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Wow.. 2 weeks from today I will be in the hospital getting lapbanded. Its hard to believe that my struggle with weight loss has come to this, but i am ready to tackle it head on. Lets rewind. I am 33 years old and in live in Tallahassee Florida, home to my beloved seminoles. I am happily married and have a 5 year old son named Dylan. Growing up I swam competitively from the time i was six years old through college. Although i had to watch my weight because i swam so much, it wasnt an "issue". My eating habits growing up were atrocious..two orders of chicken fingers and fries was a regular. Once college ended, swimming stopped and the "real world" set in. Sitting at a desk 9 hours a day, eating junk and not exercising lead to a 100lb weight gain. I have decided on Lap Band and will be banded May 9th at Tallahassee Memorial Hopsital by Dr. Eliot Sieloff. In preparing for surgery, I have read blogs and books and searched the internet...man is there a lot of stuff out there...funny how the things that stick are the scary parts.. How do you get past that? Any encouragement would be much appreciated~!!

So, I learned a wonderful thing a day or two ago. I was sitting in the living room on the couch with my husband. I looked down and my legs were crossed. WOW. I did not have one of my fingers hooked through the leg of my pants to keep my ankle on my knee. I actually had my legs crossed. I was so very happy!!! I can really tell the weight is coming off...even if the scale is slower than molasses!!! And the scale...let me tell you about that. In two weeks I have only lost 3 pounds. UGH...so disappointing..then i cross my legs by theirself...with no help form my arms!!! I have been off this site for a week or so...I was just kinda bummed. The scale wasnt moving. Even though I am feeling better and my clothes fit. I even went through my closet and threw out 3 TRASH BAGS of clothes that didnt fit any more!!! The damn scale just had me down. Another thing that is REALLY bothering me is my arms...they are so gross. I know my arms were big..you dont get to weigh over 300 pounds by having small arms. But since I started loosing that weight, my "bye-bye" have really been waving BYE-BYE to those pounds. (haha little joke..but no joke here...sad face) I really am disgusted with myself. I hope the rest of my body does not join suit!! UGH....everytime I get ready for work and have to raise my arm to do my hair or makeup...there they are...just flopping around... I going to do the only thing I know to do (wish I could just take a knife and cut them off!!! lol)...looks like I'm going to be joining that gym and lifting some free weights!!! My ego had been saved lately by the other half. He has made me feel so beautiful and worth this journey. We have definitly been through our ups and downs. I have felt totally blah and ugly and fat. But he is really trying. And the best part is that he sees how hard I am trying and makes me feel good about it. Defintly a good time in our relationship. So...a week of downs..and ups...and I get depressed anyway. All because of a scale...and some flabby arms. But I am going to do this. Never did I turn to food to overeat and feed my emotions. I just muddled through and survived without food!!! Which I am thinking now, is a milestone in itself. So GO ME!! I go for my first fill April 29th. Ready to see the doctor and actually weigh on the scale that started this. I am still thinking either no fill or a small fill. I am really doing so good with the food...kinda torn on that still. Will just see what the doctor has to say. Well, thats my week. Thanks for listening to my rambling!!!

I learned that I will be getting my Lap-Band removed and my gastric sleeve on Monday June 10th. That is only 46 days away!!!!! I am so excited, happy, nervous, grateful, strong....... the list goes on. It has been a long rocky road since my first bariatric surgery in May of 2009. I have had some major success and huge disappointments and failures as well. Looking back, I would not change a thing. The band worked for me in the beginning. I experienced good weight loss and for the first time felt what it was like to enjoy many new things at a healthy weight. I was a much more active happy person. When I started having issues with my band I went to my doctor immediately. But, unfortunately and for whatever reason, he didn't listen to what I was telling him. I had a slipped band for almost a year before I demanded the tests which resulted in a second surgery. I lost all faith in my doctor when I continued to gain weight after my second surgery. Finally, after I pressed my doctor for answers, he told me there was nothing that he could do for me. My band was broken a second time. I felt defeated, angry, lied to... but from this situation positives arose. I learned to listen to my body and be assertive. I have grown stronger as a person. I have developed much better eating habits. I exercise more frequently. I could have just accepted my Lap-Band as a failure. I could have given up hope. But, I decided to move forward. I am so grateful to have found Dr. Howard Simon at Upstate Bariatrics in Syracuse, NY. He has explained things to me that my previous surgeon failed to. He has directed me to websites and groups so that I could see that numerous other people have had the same experience with their Lap-Band. He has walked me personally, step by step through this revision process to gastric sleeve. He has restored my confidence in both doctors and more importantly in myself. Because of him I realized that I did not fail but rather my tool (Lap-Band) failed me. I am completely 100% ready for my sleeve. I believe that my previous failed weight loss experience has helped me become so prepared and a much stronger individual overall. I am so happy that it is almost here. Until then........I will be counting down the days!!!!

OMG, That stuff is nasty. When I was in the hospital, my CPAP machine ran out of water. I asked for some tap water, and the nurse offered me some sterile water instead. At the time, I couldn't smell or taste anything, so it wasn't a problem. It was after I got back home and tried on my mask. The stench had infiltrated every part of the mask, tubing and reservoir. It took a few rinsing, but I finally got the stench out. Sterilized means that all the bacteria and viruses have been removed or killed, such as by UV irradiation or boiling. Distilled means the water has been boiled, the steam collected, and condensed back into pure water.

I think most of us were scared if not nervous going into this- all the what if's sworrling around our head. I am sure we thought about possible complications, what if it doesn't work, fear of the pain, ect. However, sometimes fear is healthy. Like during my post op I was scared to do anything the doctor didn't okay, I know I bugged him and the NUT calling and asking what can I have - is this okay, is that okay. Then every little ache and pain I was scared I'd hurt my band. Now I am a little less worried about the things from the begining. I do still have a little fear of will I be able to lose all the weight I want to. I've lost half of it so I guess it was successful, but I still have about 45 lbs I want to get rid of. My fear now is foods!! In some cases it's a good thing. I am an NC Girl and I swear Krispy Creme runs in my veins (heck where else is there a Krispy Creme Marathon). Due to the texture of a donut I am scared to taint my beloved friend. I fear that if I take a bite and swollow the pain will begin, then the foaming at the mouth, flowed by the delightful reverse of the donut up my eshogus. Some foods though now have more power because I know they will go down. I can not tell you how often I pass the McDonalds right by my office and want to get a ice cream cone. But, I have been able to pass it up. Also, cookies- they slllliiiiiddddeeee on down. Last weekend when I make 3 batches of cookies for my hubs office party, I managed to keep my intake to just one (my fav- Carmel Pecan Crunch)- the other were shipped off to my hubby's office and I told him not to bring the box back until the cookies were gone!! Then there is the fear of eating to much/eating to little. Having been a big girl most of my life I had never had anyone tell me I wasn't eating enough. A couple of months ago when I went to a doctors appointment and complained that I wasn't losing weight hardly at all anymore. My doc looked over my food chart and exercise tracker and told me I wasn't eating enough. I took a double take for sure. So I have a hard time balancing that line of too few calories to to many calories. Fears bounce around all the time, some times it's good to give in to it (like not eating the donut out of fear) and sometime it's better to say a little prayer and plow through it (like having the surgery to begin with).

For now anyhow, had my second appointment were we decided that I didn't need a fill. Steady weight loss (Of course not as fast as I would like), 3-4 hours of satiety (Depending on if I stay away from simple carbs and focus on protein). Can pretty much eat anything, but have to be careful and have had a few stuck episodes in the last month when I wasn't. It is kind of a bittersweet place to be, the green zone is this magical fairy land that is held out to us from the time we are banded, and yet here I am. I still wrestle with eating too fast, I still am plagued by head hunger, I still have to exercise, I still have weight to lose, I still get plateaued. WAIT A MINUTE, YOU MEAN I STILL HAVE TO WORK AT MY WEIGHT LOSS, I THOUGHT THE BAND WAS MAGIC!!! I WANT MY MONEY BACK!