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Starting this blog with the day before surgery. No food or water after midnight Tuesday, 16th. I took a mild laxative early on the 16th, too, thinking a flush would make this easier on me. I followed hospital instructions. Change the sheets. Check. Shower. Check. Then wash with the hibiclens, avoiding head and genitalia, and using hands only - no wash cloth. Leave on skin for 5 minutes, then rinse. Check. No lotions. Check. No contact with pets. Check. Surgery Day. i showered using the hibiclens again. I worked 1/2 a day. Surgery was in the afternoon and went like clockwork. I arrived on time, got set up in Pre-op, and was wheeled into OR. My last memory before I fell asleep was the digital clock. 1:59:38. Surgery set for 2 pm. Perfect. I awoke feeling deep ache pain high up on my tummy, just under my breasts and in a very small localized area. I was aware of a couple of other tender places on my tummy, but they didn't bother me like the one high up. I kept saying, "Pain.... nausea. ... Pain... Nausea..." over and over, figuring if I was a nuisance, they'd knock me out again. The fact is, the pain was probably a 7 in a tiny spot. The nausea was about a 3... Hardly there, but I knew it would get worse before it got better and I don't handle nausea with grace. They shot me up with pain and nausea drugs and I stopped mumbling and slept, still aware of the ache, but it wasn't as intense. I was in my private room by 5 pm... Maybe even 4? I'm not sure. The nurse was all over me wanting to make sure I was comfortable, offering me morphine (I can't take Vicodin, their standard pain-killer issue) and Zofran (nix the Phenergan, too...allergic). I eagerly accepted her offer. Not really nauseous, but aware that it was lurking close by. My voice was cracked from intubation. No sore throat. But my mouth was dried out and I offered $1,000 for ONE ice chip. Nope. IV hydration/nutrition given. NPO until the next morning's upper GI test. My sweet husband wouldn't crater to my begging for just one little ice chip either. He did break down and wet a wash cloth so I could wipe out the inside of my mouth. My Pre-Op Nurse had this same surgery 14 months ago and said her hubby did that for her, so my hubby decided it was ok to cheat that much. He stayed with me all night long making sure no mistakes were made. (We've experienced enough errors in hospitals in the past to KNOW one should NEVER be left alone in a hospital. They need someone to champion them). I slept on my back all night long, which felt weird, since I'm a side sleeper. No-way was I going to roll over on my sore tummy. At 3 am, I stood up and walked to the bathroom - with the nurse, of course, and I peed. First two hurdles done! Walk and Pee! Day 2. Early morning, whisked off to do the upper GI. This is to check to make sure there are no leaks. They warned me that the barium i was about to swallow tastes really bad. They had a cute little barf bag handy and said, "you might need to throw up, so, take this." I was determined to NOT need to throw up. I told myself, this is going to taste bad. It will only last a few minutes and I can rinse out my mouth. Yeah, I can do this. I'm tough! I had to stand on a pedestal and drink the most Gawd-awful swill known to man while they xrayed it going down my newly designed pipe. I thought breathing through my mouth would make it easier. It made it worse. What did it taste like? The only word I can come up with is BITTER. Not sour, not fragrant. Just BITTER. To the eleventh degree. I was given water, which I gargled with, but hesitated to swallow, since I already had about six big gulps of the swill churning inside me. Nauseous? Yeah. But, I can handle it! No leaks, so I was taken back to my room. As I sat up to stand and get out of my wheelchair, the nausea went BAM! "Give me the bag." I lost that battle. But, it didn't hurt as bad as I feared. My tummy just felt a little sore. And all I did was dry-heave, so it was very brief. Ok! I CAN. handle this! I was given more Zofran and morphine and a BIG cup of soft ice. Ah, heaven! I wasn't interested at all in eating, but the ice was great to melt in my mouth. A few minutes later, a tray was brought in with chicken broth, orange jello, and decaf tea. The hospital has a nurse that rounds all the weight-loss surgical patients and she sat with me and showed me exactly how much I was to "sip" SLOWLY in a fifteen minute period. Which meant I had to pace myself and be sipping every 5 minutes on something. I actually thought it was fun! (What do I know... I was drunk.) I tolerated feeding very well, being cautious to not gulp. I did notice that if I swallowed too much too close together, I'd feel a twinge in my sternum that would say, hey, slow down or I'm going to start spasming. I'm learning to pay closer attention to my body and her signals. I've decided to give my body her own identity. Her name is Ethyl. Ethyl has no idea WHY I'm so mean to her. The second morning was a lot of sipping and napping and walking around the unit. I was discharged and home in my own bed by 2 pm. Exactly 24 hours after surgery started. I like it when everything is done efficiently. I already had a wide variety of clear liquid choices, so I sipped on chicken broth, decaf tea, and sugar-free Popsicles. I walked the length of my house about three times. And napped a lot. I took my Ultram and Zofran pills on time (pain and nausea) because they told me to. "Don't be a hero." OK! Sleep was interrupted frequently with Ethyl barking at me. Especially when I would try to roll over on my side. I learned to try to sneak side-rolling past her by doing it slowly and with a pillow supporting my tummy. It worked. End of Day 2. 7 lbs gone. Day 3. Lost another lb. 8 total. At 2 am, I had my last pain and nausea pills. I'm done with them. Back to sleep. I awoke at 7 am, put on my yoga pants, t-shirt and sweater, grabbed the leash and took our dog for a walk around the block, sipping on a bottle of water as we walked. It was 38 degrees outside, so we only did one block and came back in. I started my Full Liquid diet. I had my tea. Missing the caffeine. Throbbing headache. And sinus drainage. Nothing to do with the surgery, yet a welcomed distraction from Ethyl's whining. I made a pitcher full of Double-milk. 1 cup skim milk mixed with 1/3 cup of dry non-fat milk. Double milk = double protein intake. And foods made with it taste richer. I made instant grits with it. They were really creamy and... Well... FUNKY tasting. I'll have to work on that. I went on a shopping outing with my sister for about an hour, and found my legs feeling wobbly when we got home. i did well, but obviously need to lay low and quiet. I've been active enough today. I was told to go outside on Day 3. Check. I mixed 1/2 can of Campbell's Cream of Chicken with Herbs with 1/2 can of Campbell's Cream of Mushroom With Garlic soups and 3/4 cup of Double milk. Heated it up and poured it into a deep mug. Not only did it taste pretty good, it also tricked Ethyl into thinking I had chewed up a whole meal! I just sipped on it slowly over a couple of hours, intermittently sipping on water, too. Score! Ethyl didn't know the difference! I also had SF vanilla pudding and tomato soup, along with some of a protein drink. Everything was tolerated very well. I just have to be careful to not take in too much, too Fast. If I do, I cramp. And, walking around makes it subside faster. End of Day 3. Another 2 lbs gone. 10 total. Day 4. Lost another 3 lbs. 13 total. Wow! How can I drop THREE pounds in 10 hours?!? I checked again. Yep! Three pounds! I awoke feeling like I've had a setback. Guess Ethyl didn't like all the activity yesterday. It's noon and I'm still in bed only sipping tea. I need to go make some soup. The caffeine-withdrawal headache isn't as bad today. Time to walk. I feel lousy. Nothing specific. Just weak... Disjointed... And bummed that my adrenaline high is gone. I'm weepy. Broccoli Cheese soup mixed with double milk and heated. Peach tea. I need to cut myself some slack. I'm still on track and the intermittent blues are to be expected. No significant pain. Nausea totally gone. Today will be a Still and Quiet day.

I'm in the final stretch. I'm ending Day 2 of the pre-op liquid diet. Tomorrow, I'll be 12 days away from surgery. I'm officially counting down! I'm really not hungry on the diet. Well, tonight I was feeling it a little - but only a tiny bit, so I just had a shake and I was fine. I'm not saying it will continue to be easy, but so far it's been fine. I started working my way into the liquid diet last weekend by having shakes but also one yogurt a day as well. Since Sunday, I've lost 13lbs. I was on my period last weekend, so I know that's part of it (cuz I had gained about 3 lbs the week before when the period was starting-hope I don't offend with TMI). Now I seem stuck in wondering how much weight I'll actually lose and how fast it will happen. I've never been thin, so I have no idea what any given weight would look like on me. I think to myself, "Will I still be plus size, but more like a size 18-20? Or will I actually be SKINNY and go for a size 10?" I also think to myself "You have a higher BMI, you'll lose faster!" and then I think "You don't wanna lose too fast because you'll look awful." Deep down, I seriously fear more than anything else that I'll look like a deflated elephant when this is all said and done. I strongly feel that I'll look terrible. I can feel myself self sabotaging with these thoughts, but I can't stop them. I want to believe that this surgery has nothing to do with vanity, but if I'm honest with myself, it's almost ALL about vanity. Vanity, and the idea that if I don't do something about my weight - AND QUICK - I'm gonna be alone for the rest of my life. And again, I have to stop thinking like this. Losing weight isn't gonna find me a decent man. At best, it's gonna give me the confidence to date, but even then it's not guaranteed that I'll meet a man I want to marry. Maybe the part of me that's causing the anxiety is the part that fears this surgery will change nothing. That even if I'm successful losing weight, nothing else will really change in my life. I like to think that suddenly I'll be so much more fun and outgoing and happy and friendly - because that's how I was when I was younger and thinner - but it's not realistic to think that my personality will revert to a time that long ago. I've had low self-esteem because of my weight for a long time. Will that change? Or will I still be miserable and self-loathing (i.e. calling myself a deflated elephant). I probably need a shrink. I've had therapists before, never really connected with any of them. And this is just, idk, embarrassing for me to talk about. :\ Well, on that note, I'm off to sleep. xo

Neil Diamond is at the Red Sox game singing live, Sweet Caroline!!!! This country is great!!! David Ortiz gave a speech and said "this is our f**king city". He was not bleeped.

I have been out all day and saw much earlier or yesterday a question about hair loss. At my monthly support group tonight was the rep from Bariatric Advantage. Her name is, Pat, I think. Pat had bypass surgery 10 years ago. She still looks great. About 4 years ago she started to lose her hair. She had a blood test and her Ferritin showed up very low, around 2 and she said it should be around 40ish. She had to have some medical things done to her but her hair is very healthy now. So she said if you have hair loss get tested for this Ferritin. She also said you have to keep up with your annual blood work because people that have WLS do lose some vitamins and minerals and don't know it. Have a great evening everyone. Arlene