I AM THE POINT OF NO RETURN! J I am looking forward to my ups and downs of being banded. So I wrote down my unofficial Top 10 things I look forward to being banded and I would like to share with everyone. 10. Crossing my legs 9. Finding an athletic hobby 8. Asking for a go box 7. Walking a 5K 6. Getting back into the dating scene 5. Cutting my grocery budget in half 4. Shopping for new clothes 3. Outlasting the day care kids at my second job 2. Reintroducing myself. 1. Standing in the mirror and telling myself….. DAMN I LOOK GOOD. Not bad right? My momentum is still going and I am feeling good. Thanks you for reading.

I love to shop for clothes, even if it's window shopping. Where I live in MA we have outlet stores about 30-45 minutes away and my husband is a people watcher. Perfect match! So today we went, the temp in Boston was around 60. I went into the Donna Karen store and they were selling daisy dukes. Can you picture us former over weight women in those with our Shar Pei thighs? Great picture, men. I just thought that was funny and I need humor. I did go to the Jones NY store and bought some 't's for $7. each and bought some for Mother's Day gifts, too. I love that store. I was good today, my husband wouldn't let me into the Godiva store, OMG! I love their dark chocolates and yes, I do eat them. Happy shopping, ladies and men. Arlene

So I am Felicia. I just turned 24. I have stuggled with my weight, well, since birth. I was always overweight. I can blame my parents and grandparents for force feeding me all the time, but that's what they know. I am 100% Italian. My parents both immigrated from Italy when they were younger. We base every gathering around one thing- FOOD. At a cookout in the summer, we would arrive at 2pm, stuff our faces with hotdogs and hamburgers. At 4pm there were steaks. Later (around 6) Chicken and grilled potatoes. Soon after, dessert. After dessert, we would hang out and the people that stayed later would always go for what we call round 2. Any cookout food left was fair game, you just had to man the grill yourself. This happened EVERY weekend. Sometimes both days. It was always my choice what to eat and how much, but I always took my cues from the people around me. When everyone ate, so did I, even if I wasn't hungry. This would explain a size 16 juniors in 4th grade. In 4th grade, I started my first diet. Weight watchers. I was the youngest member in the Westerly group. I enjoyed the ladies there, always very motivation. But I was a KID. I didn't want to count my pretzels for my afternoon snack. I wanted to run in the house and eat a tube of pringles with the help of my brother and cousin. I would say that I have been on a diet since then. On and off again. All different diets. I feel like I have tried ever thing. Atkins, SouthBeach, Counting Calories, Lo-Carb, Seeing a nutritionist, HerbalLife, Ideal Protein, even the no food diet. Before this surgery, my last diet was the Ideal Protein. It wasn't so Ideal. First off, you have to pay a 350 dollar start up fee. After that it was $100 a week for the packets of food. Three high protein packets a day. Then a meal consisting of 7oz of protein and 2 cups of veggies. And another 2 cups of veggies at another point in the day. No Sugar, No carbs. My body needed to be in ketosis. It was pointless to cheat because once out of ketosis, it takes three days to get back in. This means that I would have wasted three days of food (about $50) all for what. An oreo. It wasn't worth it. I stayed on track and lost about 40 pounds before leaving to study abroad in Italy. The land of pizza, pasta and gelato. I thought I would have gained everytihng back. But I maintained and actually lost a few pounds. Probably because my walk to school was about 45 minutes each way. When I came back (May 2011) , like I said I maintained myself at around 215lbs. I was proud of myself. I tried going back to that diet, but it just didn't work out. I couldn't stop myself from cheating. It was a waste. I stopped it. With not dieting, exercise being non-existent, and the accessibility of McDonalds, Dunkin and Taco Bell, I saw myself at around 240 in no time, by the end of the summer really. In October, I met my boyfriend. He is a string bean. Maybe it's because I was around him so much, that I starting eating like him. Fast food or a candy bar, chips, and gatorade for dinner. I escalated and by my birthday 2012, I was creeping toward 260. I was disgusted. I didn't know what else to do. I was confiding with my sister and she told me about a surgery her sister-in-law had a while back. The lapband. It sounded like it could be my saving grace. We did some research and in May I attended my informational meeting. I decided that that is what I wanted to do.

Taking the first step of a journey is both exciting and frightening. Add in the thought of surgery and it takes it to an omg level. But I am that desperate. I have tried just about everything – Weight Watchers more times that I can count, starting when I was just 25. Diet Center. Remember them? Pretty sure Diet Center single-handedly wrecked my metabolism. Appetite suppressants. Alli. Full bars. Slim Fast. Atkins. Every ‘fad’ out there. I did have that brief Golden Age (around 30) when I worked at a fitness center and worked out constantly and could actually keep my weight under control. As long as I ate barely nothing that is. I have been ‘chubby’ for years, but the pounds really packed on when I quit smoking 6 years ago. And I have never been able to get/keep them off. I think I’ve gained an average of 15lbs/year. Ouch. I weighed 105 when I graduated from high school, and 120 when I was 20, and around 125-130 right before I got pregnant with my first baby. I did gain 50 pounds with that pregnancy but was able to get it off by her first birthday. I never really had a problem losing weight after having my children, but I was breastfeeding and super busy and who has time to eat? Unfortunately at 52 that’s not an option now! But don’t think I haven’t considered it. Joking! (Kind of). Anyway, I need to do something. My husband would die if he knew how much I weigh. Pretty sure it’s more than he does, and he’s a foot taller. I have a brand new grandson on the way, and I would like to be able to get on the floor and play with him, AND be able to get back up. I would really like to go off my blood pressure medication, and the Rx I take for the arthritis in my knee. I have so many wonderful things going on in my life right now, and being overweight is like the ultimate buzz kill. I do a LOT of hard physical labor in the summer months, and the thought of having to start that up soon really depresses me. I can barely rake the yard much less do anything strenuous. I get out of breath just going up and down the stairs. It’s time for a change.

Update: 4-26-3013: It's still amazing to see what and how much comes out of me, considering how little I am eating. Most of the time, it feels like I am passing jagged rocks and it comes out looking like a pile of marbles. Then there are times like today, where this monstrous poo python emerges. And I'm thinking, "Where the hell did that come from? I just pooped yesterday and I haven't changed my eating habits or eaten extra food." Is there some storage area in the intestines I don't know about? Are my guts becoming some kind of Dooms Day Prepper? Some kind of "just in case we need it" secret poo stash? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller? I was visited by the infamous 3rd week stall. I didn't lose any more weight for about 5 days. Hit a 2nd wall on week 5, same thing. It takes me 4 - 6 days to start losing again. It helps speed up the process when I walk a little more than normal. But I've learned that part of the stall is tied to bowel movements. Post-Op, I only go every other day or every 3rd day depending on how much fiber/carbs I take in. You might want to consider how much waste your body is holding onto. My bathroom visits aren't steady at this point, sometimes I'll go twice on the same day. I'll be thinking, "Where the hell did that come from? I know I haven't eaten that much!" Sometimes I'll be over a pound lighter after a monster poop! My record is 2 lbs.

Ok here we go!! My sugery is two weeks from today and I am starting my own version of the Pre-Op diet!! If anyone has read my previous entries you will know that I decided to start cutting stuff back and out since the day my surgery was booked (April 1, 2013). For the last two weeks I have been carb free and in dietary ketosis… so this week I have decided to go clear liquids only throughout the day, and one sensible low carb low fat protein rich meal for dinner – it will be chicken or fish with a low carb vegetable. Day 1, 12:24… I am FREAKING HUNGRY!! However, I am going to withstand this physical discomfort because I know that on the flip side, it will be gone. Why am I torturing myself you may ask? Because I feel that the challenge I will face following my surgery will be as much mental and emotional as it is physical. I want to learn now, over the next 14 days how much protein my body needs, and when, along with the various other nutrient requirements (Multi Vit, Calcium,D, B12). My resolve is not to feel unwell or weak the first couple of weeks following my surgery, but moreover; to not panic and start climbing the walls because there is nothing solid going into my body. I hope it works. So far, the gradual decrease has been working for me. I feel physically stable, and mentally empowered. I have lost 18 lbs this year, and 39 since my top weight. Neither refined sugar nor caffeine call the shots anymore so now I tackle ghrelin – I hope it knows the strong stubborn b***h its up against. In other news, my sister will now be coming with me to Juarez and I am super excited. She is as silly as me and I think we will have a ball. My bf/ ex bf?? whatever he is now... has not been home since Monday. We have talked and “made up” so to speak. I don’t believe there was any affair or any of the sort going on... because I know exactly where he stayed (and with whom). However, to get in a snit and not come home or check in for a couple of days after a fight, is extremely childish and disrespectful - especially for a man in his 40s!!!. My feeling at this point is that he is waiting for me to ask him to come home. That’s not happening. I love the man, but I am far to old for this crap, and I have a wonderful son to think about. And really, if I can get over Chocolate, I can get over Justin! :Þ

How long has it been? How long since I felt like I was the right size and weight and everything about my body was acceptable? And, bigger question... Where did this bloated, waddling, unhealthy, wide loaded woman come from that keeps showing up in my mirror and in pictures that get taken with my family? Looking in the mirror is so hard, especially in the evenings when I'm getting ready for bed and seeing "all my glory" and realizing I really am as big and ugly fat and tired looking as I feel. Arrrrggghhh! Is that really me? How did I let myself get to this point? I sit in a dressing room, my cute little teenage daughter (13) trying on adorable trendy little outfits and dresses. I see her spin and pose as she gets in a pink princess thing. She walks back in to try another one on. I'm sitting on a bench holding several hangers of other dresses and feeling tired, again. I look over at the mirror and see myself and I lose it. I cry and almost start sobbing right then and there. It hurts so bad. I used to look like her and I thought I was fat. Is that what doomed me to this? Was it because I didn't thank God for how I looked then? Did I take it for granted? Honestly, I have thought I was fat from eighth grade (5'7", 130 lbs) when I began to get taller and a little wider in the hips than my little petite and pretty and girly classmates. That's the same age as my youngest daughter. I already hear occasional little comments she makes of herself and things that are not just perfect. I want to make her see how beautiful she is and embrace it! When I look back at pictures from that time in my life (high school years), I wanna go back and slap her (myself) silly for not appreciating how pretty I was. I really had such an adorable figure. No, I didn't have much in the way of boobs, but I had curves in other "right places." I got attention from boys. I looked great and was tall and thin really, until I had my second child at 22. In all truth, I know a lot of the explanations and reasons that I am in this place physically. I know there are a variety of things to blame from four pregnancies, perhaps a few medical causes, nutritionally bad choices, laziness, pain, bad marriage, stress, genetics, environment, and probably a few I haven't read about or dealt with yet. Now in the last three years I come to the point where I have these little break downs like in the dressing rooms multiple times, or getting ready for a night out or to go to church and just sit in my closet and cry and hate myself. I've done it getting out of bed (rather, heaving myself out). Mentally being in a state of fury at my limitations that I know are self-imposed when I try to help my daughter move out of her college apartment and I can't even carry a 15 pound box down a flight of stairs without having to rest 10 minutes and huff and puff like I ran a mile. This place is my "low point"... my "end of the rope". I'm at the bottom and exhausted enough to finally admit I need MAJOR HELP. And THAT is what brought me to WLS and specifically VSG. There is a change in my focus that has helped me transition slowly, day by day from disgust with where I let my weight go and my new found hope and belief in myself I have begun to feed little by little with that hope. I can do this... I can do this... I really can be healthy and fit again. There is a tool I can use that I never really considered. Thanks to where I am in my life, the fact that we have good insurance through my husband's job and the support and encouragement he has showered on me constantly... I'm ready. I'm feeling that by this time next year, I'll be looking in mirrors and pictures and saying "WOW, I knew that pretty girl was still in there somewhere under all the fat."