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If my day is really busy I will eat lunch at my desk and continue to work. This was the case today. My lunch was meat & cheese rolled up and baby carrots, had this many times. So I’m eating and working….about half way into lunch I get the soft stop feeling. Okay, I stop. I then get the heavy chest feeling, something is trying to go down. This feeling stayed with me most of the afternoon. At 4pm I made myself a cup of hot tea, black tea with cream & splenda (It’s the English in me). I’m sipping my tea and I get the soft stop feeling….hummm, never got that with liquids before. I wait a few minutes and take another sip, get the soft stop feeling again. This time it’s followed up with saliva building in my mouth. TO THE BATHROOM I GO! Yep, I pb’d that tea right up along with carrots (sorry if TMI). Well, I guess I got stuck at lunch and finally got it out 4 hours later….. My Yellow Rose (my band) started talking to me after that & this is what she said, “See what happens when you don’t chew your food enough. See what happens when you don’t pay attention to what you are eating. See what happens when you eat too fast.” Wow, wasn’t expecting that. But, hay it happens. Sorry Yellow Rose, guess I won’t be eating that Mahi Mahi I planned for dinner. .. “Nope, I want liquids. I’ll teach you not to chew your food!” So, I am having a protein shake for dinner.

I was sleeved Aug. 28th 2012 and am down 49 lbs! Losing went slow ti.ll I reached the 3 month mark. I'm 7 lbs from my primary goal. My first goal is 125 lbs. I would be happy if I didn't lose any more. I feel great. I am so thankful I was able to be sleeved. I'm wearing younger, cute, clothes now. My husband is tickled to death about how I look, but kinda nervous about other men looking at me! But that'll keep him on his toes LOL! That's all for now. Thanks for reading my jumbled thoughts...

I think I've got this thing about "dumping" with the sleeve. Let me explain.I think I've been eating relatively low carb recently.And I say I think as I am not tracking my carbs,just checking my protein intake more or less every day.But I have not had any added carbs this week except green peppers and onions.Tonight I had a bit of TGI friday spinach and artichoke dip with some veal strips.During the day I had some chicken strips and some beef strips.Had 2 Dolchi gusto cappucinos.And then tonight I decided to have some Amarula liqeur.Its like Baileys. I took one sip and bam,I started feeling hot,nauseas,palpitations,feeling like I had to visit the toilet,felt absolutely aweful.Early post op I had a couple of incidents like this when I would eat some sugar or fat for that matter.But lately I would have a cookie if I wanted or ok,I sont really do sugar at all anymore really.The cookie would be it.Mind you I've had some caramel popcorn and I was fine. But I think sometimes my carbs are just not that low and then the added sugar (like in the popcorn) doesnt affect me at all,makes me super tired but thats it. I think when I am quite low carb and busy dropping weight fast,I cannot do sugar or a lot of fat.I think the Amarula like the Baileys have got cream in it and lots of sugar and boy did I feel sick from a tiny sip.I can drink a jin and tonic once in a while and if I sip it slowly and nurse it all night,I am fine. So,sugary drinks,just like anything else sugary is now off limits.Thinking about it,I shouldnt really drink the tonic either as it is carbonated and even if you stir out all the gas,there is still some left. One thing I am sure of.Alcohol will not be a problem in my future as it is as unappealing most of the time as ice cream,and I use to eat a pint of that per night pre-op. You live,you learn.

Wow are we a judgmental bunch! I read these blogs daily and daily I become more and more frustrated with the lack of sensitivity we show for one another. And I am sure someone will slam me today for this blog but honestly I really do not give a flip. We all come to this site for help, think about it ladies and gentleman none of us could do this on our own. Not one of us could lose weight and keep it off. Each of us has our own personal set of reasons as to why we are obese, read the paper, listen to the news, As a society we are getting more obese daily, our eating life styles have to change if we want to succeed with any WLS and face it this is HARD. Some of us have been very successful and some of us are still struggling. Some people may never be successful because they can't get the physiological side of this process hard wired. What do I mean by that statement, eating correctly is half the battle! I am fortunate, I have lost all my weight, well don't pat me on the back too fast. I still struggle daily just like I did at 252 pounds, I wake up every morning knowing that I have to work every minute of the day on eating right. The rest of the world is not on my plan, the rest of the world could care less that I can't eat certain foods or certain foods make me throw up. My point folks is this, we have to help each other. Some of us get this really easy and quick and some of us are really hard headed and may never get this. But honestly is it not worth trying to coach one another and having a little patience, compassion and human dignity. After all remember we were all once the fat person in the mirror and the whole world has been judging us for a long time, thinking we just sit around and eat bon bon's and stuff our faces. As we become thin, please don't let us become the people who have judged us for so long. In my line of work I am required to take sensitivity training, maybe we could all benefit from a little training! Sad we have to teach adults to be nice, no wonder our world is surrounded by so much evil and violence. So my topic who is to blame, only us and if we choose to fail we have no one to blame but our selves, just look in the mirror! Lapband is not for everyone, WLS is not for everyone, Surgery does not work for everyone and you and your surgeon can determine what is best for YOU!

I'm having surgery on the 19th of December. That's 5 days away, almost 4; I never expected this range of emotions and yet I feel they are not strange or uncalled for. I've been on the Pre-Op diet of 1000 calories, less than 40 grams of fat and at least 50 grams of protein--these numbers are becoming the law of the land. I know the calories will be amended as my medical team sees fit, but for now, it will hold its place. I was told that my emotions have taken me unaware because of the fact that I try to project an aura of calm and readiness. Once I heard this, I realized it was true. Even though I smile at everyone, and tell those who ask "How do you feel?" the expected and unheard answer of, "I'm good", I have several emotions rolling around inside my brain. I know that if they are not addressed, not expressed that they will snowball. Before I would turn to food to stem the tide, to fill the gaps, but that can no longer be the case. I will control my emotions; they will not control me. I control my emotions; they do not control me. I am anxious. I have never had major surgery before. I'm concerned about being put under for such a period of time; I have the silly fear of saying something stupid coming out of the stupor of anesthesia. I am excited. This is a major step on the way to Me. My weight issues stem from childhood and my past, and I have decided that I will no longer allow the past to control and influence who I am, the woman I know that I am but hides beneath this armor of obesity. This surgery, this tool can be beneficial in so many ways, besides just losing weight. I am afraid. This is a major surgery, a major step to a new lifestyle to promote my health and thus enrich my life. I've never had this chance at health, not like this. I've been overweight a vast majority of my life (since I was a toddler) so a healthier me seems like a mirage in the heat, a dance of shimmers dancing on the hot highway road, seducing your eyes to see water pooled where there is none--no water, just hot asphalt. The idea of a healthier and smaller me seems to be just a seductive thought that cannot truly manifest itself. Though this surgery will change a part of my body, I am the one who is ultimately in control of what I eat, how I eat and why I eat. I have shirked this responsibility for so long that now I wonder if I can handle it. From what I've seen, everyone has this fear, of going back to the beginning and then some; perhaps it is a reminder of all those diets that worked for a while but the results never stayed, and the weight that came back with a vengeance and reinforcements. This is a journey, the beginning of a new lifestyle and the maturing of Me. I am not "new," I will not give up my mistakes and begin again. My mistakes and history are my own, and I will take from them and use this new tool and opportunity to show all what I have learned--to show myself that I can finally and only be Me, and I am worth everything it took to get Me here.

I had an appointment this morning for an unfill prior to my Tuesday's tt and breast lift surgery... I had called my lapband surgeon's office and was told I needed to come in for an unfill. SO I left work... shlepped over to his office, waited for 15 minutes and did the normal weigh in...vitals etc... I had lost 15 lbs since October (my last fill appt). I knew this but always nice to see on his charts. Anyway the Dr comes in and of course is happy with my progrees and we chat about my upcoming TT and he said...so why are you here? I tell him and he said...we do not need to do an unfill for surgery.... I am so sorry my nurse gave you the wrong info. I was like...um ok... but it was nice to see you... and he said to the nurse...no charge for today, gave me a hug and told me to stop in to show him the results but that unless I need him he doesnt need to see me for 4 months. I felt like we were breaking up....LOL

I have been sick with a stomach bug for 3 days... God Love my husband he went to do a lil Christmas shopping with me yesterday and as we walked pass the womans undies he stopped the cart and said..."hun need some undies" and I couldnt help but notice he was NOT looking at the grannie pants I useually wear....he said them black ones look nice..and it looked more like dental floss to me....LOL...but we picked a size 7 out..brought all the stuff home and was more interested in putting the kidspresents away and had forgotten about the dental floss.... Well kids get home and start clearing the table off....my 11 yr old finds them in a bag and he is like...WOOOO whos are therse !!! my 14 yr old says Oh are they for my girl friend !!??? His dad snatched them and said they are for your mother !!! let me tell you their moths dropped....so did mine !!! But before heading to bed...hubby told me to try them on...and lets just say....im liking them LOTS ! Hubby says Santa may have to stuff my stoking with some ....

Well,this morning I weigh 175.5 pounds.I am soooo happy. Ive started thinking about a couple of changes I have made over the last month and it must be these that has started speeding up my weight loss. The most important one is I started taking high doses of probiotics.I really couldnt reconsile myslef with the idea of taking stool softners an dlaxatives for the rest of my life.I had to try a few different ones as some gave me heartburn but found one that I dont even think is multi strained it is just acidophylus.2 caps 3 times a day and when I forget during the day 3 and 3 when I remember.i open them and drink the powder with water.My constipation has all but vanished.I also eat more spicy food and whereas my tummy still complains when I do this too often,I think this is helping too. Then,I have stopped using low fat products.I have 2 kids and I know they need fats and wasnt getting it.I have started adding generous portions of olive oil when cooking (dont measure and I use enough) every day.I have also started aming basic dishes like beef and chicken,cut into strips,rolled in flour with some parmesan cheese fried in a little oil.Now I was a bit scared in the beginning of the flour as I use to not add any carbs to my diet for the past few months.But because I dont put egg on the meat before I dip it in my flour mix,just a thin layer of the flour sticks to the meat and chicken,The thing is it is somsoft and tender cooked this way that I just kept on doing it.For the past 2 weeks this,along with wok fried onions and capsicums of all colours (a lot ot these) have been my staple.I have also not limited myself in the amount that I eat and I know I eat way more than 9oz per day.When I am hungry I have a few pieces.The carbs cannot be enough to trigger cravings as I have none. Having said that I have eaten out about 5 times in the past 2 weeks.Thai pumpkin and chicken fritters,Indian curry,roast beef and gorgonzola,ect ect. i of course dont eat much and I am satisfied. I have lost loads of weight just recently and I think the reason is I am satisfied faster because of the fats in the food.It does fill you up fast.I dont have cravings for anything.Added bonus my skin is not dry anymore and my energy levels are up. Just one thing that is not the best thing...I also often drink cappucinos.This darned dolchi gusto machine is just an evil little thing,I cant resist the coffee.I have read just this week where a lady that posted about her 1 year post op said she found early on that caffine makes her lose weight.This is not why I am drinking the coffee though and I have started limiting myself again,some days. Exercise,nothing for the past 10 days.Stupid but thats the way it is with me.I have an irrational fear of losing the weight while exercising way more than what I will be doing for the rest of my life and then regaining when I start doing less exercise again.I havent ever discussed this on here as I know everyone will differ with me about it but this is exactly what happened to me before.I will lose this weight as balanced as I possibly can and anyway,the moment I start running longer distances,this stupid fear really sits in the back of my head all day every day,thats why I stop every time.Crazy,yes,stupid,yes,real,for sure.But I do play squash and go to some pilates reformer classes,which is way less than an hour every day. I am now 5kg's from my dr's goal weight for me and a BMI of 25.Seems unreal to me.