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This afternoon I had my one month check up with Dr. Fowler, although technically it is almost 5 weeks. According to his scale, I weighed in at 278. I weighed myself this morning and was 276 on my scale at home (which is a 1 lb difference from his...I already figured that out). So within a few hours I gained a couple pounds, but I'm not worried about it. I had done a lot of cardio and drank a lot before my afternoon appointment. I think I will stick to morning appointments from now on though because I don't like to see the number go up in a few hours ...no matter what the reason is. I was able to ask him some questions that I have been wondering. First, I had a 38 bougie used on my tummy. He said he always uses this size. He used to use anywhere between a 28 and 60, but over the years they have found that a 38 has had the least amount of complications. I was worried this was big and did some research on the net as to what the difference is between a 32 and a 38. Well, it is miniscule. Anyone who is worried that a 38 is too big has nothing to worry about. It is literally the diameter of a pen and a 32? Well just a smaller pen. Compared to the size of the stomach before it is a huge difference! I'm not worried anymore now that I understand how miniscule the differences are. I was also able to ask him about my calorie intake. It has been bothering me for some time that I am rarely hungry and get in about 300 to 600 calories daily. There are others who can eat twice as much as that and had surgery the same week. I was worried that I wasn't getting enough nutrition and that it might stall my weight loss. He basically told me not to worry about my calories. He said I wasn't losing weight super fast so it isn't even an issue. He just told me as long as I am getting my protein, water, and vitamins in that it basically doesn't matter. As to why I am rarely hungry, he said that was a sign that my body is still in ketosis. Yay! I feel so much better. I will not be forcing myself to get in more calories than my body wants anymore. I am just going to listen to my body. One more thing I have to work on is not eating until I am full. I want to learn how to eat until I am satisfied which requires me eating super slow. I still haven't mastered that one yet! But that is my goal as far as eating goes. I joined the gym today! Yep, I finally got down to it. I have had a gym membership pretty much my whole entire life except for the past two years. I canceled it because I just wasn't using it. Well, I joined. I actually sat in the car for a good half an hour just staring at the gym. I had a little anxiety about walking in there. Is everyone going to look at me? Are they going to be rude to me? Well I got over it. I just said in my mind I need to do this for me. I got signed up and did my 60 minutes of cardio. For me, it is so much easier working out in a gym setting. I hate working out at home. I love being able to focus on no one, but myself. I love blasting my music and tuning the whole world out. It is my peace and quiet time. I think that is why I used to love going to the gym before. It is almost like meditation for me. It was exciting and I am not even tired. So all in all, today was a good day. No, it was a great day! I am so looking forward to my weight loss with my tool and my newly added gym membership.

Well, only 3 days to go before surgery day! I got a call this morning to pre-register for the surgery. They just needed to verify information. They set up an appointment for a nurse to call me tomorrow between 1 and 2, to ask questions about medical history for the anesthesiologist. I won't know my surgery time until some time on Thursday. After all the doubts and second-guessing, I'm finally at peace with this decision. I know it is the best thing I could do for myself. If I didn't do this, I would eventually be over 300 lbs, and have additional health issues, and probably die of a heart attack before I was 50. I can't weight to get off my medications, and get rid of this sleep apnea, and just be able to keep up with my kids.

Journey began- June 22, 2012 (band day) Weight- 244 (Highest 247) 3/3/14 weight- 192.8 Sizes- pants 14/16 shirts L So much as taken place since June 2012. Some days it really hits me how much I have changed both inside and outside. I have a lot of people to thank for this including myself. My hubs- For encouraging me to move it to lose it and for being my support. His encouragement has gotten me through the rough days. My parents- for supporting me in this journey and for telling me they are proud of me. Just this weekend my dad told my hubs to buy me a new coat because they one I had was wayyy to big- this really made me feel good because my dad does not compliment people. Lapband site folks: Carolina Girl- for her no nonsense, this is the way it way of responding and blogging. Often she reminds me what this is really about. Missy- for being the ever encouraging inspiration lapband rockstar. The way she responds to post and "likes" most encourages me to hang it and that I am not a crazy bandster. Jean McMillian- for her responses, her articles, ect. This last article she wrote slapped me upside the head and I needed that Gibbs slap. The great thing about this site is while you will on occasion encounter negative nellies and the general butt hole, you also encounter folk who know what they are doing, who have and are rocking the journey and can give great encouragement and support if you just listen with an open mind. Of course there are days when I feel like crap and that I am a total failure, I think we all experience this at some point during the journey. However, times like this weekend when I try on pants and find that size 16 shorts are to big and 14's are perfect and a large shirt fit just right let me know I am doing this no matter how I see myself in the mirror. There are time when I still feel like shammoo in drag, but I am doing this- I am getting smaller and healthier. So thanks to all who have encouraged, supported, listened, responded, posted their stories, blog - you have made an impact on this bandster!!

Who I am now isn't so important as how I came to be this person, wife, mother, grandmother, sister. The history is what formed me, challenged me to overcome, compelled me to do better than those who came before me. I was born near the mid-point of the last century, in a large western US city. My parents married because they had conceived me when my mom was 16. My birth father was 19. As it turned out, he was a violent paranoid schizophrenic and a pedophile. My mom was later Dx with Borderline Personality disorder. I won't go into detail, suffice it to say that my earliest memories are horrific. My two younger brothers and I suffered the abuse and neglect until I was 9 1/2 years old, when a neighbor girl was assaulted by my birth father, he was arrested and sent to a state psychiatric hospital for treatment. I was taken in to protective custody for four days, while my mother was investigated and cleared of complicity in my abuse. He was not allowed within 300 miles of me, upon his release, 4 years later. When I was 14, he committed suicide. My mom had remarried in 1960 to a wonderful man I refer to as Dad. He earned my trust, respect and love. They had two more little boys in the two years following their marriage. My Dad died of sleep apnea in 1978, we were all devastated and heartbroken...it was the undoing of my mom and my dearest brother. My mom turned to scotch for comfort, inviting my 17 year old brother to be her drinking partner. My mom died 8 miserable years later of pancreatic cancer. Those 8 years were awful, watching my mom decline, my brothers suffer. She raged constantly, told me often that I had no idea of her pain, her suffering. She made life a living hell for her family and circle of friends. She was diagnosed and died in 12 short weeks later. My brother died 14 years later, the victim of a predatory female who took advantage of his alcoholism, a recent injury, subbed his Rx pain Meds with extra strength Tylenol. Took him 3 weeks to die of liver failure, on our dad's birthday. My heart was broken. This brother was the first male I had in my life who loved me unconditionally. He was born when I was 11 and he was like a son to me. He was my husband's best buddy, my kids favorite uncle, everybody loved him. Yes, he was an alcoholic, very high functioning, but losing him was the saddest event of my life to date. My brother has been gone for 12 years...I think of him every day. I remember my little grandkids running up to the car when I'd arrive at their house, all four of them would climb in the car hugging me, asking me "...is you sad? Did your Brubbie die? Sorry *****, usses loves you! ". They did this for months, until I finally told them I felt better because they healed my broken heart. I have 8 grandkids 6 teens, 2 in their twenties. The youngest 4 are all the same age, 3 identical girls and a boy. I am blessed. Of my four siblings, two have passed. The oldest, died at age 51 as a transient. He inherited the mental illness genes and I never saw him after my mother's death. The next oldest lives in NM, his mind ravaged by years of alcohol and drug abuse. We have minimal contact thru FB. The youngest has never been able to form healthy relationships with anyone...I see him once per year when he comes to visit. He misses his big brother too. He tells me that his true home is wherever I am. I wish my mom had let me take him when he was 15 and she went on her 8 year binge. So...this is my emotional history, in a nutshell. The other stuff doesn't matter, except to say that my family is healthy, successful and happy. We celebrate often, mourn together when the time comes and love and support each other faithfully. My kids have all been married to their HS sweethearts for over 20 years each. We have done better than the generation before us...the bar was low on my side, but my husband and his family were great role models. I'm thankful every day for their love, support and example. I miss them painfully.

Well everyone, i know it has been over a year since my last post. i am down to 159.5 and feel great. i have 30 more lbs to go. tthing have been going good and the wight has been coming off in a slow steady pace. avg 4 lb a month. i have been having some issues with abdominal pain over the last few months, its more muscle pain right in the area where my port is. idk if this is normal or what. it comes and goes, isisnt a constant thing. but other than that nothing new and exciting has been happin.

OK so this is the same as what I posted in the My Story section of my profile...but I think its a good start for my first post! I have been overweight for a large portion of my life. I started getting heavy when I was about 11 years old. I always knew I was overweight and I tried to lose weight more times than I can count. I've done it all: Weight Watchers, NutriSystem, my own diets, exercise, weight-loss pills, fad diets...you name it. I've even been an athlete for a good part of my life. I played soccer for 11 years and softball for 7 years. No matter what I did, the weight didn't come off. Sure some of it did, 10..15..maybe 20 pounds when I stuck to a program...but once I started to see a drop in weight-loss, I dropped that program. And some of them just didn't work. Then, when I was 19, I just stopped trying. I decided I was happy and could live a happy life as an over-weight girl. I have plenty of friends who love me for who I am and don't ever judge me or make fun of me for my weight. I can't even remember the last time someone called me fat (probably because if you're over the age of 16 and use that insult, you are the one with no friends). So I started just doing what I wanted. Drinking on the weekends, eating fast food and unhealthy food...just not caring. But as the months went on and my friends and I started going out to bars and clubs more, I started feeling uncomfortable in my own skin. That was the low point. When you go out, and you're dressed up, hair and makeup done, but you still feel like you're not even half as attractive as the other people in the room is one of the worst feelings someone can experience. That's when I realized I had to do something. So I started looking into weight-loss surgery options. I was thinking about having the Lap Band or the Realize Band, I just thought they would be the best option for me. Dr. Ballem was the first and only doctor I met with. He asked if I had ever heard about the sleeve surgery. I hadn't. So I did my research, decided that it was the perfect fit for me, and that was the day I started this journey. My blog is going to be about my experiences on my journey to my goal weight along with my feelings, ideas, advice, food tips, and whatever else pops into my head. Enjoy!

Hello all I know I haven't posted in a couple days, but I get my first fill today. Wish me luck!

My journey into WLS-land officially began in December of 2012. It's hard to write this without 15 paragraphs of backstory, but maybe that will fill in with time. I was told that I would probably not be on any fast track to getting to into surgery. I hadn't been to the doctor in about 3 years & my diabetes and blood pressure had since been running out of control. Still, when they said it would probably be 4-6 months before I'd be up for the surgery I thought to myself that I could handle that. Besides, from the basic outline of the Lahey pre-req's.. it almost seemed like a minimum amount of 3 months would be needed to get everything out of the way regardless. I took this all very seriously & immediately rolled up my sleeves & got to work. I record every single piece of food that goes into my mouth on the Daily Plate/Livestrong.com. I alternate a bit with my exercise, but try to get in an hour walk @ 3mph & now I'm adding in some basic bodyweight training at home. I'm recording my blood sugar daily. I'm keeping my calories under 1500 (without feeling deprived or hungry). I joined a group on Livestrong that challenges you to "lose 100 lbs in one year" with weekly weigh in's. I was also tracking my exercise on a fitness page with some kindred spirits (to a degree) but when I got it off my chest that WLS was in my future.. I kinda regretted it. I still look there for inspiration, but no more posts. My progress seems to have paid off some. When I last saw my bariatric nurse I had lost 29lbs since 12/20 & the next day I got a call with a surgery date of 4/1. Immediately after the call was a "oh S**t" moment that lasted a good half hour. I'm not scared of the surgery.. I think I'm more scared of this being taken away from me now more than anything.

Coming up on three years since I was banded. The eight months post surgery was understably the adjustment prior. The following year a wash due to cancer surgery and treatment. Things had actually started to move in the right direction until July '12 when the problems started. I'm 22 pounds lower than the day of surgery - given all the expenses involved, that's about $1,500 a pound. To whit, I am 50+ pounds lower than my highest weight, but as a size 18w ain't no one going to call me "slim" - and I'm still a Type II diabetic. The problems, which have been bothering me since July - please, if you're having any issues, go to your WLS ASAP - continue regardless of the medications. I have my follow up to the endoscopy this week. Yesterday was classic. Out late the night before, so I slept in 'til about 10am(for me a real treat). Got up and had coffee. Not hungry, so I was working around the house i.e., on my feet on on the go. Around 2:30pm I felt hungry, so I made myself a piece of toast with Smart Balance. According to my WLS, I should be able to eat this... Nibbled it down and then it came back up or the course of six trips to the bathroom. Waited a bit and settle my stomach with some tea. Around 7pm, I managed yogurt with no problems. Several hours later I was hungry again, so I scrambled 1/4 egg sub and cooked 1/4 oatmeal. The eggs I ate standing - no problem. Took my oatmeal downstairs to eat while watching TV. Got it down no problem. Watched an episode of a fav show on my DVR - fast forwarding through commercials, so sitting for about 45 minutes. Went back upstairs to go to bed. Felt blocked and stuffed, but thought it was all in my head. Took my bedtime meds and just made it to the bathroom for another three episodes of vomiting. I'd hoped that having this procedure would mean that I could finally stop thinking about food all the time. Instead I'm thinking about it even more. What I can and can't eat. How I can avoid eating in social situations. How I can pretend eat so I can fake my way through family dinners. Knowing what I should eat, should be able to eat but choosing the slider route to be safe. God how I envy those with no food issues!

Source: Any March Sleevers? Didn't want to retype the above and saw I could blog it from the message. I truly am feeling pretty good. Scale was down three lbs this morning. I know that being on a total liquid diet that I am bound to lose a lot in this two weeks. The end result is what I am anxious for. I have been working out to make the surgery easier too. I am up to 30 minutes on the treadmill working toward 45 minutes before surgery. Who knows, maybe I will be running a bit by then. Since I am older I know that my skin is not going to spring back so I have to do what I can to help it along so it won't be so dang bad. Every day I smile I little bigger. I know this is going to be an awesome adventure and I can't wait for March 7th to get here. Upward and downward. :-)