Leaderboard

It’s day seven of my liquid diet, and today was the first time I really struggled. First, let me say that today was a great day in many respects. My husband and I took our oldest on a college visit today where he and other students auditioned and interviewed for theater scholarships. I’m not just saying this because I’m his mom—my son did great! Some of the professors even told me so afterwards. He had such a great experience today (this was our second visit), that he decided to commit to the school, which is a huge load off of all of our minds. My son really shined today, and I’m excited about this new chapter in his life. He's going to do amazing things! Okay, now here’s the crabby part. This, as many of you already know, is just a really hard time of year to be on a liquid diet. (Though I'm sure every time of the year has its own unique challenges.) While on campus today, we were treated to lunch in a recently updated dining hall that truly is more like a collection of restaurants. It puts my old college’s microwave eggs and frozen pizzas to shame! And it was a social lunch, one that was stretched out for an hour so that we could talk to the faculty and visit with other prospective students. I felt a little self-conscious about my tiny bowl of soup (which probably wasn’t even technically on my list) as people went back for seconds. Then, we were enthusiastically encouraged to hit the icecream bar. I got another diet soda—a no-no, I know, but at least it wasn’t the icecream bar, and it made me feel like I was having a treat. After a very long two hour drive, we got back into town right around supper time and stopped to pick up my two younger kids from my mom’s house. When we got there, my kids showed off the frosted Christmas sugar cookies they made and everyone endulged—except me. Now, I can see this as a small victory, and I do, but I felt bad because my 3 year old daughter didn’t entirely understand why I wasn’t eating her special cookies. And I felt like my mom was disappointed in me too. Maybe it was in my head, but she kept looking at me like, “Come on, Jennie, just eat one, for your kids.” Then Mom continued to talk about how excited that she was that her favorite pizza place was moving back into our neighborhood. I got out of there as quickly as I could. As soon as I got home, my phone was ringing. My little sis, who lives 3 hours away, is hosting a girls weekend at her place this weekend. It’s the first time she’s had many of the girls of the family down to visit since she moved there, and she’s especially excited because she has a beautiful new home and it’s all decked out for the holidays. Plus, she’s newly pregnant. If you haven’t noticed already—backing out of the trip is simply not a possibility. She is really supportive of what I’m doing, but in her defense, she’s been planning this weekend for a while, and certainly not just for me. So on the agenda for the weekend: a winery (and I LOVE wine—it’s kinda my thing), a local festival of fresh baked goods and Christmas crafts (the crafts should be cool), and then out on the town for dinner in Kansas City. Sigh. This is going to be a tough week, I can tell. But, here it is: I have 7 days left, and A LOT to do. I have to get sub plans ready for the 9 days I’ll miss work, and I pretty much need to have Christmas shopping and wrapping done before I leave town Friday. I teach a college night class, and the grades for that are due next week, and I have to take my student group out to buy gifts for ten area needy kids that we “adopted” for Christmas. I’m hoping that I’m so busy, I won’t have time to lament the loss of real food. Though this weekend will be tough. I’ll just have to keep focused on my surgery. It will be here before I know it. Writing this all down has really helped me get my head around where I am emotionally today. Maybe I wanted to eat more today because, even though it’s a really wonderful milestone, there’s something very bittersweet in my son’s final selection of a college. This is exactly the kind of thing that I would have celebrated by going out for a nice, high calorie dinner! And maybe it’s bothering me that I don’t feel as supported by my extended family as I wish I was. But on the other hand, I’m never going to change them, and I love them how they are. I’m sure I drive them nuts from time to time. And my husband has been amazing. He’s passing on food all the time just so that he’s not eating in front of me. He is even making all of the dinners for the kids right now, which allows me to make my shake/soup/yogurt/whatever and go sit and unwind a minute alone at the end of the day. So I have a lot to stay positive about—I’ve having the surgery, afterall. I’m only days away from something I’ve wanted for almost two years. So I just need to stay positive. Stay positive.

I have never blogged before but I thought I would try this to help me stay on track and stay motivated. Like most of us on this site, I have struggled with weight for a long time. I was really proud of myself because I lost over 60 pounds on my own over a 5 year period but I got to a place where I could not get below 232 pounds. I finally decided to make a huge decision that will affect me the rest of my life and I feel so blessed that I finally made that decision. I spent the last 3 months going through my pre-program and I am so happy that they make you do that because to be honest, I probably would not have done that on my own. I learned a lot. I joined the Centennial Medical Center-Nashville program in June 2012. It is such an outstanding program giving you support, assistance, education and in the most organized fashion. Dr. Doug Olsen is my surgeon. By far he does not accept any excuses. He shows his support but you always knows where he stands - he wants you to succeed. I finally had my surgery on 11/26/12 and today I am 7 days out. I am so proud of myself. I have followed everything 100%. I learn new things every day. I am nervous that I may be missing something but I am staying so focused, My post op pain has been very well controlled. I have had no pain medication since last Friday. Remarkable! I went to church with my daughter yesterday and enjoyed the time so much. Today I drove for the first time and had no problems. My main concern is making sure that I am getting all of my protein. Everyday it gets easier and I really do not mind it at all. I really like Unjury better than the Nectar product. For 7 days out I am so pumped. I have lost 14 pounds thus far. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I move forward on this jourey.

I was banded June 22, 2012. I have lost 45 lbs, as of Sunday morning Dec. 2nd I have reached my first major goal- 199!!! Onederland!!! I can't believe it! I had be stuck on 201 for most of November and felt like I would never get below 200. I had a fill on Thursday that I feel like got me to the green zone. My band had major restriction, I really have to pay attention to how I eat now. I don't get hungry often and it takes a cup or LESS to get me full- WOW! When I hit 199 I was so excited, I got on the scales 5 or 6 times just to be sure. Yep, 199.2. This morning my husband ask me what my next major goal was, since this had been my goal since surgery. I was at a loss, in my dream I wanted to get to the 140's, but was never really sure I'd reach that. Now that I have hit my first major goal, my mind is reeling- where do I go from here. What is possible? I feel more confident now that the 140's is possible, but realistically it's far off, so my next goal is 175! This journey isn't always easy, but it is always worth it. Having people tell me I look great. Finally being below 200, which I don't really remember being ever. I feel fairly sure I was childhood, but never during my teens was I below 200. With my last feel getting me to retriction and my finally hitting 199 I am feeling renewed and motivated to kick this journey into the next gear. Never in my life have I so enjoyed laying my fork down before my plate is clean- now that is a satisfied feeling!

I'm not looking for replies.... I just feel the need to vent... the need to just let these feelings out... bare with me... Took Dad to the Dr for a checkup. Cancer levels have gone up drastically, he's starting to feel a little dizzy & light-headed every day, and the pain is starting to increase. It's starting to rear it's "fugly" head a little more now. We now have Hospice coming once a week. Don't get me wrong, he still "looks" OK, and seems to be hanging in there, but if you know my dad, that's his nature. He won't really complain, and if he does, you know it's bad. I don't like this. My heart actually kinda hurts right now. Feeling sad, but oh so thankful for having him around...

Well Fellow Sleevers, I have made it through my first major holiday and have to say I did pretty darn good!!! I was a little worried going into Thanksgiving because it is one of my favorite holidays in which to overeat. I was worried I would be a Grumpy Guss because I couldn't, but you know what...I was able to enjoy all the foods that I normally would! I had turkey, stuffing, potatoes, cranberries, rolls, pumpkin pie, etc. I just ate a WHOLE LOT less of it. I didn't feel deprived or anything. All in all I had a wonderful holiday and felt so good that even with the holiday I was still losing weight!!! That is a first for me. I am really looking forward to Christmas now that I know I can get through it successfully!!! P.S. for those of you following my blog, I'd also like to add that in spite of the typical holiday stress, my anxiety is still steadily improving!!!!

so on december 18th i go for my last visit. my pcp has to fax over everything to insurance. god i hope i get approved! she says it usually takes a week IF that! im super excited. i go for my lab work on january 4th so im hoping i have my surgery date before then. my surgeon requires a 5 day liquid diet. i wonder why its just five days? i dont even care. thats better than 2 weeks!

I have been doing my reading, research, and starting to stock "My Cupboard". I am mostly packed for the hospital. I have cleaned out my whole wardrobe of "ugly" clothes and put aside my "too small" clothes for later. I am still really EXCITED about the surgery. I am also emotional! Everything that is a distraction in my life is wearing on my nerves. I am finally taking the time to take care of myself and I resent all the petty stuff that is distracting me. I just want to be relaxed and focused. Even working out I feel frustrated. At first I loved working out but the more I am "pushed" out of my comfort zone...ie until I am going to vomit. The more I don't want to be around them. So, I am going to try a couple of sessions at the gym by myself. I am hoping that this moodiness is just PMS and nerves. Ughhh.

Attached is a picture from yesterday 11/25/12 after an 8 pound loss (33 total). Today I am 1 week post op and feeling blah. I want to eat things today... I'm not sure if this is because I'm starting my "time of the month" or if I'm just getting sick of stage 2 food. I'm still trying to figure out the hungry/full feeling. I'm having a hard time getting all my liquids down. I think I'm not being strict enough on myself... which is not like me. I don't know what is going on with me. I kind of forgot that I was supposed to be drinking protein shakes and stuff because I didn't feel "safe" enough to drink anything with any substance to it. I weighed myself on my weekly weigh in on the WiiFit. It said I've lost 9.8 pounds since last week (before surgery obviously) I'm happy with this, but I guess discouraged that only 5 people have said anything about my weightloss or even that I am looking good. I am gassy too. Burping feels weird because it's not like a burp; it's like air just kind of bubbles its way up and it hurts. When I yawn I can tell that I suck down a lot of air because it hurts like crazy in my chest area. Sneezing hurts my incisions still even though I continue to hold my stomach/incisions when I do sneeze. I was prescribed a laxative, but I have not had any trouble with constipation at all. I'm sure this is because of the liquid diet though. When I use the bathroom, it is watery and embarrassingly enough a lot of gas is released at that time. I HATE it. I'm hoping that doesn't last forever. I suppose it is something I will have to get used to if it is though... I am unable to pick up my children (ages 20 months and 3.5) so my parents have been helping me while my husband is at work. It is a lot to ask them, and I know that they are happy to help, but it is really hard for me to be so reliant on someone else taking care of my kids. I feel like such a burden to everyone. I'm slowly starting to be able to do more though. As of right now, I am mostly wishing I didn't have the procedure done. I had a rough day with a lot of negatives in it so I'm feeling pretty negative... I had to try on 5 different shirts this morning because I haven't changed sizes at all and wanted to wear something a little different today. I thought some of my "tight-ish" shirts would fit nicely after 33 pounds lost, but nope. Discouraging... My "fat," loose shirts are definitely too big now, but that's about the only change I've seen. My 2 week post-op appointment has been changed from December 5th to December 10th. I had it changed so I woudn't have to make a special trip (2 hours) just for the appointment. I needed to go on the 10th for a mandatory work meeting anyways so that works better for me. More time to shed the pounds... and be on Stage 2 foods... I will survive!

Today I have my Psych Eval and Pre-op class the last hoop before they schedule my surgery! I'm pretty excited. I'm hoping to have my surgery scheduled for next month around the 12th. I wasn't really nervous until this morning about the psych eval.. I've spent the last year getting to know myself and my issues pretty well so guess I'm kinda nervous about letting him know about them! I've had lots of opinions about what to say and what not to say. I think however I'm just gonna go w/honesty and let God take the lead!

First off I had my seminar this week. It was nice meeting the surgery team. They are nice but also really funny. That’s a good sign because I love to laugh…who wouldn't I should be getting a phone call from my surgeon to set up an appointment this week. I’m excited and can’t wait for that phone call. Luckily I have another issue I’m taking care of (PCOS doctor appointments). Plus keeping busy with work has helped. Not sure how I’m going to handle 2-4 weeks away from work. One thing you should know is I love what I do and the people I work with. I know, it’s crazy but I do . One thing I didn't expect so soon was all the emotions I felt this week. I know that your emotions will be up and down but I didn't realize it would be this soon. During this week, around 2-3 days, I was feeling alone. I’m single at the moment and all my family lives 300 miles away. I go to doctor appointments alone, figure out meals alone, and feel pretty much alone. Some might say this is ideal for this process but I really have mixed feelings about that. It’s funny because I have felt alone before but not like this. Today has been a good day, actually yesterday was too. They say you need to take it one day at a time but I have come to the conclusion that I need to take it one hour at a time. Need to work myself up to that one day but until then I am good with taking it hour by hour. I’m so proud of myself thought because I have really started watching what I eat. Cutting out soda and sugar has been going good (even with Halloween I was good – no candy!). Trying to get in the protein and veggies but the carbs thing has been hard. I have to try because I want to get ready even though I am probably 6-9 months away from surgery…but this will be a large part of my success. One last thing (I promise), I bought the Weight Lose Surgery for Dummies book and I have got to say it was the best thing I could of done. There is so much info in there and I feel a little overwhelmed but a good overwhelmed. I have a feeling I will be caring this book around with me everywhere and know it will be my companion for a while. I do recommend this book to anyone who is starting or even close to surgery date. Well another week down and many more to go. Understanding this process is like a roller coaster ride….you will have ups and downs but in the end you will have a smile on your face and on your way to a healthier you.