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Had to share Pretty damn proud of myself!! Left to right (Jan 2103- pre op, 3/30/13, 4/22/13)

Met this guy online and we finally decided to go out the weekend before last. I told him about my surgery up front, so that he can understand what's going on with me. We met for coffee, but ended up going out to eat. He first said that we should go to the Mexican place next door, but then changed his mind and said there was a healthier place we can go eat at. I told him he didn't have to decide on a place that's healthier just because of me. Honestly, I really wanted Mexican food badly. LOL We ended up going to this pita sandwich place. It wasn't bad at all. The sandwich I got was under 300 calories. I opted to get the grilled chicken breast to make sure I got a good amount of protein out of it. I was only able to eat half of the sandwich. This sleeve is really hard to get used to, mentally that is. This last weekend, he took me out for breakfast. I had a spinich and cheese omelet. I declinced the toast, but went ahead and let them give me the hashbrowns, but didn't eat them. I ate only half the omelet. Gave me bad stomach pains. I'm thinking I must not have chewed it well enough. The restaurant is owened by this older couple and the lady asked me if I wanted a to go box, but gave me a horrible look when she asked. I so wanted to tell her that the food was really good, I just couldn't eat very much, but I don't think she would have understood. After breakfast, we went to a park and walked around. It was nice to be around someone who is so understanding and suggests that we do things that he knows is not only healthy for me, but also for himself. I really wasn't sure if I was ready to start dating again, but that was mostly because I wasn't sure if men would understand my situation. I am glad that I did find someone who is being supportive and understanding. Can't wait to see where the next date goes....

Starting this blog with the day before surgery. No food or water after midnight Tuesday, 16th. I took a mild laxative early on the 16th, too, thinking a flush would make this easier on me. I followed hospital instructions. Change the sheets. Check. Shower. Check. Then wash with the hibiclens, avoiding head and genitalia, and using hands only - no wash cloth. Leave on skin for 5 minutes, then rinse. Check. No lotions. Check. No contact with pets. Check. Surgery Day. i showered using the hibiclens again. I worked 1/2 a day. Surgery was in the afternoon and went like clockwork. I arrived on time, got set up in Pre-op, and was wheeled into OR. My last memory before I fell asleep was the digital clock. 1:59:38. Surgery set for 2 pm. Perfect. I awoke feeling deep ache pain high up on my tummy, just under my breasts and in a very small localized area. I was aware of a couple of other tender places on my tummy, but they didn't bother me like the one high up. I kept saying, "Pain.... nausea. ... Pain... Nausea..." over and over, figuring if I was a nuisance, they'd knock me out again. The fact is, the pain was probably a 7 in a tiny spot. The nausea was about a 3... Hardly there, but I knew it would get worse before it got better and I don't handle nausea with grace. They shot me up with pain and nausea drugs and I stopped mumbling and slept, still aware of the ache, but it wasn't as intense. I was in my private room by 5 pm... Maybe even 4? I'm not sure. The nurse was all over me wanting to make sure I was comfortable, offering me morphine (I can't take Vicodin, their standard pain-killer issue) and Zofran (nix the Phenergan, too...allergic). I eagerly accepted her offer. Not really nauseous, but aware that it was lurking close by. My voice was cracked from intubation. No sore throat. But my mouth was dried out and I offered $1,000 for ONE ice chip. Nope. IV hydration/nutrition given. NPO until the next morning's upper GI test. My sweet husband wouldn't crater to my begging for just one little ice chip either. He did break down and wet a wash cloth so I could wipe out the inside of my mouth. My Pre-Op Nurse had this same surgery 14 months ago and said her hubby did that for her, so my hubby decided it was ok to cheat that much. He stayed with me all night long making sure no mistakes were made. (We've experienced enough errors in hospitals in the past to KNOW one should NEVER be left alone in a hospital. They need someone to champion them). I slept on my back all night long, which felt weird, since I'm a side sleeper. No-way was I going to roll over on my sore tummy. At 3 am, I stood up and walked to the bathroom - with the nurse, of course, and I peed. First two hurdles done! Walk and Pee! Day 2. Early morning, whisked off to do the upper GI. This is to check to make sure there are no leaks. They warned me that the barium i was about to swallow tastes really bad. They had a cute little barf bag handy and said, "you might need to throw up, so, take this." I was determined to NOT need to throw up. I told myself, this is going to taste bad. It will only last a few minutes and I can rinse out my mouth. Yeah, I can do this. I'm tough! I had to stand on a pedestal and drink the most Gawd-awful swill known to man while they xrayed it going down my newly designed pipe. I thought breathing through my mouth would make it easier. It made it worse. What did it taste like? The only word I can come up with is BITTER. Not sour, not fragrant. Just BITTER. To the eleventh degree. I was given water, which I gargled with, but hesitated to swallow, since I already had about six big gulps of the swill churning inside me. Nauseous? Yeah. But, I can handle it! No leaks, so I was taken back to my room. As I sat up to stand and get out of my wheelchair, the nausea went BAM! "Give me the bag." I lost that battle. But, it didn't hurt as bad as I feared. My tummy just felt a little sore. And all I did was dry-heave, so it was very brief. Ok! I CAN. handle this! I was given more Zofran and morphine and a BIG cup of soft ice. Ah, heaven! I wasn't interested at all in eating, but the ice was great to melt in my mouth. A few minutes later, a tray was brought in with chicken broth, orange jello, and decaf tea. The hospital has a nurse that rounds all the weight-loss surgical patients and she sat with me and showed me exactly how much I was to "sip" SLOWLY in a fifteen minute period. Which meant I had to pace myself and be sipping every 5 minutes on something. I actually thought it was fun! (What do I know... I was drunk.) I tolerated feeding very well, being cautious to not gulp. I did notice that if I swallowed too much too close together, I'd feel a twinge in my sternum that would say, hey, slow down or I'm going to start spasming. I'm learning to pay closer attention to my body and her signals. I've decided to give my body her own identity. Her name is Ethyl. Ethyl has no idea WHY I'm so mean to her. The second morning was a lot of sipping and napping and walking around the unit. I was discharged and home in my own bed by 2 pm. Exactly 24 hours after surgery started. I like it when everything is done efficiently. I already had a wide variety of clear liquid choices, so I sipped on chicken broth, decaf tea, and sugar-free Popsicles. I walked the length of my house about three times. And napped a lot. I took my Ultram and Zofran pills on time (pain and nausea) because they told me to. "Don't be a hero." OK! Sleep was interrupted frequently with Ethyl barking at me. Especially when I would try to roll over on my side. I learned to try to sneak side-rolling past her by doing it slowly and with a pillow supporting my tummy. It worked. End of Day 2. 7 lbs gone. Day 3. Lost another lb. 8 total. At 2 am, I had my last pain and nausea pills. I'm done with them. Back to sleep. I awoke at 7 am, put on my yoga pants, t-shirt and sweater, grabbed the leash and took our dog for a walk around the block, sipping on a bottle of water as we walked. It was 38 degrees outside, so we only did one block and came back in. I started my Full Liquid diet. I had my tea. Missing the caffeine. Throbbing headache. And sinus drainage. Nothing to do with the surgery, yet a welcomed distraction from Ethyl's whining. I made a pitcher full of Double-milk. 1 cup skim milk mixed with 1/3 cup of dry non-fat milk. Double milk = double protein intake. And foods made with it taste richer. I made instant grits with it. They were really creamy and... Well... FUNKY tasting. I'll have to work on that. I went on a shopping outing with my sister for about an hour, and found my legs feeling wobbly when we got home. i did well, but obviously need to lay low and quiet. I've been active enough today. I was told to go outside on Day 3. Check. I mixed 1/2 can of Campbell's Cream of Chicken with Herbs with 1/2 can of Campbell's Cream of Mushroom With Garlic soups and 3/4 cup of Double milk. Heated it up and poured it into a deep mug. Not only did it taste pretty good, it also tricked Ethyl into thinking I had chewed up a whole meal! I just sipped on it slowly over a couple of hours, intermittently sipping on water, too. Score! Ethyl didn't know the difference! I also had SF vanilla pudding and tomato soup, along with some of a protein drink. Everything was tolerated very well. I just have to be careful to not take in too much, too Fast. If I do, I cramp. And, walking around makes it subside faster. End of Day 3. Another 2 lbs gone. 10 total. Day 4. Lost another 3 lbs. 13 total. Wow! How can I drop THREE pounds in 10 hours?!? I checked again. Yep! Three pounds! I awoke feeling like I've had a setback. Guess Ethyl didn't like all the activity yesterday. It's noon and I'm still in bed only sipping tea. I need to go make some soup. The caffeine-withdrawal headache isn't as bad today. Time to walk. I feel lousy. Nothing specific. Just weak... Disjointed... And bummed that my adrenaline high is gone. I'm weepy. Broccoli Cheese soup mixed with double milk and heated. Peach tea. I need to cut myself some slack. I'm still on track and the intermittent blues are to be expected. No significant pain. Nausea totally gone. Today will be a Still and Quiet day.

4/22/13 : Time to start a new blog. One without chemo or radiation or surgery :-) It feels like it has been a long time since February 11 but it's not even May yet. Spring has sprung here in the bluegrass and it's such a balm for my spirit. Life abounds! I have been busy living - my strength is back, I'm even doing a bit of morning stretches and more walking. I'm soooo out of shape! I also haven't lost any weight in a few months but I know how to make it happen. I have to stop eating the goodies at night with the kids, unless it's a protein snack. We're planning on driving down to Florida in Julyl to see my family. Need to find a house to rent (with a pool!) that isn't a ridiculous price. I was going to drive down by myself but realized that my husband just couldn't handle the kids on his own for a week. He is 70 and just can't do it anymore. I am 56 and *I* can't do it anymore either! hahahaha oh well, together we manage. 7/26/13 : Right before we were to leave for Florida (what a fabulous 2 weeks!) I had a sonogram from my primary care physician because I had a pain under my right rib cage. He called me that evening and told me I have gallstones for sure but that there was what looks like a lesion on my liver that he was concerned about. I was scheduled for my post-cancer MRI the following Tuesday so I mentioned that to the oncologist. Right after getting the MRI, the oncologist was able to review the results and her verdict is that I have a tumor growing between the top of my liver and my diaphragm (which is why it hurts when I yawn or take a deep breath) and it is in the worst place possible and is inoperable. We both cried a little and she said she would talk with the radiologist about perhaps using targeted radiation to shrink it. So what did I do ? Heck, I went on a 2 week vacation to the gulf side of Florida :-) Had quite the time, although I did slip and fall on my right leg (water + tile = hazard). After the fall, my entire right leg started swelling and it hurt. Didn't stop me from having fun with my family. When I got back home I told the oncologist about it, just in passing, and she ordered a "doppler" (I guess it's just a sonogram) and the vein specialist found that I have massive amounts of blood clots in my right thigh. Now I have to inject myself twice daily with blood thinners (lovenox) and in 5 days start taking cumadin and keep my feet elevated all day long. The doc said I am very fortunate that I am not dead. See ? Cancer is NOT going to kill me... something stupid like a blood clot is going to get me ! hahahaha Anyhow, I have an appointment next Tuesday with the radiologist. We'll see what she can do and if that doesn't work, I will find someone who does know how to remove this "inoperable" tumor. I am fully prepared to die just not right now. God is good all the time. 8/21/13 : The results of the 2nd opinion I got at the Markey Cancer Center at University of KY yesterday weren’t good. My case was reviewed by a panel of cancer researchers and surgeons (among the best in the country, I hear). The large tumor on my liver is not alone – I have many tumors growing in my abdomen. So, there will be no surgery and no cyber knife radiation. The liver specialist at UK is going to discuss what kind of chemo would work on this type of cancer with my oncologist (he even told me congratulations on having such a rare and aggressive cancer) but that would just be to slow their growth. I’m not sure I am going to do chemo. If I could make this all go away, I would. I am very thankful I have had all this extra time to get everything in order.

Amazing blog, I hope you and your sister continue to get better.