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How To explain away my scars? OK, this is awful so don't read if you are easily offended and do not appreciate a sick sense of humor. Warning! Don't read if you are easily offended! Last Warning! Sick Humor below!!!!! Shanked in prison... Shuts them up every time! - VSGKirk Some idiot: What happened? You: I had abdominal surgery. Idiot: What kind? You: The kind that involves the abdominal area. - newat52 Tijuana knife fight. - Kristina J. I had some "woman issues " - chell1978 Texas mosquito bites I was knifed by an exotic dancer in TJ. Full contact scrapbooking injury... When you get the weird look, you can fill in that scrapbooking is getting really intense now that scrappers are trying to make the hobby "athletic enough" for the Olympics. Bears. But never mind my scar, you should check out my awesome new rug! My wife said somtimes I don't know my place. Tell them you are trying to avenge your father and ask if they have six fingers on their right hand. Two words, "Satin sheets" I don't want to go into details, but suffice to say, I won't be allowed in that Benihana for a while. The first rule of Fight Club is 'don't talk about Fight Club' They say you can't get blood from a stone - well, the IRS tried! Remember when your mom told you not to run with scissors? I was watching the DIY network and they did a show on bodylifts... A zombie tried to eat my brains and missed. Tell them as much as you'd love to talk about it you just can't because your defense attorney and parole officer advised you to keep your mouth shut until after the trial. I got this in a bar fight when I used to ride with Hells Angels. That's where the aliens probed me Don't worry about it. Because of me, they now have a to put on warning labels! Well, let me just tell you this: You should NEVER EVER, under ANY circumstances, go out with a guy/girl that you met on the internet. "I was oyster hunting." They give me a blank stare. Then I say, with a wink, "You've obviously never been oyster hunting before." I was at this party with Marilyn Manson and everyone was giving out hugs. I lost a fight with a can of tuna fish. I slipped while making a salad. I fell asleep, and the clown got me. I'll just put it this way: when they tell you not to feed the bears, it's for a damned good reason. I'm a blade sharpness tester "I had an accident with a scalpel." [person asks why] "Well, you know that guy who woke up in an ice bath and his kidney was gone? Er... this had nothing to do with it. Honest." You know how dogs chase their tails? Well it has nothing to do with that. Nor does it have anything to do with cat scratches. Or the faeries that visit me nightly *ramble on*... What was I talking about? I thought those security tags on pants just sprayed ink, but apparently they spray shards of broken glass, too. "Oh, these?" *embarrassed face* "I know they look horrible, but the sex was INCREDIBLE!" "...Are you consipring aginast me? What's with all the questions? Who wants to know the answers?" *and upon interrupting "I'm doing the talking here" and then continue to ramble until they back away. "...They'll come and get you too. Run while you still can" Knifed by an exotic dancer. Terrible. Yes, they're nasty that way. I had unprotected sex with a porcupine. I took my lizards for a walk and they held on for dear life. The neighborhood cat and I had a disagreement about the paw prints on my truck. The police didn't comply with the terrorists' demands fast enough, so they took it out on us hostages. I keep falling off of cliffs trying to catch that damned roadrunner. The voices told me to do it. I did this as a sacramental offering to my dark lord, you prick. ::Smile:: In my past life I was a ninja. It sucks having parents who are sadists. My boyfriend and I accidentally went overboard during our last S & M session. I moon light as a stunt-woman who dives through glass windows. Look at your scars and frown You mean you don’t have any? Well, last time it was an alien baby. I’m actually kind of relieved. I had a narrow escape from a firing squad. Now that is an interesting question; it all ties in with the eternal enigma: why are we here, for what purpose does life on earth exist? go on about the meaning of life until everyone gets bored and goes away Carving a turkey is harder than it looks You want me to show you? smile evily Don’t EVER give blood abroad! Well, I tend to get a little violent with the computer when it doesn’t cooperate. Oh those? Bad juggling accident. I don’t like to talk about it. I’m much better now Oh these? Hmm, I dunno, they’ve just always been there. Well, I mean, ever since I took over this body, anyway. Strange, don’t you think? Ozzy Osborne is my uncle and we have some kick butt family reunions! Those psychology experiments are soooo not worth the extra credit… Oh my god! Never, EVER try taking candy from a baby! A reminder of my Pirating days.... My trained attack dragon did before I got him trained... I had a duel. Did you know chickens aren't all soft and fluffy? Playing Slug Bug with a cat is a reaaally bad idea. Oh this? *point at scar* That's where my twin used to be attached. Lightsaber battle I kicked Chuck Norris' ass all I got was this lousy scar! Tell them you had to help Jack Bauer escape from the Russians and that's the last time you'll cover his pansy ass. Narrowly escaped a zombie attack Fell on the runway-it's Fashion Week Rachel Ray's dog attacked me. I just tell people it's a "sex wound." My husband is ... just ... a WILD MAN, what can I say? That's all folks! Really, that's all there is. No hablo the english? There isn't anymore. Stop scrolling! Ok, okay, one last one. It's where the alien burst out. What, you think they only come out of chests? Satisfied!??????????

Update: 4-26-3013: It's still amazing to see what and how much comes out of me, considering how little I am eating. Most of the time, it feels like I am passing jagged rocks and it comes out looking like a pile of marbles. Then there are times like today, where this monstrous poo python emerges. And I'm thinking, "Where the hell did that come from? I just pooped yesterday and I haven't changed my eating habits or eaten extra food." Is there some storage area in the intestines I don't know about? Are my guts becoming some kind of Dooms Day Prepper? Some kind of "just in case we need it" secret poo stash? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller? I was visited by the infamous 3rd week stall. I didn't lose any more weight for about 5 days. Hit a 2nd wall on week 5, same thing. It takes me 4 - 6 days to start losing again. It helps speed up the process when I walk a little more than normal. But I've learned that part of the stall is tied to bowel movements. Post-Op, I only go every other day or every 3rd day depending on how much fiber/carbs I take in. You might want to consider how much waste your body is holding onto. My bathroom visits aren't steady at this point, sometimes I'll go twice on the same day. I'll be thinking, "Where the hell did that come from? I know I haven't eaten that much!" Sometimes I'll be over a pound lighter after a monster poop! My record is 2 lbs.

I think this is as good a place as any to start writing down the NSV as I notice them. I am only 3 weeks out and I have already noticed a few. 1. I flew to my sisters wedding in CO and I was perfectly comfortable in the plane seat. I have never really needed a seat belt extender but I have definitely been very uncomfortable in the seat with the seatbelt tight around me. This time I had some play in the seat belt and could comfortably sit for the whole trip not feeling like I was packed into the seat. 2. At my sisters wedding I danced! My uncle told me it was the first time he had seen me letting go and having fun in the 20 years he's known me. Now whether that's from the weight loss or my new hubby of 2 years, who knows? Doesn't really matter...what matters is I danced!! 3. Apparently I have totally stopped snoring! I meantioned to my husband that I will probably stop snoring and he said, "Oh you haven't snored the past few nights." I guess he didn't realize he was supposed to alert me to this stuff...LOL 4. On Thursday I went to my doctor appt and while we were sitting there waiting I looked down and realized I had sat down and crossed my legs....Like REALLY crossed my legs like a lady!! And I didn't even realize it! That's all I've noticed so far, but I'm really trying to pay attention since I think some of the NSV just slip past unnoticed. But I know when I hit those stall weeks that I will need to be able to look back and see all the things that have nothing to do with the scale.

I've been feeling really good about my progress lately, not just the weight loss, but also my physical abilities and what i can now accomplish. I had taken the day off from work yesterday and decided to reward myself. I went to the movies and saw GI Joe 2. I know I shouldn't have bought the popcorn, but I did and just got the smallest size. The sales girl tried to get me to buy the size bigger (she was just doing her job) and although I would have loved it, I refused because I knew I couldn't eat that much and didn't want to take it home with me only to finish it off later. Then she asked the bigger question, do you want butter on that? I said yes (even though I know how bad it is), but I didn't ask her to put some in the middle as I would have before surgery. Ohhhhh....how yummy it was. Half way through the movie and I had only eaten half the bag. I put it down to stop myself from getting sick. I later picked it back up and ate a little more. I had to put it back down again because it was making me feel sick. The movie was almost over and I had the urge to use the bathroom. So glad I was able to finish the movie before rushing out, although I could have waited for this movie to come out on DVD. Not worth the money, even though I did see it in 3D. On my way home, I decided that I was going to make this a "cheat" day for myself. I stopped at my favorite Teriyaki place and got some spicy chicken teriyaki. I also stopped at the local produce stand and got some fruits for the week and vegitables for the soup I planned to make for the weekend. By the time I got home, I was hungry, so I started eating some of the chicken. I didn't touch the rice because I know I shouldn't be eating it, even though this is my cheat day. I probably ate about 4 or 5 pieces of the chicken and had to stop. That chicken ended up being 3 meals for me. Yes, I did eat it again for dinner and the rest of it this morning for breakfast. So, what I'm finding that even though I want to try to eat some of the things that I used to before surgery, I'm still applying some of the teachings my nutritionist taught me, by habit and not from guilt of what I'm eating. I also weighed myself this morning and I'm down 3 pounds, which made me not feel so bad about eating things that aren't so good for me yesterday. I did realize that even though the popcorn tasted amazing, I probably will try it without the butter next time I go to the movies (I don't do it very often). I also realized that the teriyaki that I used to love doesn't taste as good now. Lastly, I know that it's okay to treat myself once in a while and knowing that I still can apply what I've learned to my choices, I still can do it without feeling guilty providing that it's on a rare occasion. Today, I am back on my schedule of making good choices (minus the teriyaki breakfast). By the way, I did eat my normal breakfast for lunch. I'm feeling good, possitive and happy and can't wait to see/feel the changes that will happen through out the next year. =)

Hi....I just wanted to share. I went shopping yesterday and for the first time in YEARS, I was able to walk into most any store and try things on and......shop! For a long time now I have gone with friends and family shopping and found it pretty boring or I would just be helping them pick things out....reason??? Nothing would fit me in the stores that they shopped in. This may turn me into a shopping monster....it was soooooo much fun! I now have a few pairs of pants from Ann Taylor and a few tops from The Loft. Just had to share this exciting new adventure.....thanks for listening.

Another week down ... But for whatever reason I had a hard time with cravings ? .... Stop... Rewind... During my recent fill... The PA suggested I go down to 1200 calories a day to jump start my metabolism and go on a liquid diet for a week or two :/ Well I was pretty good, but the last few days I feel like a bear !!! I have been cravings the worst things like chocolate and greasy stuff But I refuse to eat fast food ... So to get my "grease fix", I fried an egg in Pam ...but lost control twice this week and had 2 peanut butter cups (1 pkg) and a small bag of M&Ms. Ugh !!! I'm also having issues with soup.... I never realized how much sodium they have :/ If I personally have soup once a day, I'm going to balloon up. So, I've decided to cut down on soup. On the bright side of things ... I'm down another 2 lbs. I felt it should have been more ...but I'll take it. Also, I am actually get full on smaller amounts of food. Goals: Hit the dance studio 4 x a week Drink more water And decide if I need a fiber supplement for the plumbing lol

I was reading about how some people give up and then go back to their doctor for help, which is wonderful. Then there are the people who blame. I have a cousin, Ilana (real name) a know it all RN, who had bypass surgery about 8-10 years ago and is now over weight, again. She blames her surgery for failing. She likes to snack, have her afternoon wine and a cocktail when dining out. Her mother had the bypass over 25 years ago and she also gained all her weight back. (she passed away from cancer). Why do people have surgery and then blame the surgery for failing and not themselves. Ilana went back to her doctor and said the surgery failed, could he re-operate. He said, no. Good for him. We are given a TOOL and we have to learn to use it and respect it. If we don't then we are back to being over weight and it is our fault, no one else. Yesterday I had Chinese food for lunch, had a few other bad choices during the day, my fault, I gained or retained fluid from the sodium, my fault, can't blame anyone else for me, failing. I got the Band 8 months ago today and I think I am doing ok. Not a super fast weight loss but a decent one. I see my doctor in a few weeks and I do lose every time which I like and he does too. Have a wonderful weekend. Happy Passover and Happy Easter to everyone who celebrates. Arlene

Looked back over my blogs and I realized I blogged about the day we went to the Third Day Concert (almost a year ago) and the shirt I wanted to wear didn't fit. Fast forward to today and I am wearing that shirt..the one that didn't fit!!! Hopefully the picture will attach. The pic on the left was last year and it's a picture of the Concert picture...but you get the idea. The one on the right is today. Not a before and after, but definitely a before and during!!

I am finally half way through the this! I have to admit that it's been hard. It's not because I've had stomach hunger or head hunger. It's because I miss eating. Last night, I went to my mother's house and it was tapas night. This morning my roommate made ham, onions and eggs. I love eggs. (heavy sigh) Oh well moving onward, all of this will be over in one week. Woo Hoo! Not to mention that as of friday I've lost 5 pounds. A pound a day is pretty good. If I could only do it for 86 days in a row. Hahah! I have been think about getting a few tattoos. Here are a few ideas: 1.) Promise tattoo on my pinky finger, for the promise I am making to take the best care of myself from now on. 2.) "You never know how strong you are until being stong is is the only thing you have left" 3.) "Enough" because no matter what anyone says, I am good enough, smart enough, thin enough and beautiful enough. In addition, I have to remind myself that I have enough food and stuff. I think I like this one the most. What do you think? If you are reading this, good luck in your journey. I wish you the best of everything.