Leaderboard

When I went through my pre-op diet I was hungry, irritated, and seriously reconsidering what I was about to do. I decided that if I could not get through what my surgeon wanted me to do before the surgery - exactly- that I was not mentally ready for weight loss surgery. I did it. I never strayed from the guidelines and I lost 12 pounds and felt really good about it the night before my surgery. I know so many people personally that "try to beat the system". They figure out what they can get away with eating. Then they are stunned when the scale stalls or shows pounds gained. This surgery does not control what is brought to your mouth. For only a short time will it control how much of that food goes to your new stomach. This surgery is a great tool to give me a chance to break the cycles of bad habits. I haven't had fast food (pizza, McDonalds, Subway............) since January 6, 2013. Of course I miss it. But I will never give them a dime of my money again. I feel betrayed actually. All the money I have wasted on that garbage food- and in return I get 100 plus pounds of excess weight to carry. I am not going to try to see what I can get away with. I am serious about getting healthy. So the only foods I eat will be what the bariatric surgeon says I can. High protein/ low fat and low carbs. Mentally I have created an atmosphere for success. I go to support groups once a month for weight loss surgery. And I go to overeaters anonymous and I have a behavior therapist to visit 2x month. Matters of weight take place in the mind and this surgery does not take place in your head.

Well, it's here. Day 13 of my pre-op diet. I can't believe I didn't die. I really felt like I was going to a couple of times. That is that hardest thing I've ever had to do. And I cheated! I actually dreamed about tacos last Friday night. I woke up and realized that I was obsessing! So, I had a taco from my favorite Mexican restaurant. Oh well. At least it was off my mind then. I'm so weak that I almost crawled up the stairs to my classroom this morning. I get no protein today. Only clear liquids. I've had a sore throat since last Wednesday thanks to the dry desert that I live in, so the cough drops are what is saving me today. I'm very, very (did I say very?) emotional. I feel like I could cry at any moment. I think it's because I'm just so tired. I'm also a little pissed at my husband this week. This is a very stressful process. So, when I get home today I'm going to go to my room and cry. Just get it all out. I know I will feel so much better! I have prepared everything at work for my two day absence. Thank goodness Monday is a holiday. I also have an intern coming in next week to help me out or just to be present. Luckily, my job is not physically demanding and my kids know what I'm going through. They have been very supportive. I haven't packed a thing for the hospital. I figure I won't be able to sleep tonight, so I will leave it for then. I bought pretty new jammies and a robe. I'll take slippers because the biggest fear I have is gas pain! So I'm going to walk as soon as the pain meds clear from my brain. Speaking of pain meds...this is my biggest fear. I hate being drugged. Pain or no pain, I just don't like it. I took Motrin with both of my kids and it was fine. I really hope I don't have to have much tomorrow. I don't want to be a martyr, but I don't want to be spacy and loopy either. A less serious fear is the discerning comments that my husband has made. Twice he has mentioned something about getting skinny and finding someone else. Makes me think he is a little insecure. I'm a little happy that he would worry. Maybe he should pay a little more attention. Anyway, here we go. A brand new journey. I feel like I'm at the airport and they're going to call my flight number any minute. I love to fly!

The face of my granddaughter says it all. Love my Sydnii she is too much. Happy Valentines Day everyone.

I had a wonderful non scale victory this weekend! I was able to shop in a "normal" store! I went to Old Navy and bought some shirts and a blazer! It felt wonderful!!! No more shopping in the "big girls store" down 50 lbs!!!! whooo hooo!

At work on Wednesday they fed us lunch and I couldn't resist the free food. I had a single serving of pototo chips (160 calories) and 1/2 of a big cookie that came with the meal. If I hadn't already eaten earlier I wouldn't have felt so bad about it. So I tried to make up for it by walking an extra mile the same day. Sometimes the temptation is there, it's hard to make the best food choices, but I don't think I went too far overboard. I woke up 2 lbs lighter this morning. You have any tips to avoid temptation?

OK here goes. I have been using my cell to piddle around on here I figured it is time to get on a computer. I have had an extremely rough journey. So I figure it best to give you folks a timeline. January 16th Wednesday Surgery day, everything went well took a little less than an hour and about an hour in recovery to wake up. Once awake they transport you to your room. Its like a blur because you are still groggy. January 17th Thursday Released from hospital wishing they would keep me another day. But that is the way they do it get you in and get you out. That night I was in so much pain I attempted to lay in the bed but it caused so much pain I ended up sitting up on the couch to sleep. I could not get up or down on my own due to the pain in my abdomen. Mainly one incision. It turned out this is the incision they pull the stomach through. I didn't sleep this whole week. Regretting what I have done to myself. I had a few breakdowns this week due to lack of sleep. I would sleep about 2 hours at a time. I have no answer as to why but I would just wake up as if startled. Also I was having trouble getting down my pain meds. Hydrocodone, it was so gross I would at times throw it up. But eventually found they would flavor it. Grape bubblegum is a fav I find that because it is like 2 flavors its way better. Plus now I chase it with a drink lol. My diet is consisting of soup soup and soup with some yogurt and Popsicles.. January 19th Abdominal binder! YAY!!!. An abdominal binder basically keeps everything for moving and promotes circulation and healing. January 24th Thursday First follow up visit. I explain to my surgeon the extreme pain I am in. I can barely get up or down on my own and I am basically in tears in her office. She explained to be that my belly looked fine and all my incisions were healing well. I was told "Well Nicole you know your young you have never had major surgery or kids and this is a lot for you to adjust too." At this point im thinking well im never having kids lol. She then made me get up from the table on my own trying to teach me how to roll and then sit up. I felt as I had ripped my belly open. By later that evening I was throbbing. January 25th I noticed I am a bit more swollen and believe it is due to the drs appt. I start wearing my abdominal binder again. Also I rotated heating packs and ice packs in hopes of reducing swelling. January 27th I am now red and swollen. I was still using the ice packs in hopes of reducing the pain. I had emailed the RN in her office over the weekend because I was having low grade fevers constantly about 99.9 January 28th My surgeon calls trying to get me to come in and is quite disappointed with me when I tell her I have no one to bring me in when she is available due to her timing I would have to wait til my follow up January 31st That morning I go to get in the shower before my fiancee leaves for work. Keep in mind at this point I couldn't even put my own pants on due to pain. I get in the shower look down and puss and blood is shooting out of my incision. I then do what anyone in my position would naturally do...scream for my fiancee lol I go to the drs office and they let me know I have an infection and that they need to clean it out. ME not knowing whats going to happen next goes oh ok. She took a tool and ripped my incision open without numbing me. Then she squeezed everything out. I at this point am yelling. and being told to calm down. And just so everyone knows this is common for drs to do! They feel like by the time they numb it which it doesn't totally work they would be done. I have been told this by quit a few nurses. I am sent home to do my own packing when I went back to the dr my skin had started coming off and I had some necrotic bits. I was immediately sent to the hospital and there I stayed til February 6th. I was nauseous the whole time and didn't eat for almost the whole time I was there. January 31st-February 6th Hospital February 6th Home, they wanted to me to stay another day but I said nope. I was tired of being sick. February 8th Finally no longer nausea's and eating food. Tuna, Salmon, Real crab, Hard time with protein shakes, threw that up a lot in the hospital. Nurses now come to the house repacking every day twice a day. February 13th Changed to silver packing. Only needs to be changed every 3-5 days. Less nurses less money lol.

So I am down to 289 lbs!!! I haven't been this weight since a year ago! I can't believe in the past 3 weeks I went from 311 to 289! That is crazy! I am very happy already that I have gone through with this. I have my one week appointment tomorrow and shall see what the doctor says! I haven't even really been exercising. I have been going walking once a day, but that is more for the gas pains. I still get very exhausted doing things even just my household chores. All in all, I am very happy with my progress. Those thoughts of "what the hell did I do to myself" the first days of surgery are loooooonnngg gone.

SOOOOOO, I will be going back to work 2-20. My Dr told me it is perfectly fine to go back to work with my wound as long as I cover it properly. Typical packing gauze and bandage. Also to wear my abdominal binder for extra coverage. Home depot has this dust that gets on everything. In other news I am 241 today and according to my nutritionist I am right on track. They expect at this point for me to have lost 25% of my excess weight. The weigh in they first counted was 266 (I started this at 270). And that is a gastric bypass guideline!! She said that with sleeves normally its a little less so that makes me happy. (Sleeved 1/16) I see a lot of people on here worry about how much they are loosing. I find that the larger you are you will loose a lot more the first few months then a smaller sleever. Patience is a virtue. Soooo cliche but true I have obsessed over my weight this month and with being in and out of the hospital. All to find out I am doing good. I have even been taking in more than I should solid wise due to my gag reaction to protein. The dietitian told me that she understood why and was glad I was trying to stay healthy but try to find one protein shake a day so I can cut back to the 3 ounces of solid. In 2 weeks I can add raw veggies/fruits back in my diet. I cant add exercise back in til this wound heals I am sure that would make a huge difference but I may still be 3 weeks out from that. If I can keep up 25 lbs a month I would be ecstatic!!! My goal weight is 165. Honestly I still cant believe I am sleeved. -Nicole-

I have to be honest, I thought this would be better for me, cause I have had so many surgeries in the past. It isn't all what I thought it would be, I'm not whining or complaining, just thinking out loud. From waking up in intermediate ICU to all these tubes hooked up to me, wasn't how I had envisioned it. Oh, I knew there would be pain and soreness, been there done that, but simply swallowing or in my case munching on ice. The doctors and nurses were awesome, they made this experience doable. So, what was so surprising? I thought it would be a breeze and I would bounce back faster than anyone, stupid thinking I know. I think I'm morning the loss of the old me, the one that flicked her nose at rules and did what she wanted. My sleeve said nay, nay nay you have to be accountable now. As I stomp my foot and say bummer! I've read a lot of posts where ppl say they love their sleeve, hum, love is sorta a strong word at the moment. We are tolerating each other at this time. I was trying to drink Isopure, gag, gag, gag. Well I have a great shake that has a lot of protein I can drink in the am and pm with enough protein. So why am I trying to drink the crappy stuff? Silly me! Now getting my fluids down! I want to take gulps and you know what gulps do. So I'm using lil cups to sip out of. Problem solved! Next is gas. I swear I walked 2 miles a day at the hospital, not even one lil poof, notta piff, notta fuff. Nothing. I could burp a sailor under the table but no gas insite. Until I went home, that sailor would be proud! Lol So as I'm laying here listening to the splitter, splatter of my new tummy I'm thinking... Lil Sleeve you better be worth it!!! All for now.......

This is the first day of the rest of my life. Day one of the clear liquids pre-operative diet. I have dreaded this day for some time now. About two weeks ago, my 10-year-old daugher told me, with resignation in her voice, that I should, "Eat what you can, while you can." I wholeheartedly agreed. Every day after that, I thought about what I would love to eat and how much of it I would eat. After a couple of days I realized that I didn't really want anything! I was sick of food and my dysfunctional relationship with it! I couldn't wait for...today. Now it's here. I didn't sleep well last night. I had wicked weird dreams. I think that my stress level is probably through the roof. Thank goodness I am not prone to high blood pressure. I woke this morning with butterflies in my stomach. I'm excited and scared at the same time. I'm afraid that my brain will sabotoge the pre-op requirements. I know I can keep my stomach full. I am allowed only a few things. Protein drinks (3x per day) mixed with water, broth, clear juices, Gatorade, and water. Not the most palatable diet, but obviously I can live through it. My sort of sick thinking takes me to people who are not as fortunate as I. I think of those who have no running water and would give anything for broth. Third world countries. That's what I'll rely to get me through. Demented. The center that I am going through for this surgery is very helpful. They require each patient to take pre-surgery classes and a post-surgery class. It's been very interesting and enlightening. In each pre-surg class, I could pick out the people that will fail at this. They are the ones complaining about each step of the process and whining about requirements. I wanted to scream at them and tell them that they need to start taking responsibility for what they've become. I know that it's my fault that I'm fat. I know that it's my fault that I've put everyone's needs before mine for the last 15 years. I chose not to make the right decistions. I chose to live to eat rather than eat to live. I am responsible. Now I am going to be held accountable. During one of the pre-surg classes, three different people asked the nurse about caffeine and whether or not they should stop indulging in it. All three times, the nurse was very vague. She stated that, "The surgeon prefers you to be caffeine free right before and right after the surgery." Hmmm. That's not really an answer. I decided not to press for it because I like caffeine. It wards off the demons. I tried to wean myself off of my one can per day Diet Coke habit, but it seems that unless I want a dull, roaring headache on a daily basis, I cannot. So, I won't. I have decided that I will sip my Diet Coke and ration it to the smallest amount possible and still be pain free. I will refrain from any caffeine a few days before surgery. I'm thinking that I will be sick of living on liquids by then and a headache will be a welcome change of focus. I have learned, by reading this forum, that there are a million different pre-op diets and that each surgeon has a preference. I have researched why we are on this pre-op diet and why my surgeon has required it for such a lengthy period of time. I understand all of this, but that doesn't mean I'm happy about it! Because my insurance is paying for this, I have decided that I will just be thankful and comply with most all of the doctor's wishes. My surgeon's office have stated to me that the MANDATORY protein diet should include Bariatric Advantage protein powder and bars. Apparently, they used to sell it right from the office but when I asked the nurse how I would be held accountable for using this specific product, again, she was vague. So, I purchased the bars. They taste like cardboard now, but on day seven they will probably taste like heavan. The powder is icky. So, I'm supplementing with Premier and Muscle Milk. They just taste better. Protein is protein. As long as I'm not loading up on sugar, I will survive. My liver will shrink and my stomach will be removed. The photo is of my support team. My husband, son, and daughter. If I had a photo of all of my friends together, I would include it. I am very lucky to have such wonderful people in my life. My colleagues are rooting for me too. The key person in my success, besides myself, will be my very best girlfriend, Tammi. She has been my bff for over 15 years now. She was sleeved in August 2011. She reached her goal just over her year anniversary and has since had some plastic surgery to tighten up those loose areas. She was always beautiful inside and out to me, but now she actually feels it for herself. I'm so proud of her. She is my encyclopedia of vertical sleeve gastrectomy information. I feel very empowered and knowleadgeable and prepared because of her. Last February (2012) I embarked on my millionth time to start Weight Watchers. I weighed myself one morning and cried. I had never been as heavy...299 pounds. I couldn't let myself go over that 300 mark. My husband hugged me and told me that we could do it together. I thought of Tammi and said to myself that I didn't need WLS. That I could do this. I was seriously ready. I joined a gym and got a trainer. First time for losing weight and excerising at the same time. I loved working out! It was really fun. I was losing weight and, most importantly, losing inches! Seven weeks in, I stopped losing. I injured myself in the gym. This went on for 5 months. I didn't give up. I was stuck. I would lose a pound and gain a pound. Then I injured myself a second time. I gave up. I really don't think that the average trainer understands that a fat person cannot do what a more fit person can do. This isn't The Biggest Loser! In June, our insurance provider changed. I was browsing the list of changes to our policy and coverage when it caught my eye. The new policy actually covered some weight loss surgeries! With bated breath, I read it and reread it. I decided that I was going to swallow my pride, go to my primary care physician, and spill my guts. The day that I went to see my doctor was cathartic. I had never spoken about my weight out loud, in anything besides a self-deprecating manner, to anyone. Ever. I told him everything I've ever done, every pain I have, every fear I have, and cried. He hugged me and told me that he would help. And he did. I had already had a consultation with the bariatric surgeon. He told me I was making the right decision. Now I had to jump through the hoops. So we started jumping together. Now, here I am. My insurance company said YES! I'm so very excited about how my life is going to change. I know this is not going to be easy. The surgery is the tool. It's my brain I worry about. I have to let go of all of the thoughts and habits that I've adopted through the years. I have to start living for me and me first. I have to start eating to live rather than living to eat. The Southern in me is going to have difficulty, but I know that with the support at home and at the surgeon's office...I GOT THIS! Beginning weight on day one of pre-op diet is 289.6 lbs.