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When people fall in love they are head over heels with each other. They can't get enough of each other and decide we are in this for the long haul. As time goes on life changes and that in love feeling changes to a new love. People have to work at it because if it goes stale then the only thing that happens is either divorce or break up. People don't stay married for 50 or 60 years because it was always easy. Work, children, stress and everything in between come in to play and if you give up then you are giving in. When you choose to have weight loss surgery you are entering in a new relationship. In the beginning you are all gung ho over the band, bypass, or sleeve because you are getting results. Then your weight loss starts to deminish, it goes slow and that feeling of giving up plagues many. That in love feeling with your band becomes stale and sometimes obsolete. To keep your love alive with your band you must make an effort to have a healthy relationship with it, not give in because the going gets rough or you're not losing as fast as you want too. You have to change up your diet and not give in to eating the same old boring foods day in and day out. If you don't work with it or for it, it won't work for you. We had a good relationship with food before the surgery so you now have to have a good relationship with food now that you have the band. The only way that you are going to let this make you or break you, is your determination that your relationship with the band is going to be ever lasting. We don't give up on our children because they don't behave well, we don't give up on our jobs because they stress us, we don't give up on our loved ones because they are ill and we can't give up on our bands just because at the moment the scale won't move or we are having a hard time in life, stressed, dealing with things that we don't want too that would make us eat before. Our relationship now is different. It will in time give you life, health and happiness if you are willing to stay married to it for the long haul. If you want the band to work, then develop a loving healthy relationship with it. Don't let it get stale. Keep your momentum alive and think about why you did this. It is only up to you and you alone to make this relationship work. If you don't then you will be right back where you started. It's not always easy to have a new relationship but it's not impossible to have a healthy relationship with food. Love yourself enough to make this work because the benefits are priceless. If you ever doubt that you can't or won't succeed then its up to you to know that you are worth more then that.

Today was my 3 week post op appointment. I am doing incredibily well, all incisions are healing nicely, no side effects, no problems. I can drink all the liquid I need to, and am getting all my protein. I have been cleared to slowly and carefully start adding in other foods. And best of all I have lost 19 lbs since surgery and 43 total since I started the pre-op diet. 43!!! That is only 7 lbs less than I lost the entire 2 years I had the lap band. For anyone who is trying to decide between the lap band and the sleeve, or anyone considering converting from the lap band to the sleeve. I cannot say strongly enough...Go For The Sleeve!!! The difference is night and day. With the band I could eat very little, but I was always hungry (still had my whole stomach) with the sleeve, I can eat very little and I can honestly say I am full. For example at lunch today I had 4 oz of cottage cheese and 2 oz of imitation crab, and I couldn't finish it. Not only oould I physically not finish it, but I was honestly full! Whoot Whoot!!! Before the sleeve, I told my husband I never felt full until I was stuffed (which might explain my obesity I am so glad I did this!!! My husband says I'm melting before his eyes! Heaviest Weight: 281 3/6/13 Surgery: 257 (-24) 3/13/13: 251 (-6) 3/20/13: 245 (-6) 3/28/13: 238 (-7)

Let the countdown begin. Weighed in at 305 or less 2 days in a row - so it's official, 305 lbs. (I don't officially call it until I've been at a weight for at least 2 days!). Weighed in at 304.8 this morning, 305.8 at 5pm., let's see if it happens two days in a row again! Just a matter of days until I'm below 300 lbs - 1st time I'll be that low in almost 4 years. Hard to believe I'm losing weight. Been too many years hoping the dream would come true, and this actually happening to me are too difficult to accept as real. I keep thinking I might be in a dream or I'm being punked. I'll wake up and POOF, I'm still in my old body. The thoughts of it not being real and being disappointed again keep crowding in. Don't know when I'll let myself accept the reality of being at a lower weight. Oh well, I'll just keep drifting down the river Denial. Maybe I can deny myself right into 190 lbs. :-P

To give you all a little background information. I started the process with Kaiser February 6, 2013. Kaiser requires that you do the following before your paperwork is submitted to the board for approval. 1. Complete GB1(1st month) and GB2 (4th month) Class 2. Complete a weight control class 3. See a nutritionist for 6 months 4. Get a mental health evaluation 5. Sleep Study So as of today, I have done the GB1 class, sleep study and have seen my nutrionist twice, my thrid appointment is April 9th. I'm hoping to get my approval for surgery by the end of July and have my surgery the first week in September. I have been planning to have this surgery since October of last year. I could have started the process sooner, I just had to switch my insurance over to Kaiser, which I did January 1st. It seems like since I knew I was getting surgery, I had been eating almost everything in sight. Well not really, I've just been eating out almost everyday. I'm not sure if it was becuase I knew that I may nto be able to eat these things again, or if I was eating out of fear. I had a breakdown in February because I realized that everything about my life was about to change. Now, I've been skinny before and I know how my life was then and compared to now, there is a significant difference. I just don't know if I'm mentally ready to take that on right now. I tell myself that I don't have an addiction to food, but for me to go from 180lbs to 305lbs in 10 years says a lot. 305 lbs is my highest weight EVER. I've gotten close to 300 and got scared, seeing myself over 300 has taken a toll on me emotionally. Now I have to loose 15lbs before July 9th with my nutritionist and I'm feeling like I can't. When I know I can because I've done it before. I know it's all a mental game, but I'm loosing. When I went to see my nutritionist on Feb 12th, she said I had lost 5 lbs. When I went back on March 13th, she told me I gained 2 lbs back. I couldn't understand it. So now I need to loose the 2 lbs that I gained before I go back on April 9th. Wish me luck!

So, I started the couch to 5k program this week, using the online support and the app I downloaded to my Android phone for free- I like it. It just vibrates my phone when it's time to switch from fast walk/run. I started it Monday and did ok- it's a big change from being off pretty much all activity other than walking to an actual regimented work out...I did a walk yesterday, and then the couch to 5k day two is today. I'm pretty proud of myself, I was 240 post op, and today weighed in at 216 Can't complain about that. I'm not in new clothes just yet- but my old ones are falling off of me, which is finally a good feeling. I still don't see it in my body, I guess a bit in my face- and that's what people seem to tel me- plus my wedding ring is spinning like crazy on my finger- time to get one of those adjustable band attachments until my weightloss settles in and then I can go get it resized. Kinda exciting stuff if you ask me Hope all is well with everyone else!!

I have noticed I have more gas now than ever it doesn't smell at all.

Okay.....this is going to be one of those rambling "off your chest" sort of posts. Emotional upchucking at its best (yeah, I know, I put it so delicately, don't I? I'm such a frail southern blossom of femininity.). Seriously, though, sometimes I feel as emotionally hormonal as an adolescent! It directly correlates to a big sudden drop of weight and the release of fat locked hormones into my bloodstream. I intellectually know this, but I hate _feeling_ like this. Combine this with how stupid I feel about how _frustrated_ I feel and I feel like a mess. I guess for all of those who don't speak "Lyra" I should probably explain this.... I've spoken before about how it takes awhile for the mind to catch up to the new body. People treat you differently and suddenly you're dealing with flirting, and come-ons and half the time I'm bloody oblivious to it all because nobody has looked twice at me in years! And no, I'm not complaining, because it's awesome, but I feel like I'm speaking the same language as everybody else, but with a different dialect so that things get lost in translation. It rather reminds me of when I went to England as a teenager and had a little misunderstanding involving biscuits vs. cookies. Basically I need the Rosetta Stone for social situations. I thought I had outgrown my lack of social acumen in my late teens, but apparently not so much. I've gotten myself into some really embarrassing situations because of my oh-so-charming inability to read the bright neon social signs. Add the above together with the fact that I caught Ebola (translation: the flu) for three days and was a miserable wreck of a human and it's been a crazy week. Literally, if a ninja had suddenly broken into my home I would have gladly asked for a quick beheading. Ya'll, I highly highly HIGHLY recommend getting your flu shot this year because you don't want what I had! Granted the flu got me over my little 189ish lb stall (185 now! huzzah!) but it meant that I lost those four pounds in 3 days. Thus my poor body was inundated with hormones besides having to deal with Bubonic Plague. Add on that I feel sad (for no reason, life is good!), frustrated, exhausted, and moody and I'm sure my coworkers are loving me right now. I loathe feeling so overly emotional and finding ways to channel it has been interesting. Running seems to be the best method I've found, along with working on my artwork. Strangely enough though I don't think my bosses would like it if I went for a couple mile run when I should be decorating cakes! *amused*. I know that this too, shall pass and I'm aware enough to be able to reason out why I'm feeling this way and that that it's purely biological. If I follow the normal pattern I should be back to 'normal' within another few days as my body absorbs, processes, and resets...but man, is it aggravating while it's going on! So my query to all you fine readers out there; Does this happen to you? How do you deal with it when/if it does? Any good stories that may bring a smile to my poor, wan face? *puppy dog eyes*. The flu is good for nobody's complexion, lol!

Ok, so I posted last night all upset because I gained 2 lbs in 5 days. I went to bed weighing 251. I woke up this morning and weighed myself again, and I weighed 244. I have no idea how it is possible to lose 7 lbs in my sleep. I do feel better though, knowing that I am moving in the right direction. Maybe it was punishment for not waiting a full week to weigh myself like I said I was going to.

For the first time in a long time I'm believing that hard work and determination really do pay off. I haven't felt this good about working out and being healthy in a long time. I would always but everybody before me ie husband kids work. Now It's my turn and I dont know how to act. It just seem so unreal to me. Oh well I thought I would just share some food for thought. Enjoy your evening.

Okay, so you know how sometimes you're ambling (or sashaying) through your life when all of a sudden something comes out of left field and blindsides you and you're left sitting on your butt with cartoon tweety birds flying around your head? Yeah, that's me. I realized something today. I am legitimately scared of being skinny. Weird, isn't it? Now don't get me wrong, I'm ecstatic about how far I've come in 11 months. This is so NOT a complaint. Yet at the same time I realized that I'm only 30 itty bitty pounds away from my goal. I've wanted to be skinny and healthy for over a decade....and it's practically here. And I am scared out of my ever lovin' mind about that! I was talking to my mom and I made some off-hand joke about being plumptuous...and she said that I didn't qualify anymore. I wasn't 'chubby', 'thick', 'plump' or anything else. You could have knocked me over with a feather I was so surprised. I look at me and I still see a muffin top...apparently other people look at me and see someone who looks normal. I really think that 2/3 of the battle after this surgery isn't actually the weight loss...it's the mind/body disconnect that occurs. Just when I feel like I've finally gotten a handle on it, I'm hit again with how things are different. Again, this is NOT a complaint, merely an observation. I feel...well, uncomfortable isn't the right word. Perhaps uneasy? Restless? A conglomeration of all of the above words? Maybe 'growing pains' (no pun intended. Maybe I should call it 'shrinking pains'?) would be best. I'm finally coming out of my shell and slowly building the life that I want to live. At the same time there was something so easy about being able to blame my weight for the lack that I felt in my life. Now I have no security blanket and it's time to grow up and pull on my (stylishly awesome) big girl panties and kick a little butt. I feel so much is changing and I have the feeling that I'm standing on the edge of a precipice and that the next year is going to be wild, crazy, and will dramatically shift the direction of my life. Scared? Yes. Excited? HELL yes. Nervous? Well...a lady has to keep some secrets, yes? *wicked grin*