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Its my first post! Good lord, it takes some legit effort to navigate this site haha! I am officially a week out from my surgery, and real talk, I have been down for the count. I had the laproscopic procedure, outpatient surgery, allergan band. For all the hoopla about this being minimally invasive, I've been hurtin'! I don't know if I've been hurting this badly because I didn't move around as much as I should have or if I really have the world weakest pain tolerance. Either way, its been rough. I struggled a lot with pain from gas in my stomach through day four. I'm good with my liquids consumption now but I've definitely had to work up to it. I really just hope the next week flies by because I am SO OVER liquids right now haha! I've been having to cheat and add a cup of chocolate soy milk to my protein shakes because they're starting to taste so gross. My starting weight was 315 at my very first appt, I was at 300.8 the day of surgery, and floating between 290-289 today(7 days post op). I'm resisting temptation and only weighing myself every Tuesday. On top of that, I'm doing a body shot every 4 weeks. Good gawwwd, the pre-op ones I took (In what I'm now loving referring to as my 'goal-kini') was a blow to the self confidence lol. I swear by spanx and can dress my shape really well... seeing it all hang out like that was not an image I wanted to see. But hey, gotta see where you came from to know where you're going. If you read this, drop me a line or comment! I'm trying to meet some people on here since I don't have a support group nearby.

Ok, the last week has been kinda stressful and I know it's only going to get worse. My job is changing greatly over the next few months and I am having learn a lot of new things and work extra to keep up with my job while I learn a new system. So maybe I am just stressed, but I need to rant for a min...... WLS is Easy WTH. I saw someone this weekend who hadn't seen me for a while and told me I looked great. Of course the next thing out of her mouth was how did you lose so much weight? I said that I was really watching what I ate, eating healthier and moving more, and that I had lapband surgery. Her comment was, oh well you are lucky then you can't gain weight. I wanted to expload at that moment. The thing is with lapband or ANY WLS you can gain weight. Gaining weight is EASY, not losing it. I can gain by eating more than I expend- calorie layden thing (milkshakes, chips, ice cream, cake, ect). I can gain just like anyone else. It really bothers me that people still have this misconception that WLS makes it so much easier. Does it help, YES, does it make it easy HELL NO. BMI vs Size Ok so here is another thing that is buggin me. My entire life doctors have complained about my weight. I have been over weight since I was 5. Over 200 since middle school (now 190's). Now that I am losing and I have studied info, I congnitivly know that the scale isn't totally accurate when it comes to my health. I have lost 50+ lbs, while my weight is in the 190's I am far smaller than I thought I would be in the 190's. Why, because of my muscle to fat ratio. It is often said that muscle weighs more than fat, not exactly true. A pound of muscle takes up far less room than a pound of fat. A stick of butter and a ball bearing may weigh the same, but that ball bearing is much smaller. So my muscle mass has increased, and my shape has decreased, but the scale isn't moving these days. Yet when I go to the doctors they look at the scale and calculate my BMI and tisk tisk tisk. WTH- Doc please look at the whole pic instead of one fasit. I am a work in progress not a completed project. Fear factor I will be the first to say that I am scared, paranoid, terrified of gaining weight back. I have tried way to long to lose, now that it has begun I do not want to revert. So yes I am almost obsessive over it. Is this good, not really, but it's me. I look at what I eat, I weigh daily, I move more. Being a scientific person I like to see cause and effect. How does what I put in effect measurment and weight. I chart every thing so I can take it to my doctor. Judgements Ok, so maybe I am paranoid that people judge me when they aren't, but I think that comes from my years of low self esteem. I often see people state, Oh you are doing what your suppose to so don't worry about the scale, don't weigh it just drives you crazy, don't worry the weight will come off. Yes, I know all the data- about the scale doesn't show the whole picture, that we should keep on doing what we are suppose to when the scales stops and in time weight will come off. But, gee am I the only human on here that while I know this, it still doesn't make me happy that the scale isn't going down. Ok, so maybe I am judging others here, but here it goes.... some people post and make statements on here that make them appear that they are perfect. They are losing, they are doing what the doctor says, they aren't weighing daily- happy, happy, joy, joy. It's like they never get frustrated or impatient ever. I honestly wonder sometimes are they really like that, or are they just putting on a front on this sight. Because while this journey hasn't been the tooth and nail climb that diets have been in the past, it has not been all hunky dory and perfect. So my thought for them is be human, I have flaws I get stressed, and I know you do to, no matter if you want to admit it or not. I think newbies need to know and see the entire picture. Yes, you do what your doc and NUT say. Will this be easy - no. Will you hit plateaus- yes. Will you get frustrated at times- hell yes. Will what works for me work for you- maybe/maybe not. Okay so enough of my ranting. If I offended anyone sorry, chalk it up to me having a bee in my bonnett to day and had one straw to many put on my pile. Thanks for letting me rant!!

Ok so I went and saw my surgen today for a fill. First I told him about everything that has been going on with the death in my family and me eating off. And to my surprise he told me he was proud of me, for taking responsibility for my actions. I also told him about all the lovely people I have been talking to on this forum and how yall have help me. On to the visit I get on the scale and to my surpised I'm down two more pounds. Can you say all smiles. You guys have truely help me a lot and I can't think you enough for the support. I was so happy when I left the office I went and did three miles at the gym. :wub:

I first want to give a shout out to JennJitters for inspiring me to write this blog. I saw a blog she put out where she listed all the things she wanted to do when she lost the weight and I wanted to do the same thing. I am one week post op today and I wanted a list of things that I could look back on in 9 months or a year and say "yes! I did that" You don't have to read all the way through, It will probably be a fairly long list because there are allot of things I want to be able to do. This is mostly just for me but I am willing to share it because I know that you all probably feel the same way about most of these things... Learn how to rock climb Hike and summit any mountain I feel like (I love the Olympics) Go horseback riding and not feel like I'm killing the horse Have children and be able to play with them Be in shape for the first time in my life Walk into a room and not think everyone is staring at me because I'm big Have my first ever Valentines Day date Take the stairs not wishing there was an elevator Be able to get cloths at any store without wondering if they have my size Ware cloths in the single digits Be confident in myself Fit in the rides at the fair.. I love rides! Ware a bikini and feel good about it Learn how to snowboard Be able to buy shews that are not "wide" Be able to ware high heal shoes for more than 20 minutes without being in pain Sky dive! Oh yes I really want to do this! lol Have a man pick me up Not be controlled by food Eat to live not live to eat Buy longerie and feel good wearing it Be able to have pretty panties that are not hidden under a roll Be able to share cloths with my sister (she has the coolest cloths!) Take full body pictures and not hate them Have only one size of cloths in my closet (not 5 different sizes depending on what diet I am on this week) Be comfortable in a normal size sleeping bag Go to the gym and not be self conscious To be able to fit comfortably on an airplane To be able to do a hand stand... why not? To be able to do advanced yoga Get a tattoo Fit in a playground swing without hurting my hips To feel sexy Now lets see how long it takes to mark off a few of these

So yesterday I was telling yall how I had fallen off the wagon and how depressed I had been for the pass couple of days, due to death in the family. I also was telling yall that I was getting back on the wagon starting today. Well I am happy to say I hit the gym and my personal trainer running this morning. And it felt great. I am learning so much about myself it's unreal. Since starting this I'm more active than I have been in a long time. And for once I'm putting me first. Things happen in life that will knock you down. The object is deciding what you going to do when you get up. Enjoy the rest of your day.

For the past week I have been thinking of what to write for my one year update. Firstly,I dont regret having the sleeve as far having lost the weight and the way I am looking.It feels good to be thin even though I have loads of extra hanging skin. But,and I am so sad that there has to be a but here... I went into menopause at the age of 45 3 months after having the surgery.At the time my dr said it might just be because I am losing a lot of stored estrogen and the symptoms might disappear,but it didnt quite go away.I now have a period every 4 mnths or so and hotflashes,as they please.Horrible to be dealing with this now.Anyway,I am dealing with it. I am bruised black and blue the whole time.Bruises that is clearly not casued by bumps as they are in such strange places.My bloods are all out of wack,different ones every time I have it done.The amount of pills I have to take is unreal.This would be fine if it wasnt affecting my stomach the way it does.I now have to add carafate to the PPi I am taking.As for the bruising,no one seems to know why this is happening and I am due for more tests in the next couple of weeks.The one thing that has also changed drastically is my lipid profile.My TC was never high,I had great HDL and LDL was normal.Now my HDL is super low,my LDL is super high and my Tc borders on high.Who knows how the heck that happens while losing 137 pounds? About a month ago I started having symptoms of peripheral neuropathy.I dont want to comment on this too much as I am still inshock dealing with the burning,tingling and pain in my hands and feet.I hope this will go away with the supplements I am taking as I have no idea how one live with this indefintely without going stir crazy. Just to top all this and make it more interesting,my neck,back and tailbone is giving me hell.I seem to be growing a hump om my upperback and the kids tell me I am bent like the moon.I have a lot of upperback and neck pain but the bad thing is I cannot atand for longer than a couple of seconds before my lower back is killing me.I can sit and I can walk,no problem.I just cannot stand. I am extremely sad that things are not as straight forward for me as for others as it would have been nice to enjoy being at goal at this point.To have dealt with my fears about having plastics as I am almoat ready to so it I dislike my arms that much...lol. However I am constantly trying to deal with some health fallouts at the moment.I am so scared that this will be my life now.Hands and feet on fire,a back that cause for me to have to sit down all the time.A neck that keeps me awake all night and to top that I look like I was in a bad accident or fight,all the time. This all sounds so negative.But I might have gotten sick just from being fat if I didnt have this surgery.If only dealing with these issues werent so complex.If only there were some easy answers and fixes.I am a fixer.I am a doer.If something is wrong,fix it and most of my issues I cannot only not fix,I can hardly manage them. Maybe in a couple of months I will find myself healthy.Painfree!Burn free!Free of bruises!Taking less than 15 pills a day.But for now I am a little fearful about my future. And then I want to just delete this post as it isnt what I want things to be like and about. But then I will leave it to read in a little while when things are better and the problems have been resolved. Part 2 will talk about all the nice stuff...like wearing a size 36B bra..hehehe!And having bought a size 10,yes a size 10 broadshort, yesterday!Not all is bad and life does go on!

Someone asked for a recent picture - the first is 1-1-11 at my daughter's wedding, 8 months before surgery, a week before I went to the orientation. The second is from this past Saturday, my younger daughter's 18th birthday 3-16-13

My wife and I have been quite open with our two daughters (9 and 12) about my lap band. Before surgery we walked them through what would happen, how it would affect my life and more than that why I was doing it. So as I have had to adjust to my new lifestyle, my daughters and wife have adjusted with me. But I didn't realize the extent of that adjustment until I heard these words come out of my 9 year old's mouth "Mom, you are chewing too fast, you need to slow down!" The look of shock on my wife's face was priceless

I have to share...I ran into the forum How are you doing on the emotional side of being thin..or something like that. It really made me start thinking. How did I ever get to this point in my life? O there are so many things I can sit down and list that made me unhappy and that I LET push me to over eat and eat from emotion. Let's face it, it is a roller coaster that once you get on there is no getting off without some serious help. I am a little worried about how I will handle things once I have my sleeve, but I will take it one step at a time. I hope to turn more toward lifting weights and walking. Heck maybe even running! I would love to run with my oldest daughter. She seems to really enjoy it. My middle child enjoys sprinting. What a day that will be when I can run and sprint without the worry of ending up in the hospital! Last year I had started jogging and walking with the family everyday. I started getting more and more dizzy. I even had to go in the hospital for them to try to fig out what was wrong. Come to find out there are these rock like things in your inner ear that I jarred loose and out of whack! I guess it is because of being so big and running. I was getting to where I could run and keep up with the kiddos too. I really enjoy this site because it gives me a chance to get a peak into the world I will hopefully be facing very soon.

And no, I am not talking about the size of my butt! Just looking at my ticker and based on my surgeon's first goal for me, I am over have way there, but as many veterans have warned me weight loss has slowed, but is still on a downward trend. It would be nice to extrapolate based on what I have lost so far as to how long it will take me to meet that goal, but WLS doesn't work that way. My spin classes have been giving me great cardio, and building my leg muscles but they have also been playing havoc with the scale. As my body retains water to deal with the micro tears that encourage new muscle growth, the scale stays the same (or climbs) for days on end, then one morning I will get up and have dropped 3-4 pounds from one night to the next. But if I am logging my food, and exercise I can pretty much ignore this by knowing what is real. Next step is adding in strength training, since I don't want a lot of upper body mass, low weights and lots of repetition will tone my upper body without making me look like the Hulk.