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i often get asked how do you stay so focused and positive. The answer easy, I look in the mirror every morning and I love what I see, I stand on the scales and I love what I see, I get to go shopping and wear pretty much anything I want! So I ask Why would I not stay focused and positive when this process has worked so well for me? Has it been easy NO!!! but what is worth achieving with out hard work and dedication? I will tell you something that has helped me and that is my positive outlook and commitment to this process. I have learned from both my positive experiences and my negative experiences. I have learned that I am far from perfect and can learn from everyone, even the ones who are struggling. I am just Polly Anna enough to believe that anything worth achieving is worth working hard for and I also believe that most people are good. Now I have been burnt a couple of times in my life but this does not prevent me from still believing in people. So I share with you this morning some positive affirmations for a healthy happy weight loss journey. I write them on my mirror, I post them in my office and on my refrigerator and share them with my friends. This is my trick for staying focused and realizing my dream of a thinner, healthier me. A list of positive Affirmations for Weight Loss I achieve my weight loss goals Losing weight comes naturally to me I choose nourishing, healthy foods I think before eating I drink lots of water Losing weight is fun Healthy foods taste better I am motivated by both successes and failures I accept and love my body as it is, and work to make it better I love challenges and embrace them I lose weight systematically and I keep it off permanently I am losing weight I exercise because it makes me feel good I respect my body and treat it with respect I do everything I need to do to achieve my healthy weight I am encouraged by every success I am motivated by every shortfall Losing weight and I are one I dissolve all blocks to reaching a healthy weight I forgive myself I learn from my mistakes I fill all physical appetites in physically healthy ways I am aware of my eating habits and how they affect my weight I am willing to change my eating habits and I do so easily I build lean muscle and I lose fat I enjoy the process of reaching a healthy weight I see myself at my healthy weight and I achieve it I have non-stop daily determination to reach my healthy weight I like long walks It is easy for me to stay on my plan to obtain my healthy weight I picture myself at my perfect weight I have a positive attitude about what I eat, how I eat, and when I eat My body burns fat like a furnace Developing healthy eating habits becomes easier each day I stay on a healthy eating plan and maintain my healthy weight easily Each day, I automatically and successfully get healthier and healthier Happy Sunday all and wishing you continued success to achieving your goals!

So I went to a Christmas party last night.. at the home of friends we see regularly so saw lots of people who have seen me recently but more that havent seen me since this party last year. While its fun to hear and oh so flattering... the accolaids were almost embarrassing.... I was like.... isnt there something else to talk about besides my weight loss? But then this morning I did my customary morning ritual on the scale and I weighed in at 159!!! I do not EVER remember in my life being in the 150s... I am in shock and no one is awake yet in my house so I had to rush on to tell you.... Holy #%#%... who would woulda thunk it? Maybe 150 isnt a pipe dream.... Happy Sunday!

I decided for the holidays I would buy myself a recumbent bike. I got it today off of Craigslist for $75. They usually go for $100 - $150, used. The guy didn't have the owners manual but I figure I can download it. Looking forward to using it because, other than walking around running "many" errands & going Christmas shopping, I haven't really done much in the way of exercise lately. I've been helping mom & dad run their errands since dad hasn't been feeling well with his sciatic nerve acting up, and mom can't really walk around a lot. Fortunately, I've been lucky enough that I keep losing weight, but I don't want to be saggy. I want to lose weight, feel & look healthy. Anyway, I'm hoping to put it in the LR once we get all our Christmas stuff up tomorrow. Merry Christmas to me. 42 pounds down & counting...

It almost 5am and as usual, I cannot sleep because I slept too much during the day. I'm happy to report that my surgery went fine. Each time I walk by the hospital chapel, I cry thanking God for this new opportunity. I don't remember waking up from surgery, the dr explained they had to use a lot of anestecia because the fat from my belly was absorbing it fast. Whatever that means. All I know is that I was so high when I woke up in my room at night time. I barely could talk, move and was feeling no pain at all. All night I was so thirsty, those hours were endless, but the next morning we had a leak test and finally I could have water. I felt discomfort with every sip, but nothing horrible. Whenever I'd go walk I'd get nauseous, but it has gotten better. Today, hopefully, I can go to the hotel. I don't like the teas or juices. I just loved the chicken broth I had today. I'm a bit scare about the Fly back, it's 3 hours to get to Dallas and another 3 to get to Tampa. But I already overcame the biggest fear, I can now do anything. I'm happy! Thank you Jesus! Thank you all who prayed for me!

So I went to a seminar back in May that first introduced me to wls. Of all the things I heard the biggest challenge I felt was going to be the pop thing. You know...the part where you can't really have it anymore. At the time my habit was 4-8 cans a day which I've had for the past 15-20 years (I'm 30). I knew if I couldn't kick that habit I wouldn't ever be able to have the surgery. I mean I knew this was just one of many new rules we have to live by but if I couldn't do this then none of the other stuff mattered. The day of the seminar was the last day for 7 months. Over Thanksgiving I've tried pop again half scared, half curious about my reaction to it since I was so addicted to the stuff. The circumstance came about when there wasn't any water to be had at the party. Well they had water, but it was horrible tasting water and I couldn't drink it. I had half a can of pop. I've since also had a couple tastes of moscato di asti and couple more tastes of pop when there's been no alternative. The result is unexpectedly happy. I don't really like too much of it. The bubbles are too much and it burns going down and then I get all burpy. I can't help but laugh about it since I really thought I'd have something like an alcoholics reaction to their favorite drink, one taste and that would be the end of sobriety for a while. I can't believe I really prefer water but I do. The reverse osmosis machine at our house is wonderfully helpful since it gets a lot of the funny tastes out of our well water. It's been well worth the price. i'm preop but I do believe this is an nsv!

So, I'm on day eight of the pre-op diet. Overall I guess I'm ok. I'm just GRUMPY! Not being able to eat without restriction really sucks. Basically, I'm hungry. I mean, if I was able to do this I wouldn't be in this situation, but I know I have to stick to it. Then theres that little voice that says "see, you really could lose weight all along - you really are taking the easy way out". Of course, if I could drink a few champagne spritzers I could think up something really witty to say back. It doesn't help that I have only told a handful of people and one of them actually gave me that all knowing penetrative look over my salad the other day. I could tell she was biting the inside of her cheek to keep from saying something when she asked me how much weight I had lost. She lives on WW and is very satisfied there. I'm happy for her and she does well. She doesn't understand that just because thats a wonderful fit for her it didn't work as well for me. I don't know why I feel like I have to justify myself to a skinny person. What was I expecting? Just six more days. Hopefully I don't wake up from surgery hungry.

I'm in puerto Vallarta, Mexico. Hopefully, and if everything goes well, in less that 12 hours I will have the VSG. I'm very nervous. It is a huge change. I'm afraid of dying, not for me, but for those I love. I would never want to make my mom or sister suffer, but I have deprived them of a life with me because I'm always depress in my house, or of feeling ashamed of my weight. I know recovery will be painful, but I hope and pray to God this goes well and I can handle everything with strength and peace. I know once I'm awake from surgery, it won't mean everything is perfect. I already had a few surgeries in the past and complications happened about 2 weeks after. So whomever is reading this and believe in the power of prayer, please send some this way. I will forever thank you. I'm having this surgery because I'm tired of seeing the best years of my life go by, and I don't do nothing about it. I'm tired of all the struggles, I'm afraid of my diabetics getting worse, I'm tired of being tired, feeling hopeless in a room isolating myself. I've suffer several emotional disorders due to my obesity and my fear of being seen like this. But is time to change my life and embrace this new opportunity. I've decided to do this journal to keep track of all the changes. I want this to be about me. I'm doing this for me but also for my family because I want to give them the best of me, and I never want to forget that they were my most important motivation. This is one of the hardes decisions I have made in my life, there is nothing easy about this surgery. I will have to find the strength to say goodbye forever to many foods that were nothing but addictive and unhealthy. I have to to this the right time this time.

My mother in law and sister in law came be spend Thanksgiving with my husband and I. My mother-in-law had called last week and said she wanted to take me shopping to get some clothes that fit. Considering she has never done anything for me in the 5 years I have been with her son, I was shocked. On Friday us girls decided to hit the mall about 5pm. Being a big girl I have always gotten clothes from Walmart, Belk, place like that where I could hit a sale and get them cheap. Like it really matters what you put on a hippo- it's still a hippo- that is how I felt. Well my SIL said I need to go to Talbots. I had never been there. When we walked in they were busy and the sales girl was so helpful. My MIL told her I had lost 50 lbs and needed some clothes and that price wasn't an option- WOW. She told me to find something nice. The sales girl said she herself had lost 100 lbs in the last few years and she knew what I was going through- she looks like a stick now, amazing transformation. She was helpful picking out clothes that I would have never before tried. By the time I finished I had one pair of pants and 3 tops. The pants were Women's Petite 14- WOW, I never remember wearing a 14. The clothes fit me perfect, like they were made for my body. What a difference the right cut and fit can make. I looked at myself in the mirror and was able to smile and was happy with how I looked- wow. Feeling like you look good does give you confidence and a spunk in your step. The next day I wore one of my new outfits and my hubs was like wow you look hot. I was so excited. With that and the new earrings my MIL purchased for me at Swarski crystals I felt like I was Julia Roberts in the Pretty Women except for the hooker thing. I will be visting that Talbots again for sure!!! Anyone who lives near Raleigh, NC - I totally recommend going to Talbots at Southpoint Mall- awesome staff!