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I had the best time at the Christmas party that I have had in over 25 years! I was so nervous about going, and was worried that I wouldn't look good enough, or that no one could tell I lost 75 pounds! It was just in my own head, because I got so MANY compliments about my weight loss, and my new outfit that I couldn't keep tract! LOL Some people even told me several times during the evening just how great I looked, and how they know that I worked so hard to get to where I am now! Guess what fellow sleever's? All those people even knew I was sleeved, because I have been talking about it on my Facebook page! Not a one said that I took the "easy way" out either! I felt like a princess last night, and got allot of my self confidence back that I haven't had in YEARS! I had taken my new digital camera, and took many pictures at the party, and they even asked to use my camera to take a group photo of all the employee's at the party! Normally I would have just sat at our table and just wished it would get over, so we could leave! Not last night, my hubby and I were some of the last ones to leave, and I walked around with him, and mingled! My hubby and I even danced a slow dance to the song "Wonderful Tonight" by Eric Clapton! It was so romantic! I'm only 6 weeks out Tuesday, but it has already made such a difference in my life! I can't wait until I reach my goal, then I'll feel even better about myself, and be even thinner! The only thing I could eat at the dinner was some chicken, and drink water, but I didn't even care! No one said anything to me about it, and I was full and satisfied. I didn't feel deprived, or sorry for myself because I couldn't eat what everyone else ate and drank. Especially after all those nice comments I got all night! Then to top it all off, I weighted this morning and I was down another POUND to make it 76 pounds! 48 of those are before surgery, but the other 28 are after sleeve! I just had to share with all of you. I'm so excited right now.

I was really happily surprised to find out that my gastric sleeve surgery is expected to last less than an hour. Apparently my doc has done A LOT of theses and can pretty much knock them out like an assembly line. I'm to check in at 7am, surgery is at 9:30am, expected to be back in my room by 10:30am. Spend the day recovering and walking. Next day drink the barium for the leak test and be released late in the afternoon. He said not to expect any internal pain, the only pain should be at the incision points and very little gas discomfort. So we'll see. Some of the unexpected things that I didn't find out until the last minute: Had to go to the hospital for several tests - blood, ultra sound, chest xrays and EDG (camera down the throat to check out the stomach). Have to go to the hospital with 72 hours of the surgery to get blood typed (in case of the need for a transfusion) and urine test. So the only things I have left is the per surgery blood/urine test and then the surgery. Very excited. My copay for the doctor has been about $2000 so far (office visits/surgery cost) My hospital costs so far, $1000 (blood, ultra sound, chest xrays and EDG) Costs still to be determined: pre-op blood/urine test and hospital costs for the 2 days pre and post surgery.

Had my quarterly follow up with my oncologist on Thursday and mentioned the 'Jill's Rules' as applies to eating. He urged me to go see my WLS and I did on Friday. I was ashamed that I'd gotten down to 216 and have been now hovering at 223 - 227 since July and have been blaming myself for not trying hard enough. When I laid this all out to my WLS, he assured me that it wasn't me, it was the band and told me I should've come in when this first started. He took all the fluid out of the band(4cc) and I'm to follow up with him on Monday. He's concerned that my stomach has mushroomed over the band and that due to the amount of time I waited before coming in, I may have scar tissue which would mean additional surgery. So far so good though - was able to eat an english muffin and a scrambled egg for breakfast yesterday in 20 minutes and actually got to go out to dinner with my husband, eat while sitting down and wearing a bra without having to run to the bathroom in agony. It felt so good to feel normal I almost cried!

Happy Sunday Since I bought a Fitbit the other day, I have been recording everything I eat onto the computer. I am now so much more aware of everything I put in my mouth. It was one of the best investments I have made since my surgery. Some people need a crutch and I have found mine, the Fitbit. For all of you celebrating Santa, it will make a great gift. Just came home from food shopping. Awful weather in Boston, rain maybe snow later during the Pat's game tonight. Then we are rain/snow the rest of the week. UGH! Enjoy your evening everyone.

i had my last fill on nov. 6th, i got a cold right after that with alot of congestion. I was have trouble keeping much of anything down. (food or liquid) I thought my problem was related to sinus drainage. Now I'm not sure, some days i can eat without spitting most of it up. Drinking is still a problem, i'm currently drinking a bottle of room temperature water and it seems to be staying down. I could drink coffee up until about 3 days ago. Enough of this blah blah blah.... Not sure what i should try or do....any suggestions? Probably going to see about getting a little taken out of my lap band this next week. I just hate to take the time and the money (especially the money this close to christmas) i just keep thinking it will get better.

Cause I kicked it all out! I went to my PCP today for a follow up on my high blood pressure. When I was banded I was on 3 different medicines to control it. About 3 months ago my PCP took me off the last one and said we will monitor your pressure and see how you do. I was so proud of myself, for the last three months I have posted how I went from 3 meds to no meds… Well, today my doctor put me back on one of the meds at half the dosage. I was so disappointed in myself. I felt like I had failed, that NSV pulled right out from under me. I wanted to cry. I pouted all the way home. I know this is something that is not in my control. Everyone in my family has high blood pressure (the skinny ones too) and I know this could be genetic. But, dang it feels like I went backwards. To make myself feel better I went shopping for new pajamas. Mine where too big and the pants would fall off me as I slept (hubby didn’t mine this). Anyway, I got me some cute new PJs. See! Now time to put all my sand back in my sandbox. Thanks for listening.

Do you admit when you are struggling? Or eat wrong? Or over eat? Or do you just hide it?? I feel like I have been successful at my weight loss, I’ve lost 75 pounds in 10 months and I’m at goal. But, was I an A student the whole time? NO! I slipped more than once during my journey. I had nights where I munched on peanuts and chocolate chips, didn’t measure them out so I have no idea how much I truly ate. I also had times when I ate more carbohydrates than protein and times when I ate so fast that I was PBing my food back up. What I did do was be honest with myself. I tried to log everything in my food journal (I had to estimate some things). And I got back on the saddle as soon as possible. Perfection is not required for success; my doctor told me if I could give 80% I would see results. And I did see results. So to all of you struggling know that for every success story you read there are behind the scenes struggles, too.

Be careful in your selection do not choose too young and take only such as have been reared in a good moral atmosphere. Some wives insist on keeping husbands in a pickle, while others put them in hot water. This only makes them sour, hard, and sometimes bitter. Even poor varieties may be made sweet and good by garnishing them with patience, well-sweetened with smiles and flavored with kisses to taste. Keep warm in a steady fire of domestic devotion and serve with peaches and cream. When thus preserved, they will keep for years. This is from Carla Emery’s book The Encyclopedia of Country Living.

Well it has been two years this weekend since I had lap-band surgery. Official date for surgery was October 27, 2010. All I can say is wow, I have learned so much these past two years and still learn everyday but only hope and pray it all sticks with me for the rest of my life. When I started this journey two years ago, I was morbidly obese and like many of you had struggled for years with the ups and downs of yo-yo dieting. My medical health had started to suffer under the weight of my added poundage and my life expectancy was being greatly affected by my poor choice of diet. I loved food and what is even worse I am an excellent cook and baker and was so scared I could not change. This journey for me has been a very personal journey like I know it is for all of you. I think my biggest fear in the beginning was that I would fail or I would lose some weight but not all the weight. Can anyone identify with those thoughts? I am sure you can. On the outside to people looking in, I look like I have made this journey easy but that is so far from the truth. I fight back the urges of my alter ego daily. What do I mean by that, I have head hunger just like the rest of you but I know if I allow myself that one indulgence that I may not be able to stop. Everyone has those few things that I chose to call their kryptonyte and those are the things that if presented with them you find them the hardest to resist. Mine are potato chips and french fries. Hmmm, wonderful crunchy salty yummy potato chips and wonderful hot salty FF from of yes McDonald's. Today if presented with these two items I would still indulge in their forbidden goodness. I know, I know, I should be stronger right, well I am human and we all have our weaknesses and that is mine. So how do I avoid them, simple don't buy them. If you were to do a sweep of my cupboards and fridge and freezer you would find healthy snacks. Apples, bananas, natural peanut butter, SF syrups, Dark Chocolate (I buy one bar at a time of Chocoluv Dark Chocolate with Sea Salt and it has to last 2 weeks, that is one itty bitty square at a time), healthy pop corn(no added butter) Raw Almonds and protein shakes and bars. May sound boring but I have found these to be my new delights when I want a snack and actually find myself craving my new found healthy snacks. I still have several obsessions with my weight loss journey, I have to record my food intake daily, (MFP) I have to make recipes for any foods I do in combination (I use the recipe builder on MFP, before I indulge in them), I still 2 years out weigh and measure my food, I still eat off a salad plate. (All of these rituals sometimes drive my husband crazy, he even told a Friend this weekend that he was actually jealous of my blogging and all the time I spend on MFP and LBT, I looked at him and said. Seriously, "Would you rather have the old Diane back?" "If not get over it, deal with it, this is my therapy and this is what helps me stay honest and clean with myself." So now you know my other obsession today, my computer time, this new found love for recording food, responding to blogs and forums is my indulgence and helps me stay focused on why I am doing all of this. So if your still reading my long winded ranting, I am sure you are wondering where the pot of gold, the fairy dust, magic wand and words of great wisdom are? Well guess what there are none, there is no magic, there is nothing special about lap band, it will not help you fix your obsessions with food, it will not cure your head hunger and most important it will not stop you from eating. Now it will give you some negative reinforcement if you chose to break the rules and over indulge in bad band behavior. So I guess one word of wisdom is to get your head screwed on right. You see day after day I read on this web site all the comments from fellow bandsters about needing help because they have fallen off the band wagon, they need to refocus, the need to get back on track, they say they cheated, they say they have been banded for days, months, years and still are struggling with losing weight. Honestly all of this makes my heart hurt, , you ask, Why? Because, these people are still waiting for the band to tell them not to eat (RESTRICTION), their still waiting for that wonderful Sweet Spot they told us that would come. That wonderful spot when the band was perfect, and it would help them not feel hunger and take away all the urges for wanting to eat. They told us this would help, they told us this was going to be a tool and this tool would help us not to feel hungry and help control our hunger. Guess what guys, STOP WAITING because that day will never come and if it does it usually only lasts for a few weeks or months and over time we lose fluid in the band, it loosens and you get a fill and you start all over again. So I guess my one small gem of wisdom is learn to control your head hunger and stop waiting on the band to control your eating habits and learn to control the band. The only person who can really help you lose weight is YOU, yes the band is a tool, you can have more fluid put in to it and continue to sit and wait for that wonderful SWEET SPOT or you can take control of your life and learn to control your behavior and relationship with food. The band is not going to fix you, you have to fix you and that my friends takes time and patience. That is where the word cheating comes in, when you fail to fix you, you continue to make the same bad choices and excuses day after day, month after month and wonder why you are not losing weight. It is easy to blame the tool, after all they did tell us this tool would help us to succeed where we had failed with so many other diets and plans. But guess what there is no full proof guarantee with WLS of any kind. There are many people who have the band, the sleeve and full bypass who continue to loss and gain the same weight over and over again just like they did before. So what do I do if the band is not working for me? I suggest you take a good long look at the person in the mirror because honestly she or he are the only persons who can really help you to get to where you want to be. I want to share a poem with you that I find very motivational and have kept a laminated copy of this on my mirror in my bathroom. Any of you that have followed me these past two years have heard me time and time again speak about positive affirmation's and learning to love your self. The key to my success is not my band but me, I have changed. I am not the same person I was 2 years ago. I don't think the same and I don't feel the same. I have reached my goal weight and on the out side I am thin but on the inside is where I really feel different, I no longer feel like a fat girl. Yes I will continue to work on the emotional me and I will always remember where I once was. After you read the poem below you will understand why I titled this blog, Is it really worth not cheating, because if you fail to lose weight and fail to learn to control your food chooses the only person you are failing is you and honestly haven't you hurt yourself enough! So if you are still struggling with losing, still waiting on the band to fix you, get some counseling, dig deeper into yourself and find out what makes you tick. You are worth it but you have to know that and really believe it. You see I am not allowing my band to control my journey any longer nor am I allowing the band to dictate what I eat or when. i am in control of me and my behavior, yes i have bad days but the success to those bad days is I do not give in to the behavior because i have to face the 'Lady in the Glass" Enjoy and I wish everyone peace, hope and success on the journey we call "Bandster Living." I am not perfect but a work in progress and taking this one day at a time. The Man In The Glass Peter Dale Wimbrow Sr. When you get what you want in your struggle for self And the world makes you king for a day Just go to the mirror and look at yourself And see what that man has to say. For it isn’t your father, or mother, or wife Whose judgment upon you must pass The fellow whose verdict counts most in your life Is the one staring back from the glass. He’s the fellow to please – never mind all the rest For he’s with you, clear to the end And you’ve passed your most difficult, dangerous test If the man in the glass is your friend. You may fool the whole world down the pathway of years And get pats on the back as you pass But your final reward will be heartache and tears If you’ve cheated the man in the glass.

I get asked this question all the time; How were you able to lose weight with Lap Band? Simple I followed the rules! I read on this web site all the time about every one hoping to get restriction and frustrated because their band is not tight enough, worried that they need more restriction. Well bandsters, the band and our weight loss is not about restriction, that is not the purpose of the band. The purpose is to slow down your eating so you eat less and become satisfied sooner. So if you are new or struggling, read below. I have lived by the rules of lapband throughout my 2 year journey. It has not always been easy and yes there were times I was hungry. This is not easy, it is a very emotional and personal journey. No two people react to the band alike and you have to have a lot of will power and want power. If you are on this site and had surgery, I know you have tried everything else and our now hoping the band is the answer to your prayers. Well it can be but it can also be the beginning of your nightmares if you do not make healthy choices. You and only you can make the band work and the sooner you figure this out the more successful you will be. I am now in my maintenance phase of this journey and living happy with lapband. I have worked hard and continue to work hard to make healthy choices to sustain everything I have worked hard to achieve. Is is easy no, but it gets easier everyday. You can be successful with lapband but you have to follow the rules. You have to become knowledgeable about the band and how it works. You have to deal with your behavioral issues surrounding food and you have to modify your behavior. If you do not do these things, you may lose weight but research has proved that successful WLS patients modify behavior. Below is an article from another site I wanted to share for all of you who are new and for those that are struggling and of course a reminder for us that have been successful. Good luck and success to all new and old, LovetheNewMe! EDIT/Addition added after original post: Just to give credit where credit is due this post came from Dr. Simpson's web site. This was a site I found very early in my band journey and have referenced it many times. It taught me things about the band that I was not aware of, it also is the site that helped me lose my last 30 lbs. this is the web address, check it out. He is one MD who coaches his patients that they can lose all of their weight. I read his book , "Losing the Last 30lbs" and it was very helpful. http://drsimpson.net/index.htm Weight loss surgery works by decreasing appetite-allowing people to eat less and utilize their fat stores more efficiently. What successful weight loss surgery DOES NOT stop you from eating anything. Whenever a patient says they don’t “feel restricted” it means they want the operation to do something that they won’t do for themselves. In this case, they want the operation to keep them from eating too much, or eating something. Successful patients DO NOT describe appetite suppression in that manner. This became clear when several groups showed that food remains above a well adjusted band for only a minute or less, not longer. It is not that the band keeps food from going through it - -it is the act of food going through the band that allows the satiety mechanism to go into effect. The study was simple – take a patient who is losing weight, and feels their band is at a good point. Give them food that they say satisfies them for a long time, and label the food with something we can see on an x-ray. We were shocked, and others repeated this experiment. But, then it all made sense. Whether they have a band, a bypass, a sleeve, or a DS – all of the operations allow a smaller amount of food to provide appetite suppression. Without that, appetite suppression does not occur. This is revolutionary in all aspects of patients – it is not “restrictive,” and having the band tight is not helpful. The bottom line is simple: solid food, slowly eaten, provides prolonged appetite suppression. This can be all overcome by: eating too fast (for band patients this leads to esophageal dilation, erosion, or slips or by drinking liquid calories, or soft food. What works for our patients who have had long term success: Measuring the food they eat Not depending on the band to tell them when to stop Not depending on the band to tell them when they are too full The Lap-band will NOT tell you when you are “full” The band will NOT stop you from eating “more” food So the latest revolution in weight loss is not in a new tool, it is in those four simple words that will keep your tool sharp: eat small portions slowly.