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so i was hanging with friends yesterday and we dont see each other very often. once a month maybe. anyway they decided they wanted to drink. n i wasnt gunna. but they convinced me to have a sip. no big deal. it made my stomach kind of crampy so i didnt continue (wasnt planning on it anyway but yeah) i did have some "scale-less victories" yesterday though. we were at subway. i didnt eat anything there. but we have friends that work there and they sort of burnt some cookies like 2 dozen and she brought the tray over and asked hey free cookies u want some? i didnt take any! and i love those cookies. my one friend took about six my other two. so that was good. but then we went back to my friends house to drink (them not me) and we decided we were gunna see what all the fuss was about on that chatroulette site. it was a horrible demeaning experience.. so we maybe talked to idk 15-10 people and three of them asked if i was my other friends' mother... im 21 for christ sake... one person as soon as they could see us started pointing and yelling "fat lady fat lady fat lady!!" over and over. another person said they didnt want to talk to us because i was a heifer... another person once they could see us said "WHOA" we asked what.. they said man she's fat. my friends just dont get it.. they just ignored these people and what they were saying to me..didnt even try to stick up for me.. they know its all true and so do i.. i would have just left but i never get to see them.. so it ruined my night and i was depressed all night. being the "buzz kill" that i am. it certainly didnt help i have been having a tough time w my depression and stuff this week.. not sure why but it feels like im off all of them.. not good.. they just dont get it and they literally are avoiding talking about the ELEPHANT in the room.. they tell me what do u care what random people think of you.. well cuz its confirming how i feel others look at me everyday especially at classes.. i have a hard time making friends and i feel thats half the reason.. i have no confidence and am so insecure that when people hit my like that it really really hurts... this is the only place where people might understand.. i dont expect people to say im beautiful, but my god.. another reason im posting this is so maybe when im successful with my band that i can look back at this and not forget how horrible things are/were. also i have now decided if i ever date people again my test is going to be what they think of obese people.. if they have bad feedback. theyre out of here. people suck. thats all i can say..

Finally! 3 months 5 days in and 50lbs gone gone gone!!! Funny thing though, have always been 5 feet 1.9 inches, and today measured at 5'2"! am I getting taller? lol Size 20 now! Haven't been 20 since university days! Having a lot of fun digging through old clothes, will shop for new ones when I reach size 18

I have watched every minute of all 14 season of The Biggest Loser. There are some pretty intresting findings from the study. When Science Met The Biggest Loser http://health.usnews.com/health-news/blogs/eat-run/2013/01/23/when-science-met-the-biggest-loser By Yoni Freedhoff January 23, 2013 Yoni Freedhoff It's NBC's Monday night television juggernaut and the guilty pleasure of over 7 million viewers. Now in its 14th season, The Biggest Loser is a an industry unto itself, with a 2009 estimate by the New York Times pegging its worth at $100 million in annual revenue. Viewers tuning in week after week can watch as Americans with severe obesity are routinely yelled at, exercised until they vomit, injured, weighed nearly naked on a giant scale, and seemingly taught that the numbers on that scale measure not only their weight, but also their self-worth and represent the only true value of their health and success. [see Are You Exercising for the Right Reasons?] Consequent perhaps to the show's immense popularity and polarizing approach, The Biggest Loser has led to the publication of a number of peer-reviewed medical studies that look at its impact on both the participants and the viewers. Their results are anything but pretty. Two studies have been conducted that examine how watching The Biggest Loser affects viewers' attitudes towards those with obesity. Perhaps not surprisingly, given the apparent tenor of the show—that obesity is a consequence of personal laziness and gluttony—the first study, published in the journal Obesity, showed that watching even a single episode of The Biggest Loser led viewers to dramatically increase their own hateful and negative biases towards those with obesity. [see How to Spot and Stop Bullying] This result may be explicable on the basis of the second study, published in the journal Health Communication, which found that watching The Biggest Loser led viewers to be much more likely to believe that weight is well within an individual's locus of personal control. And, of course, that message echoes the show's­—that if you just want it badly enough, you can make it happen.The corollary is that if you don't make it happen, you must simply be lazy, which in turn may explain the increase seen in viewers' weight biases. [see We're Not Fat Because We're Lazy] Interestingly, those same viewers who, consequent to the show, might attribute being overweight to laziness, were reported to be less inclined (go figure) to want to exercise or expect it to be enjoyable after watching a 7.5 minute workout on the show, according to a study published this month in the American Journal of Health Behavior. "People are screaming and crying and throwing up, and if you’re not a regular exerciser you might think this is what exercise is—that it’s this horrible experience where you have to push yourself to the extremes and the limits, which is completely wrong," said the study's lead author Tanya Berry of the University of Alberta. And what of the participants? Will being on The Biggest Loser change their lives forever? According to a paper published in the Journal of Clinical Endocrinology and Metabolism, the answer is yes, but perhaps for the worse. The researchers, including the show's own Robert Huizenga, looked at the metabolisms of participants following the completion of their first seven months with The Biggest Loser. As expected, due to weight loss and an effect broadly referred to as "metabolic adaptation," the participants' burned fewer calories at rest following their massive weight losses. What wasn't expected was the the magnitude of that decrease; researchers found that participants metabolisms slowed by an average of 504 more calories than would have been expected simply as a consequence of losing weight. In other words, participants' metabolisms slowed down to a much greater degree than was predicted. In turn, this suggests that the show's approach to weight loss may have risks unto itself and led the researchers to state: "Unfortunately, fat free mass preservation did not prevent the slowing of metabolic rate during active weight loss, which may predispose to weight regain unless the participants maintain high levels of physical activity or significant caloric restriction." This may explain why, when I interviewed three alumni of the TV show, they reported that 85 to 90 percent of participants regain most, if not all, of the weight that they lose, and that those who keep it off are generally the participants who have turned their losses into careers as personal trainers or motivational speakers. Ultimately the current state of the evidence on the phenomenon known as The Biggest Loser is far from flattering. It suggests that the show may be detrimental to both viewers and participants in that its combination of derision, personal blame, and extremes of exercise and dieting fuel societal weight bias while simultaneously discouraging people from exercising. Meanwhile, for participants, it seems to disproportionately slow down their metabolisms to the point where they're burning a full meal fewer calories than would be expected by their losses. [see Why We're So Fat: What's Behind the Latest Obesity Rates] If you're a regular viewer here's my suggestion. Instead of spending two hours a week watching The Biggest Loser, why not use that same amount of time to ensure you pack your lunch for work each and every day and take three 20-minute walks a week with a friend or a loved one. No doubt the impact of those behaviors will be far more valuable and positive to your mental and physical well-being than watching a show that science suggests may be doing more harm than good. [see 7 Mind-Blowing Benefits of Exercise] Yoni Freedhoff, MD, is an assistant professor of family medicine at the University of Ottawa, where he's the founder and medical director of the Bariatric Medical Institute—dedicated to non-surgical weight management since 2004. Dr. Freedhoff sounds off daily on his award-winning blog, Weighty Matters, and is also easily reachable on Twitter. Dr. Freedhoff's latest book Why Diets Fail and How to Make Yours Work will be published by Random House’s Crown/Harmony in 2014.

I was told at the start of my journey to drink at the least 60 oz of water a day, but more would be better. During the week I do great, drinking around 100 oz. Well guess what during the week my weight goes down! On the weekends I am a slacker. The hubs and I don't have kids and take advantage of sleeping in on Saturday and Sunday mornings. We normally rise around 8-9 am verses our M-F routine of getting up at 5. We are not morning people and never have been. However, this getting up late wreaks havoc with my water intake. I strictly follow my doctors rule of not drinking during or 30 min after a meal. I find this is a big help in not getting hungry so soon. When I don't get up until 8-9, I miss out on getting that extra time for fluids. On M-F I would have already downed about 60 oz. I tend to drink very little between dinner time and bed time for potty reasons, therefore, I don't drink as much as I should. Looking back over my records for the past couple of months the pattern that I see is, my weight drops during the week and on the weekends rises. I believe this is for 2 reasons- 1-Friday night is my night off cooking (this was established at the on set of the relationship and I like it!) We eat out, but I choose as healthy as possible, but the sodium levels do tend to be high (read water retention) 2- Since I do not drink enough water on the weekends the water that is retained due to the upped sodium count is not flushed out. The pattern clear shows that from Friday morning to Sunday morning my weight will go up about 2-3 lbs. By Tuesday morning my weight is back down lower than it was on Friday morning due to getting in all the extra water on Monday. So, it looks like I must get better at the water on the weekends thing. But, this does clearly show me that my water intake as well as my sodium intake has a big effect on my weight. This is my little scientifc experiment.

Since surgery I have had an issue that I didnt discuss much as no one seems to have the same problem. I get a thick white coating on my tounge and in my throat that has been driving me insane!It got progressively worse over the last month. Yesterday I realized it must have soemthing to so with the milk Im drinking.I cut back on the milk,but not a lot,and because of this I became dry.I could feel my lips was even getting dry.So,I tackled a bottle of water,which I dont do often as I still struggle to drink water,and almost immediately the mouth started feeling better. Today I cut the milk a little more and had a lot more water.My mouth was actually fine most of the day except tonight when I had a large cup of tea with lots of milk and didnt rinse my mouth immediately.I am now chugging some water and my mouth already feels better.I still dont know why the milk does this but I now realize that water is super important.Not tea,not crystal light but water. My mission for this week is to double my water intake.The dr halved my BP meds and there is a powerful diuretic in it.Of course I will have to stay away from the scale for at least a week (hehehe...who am I kidding?) as I will go up in water weight.But they say the best cure for that is more water.Will also juice some celery and cucumber as it is a diuretic as well. Went for a dexa scan today and some bloods.Vit D and A is low.LDL is still a bit high but HDL is also high,which is great!Will see what the B12 is like. Ok,now tomorrow I am going to exercise.I think if I keep on saying it,it will be so!

This is the first day of the rest of my life. Day one of the clear liquids pre-operative diet. I have dreaded this day for some time now. About two weeks ago, my 10-year-old daugher told me, with resignation in her voice, that I should, "Eat what you can, while you can." I wholeheartedly agreed. Every day after that, I thought about what I would love to eat and how much of it I would eat. After a couple of days I realized that I didn't really want anything! I was sick of food and my dysfunctional relationship with it! I couldn't wait for...today. Now it's here. I didn't sleep well last night. I had wicked weird dreams. I think that my stress level is probably through the roof. Thank goodness I am not prone to high blood pressure. I woke this morning with butterflies in my stomach. I'm excited and scared at the same time. I'm afraid that my brain will sabotoge the pre-op requirements. I know I can keep my stomach full. I am allowed only a few things. Protein drinks (3x per day) mixed with water, broth, clear juices, Gatorade, and water. Not the most palatable diet, but obviously I can live through it. My sort of sick thinking takes me to people who are not as fortunate as I. I think of those who have no running water and would give anything for broth. Third world countries. That's what I'll rely to get me through. Demented. The center that I am going through for this surgery is very helpful. They require each patient to take pre-surgery classes and a post-surgery class. It's been very interesting and enlightening. In each pre-surg class, I could pick out the people that will fail at this. They are the ones complaining about each step of the process and whining about requirements. I wanted to scream at them and tell them that they need to start taking responsibility for what they've become. I know that it's my fault that I'm fat. I know that it's my fault that I've put everyone's needs before mine for the last 15 years. I chose not to make the right decistions. I chose to live to eat rather than eat to live. I am responsible. Now I am going to be held accountable. During one of the pre-surg classes, three different people asked the nurse about caffeine and whether or not they should stop indulging in it. All three times, the nurse was very vague. She stated that, "The surgeon prefers you to be caffeine free right before and right after the surgery." Hmmm. That's not really an answer. I decided not to press for it because I like caffeine. It wards off the demons. I tried to wean myself off of my one can per day Diet Coke habit, but it seems that unless I want a dull, roaring headache on a daily basis, I cannot. So, I won't. I have decided that I will sip my Diet Coke and ration it to the smallest amount possible and still be pain free. I will refrain from any caffeine a few days before surgery. I'm thinking that I will be sick of living on liquids by then and a headache will be a welcome change of focus. I have learned, by reading this forum, that there are a million different pre-op diets and that each surgeon has a preference. I have researched why we are on this pre-op diet and why my surgeon has required it for such a lengthy period of time. I understand all of this, but that doesn't mean I'm happy about it! Because my insurance is paying for this, I have decided that I will just be thankful and comply with most all of the doctor's wishes. My surgeon's office have stated to me that the MANDATORY protein diet should include Bariatric Advantage protein powder and bars. Apparently, they used to sell it right from the office but when I asked the nurse how I would be held accountable for using this specific product, again, she was vague. So, I purchased the bars. They taste like cardboard now, but on day seven they will probably taste like heavan. The powder is icky. So, I'm supplementing with Premier and Muscle Milk. They just taste better. Protein is protein. As long as I'm not loading up on sugar, I will survive. My liver will shrink and my stomach will be removed. The photo is of my support team. My husband, son, and daughter. If I had a photo of all of my friends together, I would include it. I am very lucky to have such wonderful people in my life. My colleagues are rooting for me too. The key person in my success, besides myself, will be my very best girlfriend, Tammi. She has been my bff for over 15 years now. She was sleeved in August 2011. She reached her goal just over her year anniversary and has since had some plastic surgery to tighten up those loose areas. She was always beautiful inside and out to me, but now she actually feels it for herself. I'm so proud of her. She is my encyclopedia of vertical sleeve gastrectomy information. I feel very empowered and knowleadgeable and prepared because of her. Last February (2012) I embarked on my millionth time to start Weight Watchers. I weighed myself one morning and cried. I had never been as heavy...299 pounds. I couldn't let myself go over that 300 mark. My husband hugged me and told me that we could do it together. I thought of Tammi and said to myself that I didn't need WLS. That I could do this. I was seriously ready. I joined a gym and got a trainer. First time for losing weight and excerising at the same time. I loved working out! It was really fun. I was losing weight and, most importantly, losing inches! Seven weeks in, I stopped losing. I injured myself in the gym. This went on for 5 months. I didn't give up. I was stuck. I would lose a pound and gain a pound. Then I injured myself a second time. I gave up. I really don't think that the average trainer understands that a fat person cannot do what a more fit person can do. This isn't The Biggest Loser! In June, our insurance provider changed. I was browsing the list of changes to our policy and coverage when it caught my eye. The new policy actually covered some weight loss surgeries! With bated breath, I read it and reread it. I decided that I was going to swallow my pride, go to my primary care physician, and spill my guts. The day that I went to see my doctor was cathartic. I had never spoken about my weight out loud, in anything besides a self-deprecating manner, to anyone. Ever. I told him everything I've ever done, every pain I have, every fear I have, and cried. He hugged me and told me that he would help. And he did. I had already had a consultation with the bariatric surgeon. He told me I was making the right decision. Now I had to jump through the hoops. So we started jumping together. Now, here I am. My insurance company said YES! I'm so very excited about how my life is going to change. I know this is not going to be easy. The surgery is the tool. It's my brain I worry about. I have to let go of all of the thoughts and habits that I've adopted through the years. I have to start living for me and me first. I have to start eating to live rather than living to eat. The Southern in me is going to have difficulty, but I know that with the support at home and at the surgeon's office...I GOT THIS! Beginning weight on day one of pre-op diet is 289.6 lbs.

When I'm smaller. Instead of worrying about laying in an uncomfortable position to make sure my rolls, chins, big boobs, and other things don't create unwanted tan lines. I can't wait until I am able to just lay down and not worry about it. This is just one of my many non scale victories. Tomorrow I am going to start swimming laps, and walking or biking to work. And Ty is going to start walking home from work to get in his 30+ minutes of exercise for the day. I just need it to be the end of the month. Happy losing everyone! Have a great week! Shelley

I have a lot of thoughts about sharing EXACTLY what I eat on a daily basis here on this site because there are SO MANY different points of view about what is appropriate, when its appropriate, and so on. My basic feelings are this - I keep my calories where they are supposed to be, and I keep my protein and carbs as close to on point as I can. For me, HOW I make that happen isn't really anyone's business. I do not have a lot of sympathy for a person moaning on about how they can't lose weight when they fess up to eating McDonalds with total disregard for calories and carbohydrate limits. Even the SMALLEST Frappe from McDonald clocks in at 74 grams of carbohydrate and 66 grams of sugar. That is the type of thing that no matter what you do, if you make that choice you are MAKING the choice to fail that day. 66 grams of sugar does not fit into a weight loss program no matter which way you slice it. There are "bad" foods that you can make work - FOR EXAMPLE - Today I had a Crab Rangoon Not two, not four not a whole order, ONE. I ate ONE with about quarter cup of tomato soup. I know what you may be thinking "omg Grace, you are only 12 days post op" Don't worry, I have been cleared to progress my diet with certain limitations so long as I am tolerating it well. That's beside the point but I felt the need to say it anyway. Standard Crab Rangoon has about 70-80 calories each, and that is REALLY rounding UP. I prefer to round up that way if I am wrong I still have myself covered. They have about 3-6 grams of carbohydrates each, and about a gram of protein. I understand that it is empty calories, but if I have met my nutritional guidelines for the day, I have nothing to feel bad about. I am SO OVER being shamed about anything food related. Now, that doesn't mean I won't take advice from people who know better because I always have and I always will but I guess the whole point of this is to say that you can still be normal, and follow the damn rules. I am so tired of reading post after post where people seem to feel that they need to be some kind of raw food vegan to follow the rules or that they can be normal and blow them out of the water. The guidelines are designed to accommodate a NORMAL lifestyle. The problem is that for so many of us, our NORMAL is some kind of sick twisted sugar binge of epic proportions.

Day 6 of my pre-op diet has been difficult. With weird noises coming from--well, everywhere, sugar lows, weakness, headaches, and even envy as I watch my family munch down on mint chocolate cookies and milk, it has not been a good day. I'm almost watching the clock until I can say 6 down, 8 to go. It has always been difficult for me to diet. My stomach rumbles telling me that it wants food, any food, all food, and quick. I've always been able to lose 20-30 pounds as I diet, but eventually I would quit and then gain back everything plus some. I will not repeat that cycle this time, because I am not going to stop until I make my goal, and then my new way of eating will be habit and I won't go back. I am more committed to this plan than I've ever been to any of the other myriad of diets I've done. So while doing all the reminiscing of diets through the years, I am reminded of one in particular. One of my doctors graphically explained weight loss in the following way: He said it comes down to the basic fact of less calories in than you burn, and that he has never seen a picture of a prisoner of war who wasn't skin and bones. He showed me a couple of pictures even, and gave me a chapter of text to read where some POWs were starving to death, yet they still had to drag themselves to the local coal mine for 12 hour shifts with nothing but a handful of rice for the entire day. Then they drug themselves, step by step, sometimes crawling, sometimes pulling or pushing one another, back to the prison camps where they were lucky to get a small amount of water and another handful of rice. If they searched for a morsel of something else, or complained that it wasn't enough, they were tortured even more. Often these POWs prayed that they would pass during the night, knowing that their frail bodies just could not continue on. Others prayed for help to sustain them just one more day. As we are struggling through with our limited shakes or various different diets, I am reminded of those POWs and how they survived on a handful of rice for days, months, even years, all the while working hard labor in their camps. Tonight when I am hearing my stomach rumble, I'm trying to be thankful for what I have. With that in mind, 700 calories doesn't seem so small when compared to the lives of our brave prisoners of war in history.

A pal from my WL support group shared this one~ Eight Signs of Emotional Eating A lot of people ask, "How do I know if I am over eating for emotional reasons?" If any of the following statements sound like they could apply to you, then it's likely you are struggling with emotional eating. 1. My hunger comes on suddenly. Physical hunger comes on slowly. Hunger from emotional eating often comes on quickly and suddenly. 2. I crave specific foods-generally not carrot sticks or steamed broccoli. Cravings for specific foods usually unhealthy foods are signs of emotional eating. Often people like the rush they get from satisfying their cravings. The rush is fulfilling emotional hunger.　 3. My hunger feels urgent- I need a particular food right away and I am willing to walk out of my way, or get in your car late at night, or raid my kids Halloween candy to get it. Physical hunger, unless you haven’t eaten for a long time, is usually pretty patient. It will wait for food. Emotional hunger demands to be satisfied immediately. 4. My hunger is often paired with an upsetting emotion- if I backtrack a few hours or a few days I’ll usually find an upsetting event and feeling that triggered the urge. Hunger thats comnnected to an upsetting emotion or situation is definately emotional hunger. Physical hunger is not typically triggered by emotions. 5. My eating habits involve unconscious eating-all of a sudden I’m eating ice cream and I find the whole contianer is gone. 6. I don’t stop eating in response to being full- I keep wanting more of the taste of the food. Physical hunger doesn’t need to be stuffed in order to be satisfied. Emotional hunger on the other hand often demands more and more food to feel satisfied. 7. My hunger isn’t located in the belly- I crave the taste of a certain food in my mouth or I can’t stop thinking of a certan food. Feeling hungry in this way is usually a sign of emotional hunger or binging. Physical hunger is happy to get what it can, while emotional hunger usually focuses on specific tastes and textures. 8. After I satisfy my hunger, I am often filled with a sense of regret or guilt.Feeding your body what it needs is not something to feel guilty about. If you feel guilty after you eat, it’s likely because part of you knows you’re not eating just to satisfy physical hunger. When you’re eating for phyiscal reasons, you are usually mindful of what you’re doing. If you catch yourself eating, “just because”, then its likely you’re eating for emotional reasons.