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Over the last month I have lost 6 classmates all from heart attacks, cancers and other ailments that were health fanatics, gym rats, runners. Being healthy is a plus but genetics plays a big role in how long we will live. When I was almost 300lbs I never had high cholesterol ever. My friend Lisa was a gym rat and dropped dead at 38 from a massive heart attack. My sons half brother died at 29 from a massive heart attack and when they did the autopsy he had heart disease. We all want to be healthy and have wls to get there. I feel great but my family has a history of breast cancer. So where am I going with this? Get the weight off and live each day to its fullest. Go on vacation, spend time with your family, make up to people who have done you wrong even if you know you were right. Life is too short to be waiting for health and wealth. My husband and I are just now looking to purchase our first home. Because the market is right. Jacksonville is a great area and the housing market is great. Do I want a 30 year mortgage at 50? Heck no but who cares I want my own home. We are spending a thousand dollars a month or rent when we could get a 4 bedroom home on water front property and pay about 415 a month in mortgage payments. So now my fun begins going to look at homes. Some as cheap as 98,000 for a three bedroom just built in 2007. The banks want to get rid of them so desperately they are going for practically nothing. Have fun, stop letting the number on the scale bum you out and do something that you always wanted to do.

I found one of my trigger foods. It's spaghetti or more specifically pasta. My mom made some homemade spaghetti on Sunday (homemade as in, homemade from a jar, you know, the same line of thought as Olive Garden treats you like family). Really, Olive Garden treats you like family, I don't recall my mom ever presenting a bill at the end of a meal. But I digress. Any way, I took the leftovers home with me. For supper, I ate my normal portion, and a few minutes later wanted another portion - even though my stomach was telling me I was stuffed to the top. I wanted it so bad that I would have cage wrestled a bear for another bowl. It wasn't easy, but I stopped myself. The hardest part - and I can't believe it was so difficult to do - was to throw out the spaghetti. I kept telling myself that I could space out the spaghetti into several meals during the week. But, I knew if I left it in the house, I'd find some way to convince myself to eat more that eventing. There is a dog that trots through my yard daily, so he may be going into insulin shock today! Only 1 other time have I wanted to eat something so bad - it was a banana laying in the fruit bowl. So adios spaghetti noodles, I'll eat you at mom's house, but you won't be coming home with me anymore.

One of my favorite Mexican foods. I've been eating this stuff for about 4 weeks straight. I got all the ingredients at Walmart. It cost about $4 for 2 days worth of meals (4 - 6 meals in my case). It's very filling and sticks with me. 1 lb of chicken breast. 1 pkg of Taco Bell Taco seasoning. (I tried other name brand taco mixes and the store brands, Taco Bell tastes the best and is just as cheap. There is a Taco Bell chipolte version as well, but I liked the regular version the best. ) 1 can of gebhardt refried beans w/fat. (I tried the non-fat version and I like the fat version better. It only has 2grams of fat per serving.) Salsa or Picante or Taco sauce to taste 1 pkg of your favorite shredded cheese. I grill the chicken breast and run it through my food processor. Mix the taco seasoning with about 1/2 cup of water and mix it thoroughly. I mix it in my protein shake shaker. Toss the chicken into a pot or pan and add the taco seasoning. Bring it up to a boil and then reduce the heat to a simmer. Let it simmer for about 20 minutes. Mix the chicken and beans in a bowl. Add some salsa if it's too thick for your taste. Spoon some of the mixture into a bowl and top with cheese and salsa.

Wow - I am so tired of being invisible to people.SERIOUSLY. I weigh 230 pounds. Too big to be missed. Today a man held the door open for the thin lady walking just in front of me into a convenient store. (They were not together.) Then he lets the door go right as I am about to pass through. He looked me right in the eye. Are you kidding me? I became so irate. It was a definite -want to eat a pizza trigger!!!!!!! (I didn't.) This scenario has happened hundreds of times to me over the past 15 years. How rude. This is just one example of how ignorant people can be. At gatherings - I could be the biggest girl in the room - but nobody can see me. Ironic. It is like if they look at me - they may catch the fat disease. And then - there is the line -you have a beautiful face. Oh my god- how about a simple "You are beautiful". Sorry everybody - just needed to vent to people that would understand. I am so happy I had this surgery. I will train my little boys - that every woman deserves to have a door held open for them. And that men and women deserve to be seen - no matter where they are or how big they are.

Growing up I was always the wall flower. I was the kid a teacher never knew was in class. I was quiet and kept to myself for the most part. While I did have friends, I was careful at school not to get in trouble or break rules, that was just me. I was never loud or abnoxius and never wanted to go against the grain. I was a blender, always blending into the back ground where ever I was. As I got older this trend continued, the only place where I would step up and take a lead was in my job, because that is where I have to. Being a manager I had to be the head of what I did and often times would have to public speak, but that was fine because it was my area of expertise. I always thought my wall flowerness was due to my weight and my not wanting to be seen. But, after losing 50 lbs I have come to see this is just who I am. I still am not a flashy person. I don't like wearing things that make me stand out- I wear normal colors not flashy bright ones. I won't color my hair a odd color for me because it would draw attention. While I feel better about myself I am still the same old wall flower. Even on this site, I post questions and post blogs on a regular basis, but many times do not get feed back or response, which frankly is a little disheartening. But, I must except I am the wall flower and that is just who I am. Maybe one day I will bloom into a beautiful rose that is noticed, but I doubt it, but I am me.

So my dietitian recommended that I create a reverse bucket list and today I thought of one. As I was driving over the mountains on my way to my parents house I saw people skiing and I was thinking I would love to learn to do that. I would also like to start cross country skiing which I have always wanted to do but can't because of my weight. To some it might be a little weird for someone my size that loves hiking, walking, and working out but I do. I think that one of the things that I do when I have the surgery and become smaller would be to ski. That would be a great winter vacation for myself! I am sure that over time this list will be long but just today skiing is at the top of the list