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Well I wrestled over posting these pics in my gallery...but they are there and I think they arent any worse then what I would look like on the beach... so have a look if you are interested.... I think they came out AMAZING! Can't wait for the upper swelling to go down.

I posted tummy tuck before and after in my gallery and hopefully on this blog....... granted its only been less than 48 hours but even with the swelling you get the general idea.... I am not brave enough to post the "girls"... until i can figure out how to cover up the personal parts..... but they look marvelous!

Five weeks after surgery, down 22 lbs My double chin is almost gone!

There is a woman who reads my blog. I was going to be in her town on business, so, I decided to ask to meet her; to my shock and horror, she accepted. This was not a “date” in the true sense of the word; in my mind however, I treated it as a date in order to gain experience in my social skills. We planned to meet for dinner. We talked – a lot. I found her to be intelligent, articulate, funny, interesting, and strikingly good-looking. All the characteristics I like in a woman. But really, the reason I’m telling this story is because of what we discussed and how it is helping me grow. I’ve written quite a bit about my negative self-image, my believing that I am unattractive, repulsive and fat and my shyness around people, especially women. I’ve discussed my fears and my social awkwardness. She didn’t see any of that. One of our first topics of conversation was my negative self-image. She said she was expecting someone far different than the man standing in front of her. She was expecting an ugly, fat guy who would have trouble communicating. Wait, that’s not me? Apparently not. She accused me of having a handsome face and not being fat. She thought that I had a terrific personality and didn’t think that I was socially awkward. She reiterated her impressions of me several times that I feared she thought I was making up this entire thing. In my diary I pen my deepest and darkest thoughts. My self-perception is a reflection of these thoughts about myself based on a lifetime of abuse. So while I may have this façade of being all put together on the outside, my writing is really about what’s in my head. My self-image is about how I see myself; not how the outside world sees me. What she was able to accomplish in one afternoon, I could not have accomplished in years of therapy and thousands of dollars. Ever since that encounter in October, I’ve started to evolve my opinion of myself. I’ve begun to question my negative self-image and attempted to gain a more confident attitude. I still have issues with insecurity, shyness, and self-esteem and I still feel socially awkward a lot of the time, but thanks to her I’m trying to build a positive attitude about who I am. And for that I owe her a debt of gratitude.

5 months out and I have been in a stall for about a month. This is crazy. I'm not really panicking over it because I knew this was going to happen, it was just a matter of when. So now I have to change something in order to get past this stall. I've been thru different things this last couple of months that I haven't been able to exercise so I will start to incorporate that back in, although I have to be careful. I will start slow with maybe 3 days a week and then increase when I'm sure I'm ok. I also need to tweak my diet as it has not been great although I'm still eating only about 3 oz's at a time, I need to change what I'm eating. Get back to basics: protein, water and then everything else. I really have a problem getting those in, especially the water, that has always been my problem. I know this stall will end, I just have to kick in to gear to make it move. I'm ready to be under 200 #'s. I'm so close, so now it's time to get there.

It's been interesting looking back over my entries on this blog along with the journal that I keep intermittently on my computer. I think that it's chronicled not only the weight loss side of my journey, but a portion on my journey through my mental illness in relationship to my weight. I started seeing a therapist last week. I probably should have sooner, and for anyone who has any kind of mental health disorder and is thinking about/having/had the surgery and even some of those who don't have a mental health disorder, it is something I would definitely recommend. I have struggled with my mental health since I was a teenager and it has huge ties to my weight, so it's definitely relevant for me to have new issues as well as old issues cropping up as I continue to lose weight. It's funny because before surgery I reminded myself a number of times that weight loss was not a catch all for solving many of the problems that I have. Weight loss is just that - a loss of weight to increase my health. I am now at 233 (lowest I have seen is 232) and still losing steadily, although much slower than before. Some days I feel like my entire life has changed, others I feel like I'm still left standing in the same place. Half of the time I cannot see the weight loss in the mirror. I can see it in the pictures, I hear it from the people around me, but there's this mental disconnect between that and the person I see in the mirror. I fit into smaller pants and my measurements shrink, but my waist still looks the same size (though one side of my stomach is bigger than the other, apparently I have some scar tissue or something holding my left side at a little bit larger around the stomach). I think this is one of my biggest struggles in regards to motivation. So now that I'm approximately five months out, I'd like to take a minute for myself to outline what I think are the good and the bad that I've experienced from this surgery and from my journey over the past five months. Good: - Moving down from size 28 tight pants to size 22 slightly tight pants - Hearing my coworker tell me today that I look like half of the person I used to be and that I now have a baby face - Being told by my boyfriend that from the back waist up I look like I was never heavy to begin with, supposedly I now have a thin frame - Having my mom notice that you can see my cheek bones - Not being out of breath when trying to keep up with my classmates - Having my smaller scrubs be too big and baggy - Having my boyfriend be able to wrap his arms almost all the way around me (like almost back to himself) - Having a boyfriend who is amazing (Yes, I attribute meeting him to the confidence I gained after surgery) - Being able to walk up flights of stairs without being winded - Being able to shave my legs without feeling like I'm doing some weird acrobatics - Every time I realize something new fits - Being able to sit next to someone on a bus and not feel like they are crossing their fingers I don't sit next to them - Having a ton of extra length on my seatbelt - Realizing I have collar bones and bones in my shoulders - Being able to see the bones/tendons in my hands - Having my rings fit every finger - Feeling like people look at me instead of through me - Not feeling like the largest person in every room - Hitting the high end of projected weight loss by my doctor and still continuing to lose - Not seeing a 3 on the beginning number of the scale - Having lost something like 20% body fat according to my scale - Not having to clear my plate out of anxiety at social settings - Being cold at night instead of sweating my butt off (I prefer blankets to fans) - Not feeling like the first thing people see is my weight - Feeling comfortable enough in my body to have sex with the lights on and no covers - Being able to reach my toes without doing weird bending manuvers - Being able to paint my toenails - The relief of not being at imminent risk of diabetes at 25 - Being able to fit in the bathroom stall and not always having to seek out the handicapped one - The periods of increased confidence - Feeling like I am moving on in my life Bad: - Hormonal imbalances - increases in mood swings, neediness, clingyness, irritability - Saggy skin - Lack of motivation to: Work out, take vitamins, get in protein - I struggle daily to fight my noncompliance - Fatigue (Probably related in part to intermittent compliance with vitamins and protein) - Anxiety related to the possibility of ever gaining the weight back - Alcoholism could easily become a problem - I have to stay away from it completely - Dealing with feelings rather than being able to turn to food for comfort So the goods obviously outweigh the bads by far. And many of the downsides are either related to mental health issues that were already present and have started to reoccur or lack of compliance with my plan. I have tried to start schedules for myself and that's one of the things I will be working on with my therapist. I have always had issues with compliance - and the biggest thing I need to do is make sure that I get all of my medicines and vitamins in, because I feel 110% better when I do. So my New Years resolutions will include: - Setting a day out every month to increase my compliance through scheduling, setting short term goals, and recognizing where my weaknesses have been - Increasing my exercise - Tracking my protein - Not allowing myself to justify that bad foods are ok because I can only have 2 bites anyway (2 bites four times a week still adds up) That was kind of long and rambley. Anyway, I hope that it helps others who might be looking into this and have some of the same mental health issues to maybe understand what it's like on the other side so that maybe they can prepare a little better and be able to manage some of the barriers to health better than I have.

I got my date January 22 which is exactly seven months from my first appointment and five months to the date of the day my daughter gets married. I am so excited but also so scared. My eating has been horrible since I got the date especially eating way to much sugar! I feel terrible and I have to much time between now and when I start my pre-op diet to keep this up. You would think I would learn but quess that what has lead my to needing this surgery.

So I went to a Christmas party last night.. at the home of friends we see regularly so saw lots of people who have seen me recently but more that havent seen me since this party last year. While its fun to hear and oh so flattering... the accolaids were almost embarrassing.... I was like.... isnt there something else to talk about besides my weight loss? But then this morning I did my customary morning ritual on the scale and I weighed in at 159!!! I do not EVER remember in my life being in the 150s... I am in shock and no one is awake yet in my house so I had to rush on to tell you.... Holy #%#%... who would woulda thunk it? Maybe 150 isnt a pipe dream.... Happy Sunday!

This is my very first blog ever. My name is Aimee, I am 33 years old and from MN. I have 3 children and have been married just over one year. I started this process on July 27th, 2012 and I have (hopefully) 2 more weeks or so before I get my surgery date. I just had my first appt with my surgeon and he wanted me to be at my goal weight before surgery was scheduled plus he wanted some medical records from 2000, and wants me to practice taking my meds the way I need to take them after surgery for the next two weeks. So now it's on me how quickly this surgery gets scheduled. I've been approved. I got him the medical records he requested and i'm working on my meds and weight loss. I went in there in July weighing 315. I now weigh 311. Two weeks ago I was at 308 but once I was approved I began cheating like there was no tomorrow. I didnt know I needed to be at goal weight to have it scheduled!! I would've never done that. My goal weight is 298, so I have 13 lbs to lose in two weeks. I first started out eating a low carb diet, but now I switched to 2 protein shakes a day and then a high protein meal for dinner and only veggies for a light snack if necessary. I cheated since my last appointment, which was Tuesday until today--no cheating at all!! Not even one piece of halloween candt today or pizza while my family ate that for lunch. I'm proud of myself today. It's very hard for me not to cheat. I just talked to my husband about it today and I need to get some help, like counseling or something because I know the BIG picture here but yet I continue to sabotage myself and I want to be down to that goal weight no less than two weeks from the 30th- which will be Nov. 13th. I have issues with food that i'm sure a lot of people can relate to but I just don't knoiw anyone that does personally, like I do. This has been a long process and i'm hoping for a date in December, but i'm having issues with that also. My insurance only approved me to have the surgery until December 31st, 2012, and my boss does not want me to have it before Christmas, which I need to comply with. So I am looking at the week of Christmas, if my surgeon will even be doing surgery that week or else looking at getting an extension for my approval from my insurance company. My surgeon is in no hurry to get me in either. I have a history of Pulomnary Embolisms and he's very concerned about that, along with my ability to lose the weight that I need to, plus I take meds for anxiety and depression that I will need to continue after surgery and they need to be taken in a very new way and he wants me used to that now. This is all managable. I can do this, but i'm very nervous because I cheat at my diet and haven't been putting forth the effort that I should be for this. It makes me nervous because I do not want to cheat at this after surgery and I do not want to fail at this. This is HUGE- it is life changing and I just want to be able to succeed at weight loss. I kind of feel like the surgery hasn't happened yet and I don't need to be as diligent as I will be then-or something..I feel like once I have the surgery, there's no turning back and I won't have a choice in losing the weight because it's do or die time then, but what's my issue now then? Why can't I buckle down? I guess I did today, so theres the first step. I need to stop letting food control me. It is always on my mind, it's always there and always will be. I have a family of 5 and food isn't going to disappear. Today I did what I needed to do but I had my breakfast shake at like lunch time, then when it was dinner time I had dinner and then my "lunch" shake after dinner because I was still hungry. I had a snack of green beans in between lunch and dinner time and then a bowl of chicken and veggies when I got to work tonight at 11:30pm. I will be burning lots of calories tonight as I work at a group home and clean all night long. I'M HUNGRY still!!! It's not just in my head- im not only obsessing about food today, im physically hungry. I drank 3, 64 oz. cups of crystal light today- so i'm plenty hydrated. Maybe it's the artificial sweetner in the crystal light that's making my hungry- i've read that sweetners can do that. I am usually not an emotional person either- well I think my meds have something to do with that, but anyways, today i've been emotional. My husband and I are not doing well in our relationship. We've been together 6.5 years, just married over one year now. We started out hot and heavy- mind you, I was at about a size 10 then. As the years passed, I gained and gained and gained my weight. My weight has always been up and down- but after my third child, my husband and I went through a very rough patch when he was born and since then I continued to gain uncontrollably. I was even planning mny huge wedding and instead of losing weight, I almost didn't get into my dress the day of the wedding. I got even more depressed after the wedding- i was in a bad funk for a bout 5 months and reached 321 lbs. Thats the highest I ever saw the scale go. I eventually came out of my funk but our marriage had suffered and still is. We dont sleep in the same bed - EVER, let alone the same story of the house because I snore really bad and he's a light sleeper. This has never been an issue for either one of us until recently for me. See, he spends most of his time, when he's off of work, in his bedroom. He will take the baby with him usually but he hardly spends any time downstairs with me and my two kids ( from previous relationship) This is a HUGE problem for me. H e is aware of it and has been "trying" to spend more time downstaris with us but it's been minimal. We used to be best friends. We used to only want to hang out with each other because none of our friends were as fun as each other was. Now we hardly speak to one another and we both have resentments towards each other and my wieght plays a huge role in our relationship as well. I am now a size 24--I am hardly recognizable from who I used to be. We have NO sex life. He claimns it's because of my weight- that i'm too embarassed about it in bed and he has to do all of the work and it just doesnt work well. I think it's because he's not attracted to me anymore. We just dont have a relationship anymore and it's so sad. We've talked amny of nights about this surgery and how it's going to help our relationship in many ways but it scares me to think that right now is so so bad and because I lose wieght- everything will be ok...Thats hurtful and wrong. If he cant love me unconditionally, then how will this improve our relationship? I realistically know that the surgery will not fix our relationship. It has to be worked on and both of us have to put forth the effort. I do know that I have never been so attracted to anyone as I was to him and I never felt as beauitful as he used to make me feel when I was thin. I know our attraction to each other is strong and I am hoping that, that will come back and we can start reconnecting. This is a scary process. The what if's... I actually cried today- which I haven't done in a very long time. I am unhappy and feel so alone. I miss him and what we used to have. I will write him a letter and we can talk. The next step will be counseling. I feel like this marriage is still so new, but yet so old. I want it to work and I never want to get a divorce- (which I hear the divorce rate after surgery is huge) but I cant continue to live like this. I can't even wait two more weeks to get my surgery date for things to change. It has to be now. Well, it felt really good blogging..I love to write and I think this will be a new step in this journey for me. Hopefully somebody will take the time to read it and give me some feedback possibly. Sorry if my spelling or punctuation hasnt been spot on, i'm just trying to wrtie fast. I better start cleaning now. Tomorrow is a new day--I will work hard on my diet and be as positive as possible. BIG PICTURE

I have read so many posts and blogs about stalls. I promised myself not to panic when I got to that point. I have been stuck at 277.3lbs for a solid two weeks. I know it's not because I did something wrong, or because the sleeve is not working. After being on this site for so long, I know it is a natural/normal part of the journey. I stayed off the scale and kept my eating and exercise routine the same. But this morning I got on the scale. I gained ONE pound!! 278.4 The sight of the number took my breath away, and the taste of disappointment stayed with me all day. So I came home and took a picture so I could remind myself that I am doing ok. I needed to put my demons to sleep and realized this is all part of the journey. I am not failing. The sleeve is not failing. Life is beautiful and victory is mine