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I don't believe in "bariatric food" Power crunch bars, chocolate covered whatever, powdered peanut butter, protein puffs that look like some kind of bad bastardization of cheetos, protein cheerios, the list goes on and on and on and I think that is garbage, and make no mistake about it, it IS garbage, is one of the many reasons why so many bariatric patients never EVER make the leap from the SAD (Standard American Diet) to a reasonably normal lifestyle free from slavery to food and obsession with snacks. You just don't need it. The egg, for instance, takes about 2 minutes to prepare, refrigerates and reheats well and is the perfect protein. If your really feeling wild throw some cheese in there - still a respectable meal. Unless you are a power lifter and I do know there are a few of you out there - you don't need protein this, protein that. You don't need to be sucking down chocolate protein shakes at 6 months post op, you need to be learning how to eat real food in a manner that doesn't destroy your health, because sooner or later guess what - You are going to get sick of that **** and you are going to have to join the rest of society and if you never did the real work of learning to cook a respectable meal, eat like a person who isn't obsessed you will never reap the full benefit of your surgery. Now, know this, all of the above are general statements, and I am not perfect. I have Atkins bars sitting on my futon and ready to drink protein in my fridge because like everyone else, I get busy too, but in my opinion these should not be an every day thing after a certain amount of time has passed since surgery. I'm even considering buying a big ass tub of protein powder from costco to make some bars at home, because then at least it's not so processed and I have some control over what goes in it and the size of the thing. We need to see these things for what they are though - once in a while indulgences, not staples in our diets. Staples in your diet should be things like peas, chicken, tofu, salad, fish.... You get the idea.

After spending a lot of time on LBT and now having some experiences under my belt, I have come to the conclussion that the LB is like a game of Chutes & Ladders. We start our surgery and we're going along and climb a few LADDERS by losing weight and then we might do something not so smart, get stuck, not enough protein or water, injuries, sickness etc... and we hit the CHUTES, back to shakes, rethink how and what we're eating. The best part is there is always a winner, as long as you don't give up the game. Just my thoughts

Ok, get your minds out of the gutter! This is just to show anyone that cares what the scars from surgery can look like at 8 weeks. The biggest scar is where they pulled the stomach leftovers out during surgery and it's about 2 inches long, the rest could be covered with a dime. You'd think after 12 years of experience, my doctor could put the scars in a more creative layout! At least he could have tried to make a happy face or something.

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So just like my title say's time is flying by. One minute I couldn't wait to get banded, then I got banded. Now I'm one week away from my first fill. Just thought I would share this.

I believe anyone that has 85% of their stomach removed will lose weight. You can't help but lose, if you are limited to 4oz of food every few hours. Now the big question is, where is your hunger coming from? Only you can figure that part out. Is it from emotional eating, boredome, stress, or is it because you have hunger pangs caused by the hormone ghrelin? From my own experience, I knew that my hunger was real (even though I had eaten 2 hours earlier, I'd be hungry again). It wasn't until I talked to my surgeon that he told me that I had an excess of the hormone ghrelin (produced by the stomach). The bigger the stomach, the more of the hormone produced. The surgery stopped my hunger pangs. I have not had that nagging sense of hunger (other than my stomach growling) since surgery 7 weeks ago. And 4 or 5 oz of food keeps me satisfied, whereas before, I could eat 1 lb of steak and know I'd be raiding the fridge in 2 hours. And I don't have any cravings anymore for certain flavors. Whereas before, I'd think about something that would taste good and I couldn't get the thought out of my head until I ate it - and a lot of it, not just a small portion. Don't get me wrong, you can sabotage yourself after surgery. There are foods, called slider foods, that are calorie dense (ice cream, peanut butter) that pass through the stomach quickly, so it's possible to eat more. And it is possible to just graze all day on snacks that are high in calories. The sleeve gave me the control over my eating that I needed. When I eat, I have full control of what I eat. I can pass on the donuts or just have 1 and be satisfied. With the exception of pasta - it triggers my sugar cravings. So I have to be real careful about eating it. But I don't know if I'd the same success if my hunger was tied to my emotions instead of hormones. I really believe food was an addiction - one you can't quit and never touch again. Other addictions can be quit and never touched again. But what if a heroine addict, smoker or alcoholic knew they had to take some every day or their body would die? What if they had 75 TV channels that ran commericals for cigarrets every 10 minutes during their favorite programs? Or had reality programs (like the best places to pig out or the food challenges) devoted to the best places to get their fix and showed people taking drugs and loving it? Could the addicts just reduce the amount they took every day and never over do it or would they give in to the nagging voice in their head telling them how good it was going to feel? Ok, rant over. :-)

So I've lost at least 70 pounds in my journey so far. I say at least because I gave up my scale for Lent and I'm not actually sure of my current weight at the moment. But with that much weight loss I can already do so many things that I wasn't able to a couple of months ago. The beautiful winter coat that I bought right after Hurricane Sandy is already so loose on me that I can easily overlap the front panels. I fit in the seats at my school's theater. The dress I wore to junior prom in high school is so loose now that it falls off of me. I have a neck, I can wear normal sized rings, I can run....the list is long. When it comes right down to it however, I feel like I'm still looking in a funhouse mirror! I feel like I look twice as big as I did when I started. I look at old pictures of myself and where other people can see a difference, I feel like I am still exactly the same. It's a discomforting feeling, knowing that you are changing to everyone else but being unable to recognize those changes in yourself. I suppose everyone who has undergone dramatic weight loss deals with this sort of body dysmorphia, but it's still a bizarre feeling. As a costume designer, I can pretty much sketch an accurate body sketch of someone just from a page of garment measurements. So I've taken my own actor's measurements every other week since I began. Those numbers are really where I can see a difference. I can picture bodies from measurement charts and my first chart body is dramatically different for my current chart body. So for now I guess I'll have to depend on that kind of external measure to understand how my body is changing.

Tomorrow is the day of my last two appointments. And for the last month I have wanted time to speed up so much so that this day would come, but in the last couple if days I realized that today isn't really the day that I'm looking forward to, I'm looking forward to the day that I find out I'm approved, to the day that I start my 10 day pre-op diet, to the day that I get banded and start my new life. Tomorrow is just another stepping stone to all of those days. This month has gone by pretty fast though, I have distracted myself with planning my wedding. This evening Ty and I go interview a photographer team. Then tomorrow I have an early dentist appointment, then off to the clinic for my physc Eval and my last nutrition appointment. Then I pray. I have done so much research on my insurance and if people have had any problems being approved and it seems like no one has had any major issues as long as they follow all the rules. And I have, but I just can't shake this feeling of feeling like I am unprepared for a final exam. Did everyone else feel this way too towards the end? I just feel like I have so much riding on one day. Wish me luck, I'll write tomorrow to let you know how it went.