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Like many others i am sure.... I get a lot of PMs from people at different stages of their journey asking how they can be as successful as I have been, what were my challenges, what do I eat etc....... And I answer each and every question. A handful of people, write back thanking me or expressing their concerns, frustrations etc....But I really am not sure why most of the others actually do not... I offer my opinions, answer their questions and give them the what worked for me speech... And then I never hear from them again. Not even a thanks for taking the time to answer me... I am not expecting life long pen pals and i I am greatful when Someone actually acknowledges my repy... But for someone to take the time to write, m to take the time to answer I am baffled as to why they don't acknowledge my answer. Just another thing to make you go hmmmmm

Today is day 5 post op and my first day back home after surgery. I had surgery on 1/2/12 and other than the day of surgery I have been relatively pain free, no nausea or heartburn. Dr. Kelly in Tijuana did my surgery and it is the most pain free procedure I have ever had. Only had pain the day of surgery and that was relatively mild. Stayed at the Oasis Hospital for 2 days before being transferred to the Lucerna hotel in the business district. Very nice. We received 5 star service that would never happen anywhere near home unless you have money flowing or are a politician!lol. I have been drinking mixtures of Gatorade/water, orange juice, and chicken broth, along with some sugar free jello (totally liquid from chewing). If I drink to much at one time I will slightly cramp and it serves as a reminder to take smaller sips. When I have drank to much I get a full felling around by diaphragm and avoid drinking anymore until it goes away. This experience has been mild compared to a lot of stories that I have read. I am not sure if this is due to the fact that I did a lot of research priors to surgery and prepared myself mentally for the changes that are necessary for this to succeed or what but so far so good. Did a slow 2 mph walk on the treadmill while watching the Biggest Loser for an hour. Made sure to clip the safety clip in case something happened, since I am home alone during the day. Felt pretty good. My ultimate goal is 135 lbs. Pre-surgery weight was 242 when left home, will wait till the 9th to get a weight for 1 week post-op. I plan on walking on the treadmill every day and realize that some days will be better than others. Also plan on keeping a journey journal to be able to look back and see how my progress is, both mentally and physically. Personally, I think that our mental outlook is over half of the battle and that it is important to confront the reasons behind our eating. Mine are emotional and also a bit of laziness, easier to eat out than cook. In reality there is no one to blame for our condition except ourselves and we are the only one who can change how we think. I am ready for this change and that is why I decided to do the surgery. It is a tool not the answer. So I will try to record at least once weekly on how the week has gone. For all those that think their husbands are asses think about this: If you go out and your husband wants something to eat maybe he is trying to help by not making you cook at home. Perception is the key to a lot of things. Instead of thinking they are selfish maybe they are trying to be nice in their own way. I offered to cook for my husband since I am home and he said he just wanted me to concentrate on me for now that he was afraid I would want what I cooked for him. I won't since no appetite right now, but still sweet!

Someone said that to me today. I was back at work ...granted I was at home but I could do my job in a closet and no one would notice...LOL. Any way I was on the phone with one of my employees and she asked how I was recovering from my surgery... She doesn't know it's nature..but anyway I told her I was really surprised at how well I was doing albet I would like to feel a little less tired....but she said...well happy people get good results. It got me to thinking.... And of course there are exceptions to this rule of thumb...but do you believe it?

am so excited. So the lbs are coming off slowly, but DEEZ INCHES MAYNE! I am wearing a top from DOTS that I bought and thought I could wear and HAHAHAHHA! NO. My boobs and gut said NO MA'AM! Today? it's on. it's buttoned. IT'S CUTE! Also, the coat that I talked about in my week two update video that would not button? BUTTONED TODAY. Can't tell me nothin' today!

Wow, it's been a long time since I have been here. Post sleeve life has been good. Ups and downs and unforeseen events but the majority of it I would not trade if I could. Weight is still an important part of my life but it does not hold the control over me that it did while I was obese or even that it did for the first 18 months post op. I was fanatical about doing everything right in order to shed the weight as quickly as I could. It worked by following the recommendations of my surgical center professionals. I have since realized I can not live the rest of my life so regimented and constrained. That does not however mean that those things that were recommended and I proved worked will be abandoned. It is really about using those tools I learned, in addition to my surgical tool, to manage my weight for the rest of my life. My weight is under my control I am not under it's control. I started my journey on Nov 23, 2010 at 492lbs. One year post op (Jan. 10, 2012) I was 200. Today nearly 2 years post op. (Jan 7, 2013) I set here at 196. This is about 6 lbs heavier than I want to be. I had gotten to a low weight of 177 around September 2012. I was still 4lbs away from "ïdeal" weight but my body fat was under 9% and I felt like crap. For once in my life I made a conscientious decision to be heavier. That concept is still surreal to me even as I type this. I found that I felt the best and looked the best in a range between 185 and 195. I am using a target of 190 as my new life goal. Now is where I get to make myself feel better and preface that this is all weight before any removal of loose skin so in all reality my "real" body does weight less. My best guess based on others I have seen that have had removal is that I have at least 25lbs of skin that could go. Will I ever be able to get the skin removed so that I can actually see what my "real"body looks like? Who knows, I doubt it. And yes there is a bunch of extra skin. I like to make jokes about it, after-all who doesn't want a butt that looks like a Shar-Pei? The reality though is that it sucks. I have bags and folds that are a constant reminder of the size this container used to be. I can dress it well but in my birthday suit it is not a pleasant sight. Uhhhhggggg! Is the extra skin burdensome enough to regret the decision to have surgery, nope, never. The surgery is still the best decision I have ever made. One statement of advice to those looking to go through this that have significant others (in the pre-politically correct days I would have said spouses). Be very aware of what THEY are going through as you are on your journey. This affects them too and often in a blindsiding way. Even the most supportive and enthusiastic partner can get lost in the waves of attention that a successful WLS patient will be seeing. And trust me, when they get swept under and begin to feel like WLS has unexpectedly become their whole life too.....the results are not good. I hope you all are doing well and I will be back more often. I had forgotten how good it feels to simply put into text what is swimming around in my mind. Take care Ya'll!

I stepped on the scale today and it went down 3 pounds! I'm at 243. I can't recall the last time I was this weight. I've been above 250 probably since junior year of high school. I hit my highest weight ever of 275 my freshman year of college. It feels odd, but I'm glad the scale finally moved. I can't believe I'm 43 pounds from onederland. I remember hitting 200 pounds in middle school and crying. My best childhood friend told me that she remembers me crying about it to her. I think by May I could be in onederland. IN TIME FOR GRADUATION... WHOOHOO! They say the first 6 months you lose the most. And I get to start the gym this week. My family has a membership at the Y, so at least I can get back into bike riding (which i miss like crazy) and build up some stamina before Sunday when I go back to school. I'm really nervous about heading back to college because I go to a school where there are literally less than 20 fat students on campus. And from noticing the lack of visible fat people on campus, I've immersed myself within the body acceptance and fat acceptance movement online. I've come a long way in accepting and loving myself and reclaiming the word fat. Fat is just a word. It does not mean you are worthless or disgusting. My journey is about doing incredible physical things with my body and helping my PCOS as well as trying to prevent health issues that run in my family. I have history of diabetes, heart attack, and stroke in my family. And that's just from my mother's side. I don't know anything about my biological father's history, so my stepfather's (whom I've called dad all my life) doesn't count lol. I go to a school that's very privileged, where the wealthy are thin, and I see first hand that thin privilege exists. Anyway, I'm nervous for college because my gym is full of thin young men and women. It's constantly packed. I've never set foot in the gym because it makes me so uncomfortable being the only fat person there. My dad says I need to say screw it, because this is about me, not them. I'm bettering myself. I just wish there was a plus size network that I could connect to at school so we could go together. Maybe my roommate will go with me since her doctor told her she needs to work out to help with her stress headaches. I just don't want to be looked at or whispered about. And I don't want to look like an idiot who doesn't know where the equipment is or how to use it because it's different than the Y. The weight area is generally full of men, and the women's studies majors have written theses about it, but I gotta scout out to equipment and weights before I use them. I know there are some women on sports teams that use it, and I want to use weights too! In the meantime I might buy myself a set of interchangeable weights besides the 5 pound weights I own now. I really want to get on board with toning and building muscle in my arms WHILE losing weight, not after losing weight. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________ In other news, I'm going into my 4th week on the food stage. Which means soft foods, and I started today :] I had 3 hard boiled egg whites. I made the mistake of not chewing enough, I was too eager, and I didn't have pain per se, but this incredible full feeling bordering on discomfort as if the eggs were something hard in my stomach. I chewed more diligently after that. I also finished the rest of my pureed chicken from last night and had about 3 small meatballs. I felt guilty, but I ate a little thing that I shouldn't have. It was 90 calories and 10 carbs, and all you need to know is it had chocolate on it. It was soft so I wasn't worried about it not going down. I mean I'm even allowed to have crackers (SO DRY) at this stage. I also found out peanut butter is hard for me to get down without it feeling like a paste is slowly leaking down my throat, just sitting there not making it down, even though it's on my list of foods for the soft food stage. So maybe I'll try it again later this week. Tuna is probably going to be my go to food. I can eat a whole can no problem. I also bought light mayo. I know I should've gotten fat free, but I need to work my way down to it because I knew it was gonna taste gross. I don't notice a difference with light, so once I get used to that, I'll eventually buy fat free in a few weeks. I'm still having issues with not drinking for a half hour after I eat. I'm forcing myself to mark the time when I stop eating, and try to wait it out. I miss drinking with meals so much. The small portions and limited list of foods I can deal with, but not drinking anything before or after is killing me. Who would've thought that out of all things, drinking with meals is what I miss most. My main issues prior to surgery were eating foods that were a matter of convenience, eating large portions without feeling satisfied, and eating foods that were really bad for you but tasted delicious. I'm waiting for the food mourning to kick in a few weeks from now when I see things with bread that I want to eat so badly, or how easy it is at college to just grab that box of pasta and boil water and eat all those carbs. Eating is going to be hassle for me with all the planning. I plan on carting sippi boxes of muscle milk light in my bags from now on I'm wondering if my PPIs aren't strong enough because I feel hunger, and I know that can be confused with acid. When I ate dinner tonight, I was able to eat a cup, A WHOLE FREAKING CUP, of unpureed chili over the course of 20 mins without feeling sick or getting to that full point where I feel it sitting in my esophagus. I'm scared I'm going to give myself a leak. I need to be committed to measuring my food. Only 1/2 a cup. AND THAT'S IT. I see people on here who can only manage a few table spoons, meanwhile I'm sitting here with no nausea and eating like a champ. I don't want to be a failure. WHAT IF MY SLEEVE IS TOO BIG? what if my nerves are so dulled, I can't tell that I overstuffed myself and I give myself a leak? This is why I need to measure my stuff more accurately and not eye-ball things. There could be bad consequences (besides not losing weight) because of it. ___________________________________________________________________________________________ I noticed that there aren't a lot of blog updates on this site. I thought about making a wordpress blog or something like that, but I'm too lazy. The tumblr WLS community is small, and I don't connect with many of the users. I could use my old livejournal, but I don't know about that since I use it for other things. This is kind of like a diary for me, to look back on my thoughts and issues during my journey. I get comfort (and paranoia) to know that people are reading my posts, even if it's just one person.

So I have a co-worker who was banded in February, and when I tell you she has been helping me, she is a God Send. I'm half way through my my first day of pre-surgery liquid diet. When I felt myself getting hungry I went for a walk and it helped. I see that when the hungry pains come in to drink water and do things to take your mind off of it. Mind Over Matter!! I will be checking back in tomorrow. Plus I will be doing before and after pic's soon. Jan 21, 2013 will be here before I no it.

It has been two weeks and five days since my surgery, and I am left in wonder and introspection. I have had my first post-op doctor's appointment and am scheduled to see him again in about two months. I am to lose 24 pounds by then. My scale and the scale at my doctor's are different by six pounds; I also weigh myself nude at home while I am fully clothed while at my doctor's (plus I think I had my car keys in my jeans pocket). I've realized I haven't been following the schedule that I am supposed to have set with my meals: 3 meals a day, 2oz each, and 2 protein shakes. I am still on a liquid diet; broths and protein shakes have been my meals. I've been nearly meeting my protein intake of 50g a day (I get around 46-50, depending on the kind of shake I drink). Along with my realization that I need to work on my food schedule, I also realized I need to be measuring my broth so I can get used to the 2 oz of food I am allowed, so when day 22 comes along, I will measure my soft foods out of habit. Instead of measuring my broth, I've been pouring them into my little toddler bowl and eating it slowly until I feel full. I believe that I was eating double of what I should, but then would not "eat" broth the rest of the day, but would focus on drinking my protein shakes. Even with the completion of my third week coming up and soft foods will soon be on my menu, I am still only allowed 500 calories. This is somewhat concerning to me in that a protein shake that I am loving automatically gives me 220 calories. I can reduce that by using just water to make my shake as opposed to a cup of soy milk and half a cup of water; though with the current way I make my shake, I get 33g of protein in. I'm considering having that shake as a "breakfast" and shake combo. I am also concerned about the 500 calories since I will be starting to exercise, besides the everyday walking that I do. I will start slow, but I also know that beforehand I could burn 400 calories with 30mins of cardio. I trust my doctor, so I just have to hold on to that while wrapping my head around the idea of small calorie intake and the addition of cardio and eventually strength training. With all these changes that I've been going through, I've realized that I've been focusing on the wrong numbers: instead of focusing on my number triad of 500/50/<40, I have been focusing on the number on the scale. and disappointed in that I see no difference in my body shape. Still, I know I am losing weight, and I tell/comfort myself with the idea that I may be losing slowly compared to others but that could be good for me skin wise and also, just adjustment wise. I've taken to keeping a food diary, and have set up a weight loss chart to remind myself that even if I cannot see a difference, I am losing weight and am on track. With all that being said, I am glad that I've taken this big step and am making progress on my journey. I've realized my mistakes and am seeking to correct them. I am working on my water intake, thought I do get my full amount of liquids in through the broth, shakes and bit of water I do drink. I know I need to get better at my water intake since I will be trying soft foods soon, so I will be including broth less and less in my liquid intake (and really, I am getting so freaking tired of chicken broth). I am making my way down this path and with each little step I'm realizing past mistakes in the way I ate and took care of myself, and I'm realizing the mistakes I was making now and am working on correcting those. Sometimes, things that are worthwhile must be worked for and earned so their enjoyment is that much sweeter. My life will be so much sweeter learning and meeting the new me. And for now, in the short term, the sweetness will come with my first scrambled egg!

Went to the seminar required by my surgeon this past week. I didn't learn anything I hadn't already heard about in great detail by my own research and by spending a lot of time here on VST The benefit to the seminar, as far as I'm concerned, was taking DH along so he could hear it all. He found it very interesting and informative. Oh! One thing I did learn that I am VERY excited about is that this surgeon does all his sleeves with a single incision through the belly button! That is SO cool!! Wonder if anyone else here on VST has had this? I also found out that my insurance requires a 6 month medically supervised diet. Ugh. Like I haven't already tried aaaaallllllllll the diets out there, supervised or unsupervised. My big thing about this requirements is this: yep I can do the diet, and I will lose weight. I've done it before -- lots. My problem, however, is that I cannot keep the weight off, hence the need for VSG. So what is a 6 month diet going to do except maybe get my BMI down to where insurance might not cover it? I'm sure as we progress and I can speak with a coordinator from my surgeon's office I will figure out more. Maybe there's a loophole or a work-around that we can do. I've been reading a lot of people's entries about insurance qualifications, comorbidities (or lack thereof of as far as the insurance approved list), and employer exclusions. What's frustrating is this: quite a few of us are borderline BMI (39) , have been yo-yo-ing for many years if not decades, do not have comorbidities YET, and therefore may not get insurance approval. My mom said I have a serious case of the "Yets" (I thought she was attempting to speak yiddish there for a minute lol). What she was pointing out is that I don't have high bp -- yet. I don't have diabetes -- yet. I don't have any of the other serious problems that the insurance deems worthy -- yet. But I will soon if I don't do something. My knees and ankles and back already hurt, but I don't see that on the insurance's list. . . actually I may have sleep apnea, but I don't think it's "severe". Will find out when I get my sleep test in a couple of weeks. I just think the insurance companies are being foolish with their requirements in many cases. ANYways. So 6 months. From when I don't know, waiting to hear from the surgeons office to see if the clock has started ticking yet. I think right now they are getting the ball rolling and hitting up my insurance co. Perhaps we can find a loophole or a work-around. I'd like to have this done like, yesterday. I've been regaling DH with stories from the message boards here. You guys are really fun I'm talking specifically about a recent thread entitled: "So, really weird inappropriate question" That was awesome (and informative hehe) Best to all of you out there. Happy holidays!