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Anyone thats ever had a traumatic event in their life can relate to what I'm about to say. I spent a lot of time in the counselors office talking about forgiveness. Forgiving your abuser and those who supported the abuse, either by denial or by complacency is more about healing you than giving that other person anything. I never once in this whole process ever thought about forgiving myself. I was watching a recent episode of Heavy and one of the counseling sessions was about forgiving yourself. There is so much guilt associated in childhood trauma, at least there was for me. I can honestly say that I have forgiven those involved, but I have never forgiven myself. Part of this journey for me is to work through the reasons I turn to food for comfort. Part of my realization is that I have not forgiven myself; I did not allow myself to break free from my abuse because of the guilt. I feel responsible for what happened, because I didn't speak up, I didn't tell anyone, I didn't make it stop. Why didn't I? Logic sets in and tells me it was because I was only 2,3,4,5,6,7 years old but my memories are processed through my mind, an adult's mind. I am mature enough to know it is wrong..now! But then? I remember saying " this is wrong" and him saying " why?" and I couldn't answer him because I didn't know. How could I not have known? These are the things I am working through...it's not a sob story, so don't feel bad for me. It's just my reality, one that I've lived with my whole life. I'm working through it now. I have no choice because I can't consume large amounts of food anymore to avoid working through them ( thank god!) I'm just telling myself every day that I have the right to what everyone else has and that.... It was not my fault! It was not my fault! It was not my fault!

Is my band too tight? How many times do we see this question? A lot so let’s talk about it. How tight you have your band is a personal preference. No one (including your doctor) can tell you how tight it has to be. This is something you have to decide for yourself. Personally my band is loose. The last time I had an x-ray my doctor commented that I didn’t have very much restriction. Oh well, it is what works for me. I have had 2 unfills because I felt my band was too tight, but I know now that it wasn’t. So how do I know if my band is too tight? I ask myself these questions: 1. Can I get water/liquids down okay? If YES not too tight 2. Are my bites the size of a nickel or smaller? If NO not too tight 3. Do I chew my food at least 30 times before swallowing? If NO not too tight 4. Do I wait 1 minute between bites? If No not too tight It appears that my eating habits cause me to think my band is too tight. When I eat correctly I have no problems. My advice to anyone wondering if their band is too tight is, evaluate your eating by asking yourself my four questions.

No, you are not nuts. Don't discount your feelings and you are indeed breaking up with food, but trust me, you will learn that food is NOT your best friend. It is your crutch maybe, but certainly not your best friend. It's what got you to this point, it's what got all of us to this point.. friends don't do that. It's like the old friends don't let friends drive drunk.. LOL (well, I tried! ) Let your husband be supportive as he knows how, you will find if he's supportive now, he will probably be even more so afterwards. Mourn food, it's ok to do that and start a new kind of relationship with it... Accept his support the way he is offering it, it sounds like he's trying. He probably doesn't know exactly what you are going through, how could he? He's not in your shoes..My husband has always been thin too and never struggled with is weight... BUT he saw me struggle, he saw me cry, he saw me hate myself and go up and down for years.... he shared that pain with me and he was there to hold me and remind me that he loves me for me too during those times. That was support! I was sleved 11/15 and I was very scared, but I'm doing great and I am glad I did it. Hopefully you will too. Feel free to reach out anytime for support, there is a lot of support here that was given to me and I'm happy to give it to you as well! Hang in there!! You are not alone, we are all in this together and understand!

(((((Mini))))) It was NOT your fault! I sorry you have to bare the scars for someone elses sickness. You are so loving and kind to everyone, please see yourself and love yourself, the way we love you. That's what you deserve.

i and the girls love YOU

I feel and have felt the same way. I am new to the group and was sleeved 12/10. I am certainly not sorry but I sure miss my good buddy food. Or what I consider food which is really not.....it is junk. The head hunger is out of control at times but without the sleeve I would cave to my craving because I am truly addicted to food. I needed this procedure to lose the weight and I needed it and therapy to treat my addiction. Have faith, you won't be sorry you are doing this. It is drastic but for some of us it is the only way!

For most of my lifetime, I recall feeling renewed and hopefully about entering a new year. I always looked forward to making new year resolutions. The primary, reoccuring resolution I would make and not succeed with was losing weight and being healthy. Annually, I would still set myself up for wishful thinking and dreaming and subsequent depression by spring. My happiness was always tied to my weight. My obesity status held me back from being me for many years. I often felt self conscious, but continued to hide behind a smile. However, FINALLY, I became proactive regarding my weight problem midway 2012. I had my SLEEVE procedure August 22nd, 2012 and have successfully lost 53 pounds to date. For once, in my lifetime, I am entering a new year on a good foot. This is the most exciting phase of my life in a long time. I finally feel alive and looking forward not just to 2013, but to the next ten years! No longer is my life filled with bleak nights and long, exhausting days..just barely making it through life! Yes there are things I still need to work on, such as eating at a slower pace, water consumption and exercising consistently, but overall, I feel healthier than I have in many years! If you are pondering over weight loss surgery and living in fear...fear of staying obese and the situation getting worse and worse and fear to have the surgery, just know that surgery could change your life! I am living proof of this and I thank GOD for the courage to move forward with it. I had never ever considered weight loss surgery until spring of 2012. I was one of those diehard, "Oh I don't need surgery, you have to do it on your own with or without surgery anyway!" Meanwhile, while being resistant to the idea, my body was breaking down and the scale was going up. I turned to GOD and prayed on it after my new gastrologist asked me to consider it. Her vision of where I could be 5 years from now if I didnt lose substantial weight was frightening. I thank her to this day because most doctors don't break you down like that anymore. I realize GOD sent me to that woman because I didnt even have a recommendation when I switched to her, I just called 1-800-doctor and went from there! Now all of my doctors are pleased with my progress..but they can not be more pleased and excited for me than I am! I just thank all of my family, friends and co-workers who are supporting me during this process. My boss is one of my biggest cheerleaders! She's always telling me my clothes are too big..LOL I am just eternally grateful and I thank GOD! I told my surgeon, Dr. Dobruskin during my last visit that she changed my life. She replied, "No, YOU changed your life." I think we both did that together. The healthy quest will never end for me, it's a total lifestyle adjustment and I am good with that. To 2013: Onward and Upward! I am taking life by the horns and moving forward! I just wanna scream and shout I am so elated!! Good luck to all the new procedure patients and you will soon be sharing the same joy I am! GOD BLESS!!

I am very proud of you! You are taking back control and taking care of yourself!! We are all here to help.listen and never judge because none of us are perfect. Have a great New Years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You deserve it. We all do.

All of my life I felt very different from everyone around me and constantly yearned to be “normal” like everyone else. In school, I was bullied and beaten up on a regular basis because I was “different”. In order to cope with the abuse at school and at home, I turned to food. What I didn’t realize at the time was that instead of running towards normalcy, my actions were driving me further away. As I gorged myself with calories, I gained weight and became less active. As an adult, I became so fat that I had trouble doing simple tasks like getting dressed or walking a block to a place for lunch. I thought about getting weight loss surgery, but then, I would permanently be “not normal”. One of my greatest fears about getting the surgery was that I would never be able to eat like a “normal” person again. I thought that I would not be able to participate in social activities where food was served and my post-surgery eating habits would attract attention to me as being different from everyone else. It never occurred to me that at 325 lbs, I was not eating like a normal person to begin with and my eating habits were probably already attracting attention. Today, after having lost 100 lbs from surgery, I am quite shocked to discover that I feel more normal than I have ever felt in my life. I am as active as any normal person and can physically do everything a normal person can do. My eating habits have not impacted my social life in the least. It feels wonderful to be able to walk into any clothing store and buy whatever I want just like a normal person. Even though I am not happy about still being 60 lbs overweight, given the average size of people these days, even that seems normal. I was telling my therapist that I feel like I have normal weight loss issues now. Weight loss seemed like an impossible dream before surgery, but I am at a point now where I need to watch what I eat and exercise like a normal person to lose any more weight. With surgery, I have achieved normalcy, the one thing I feared I would not gain by having the surgery. I’m hopeful that I will lose the rest of this weight in the new year.