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Even though we all know we should, many of us fail to listen to what our docs and NUTs have to say; some in major ways, some in small. Now in the major ways I always listen to my doctor, I am to afraid not to. I do not want complications. But, in small ways, I fail at times. For instance, in March I went to see my doc for my 9 month check up. We discussed how I was doing- good, felt good, not getting hungry, eating 3 meals a day. I track calories in and I track by my fitbit how many calories I use- I showed the doc. During all this I was complaining that my weight loss seems to have slowed almost to a stop. After reviewing my intake and calorie burn (1200-1300 calories - 2100 to 2200 calories out), the PA said I wasn't eating enough. Now I have been over weight since I was 5 years old. Never have I been told I wasn't eating enough. I was terrified that this would cause me to regain some of what I'd lost, but I tried for a few days, a couple more pounds came off. Then I was headed out on vacation. The hubs and I went to Florida for a week and took in Disney and Sea World. During this time I was also on my monthly cycle. My band was really tight and I had a really hard time eating, even yogurt was a struggle in the morning. I was burning close to 3000 calories a day due to all the walking. When I return my weight was up 4 lbs - WTH, I hardly ate? I figured some was salt intake and apparently that was true. In a week of being back on schedule I was back down to pretrip weight. This week since being really back to normal I have increase my protein intake and started eating snacks as my doctor recommended. All week I have stayed at the 190 weight. Each day I have eaten a snack of 1 weight watchers cheese stick and about 12 grapes (if I didn't want grapes I ate half of an apple). I found this was a tasty snack and I never got hungry, always kept a satisfied feeling. This morning my weight dropped to 189.8!! Ok, this is big to me. Okay TMI I know, but I haven't gone number 2 in 3 days. So being that I haven't really pottied well and my weight went down make me feel really good. Maybe I should listen and heed instead of just hearing every little tid bit the doc says!!

I have so much going on right now and I am waiting on so many answers..... My paperwork has been turned in for the 2nd time because they needed more info before they could approve or deny. My 2nd insurance has approved and now we are just waiting on the primary...... Now here is the kicker...I need to have this surgery done before May, which is not a problem for my doctor, but we are waiting on the insurance company. My husband and I are also waiting to find out about a job for him in Dubai. If he gets it which I am sure he has it he will be leaving in May! Same company he works for now, so he will have the same insurance. I just need his help with the kids while I recover! There is just too much going on and we have to wait for too many answers! My body hurts from all the walking and weight lifting that I have been doing. The soreness does not help with my emotions at all. I feel like a huge ball of raw emotions and like I am going to cry at any time. This is the first time in a while that I have logged in here because I have been trying not to think about it at all.

I'm in the final stretch. I'm ending Day 2 of the pre-op liquid diet. Tomorrow, I'll be 12 days away from surgery. I'm officially counting down! I'm really not hungry on the diet. Well, tonight I was feeling it a little - but only a tiny bit, so I just had a shake and I was fine. I'm not saying it will continue to be easy, but so far it's been fine. I started working my way into the liquid diet last weekend by having shakes but also one yogurt a day as well. Since Sunday, I've lost 13lbs. I was on my period last weekend, so I know that's part of it (cuz I had gained about 3 lbs the week before when the period was starting-hope I don't offend with TMI). Now I seem stuck in wondering how much weight I'll actually lose and how fast it will happen. I've never been thin, so I have no idea what any given weight would look like on me. I think to myself, "Will I still be plus size, but more like a size 18-20? Or will I actually be SKINNY and go for a size 10?" I also think to myself "You have a higher BMI, you'll lose faster!" and then I think "You don't wanna lose too fast because you'll look awful." Deep down, I seriously fear more than anything else that I'll look like a deflated elephant when this is all said and done. I strongly feel that I'll look terrible. I can feel myself self sabotaging with these thoughts, but I can't stop them. I want to believe that this surgery has nothing to do with vanity, but if I'm honest with myself, it's almost ALL about vanity. Vanity, and the idea that if I don't do something about my weight - AND QUICK - I'm gonna be alone for the rest of my life. And again, I have to stop thinking like this. Losing weight isn't gonna find me a decent man. At best, it's gonna give me the confidence to date, but even then it's not guaranteed that I'll meet a man I want to marry. Maybe the part of me that's causing the anxiety is the part that fears this surgery will change nothing. That even if I'm successful losing weight, nothing else will really change in my life. I like to think that suddenly I'll be so much more fun and outgoing and happy and friendly - because that's how I was when I was younger and thinner - but it's not realistic to think that my personality will revert to a time that long ago. I've had low self-esteem because of my weight for a long time. Will that change? Or will I still be miserable and self-loathing (i.e. calling myself a deflated elephant). I probably need a shrink. I've had therapists before, never really connected with any of them. And this is just, idk, embarrassing for me to talk about. :\ Well, on that note, I'm off to sleep. xo

Hi all post surgery folk I am now 4 weeks post surgery and struggling to eat anything more than yoghurt and the odd low fat cheese slice. If its a good day I can get down 2 rice crackers with a light topping. Pureed meat takes forever to digest. I am starting to think I may never eat solid food again. Is it just a matter of persisting with the pureed meat? Does it get easier? Am feeling a little downhearted about it all. The weight is coming off which is great, but this feels very tough. Min

I grew up in Boston, on Comm. Ave. between BU and BC. I went to Boston public schools and I am very proud of being from Boston. I now live about 10 miles south of the city. My good friend works for the Boston Police Dept., 911. He just told me a woman from CA ordered a lot pizzas to be delivered to the head quarters and a person from KY sent fruit. This country is super, if you don't like it, there's the door. My 95 year old mother's nursing home was in lock down yesterday. She doesn't go out, so she wouldn't have known. My mentally challenged brother lives near the nursing home and the chefs and other workers couldn't go make and serve dinner last night. He lives in senior housing. So today when we are all out enjoying our freedom, let's all sing "Sweet Caroline". That was sung at the Boston Common last night by the people that could finally leave their homes and at every Red Sox game. Thanks Neil Diamond for a great song. I know this has nothing to do the weight loss or the band. Arlene

I start my 2 week liquid pre-op diet on Thursday. I'm going to sort of ease myself into the liquid diet starting today. I had a strawberry body fortress shake instead of eggs and meatless sausage for breakfast. (I made mine with unsweetened almond milk and a splash of vanilla creamer - the creamer makes it SO MUCH BETTER), I'm having yogurt and maybe a cheese stick for lunch. And I have some Gardein Turk'y that I'll have for dinner with some asparagus. Then a shake if I'm hungry later. Since I started my journey, I have been focused on what I had to do to get approved for surgery, not what I had to do to get prepared for surgery. Some of these things go hand in hand - like changing your eating habits, losing a bit of weight, increasing exercise - but I have definitely not focused much on the emotional journey I'm about to go on. I've been more focused on the physical journey and the financial one. As a result, I had the tiniest of meltdowns at Walmart last night. I was doing "post op prep shopping" and it was like everything I picked up led me to unpleasant thoughts about what I'll be dealing with in just a matter of weeks. It started when I was at home and went online to make purchases from various sites for vitamins, supplements, protein powders, storage containers, etc. I mean, I spent nearly $200 right there simply because I'm definitely a sucker for "buy more, save more" specials. Even though I had a pretty long list going into the store, something about seeing these things pile up was just... overwhelming for about 22 seconds. I spend a good 45 minutes in the "Health" area - picking out gauze, tape, bandaids, ointment, lotions and a lot of other things like Milk of Magnesia, liquid Imodium, fiber gummies, Gas-X strips... just so much stuff. Just in case kinda stuff that I've seen over and over again in these forums that people need. And it's taking me a long time to get these things because I don't use any of these things now. I have a first aid kit that barely gets used... I don't currently get constipated, I don't get gassy, I don't get reflux, I don't get diarrhea... but I'm about to do something to myself, VOLUNTARILY, that will probably give me all of this and more, in combination with each other. And yet, I read over and over that people suffer through this and don't regret a single thing because it got them to where they want to be. So all of this went racing through my mind as I was in front of the fiber supplements (the last thing on my list for that section, the top shelf of the cart overflowing with all this stuff). No one was really around, so I sort of let myself go, for just a few seconds. I let out a deep breath and about 4 tears popped out of my eyes and I was done. I took another deep breath, wiped my tears, and picked out some fiber gummies. Did I come this far to back out? No. Do I want to stay where I'm at instead of having surgery? No. So I'm ready to face the emotions. This pre-op fear? Well, I'm as prepared as I can be. There's actually a lot of comfort in that. Expect the best, fear the worst. That fear is making sure I'm darn prepared so I don't have to bother going out and getting what I need when I'm already in trouble! Things are only going to get better... and better...