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Well, this is embarrassing to admit, but for the past 2 years I've had to sit down to pee. At some point my gut and the fat pooch above my junk got too big and it was a real hassle (and messy) to use the urinals. So it was just easier and cleaner to sit on the toilet. So it was a happy surprise when I realized yesterday that I could use the urinals again. My job requires a dress shirt. I hated having to drop trou, tuck my shirt tale back in, and fight with my belt every time I went to the bathroom. Now I can go back to hosing down the back of the urinal and destroying the cigarette butts at the bottom. :-P P.S. They must think guys are pretty dumb around here. I saw a sign above the urinal that read, "Please don't eat the big white mint!"

Ok so as of 3/6 according to my nutrionist I am on track with everything. I dont feel that way but she was happy. She wants me to be 218 by my 3 month mark which is 4-14.I am currently 233 was 270. Thats a ways away and only 15 lbs but with the way I get stuck on a weight for over a week at a time kills me. I need to start exercising more but I still have a hole in my side. That prevents alot. I am absolutely horrible at getting my protein in! But I found that the french vanilla protein works well as a cooffe creamer. Plus the coffee masks the protein taste. Oh and I do it in room temp coffee mix it and then add ice. I loooovvveee cold coffee. And caffeine free of course. I was quite pleased. I may try chocolate next week. Make like a mocha. Anywho...Happy losing!

I had my final appointment with my surgeon before my surgery on Friday. It was weird to be off routine for my liquid diet, and it caused me to stray from the path that I have laid down for myself. Because the clinic that I am working with is about 2 hours away, I froze one of my protein shakes so that when I got hungry in the afternoon, I would have a cold shake. Well, I froze the shake solid and it wasn't close to being thawed out and It came time to where I could feel my tummy grumbling. So when I finally got home I popped one of my frozen meals into the microwave and waited. And as I waited, Ty made some lumpia for his dinner. After I finished my meal, I made a mistake. I ate two little lumpia. And they were so good. But right after I finished being happy about the taste, I immediately felt guilt. So I got my phone and went to input the lumpia into myfitnesspal I found out that they are 110 calories each. I felt even worse. The only thing I didn't feel bad about was not going over my calories. But I still felt awful. Then I sat up and said to myself, "I am human, I make choices, some are good, some are better, and some just mean that there is another action to be its companion." So the next thing I looked up on my phone, was when my gym closed. 9pm, so after the food settles in my stomach, I am going to finish the action that I started by eating the lumpia. I'm going to burn those calories and more. I no longer feel guilty, I feel responsible.

After the shopping Friday, I cleaned my closet out Saturday. I got rid of a lot of clothes that I could no longer fit or sew to fit. I gave a lot away to ones who needed them. But man do I have so much more room in my closet, but enough shopping for now since I plan on losing another 50+ pounds. I'm excited about where I am today. And excited about where I will be in 4 months on my surgiversary in July. A Month before surgery 8 Months Post-Op

I don't know if I give this the right title. But today for lunch I made some spinach and salmon. I cut the salmon in half, and put everything in my bowel. And about half way through a light blub went off that said ok that's enough eating now stop. And without thinking I put my fork down, closed the lid on my food and put it up. Is that normal.

Ok, I was sleeved on Friday, and didn't really feel like blogging in the hospital, so I will try to include as many details as I can here. Friday, March 8 - wife drove me to the hospital at 6 am. Nurses brought me in to empty my bladder, get changed into the gow, sign some paperwork, and get the IV started. I kissed my wife, and got wheeled into the OR at around 7:30. The next thing I can remember is the nurses calling out my name trying to wake me up in the recovery room. I opened my eyes and saw a clock on the wall said 11:30. I was struggling to determine if I was dreaming or if it was real. I started trying to determine if I was in any pain, and noticed it was hard to take a deep breath. They wheeled me up to my room about a half hour later. I was so tired, and all I wanted to do was sleep. They gave me a button to push for Morphine, and told me to use it as often as I needed. The morphine made me nauseous whenever I would use it, only temporarily, but enough to make me not want to use it too much. I had some belly pain, but mostly what I would describe as "tightness" in the belly. Worse than the belly was the gas pain I felt in my chest, and a pain in my left shoulder which I am reading now was also from the gas. The doctor repaired a fairly large hiatal hernia while he was in there, so I think that compounded the chest pain and gas pain. Sleeping at night was hard - basically every hour was 45 minutes of sleeping and 15 minutes of being awake. I used the morphine about once an hour throughout the night, just to get some sleep. Also, another thing that was hard was the cotton mouth. I wasn't able to drink anything at all for the first 24 hours, but was able to swab the inside of my mouth with water. It helped some, but was annoying. The first day was pretty much Hell, and I was praying that it would all be worth it. Saturday, March 9 - I awoke in the morning, and was told that the doctor would be in at some point to do an X-ray to make sure there was no leakage. One thing I forgot to mention about Friday was that they would give me a heparin shot every 8 hours or so, and that would continue for the whole hospital stay. The doctor showed up, and they brought me down in a wheelchair to do the X-ray. I had to stand there and drink a few sips of barium solution, the first fluid I had drank in about 36 hours. Doctor said everything looked great, no leaks, and the hiatal hernia looked like it was healing nicely. I got back to my room, and was given a 'food' tray, clear liquid bariatric diet. I tried to get some liquid in, but it was very hard. They disconnected the morphine, and switched me to Tylenol with codeine in pill form, which had to be crushed and put into liquid. It was so bitter and hard to drink. I only ended up taking 2 doses, and haven't taken any pain medication since 6:45 Saturday night. Overall, it was a much better day than day 1. I got up to walk and to urinate a few times, and it did help with the gas pain. Sleep on Saturday night was much better than Friday night. I was still a bit uncomfortable, especially the constant burping and the pain in my left shoulder. It was hard to stay on my back all night, but slept pretty good, only waking up one time to urinate and I walked the length of the hall a couple times while I was up. Sunday, March 10 - was told I would probably be going home, which is what I was expecting. Felt even better than on Saturday. A lot of waiting, just wanting to go home. Around 11 am I realized that they had never brought me a breakfast tray. It was daylight savings, so the clock on the wall still said 10. I mentioned it to my nurse, and she couldn't believe it. She asked if I wanted them to send something now, or just wait until lunch. I had been sipping on water, and said I could just wait until lunch. They brought the lunch trays up, and mine wasn't included there either. The nurse had to call and have a tray sent up. They ended up sending a tray of clear liquid diet food, not clear liquid BARIATRIC diet food, which means that some of the things had sugar. Luckily, the only thing I was really interested in was the chicken broth, which was on both diets. This was the only issue I had with the entire hospital stay. The nurses were great. Probably around 1 pm, the doctor came to remove my Jackson Pratt drain, which was probably the most unpleasant second of the entire thing. He counted to 3 and yanked it out. I let out an audible yell, which is unusual for me. It wasn't so much that it hurt, but felt very strange. I'm not even sure I could describe it to someone who hasn't been through it, but I've replayed it in my mind several times since, feeling the same feeling again each time. I was released, and went home, it was good to be home. I will try to add more later, just wanted to get these thoughts down before I forgot them.

Burned off those lumpia .... Now it's time for bed.

​I was out today driving with my husband and we were talking about food. He is a diabetic. He said he would love a bowl of hot fudge and said to me, I am sure you do too. I said no, don't want to even have a taste. I am clearing my head of all my old favorites. Like buying fresh made bread and eating a loaf before I even get home from the store. Or having wonderful bread in a restaurant and eating more than one basket full. Bread is my very best friend. I still do have it in restaurants but have totally changed how I eat it. One restaurant I only eat the end crusty parts of the bread not the doughy parts. I know, it is still bread but it takes me longer to eat and I need my friend. Another friend of mine was my pint of ice cream almost every night and I added almonds and sometimes chocolate chips. I only have my SF Popsicles now. I hate fast food places so that was never a problem. I do miss really great french fries but I now have a small amount of mashed potatoes instead. I really really want to be thinner. I don't know why this time is different than the other 100 diets/weight loss programs, but this time I am going to be healthier and thinner. I hope you all agree and let's do it!!!!!!!! together. Have a wonderful evening everyone.

Had my appointment with the haematologist today, i finally have the results i need to have my operation, i have the factor in my blood but not the syndrome which is the thing that does the damage, so i can have my operation i just need to have blood thinning drugs after for a bit longer just as a precaution, just waiting to hear from my surgeon with a new date in april, so close now and actually believe i will have my op in april, who hoo, so ready for this, x

So I'm in the middle of my first stall. My body and I are in this fight where it wants to do one thing, I want it to do something else, and I am feeling like a newbie just out of the starting zone that stumbled in to end game content. I've always been the type of gamer that loved doing the impossible. Elite mob? No problem. Group of mobs three levels higher? Easy. Explore a zone ten levels too high? I'll run right through it! I'm that person that takes the phrase "You can't do that" as a challenge, not a warning. I'll throw myself at something over and over until I do it or die trying. This has been no different. I'm taking comfort in plans and spreadsheets. I've done the math to show where I'll be next month, and the month after, and the month after that. I've got the next six months of my life planned out. I'm bordering on a near-fanatical, slightly neurotic desire to catalog every little thing. Every drink, every bite of food, every pill. Leave nothing unaccounted for, ever. I'm sure in some regard that this is entirely unhealthy. You see, like most games, this one has an end, too. Everyone can tell me (and I can tell myself) all the platitudes that I've learned from start to finish - marathon, not race, journey, not sprint, lifestyle not diet... but I don't care. This is my end game boss and I'm a one-person forty man raid group. I don't care how many times I wipe, how high my repair bill gets, how much screaming and yelling I have to do to get my group in to shape, this b***h is going down and going down hard. Failure is not an option.