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How To explain away my scars? OK, this is awful so don't read if you are easily offended and do not appreciate a sick sense of humor. Warning! Don't read if you are easily offended! Last Warning! Sick Humor below!!!!! Shanked in prison... Shuts them up every time! - VSGKirk Some idiot: What happened? You: I had abdominal surgery. Idiot: What kind? You: The kind that involves the abdominal area. - newat52 Tijuana knife fight. - Kristina J. I had some "woman issues " - chell1978 Texas mosquito bites I was knifed by an exotic dancer in TJ. Full contact scrapbooking injury... When you get the weird look, you can fill in that scrapbooking is getting really intense now that scrappers are trying to make the hobby "athletic enough" for the Olympics. Bears. But never mind my scar, you should check out my awesome new rug! My wife said somtimes I don't know my place. Tell them you are trying to avenge your father and ask if they have six fingers on their right hand. Two words, "Satin sheets" I don't want to go into details, but suffice to say, I won't be allowed in that Benihana for a while. The first rule of Fight Club is 'don't talk about Fight Club' They say you can't get blood from a stone - well, the IRS tried! Remember when your mom told you not to run with scissors? I was watching the DIY network and they did a show on bodylifts... A zombie tried to eat my brains and missed. Tell them as much as you'd love to talk about it you just can't because your defense attorney and parole officer advised you to keep your mouth shut until after the trial. I got this in a bar fight when I used to ride with Hells Angels. That's where the aliens probed me Don't worry about it. Because of me, they now have a to put on warning labels! Well, let me just tell you this: You should NEVER EVER, under ANY circumstances, go out with a guy/girl that you met on the internet. "I was oyster hunting." They give me a blank stare. Then I say, with a wink, "You've obviously never been oyster hunting before." I was at this party with Marilyn Manson and everyone was giving out hugs. I lost a fight with a can of tuna fish. I slipped while making a salad. I fell asleep, and the clown got me. I'll just put it this way: when they tell you not to feed the bears, it's for a damned good reason. I'm a blade sharpness tester "I had an accident with a scalpel." [person asks why] "Well, you know that guy who woke up in an ice bath and his kidney was gone? Er... this had nothing to do with it. Honest." You know how dogs chase their tails? Well it has nothing to do with that. Nor does it have anything to do with cat scratches. Or the faeries that visit me nightly *ramble on*... What was I talking about? I thought those security tags on pants just sprayed ink, but apparently they spray shards of broken glass, too. "Oh, these?" *embarrassed face* "I know they look horrible, but the sex was INCREDIBLE!" "...Are you consipring aginast me? What's with all the questions? Who wants to know the answers?" *and upon interrupting "I'm doing the talking here" and then continue to ramble until they back away. "...They'll come and get you too. Run while you still can" Knifed by an exotic dancer. Terrible. Yes, they're nasty that way. I had unprotected sex with a porcupine. I took my lizards for a walk and they held on for dear life. The neighborhood cat and I had a disagreement about the paw prints on my truck. The police didn't comply with the terrorists' demands fast enough, so they took it out on us hostages. I keep falling off of cliffs trying to catch that damned roadrunner. The voices told me to do it. I did this as a sacramental offering to my dark lord, you prick. ::Smile:: In my past life I was a ninja. It sucks having parents who are sadists. My boyfriend and I accidentally went overboard during our last S & M session. I moon light as a stunt-woman who dives through glass windows. Look at your scars and frown You mean you don’t have any? Well, last time it was an alien baby. I’m actually kind of relieved. I had a narrow escape from a firing squad. Now that is an interesting question; it all ties in with the eternal enigma: why are we here, for what purpose does life on earth exist? go on about the meaning of life until everyone gets bored and goes away Carving a turkey is harder than it looks You want me to show you? smile evily Don’t EVER give blood abroad! Well, I tend to get a little violent with the computer when it doesn’t cooperate. Oh those? Bad juggling accident. I don’t like to talk about it. I’m much better now Oh these? Hmm, I dunno, they’ve just always been there. Well, I mean, ever since I took over this body, anyway. Strange, don’t you think? Ozzy Osborne is my uncle and we have some kick butt family reunions! Those psychology experiments are soooo not worth the extra credit… Oh my god! Never, EVER try taking candy from a baby! A reminder of my Pirating days.... My trained attack dragon did before I got him trained... I had a duel. Did you know chickens aren't all soft and fluffy? Playing Slug Bug with a cat is a reaaally bad idea. Oh this? *point at scar* That's where my twin used to be attached. Lightsaber battle I kicked Chuck Norris' ass all I got was this lousy scar! Tell them you had to help Jack Bauer escape from the Russians and that's the last time you'll cover his pansy ass. Narrowly escaped a zombie attack Fell on the runway-it's Fashion Week Rachel Ray's dog attacked me. I just tell people it's a "sex wound." My husband is ... just ... a WILD MAN, what can I say? That's all folks! Really, that's all there is. No hablo the english? There isn't anymore. Stop scrolling! Ok, okay, one last one. It's where the alien burst out. What, you think they only come out of chests? Satisfied!??????????

This week I'll have my first consultation with my weight loss surgeon, Dr. Wes Turton. Like most of us, I've struggled with weight for most of my life. The older I get it seems the faster the weight comes on, probably due to the fact that I'm exercising less and less. When I hit menopause, the gains seemed to go into overdrive. I don't recognize myself. I haven't always been morbidly obese. In fact, I was in the Army and most of the time I was within body fat limits. I was never able to meet the limits just by weight only, but always had to do the "Pinch Test" with calipers. In my minds eye, I still weigh around 150, and although I'm around 235 now at 5'4" tall, I still see myself as not that fat. I feel guilty about the fact that I can't lose this weight on my own. I've tried Nutrasystem, Weight Watchers, Adkins, and even used medically supervised prescriptions such as pentermine and Ionamine. All the results were short lived, and I quickly put back on the weight plus more. Still, I feel that weight loss surgery must be for people much heavier than me. Of course, that doesn't make sense at all. At this point, I look forward to getting this "tool" to help me with my weight loss. Even though I feel embarrassed at having to resort to this, I need to do it for my health. I'm pre-diabetic, have high cholesterol, low thyroid, and my knees are giving out. Diabetes runs heavily in my family and it is only a matter of time before I develop this devastating disease. Wish me luck...I'm just getting started!

http://youtu.be/Io2YpiQ8zcM

I was always the "big kid" - 100 pounds in kindergarten; 140's by 3rd grade. Food was my comfort. Grandma equated love with feeding you and she loves me a lot! Lots of carbs. Moved with mom & step-dad in 3rd grade away from grandma and her goodies. Through necessity I walked over a mile each day to the bus stop and back from 3rd grade through senior year. Stayed 140 from all the exercise and swim team. Teased a lot in elementary school - "MacTruck" haunts me to this day. I remember retreating inward and closed myself off. I always had boyfriends but I let them control me. Didn't think I was worthy of being treated well. Abandonment issues with biological father I found out years later in therapy. Never made solid friendships. I was popular and involved at school but I never went to parties. Never hung out with crowds. Never ever ate lunch at school, but would stuff my face every afternoon while watching Oprah. She was my hero. She was fat and successful. The one girl I thought of as my best friend betrayed me by sleeping with my boyfriends. Learned to not be vulnerable. Moved in with grandparents in college. Grandma's home cooking again. She plans lunch while you're still eating dinner! Gained 40 pounds. Didn't make 1 friend in college, but graduated with honors. Graduated and started teaching. Late night planning = cereal. 20 more pounds. Age 24, 200 pounds at wedding. Miserable. What I remember most is hiding behind a huge flower bouquet. Never thought I was pretty. Married a man who doesn't treat me well. He went out every weekend like a single guy while I worked 2 jobs to support us. Constantly being told no one else will want you because of how you look screws with your head big time! At 29, joined WW with a fellow teacher. I loved the meetings. I felt like these were "my people" - I excelled. I lost 80 pounds and was HOT. Problem was I didn't think I was. I saw the fat girl still in the mirror. After all, my husband was still gone every weekend and still telling me he drank all weekend because of things I did. I was so messed up in the head that I believed him! When he told me he would change if I had a child, I stupidly believed him. Duh, he was afraid I would leave him and he knows my abandonment issues so he knew I would never divorce him and leave my kid without a dad! Hindsight .... I remember being so sad when pregnant. I started eating carbs - hello, old friend. I forgot how much I need you all day long to deal with the dull ache in my heart. I was on the table pushing my son out of me and pleading with my husband to do right by us the entire labor. Pathetic. You can't change anyone. You can only change yourself. Spent the last 7 years working through that. Stayed with him through jail and rehab for drinking because I wanted him to wake up and realize I'm worth it. Hell, if I stayed with him, he should kiss the ground I walk on. All it did was make him think of me as more pathetic and a door mat. Even after I let him back home with no license and no job, he cheats on me with his old girlfriend he found on Facebook who is also married and lives far away. Instead of kicking his ass out, I cry alone and eat my feelings. In the two years since finding out, I've eaten myself up to 255 pounds. I'm ashamed of myself. I hate having to take my son to sports because I'm that fat mom in the baggy sweatshirt surrounded my the skinny moms in skinny jeans. I am dead inside. Every day is a struggle. I feel physically uncomfortable in this fat body. I don't make eye contact with people. I look down all the time and can't find one picture of myself with my son since he was one because I'm so horrified by the way I look. I know being thin will not make my husband love me. I know being thin won't erase the past. I do know I need this surgery to gain a piece of myself back a little bit every day. Right now I'm a hollow shell. Empty. Tired. Defeated. I know I don't have the fortitude to divorce in my present mental state. As I lose pounds, I'm hoping to get my desire for life back and with that the strength I need to make life changes. I am having this surgery to get back to me... Because I'm worthy and worth it.

Well here I am in that perverbal holding pattern with nothing to do but wait. I have sent all my medical records to my surgeon, which the financial person has gotten, but has not reviewed. I have requested my clearance letter from my primary care physician, but they have not sent it yet. Ok so I have done all I can do and now I have to wait. I am not a good person when it comes to waiting. I get antsy, nervous and downright aggrivated when it comes to waiting. So I try to occupy my time otherwise, but everything comes back to me and wanting and more importantly needing this tool to get my life back on track. I have even gone as far as cleaning out my closet of the clothes that I refuse to wear again. I have researched vitamins, gyms, protein and even the adverse side effects of the surgery. I do not know what to do with my time. Luckily I have my work and my family which keeps me busy but I keep thinking about all the things I want to do. I am going to say, I have run across a lot of people who seem to think that this surgery is the magical solution to their weight loss. Those that sabotage their surgery by eating sold foods as soon as a week out of surgery. The ones who are upset that they are not losing more than 5-6 lbs a week. I don't know about you but that is amazing that is over 100 lbs in a year, it is almost unheard of outside of weight loss surgery or extreme exercise like Biggest Loser. I am trying not to lose touch with reality and know that I may not lose fast, or I may be slower than the biggest success story, but know I want it to be me who is the one who excels losing, like everyone else. I am afraid and I worry, the more I wait the more this worry and fear compounds. So I have to make myself focus, I have to not lose sight in the fact that it is a long road I have ahead of me and there will be waiting along the way. I want this surgery to happen now, and yes I am having a temper tantrum in case you were wondering. I want this part of my journey to start but since I cannot determine the pace or the way in which it happens, then I will wait, I will try and be patient, They say patience is a virtue......well it happens to be a virtue I do not possess.

Well I made it through both weeks of liquids and got to move on to soft foods. But the added wrinkle to my week is that I am traveling from CA to CO for my sisters wedding. So I am not in my home environment. My sister was very helpful and had my protein drinks, yogurt and cottage cheese at her house when I got here so that has helped. So far I am doing fine with soft foods. However, I have discovered that I am sensitive to sugars. I have had two bouts of diahrrea, both of which came after I had a bit too much sugar. (One I had blended some peanut butter into a shake, and the second one was just eating a normal yogurt) So neither time was I over doing it, but I have decided that I am really watching the sugar content in anything I eat. It has been a challenge to be with my whole family, and not be eating. I haven't really had an issue with it, I'm not hungry and I just eat what I can. But I think other people get nervous if I don't eat. But so far, I've been doing good. My other challenge is to drink my water. We spent the past 2 days running around, setting up for the wedding, the wedding itself, and then running around cleaning up. I have been really really tired and I noticed that the creases in my skin are staying much longer than they should (like creases on my shin from tucking my jeans into my boots stayed there for over 8 hours)...so I'm a little dehydrated. But I'm going better today and just hauling my water bottle around with me. My weigh day was Wednesday and I did weigh just before I got on the plane. I did win the bet with my husband ...he thought I would lose close to 20# between surgery and our trip (2 weeks) I didn't think I'd lose that quick. I was right, but I still feel good about what I have lost. Heaviest Weight: 281 3/6/13 Surgery: 257 (-24) 3/13/13: 251 (-6) 3/20/13: 245 (-6) I will be flying home on Wednesday so I'll have to weigh on Thursday after I'm back at home with my own scale!!

Today, my housemate very sheepishly asked me for a favor. She asked if it would freak me out or upset me if I made a batch of Mac n' cheese. I am famous across several states for my baked Mac n' cheese. No soupy sauces, just a cheese-laden bowl of goodness so dense that you could cut it into squares to serve it and each square would hold its shape until attacked with a fork. Oh, how I love the stuff. My first reaction was to think that I couldn't do it, because I couldn't face the temptation of having such a yummy, calorie laden treat around the house and me not be able to eat it. Then I stopped and thought. Yes, I have a band now, which means I have to make better choices with food, but I will be making those choices for the rest of my life if I want to be successful. Can I really contemplate an eternity without ever eating Mac n'cheese? Would I even want to? So I came up with a plan, and I have to say, I'm pretty brilliant. I made my housemate my old fashioned Mac n'cheese the way I always do. No weighing, no measuring, just put the stuff in til it looks right, then stick it in the over and let the magic happen. But at the same time, I made a second, much smaller batch just for me. For MY batch, I used whole wheat pasta to eliminate the white flour and raise the fiber content. Then I weighed and measured the exact amount of cheese that would go into the bowl. I measured each additional ingredient carefully and programmed the whole thing into My Fitness Pal so that it would calculate exactly how many calories are in each serving. And you know what? It's not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. Not only did it taste just as good as the orginial version, but my 1/4 cup serving had a good amount of protein between the pasta, cheese, egg and milk in the recipe. It also had an amount of calories that easily fit into my daily meal plan alongside a serving of lean meat. I found that 1/4 c just as satisfying as the bowl I would have eaten previously and it felt like a huge NSV to reshape the recipe and eat a healthy amount of a "normal" food. Go me! Now, that isn't to say that the lingering traces of the old me didn't think briefly about eating the entire batch in one sitting, but with my latest fill, I know that I honestly couldn't do it without getting sick. My band would stop me. Finally. But even more than that, I know I'll enjoy each small serving more knowing that I'm still living as a compliant bandster and that I'm still on track to meet my goals. So, I'll say it again: Go me!!!

Well Good Morning to all of you LapBanders! Are you having a wonderful day, are you having a successful lap band journey? Well I am choosing to have a wonderful day and I have had a wonderful lap band journey. If you can't answer yes to both of those question, you need to ask yourself WHY the H E L L NOT! Hi, my name is Diane, Love to all my BFF's on lap band talk. I have been banded since October 2010, and yes I am a successful lapband participant. I set her dormant most of the time, surfing the site, occasional liking a post or making a comment. I don't really get caught up in all the Bull S H I T that goes on in the blogs or on the forums, because honestly people are going to do what they want and you can't fix stupid. My philosophy on life is to live to the fullest and you get out of life what your willing to put into it. There are times in life when we all ask the question,"Why is this happening to me?" God, why do you put so much burden on me? Seriously, how much more can I take or can I do? Seriously folks don't ask those questions because, life is just that LIFE and it will always throw you curve balls and it will always put obstacles in your path, it is how YOU chose to deal with the curve balls and the obstacles that defines your path. If you want to be successful or optimistic about anything it is your attitude that is your defining grace. Let me explain: What is a pessimist? a person who habitually sees or anticipates the worst or is disposed to gloomy. What is an optimist? the tendency to EXPECT the best and see the best in things, hopeful, confident. Now I want you to read both of those definitions and take a good internal look at your self, stand in front of the mirror and ask your self, Am I a pessimist or an optimist? If that person staring back at you from the mirror is a pessimist, I am here to tell you, YOU WILL FAIL at this WL Journey. You will never lose all your weight, you will struggle at every obstacle the band throws your way. You will whine about being hungry, you will whine about being stuck, you will whine about not losing weight, you will blame the band, the surgeon and everyone on this sit who has been successful or is really trying. Face it everyone, trying to lose weight sucks, and it is hard whether you have Lap Band or some other tool helping you. It is going to be hard work but if you believe in yourself, NOT the BAND, you can and WILL be successful I know because I was and am! So the next time life throws you Lemons, instead of crying over split milk, Make a nice cool, refreshing glass of Lemon Ade sugar free of course. Today, I dedicate my blog to my mother. My mother is 84 years old and is dealing with Dementia. Well maybe I should say we are dealing with mama having Dementia. Honestly I never thought we would be here, my mama was always such a vibrant lady, always a on the go, the life of the party. But now she is scared and lost and what is the saddest is she knows she is lost. She woke up yesterday morning at my house and walked out of her room like a frightened 2 year old waking from a bad dream. She was disheveled and crying. "Di, how did I get here? I went to bed in one place and woke up here? How did I get here?" She was sobbing, it broke my heart to watch. It took us the better part of the morning to reconstruct the night but with time and patience she was able to put her night back together and realize why she was with me instead of at her place. You see we are relocating my mama to be closer to me and my brothers, she had spent 4 days of hell, saying goodbye to all her old friends, her great grand children and grand daughter. She had packed her 84 years up in boxes and loaded them on a big truck. She spent the night in a hotel, had lost her suit case and drove for 8 hours, unpacked a truck into her new home, went to dinner in a strange town, went to bed in a strange bed and woke up scared. Now I ask you, What would you do or feel? Lost, scared, unsure of what is happen, Yes you would and so would I. I told my mama it was going to be OK! She said to me" Di, it may be OK but it will never be the same!." WOW what a powerful statement, and you know what she is right, it will never be the same. But it will be OK, and why will it be OK, because we are choosing to be optimistic. We all know the end result of Dementia, you slowing lose your present, live in your past and forget that there is a tomorrow! So why not make the most of what time you have left of today and continue to enjoy life. We could all give up on mama and just pretend this isn't happening or let others deal with it but is that really fair? So you see, life has now thrown me another curve ball or more lemons, I have whined, I have cried, I have asked those questions, Oh why me and my mama but today, today I am choosing to be hopeful and confident that my mama will slowly descend into the shadows of darkness known as Dementia, I am choosing to be hopeful that she can remain independent with minimal assistance from her family. I am choosing to make Lemon Ade. I know the odds, I know what the final outcome will be but it truly is about the journey and I am choosing to make this a wonderful, hopeful journey for me, mama and my family. So friends I ask you again are you a Pessimist or an Optimist and if you are a pessimist may I suggest you look really long and hard at that person staring back at you from the mirror and ask WHY?

Blog Post 2: The bariatric psychological visit for my Gastric Sleeve. Or what I remember of it. http://youtu.be/-vm3fe9R3gk

Journey began- June 22, 2012 (band day) Weight- 244 (Highest 247) 3/3/14 weight- 192.8 Sizes- pants 14/16 shirts L So much as taken place since June 2012. Some days it really hits me how much I have changed both inside and outside. I have a lot of people to thank for this including myself. My hubs- For encouraging me to move it to lose it and for being my support. His encouragement has gotten me through the rough days. My parents- for supporting me in this journey and for telling me they are proud of me. Just this weekend my dad told my hubs to buy me a new coat because they one I had was wayyy to big- this really made me feel good because my dad does not compliment people. Lapband site folks: Carolina Girl- for her no nonsense, this is the way it way of responding and blogging. Often she reminds me what this is really about. Missy- for being the ever encouraging inspiration lapband rockstar. The way she responds to post and "likes" most encourages me to hang it and that I am not a crazy bandster. Jean McMillian- for her responses, her articles, ect. This last article she wrote slapped me upside the head and I needed that Gibbs slap. The great thing about this site is while you will on occasion encounter negative nellies and the general butt hole, you also encounter folk who know what they are doing, who have and are rocking the journey and can give great encouragement and support if you just listen with an open mind. Of course there are days when I feel like crap and that I am a total failure, I think we all experience this at some point during the journey. However, times like this weekend when I try on pants and find that size 16 shorts are to big and 14's are perfect and a large shirt fit just right let me know I am doing this no matter how I see myself in the mirror. There are time when I still feel like shammoo in drag, but I am doing this- I am getting smaller and healthier. So thanks to all who have encouraged, supported, listened, responded, posted their stories, blog - you have made an impact on this bandster!!