Leaderboard

its sooo nice to see you again! (NOT) So, I am about 10 days before surgery date and I cannot keep these crazy thoughts out of my head. I have been advised to stop all medication except for a multivitamin, and that includes stopping my anxiety medication. I feel like my anxiety and head is all over the place with crazy thoughts of the good and the bad 'could happens' of surgery... Am I making the right decisions? Am I loosing enough weight pre-op? Will the surgeon say no if I do not loose enough weight? (No # was given) What if there are complications? Will I be able to take care of my son and house after surgery? (I will only have support for maybe a day or two) What will life after surgery be like? Just all of these thoughts swirling in my head...I am hoping that this is normal, and I am not the only one going through all of these thoughts. I am going to call tomorrow to discuss being on my anxiety meds until surgery, and if not, other options... -anxious mess!

Am really at the end of my tether with it all now, feel like deleting the blog and go back to try and loose weight on my own, i am writing this blog to keep account of my life before and after the sleeve operation, but seriously wondering if i will ever have the op. I have been waiting in hope every day that i would get a telephone call to tell me why my blood isnt clotting and what the treatment will be. Why does it take this long, am sooo annoyed and fed up. I have been trusting in God and patiently waiting and if wasn't for my faith in God i just don't know what i would do. There is something inside that keeps me from walking away from it all and helps me to continue to hope and keep on with this, but i am still having to battle with my feelings which are at screaming point, my feelings say just give up and stay fat, but in me deep down i know that it is worth hanging on and keep waiting to get my operation, but it feels like i am hanging by my fingertips. I have had a really bad time with gout, and fibromyalgia this last month, in fact it is so bad i have had to get a chairlift to get upstairs to go to bed, i can hardly walk and am desperate to get this weight off which will help my joints not having to carry so much weight. It is 2 years in january since i first started the process and all the other people who started at the same time have had their ops and lost their weight. I know it can always seem to be darker just before the dawn but, i need my dawn now. I was told that i could ring my specialist nurse anytime which is good, but has she has never had this happen to a patient before she is in the dark too. I can't ring the hospital because they say they are checking everyday and will ring me as soon as the results are back. This limbo is driving me crazy, the not knowing is horrible. The comments are wearing thin now, that it is better to be safe than sorry, i know, i know, i have never wanted something as much as i want this and that is why it is so hard, i have jumped through hoops, starved for two weeks, and then nothing, dissapointment is the worse thing. Do i feel better for writing this, well, no not really, but as i am an honest person at least this hard part will be recorded and not glossed over. God doesn't say we won't have problems in this life, but thank you God you are with me and i know that only you will bring me through this time and that stretching and growth hurts, ouch, but it will all work together for my good, i just don't like this going through it, i need to be carried for a bit, my legs are tired of walking, i need rest, those that wait upon the Lord will renew their strength like eagles on the wind, I am waiting Lord. God is never late, always on time, His time. here endeth my blog for today. but hoping for in my next blog

I love the movie Fried Green Tomatoes (1991) with Kathy Bates, Jessica Tandy, it’s a must see so rent it if you've never seen it. This is one of my favorite scenes…… Just wanted to share it with everyone. I never get mad, Mrs. Threadgoode. Never! The way I was raised it was bad manners. Well, I got mad and it felt terrific. I felt like I could beat the sh*t outta all those punks! Excuse my language. Just beat 'em to a pulp! Beat 'em till they begged for mercy. Towanda, the avenger! After I wipe out all the punks of this world, I'll take on the wife beaters, like Frank Bennett, and machine gun their genitals. Towanda will go on the rampage. I'll put tiny bombs in Penthouse and Playboy... so they'll explode when you open 'em. I'll ban all fashion models who weigh less than 130 pounds. I'll give half the military budget to people over 65... and declare wrinkles sexually desirable. Towanda, righter of wrongs, queen beyond compare! How many of them hormones you takin', honey

Just got back from a beautiful wedding. I thought they would have food I could eat, so no worries. Well I was wrong, there was all pasta, and I'm on the Adkins type pre diet. Well thankfully they had salad and for the kids they had chicken nuggets. So I peeled off the breading from the chicken and cut it up in my salad and made my own dinner. Got some exercise from dancing. Any other diet I would have said, oh well, and ate what was there. I think I'm finally learning to adjust food to my requirements, not just go with the flow. I hope I always stay true!

Today I wish I was normal.Not only thin normal but not ADD or OCD and not I wish that I could take medication to "fix" me! All I wanted to do today was eat,all day long!I couldnt stop thinking about food for a minute.It was one of those me me me me days that I just hate. And I wish I lived in a country where it wasnt such a mission to find a therapist that is going to stay put.But we are all expats,habitual movers! Once I found a pill,for 2 weeks..lol.I went to my gp and said I am sick of myself and need something.He yanked a sample of Cymbalta out of his drawer and said try this and see me in 2 weeks,remember it only works after 10 days.After exactly 24 hours I knew that was what normal felt like.I was calm.My OCD was gone,my mind started focussing for the first time EVER!Didint have a 100 tracts playing in the head all at once!I could drive a car without it being a competition to see who wins,I could deal with life without the impending sense of doom and having to tell myself a million times a day that everything is fine,nothing to worry about.I slept a full night for the first time in my life and most important,my fear of people all but disappeared. Then my kidneys function started being affected but I couldnt care less.After 10 days I could hardly walk but happy as I have ever been.Said they would have to wressle the little suckers out of my stone cold hand after my death.He just didnt give me a perscription and that was the end of that! Lol I have been a born again Christian for 15 years now and the Lord have really changed me since then.But I am still me and non of the things I have considered very important like the above mentioned,have changed.I suppose there were so many other things that needed change that this might not even have made the list.I really love the Lord and I know He loves me but boy I wish He would renew my mind more! But He clearly has a plan for my life.And He clearly smiles patiently upon me when I tell Him to hurry up and change me more NOW! Accepting ourself,warts and all, might be so important in a successful future with the sleeve.I am blessed beyond measure in so many aspects of life that I should be able to say its ok to be me.Its ok to not be perfect,its ok! Well,it is the middle of the night now and close to my bed time.Tomorrow,or just now..hehehe...is a new day.I can put this one behind me,live just for the new one,not worry about the future and breathe. God is good all the time and maybe I dont really need that pill.

This morning I weighed 184.Looking back at this blog I can see the weight is still coming off.Good! I am having a very challenging time keeping my cals low while upping my protein.My hair is falling out like crazy again and I cannot figure out why. I have also increased my healthy fats.We need them and for years now I've been low fat even when I was eating rubbish it was just saturated fats.Now,Im trying to teach my kids a balance and kids dont learn by telling them stuff.They learn by example.adding a tablespoon of olive oil per day has increased my cals with 133 wich puts me closer to 1000 than to 800.Cant really lower the food intake the I go low on protein again.Wont give up my milk in my coffee for no one...lol.Will keep tweaking this.I am different than others that mostly eat e same stuff every day as that sets me up for a snack attack..lol.I like variety and will keep making different things that is yummy! The exercise is going a little better.Still havent started with a trainer but I am running and playing squash and doing reformer once a week now as it hurts my knees a lot.Will phone the trainer for an appointment today.I dont know why I am so resistant about the toning and weights with the trainer.Im scared I cant do what he wants me to. Anyhoo,this is an ongoing process and last week I fitted at least 20 dresses for a big function we had this weekend.I fit in a 14 but I hate my stomach.This has now inspired me to lose faster and to start exercising more.Will post pics of the weekend on the yacht.It was awesome and I didnt feel self concious for the same reasons than before but because I got so many compliments. O,just one more strange thing.This week about 5 different people asked me what Im doing to lose weight.These are all people that knows that I've had the surgery.So,to everyone that dont want to tell people.They dont care anyway and seem to forget or not really understand what it means...lol.Even though I told all of them again,they still want to know what diet Im following and still all say now they feel ashamed of not losing weight....tooo weird as hallo,I cut off 80% of my stomach,you cant compare yourself with that...lol Time to get moving again.

I haven't posted anything in a really long time. I do get on and read others posts just haven't had much to talk about myself. But I FINALLY have something good to report! I finally got my surgery approval! My insurance required a 3 month supervised diet and exercise program. I had to talk regularly with one of their nurses as a liaison. I thought, mistakenly, that that sufficed as the supervision but when the 3 months were over I learned that that was NOT what they meant. Soooo, the process had to start all over again! Finally, completed that and got all the other tests/paper work submitted. I checked with my surgeon's office on Monday but they still hadn't heard anything (all the paperwork, etc. Had been submitted for a few weeks). Then on Wednesday I finally got the call from the insurance nurse as well as the coordinator from my surgeon's office! Really excited but also REALLY nervous! I'm not sure on the exact surgery date-- either Dec18th or Jan15th. Will know for sure next week. I'm anxious about the 2 week liquid diet. Any advice? Would live to hear from anyone about that! Guess that's all for now!

I haven't updated in awhile as I'm back to my busy life. Returned to work this Monday, 12 hours shifts, no restrictions. I am doing pretty well, keeping up, keeping hydrated. I was afraid of not having time to drink, let alone eat, but so far I've been able to make it work. I'm also babysitting my 1 year and 2 year old grandsons-that seems to wear me out faster than work! I had this surgery to help me keep up=but so far I'm struggling just as much as before. A bit disappointing, but I'm hoping my stamina increases as I lose weight and get a regular exercise regimen. Speaking of which, I started back to the gym on Saturday. My plan is to go every day off, even if I'm babysitting I will go afterwards. But there is no way to go on work days. Other issues I'm running into include constipation, back pain, and so much gas!! I think the back pain is just due to the abdominal muscles having gotten weak since surgery. For the constipation I have increased the fiber I take daily and now taking colace daily as well. This may also be contributing to the gas thing. So at least I'm finally losing weight again, I said goodbye to the 240's this Tuesday. I also got into some size 18 jeans and my work jackets that I had "outgrown". In case anybody is curious about my stats, i started out this journey at 277lbs, wearing size 22 jeans and 3x scrubs. My scrubs at work are now XL pants and 2x tops. I'm an apple shape-that hasn't changed too much yet. But I'm hoping I will become a thinner apple!!

Well it has been two years this weekend since I had lap-band surgery. Official date for surgery was October 27, 2010. All I can say is wow, I have learned so much these past two years and still learn everyday but only hope and pray it all sticks with me for the rest of my life. When I started this journey two years ago, I was morbidly obese and like many of you had struggled for years with the ups and downs of yo-yo dieting. My medical health had started to suffer under the weight of my added poundage and my life expectancy was being greatly affected by my poor choice of diet. I loved food and what is even worse I am an excellent cook and baker and was so scared I could not change. This journey for me has been a very personal journey like I know it is for all of you. I think my biggest fear in the beginning was that I would fail or I would lose some weight but not all the weight. Can anyone identify with those thoughts? I am sure you can. On the outside to people looking in, I look like I have made this journey easy but that is so far from the truth. I fight back the urges of my alter ego daily. What do I mean by that, I have head hunger just like the rest of you but I know if I allow myself that one indulgence that I may not be able to stop. Everyone has those few things that I chose to call their kryptonyte and those are the things that if presented with them you find them the hardest to resist. Mine are potato chips and french fries. Hmmm, wonderful crunchy salty yummy potato chips and wonderful hot salty FF from of yes McDonald's. Today if presented with these two items I would still indulge in their forbidden goodness. I know, I know, I should be stronger right, well I am human and we all have our weaknesses and that is mine. So how do I avoid them, simple don't buy them. If you were to do a sweep of my cupboards and fridge and freezer you would find healthy snacks. Apples, bananas, natural peanut butter, SF syrups, Dark Chocolate (I buy one bar at a time of Chocoluv Dark Chocolate with Sea Salt and it has to last 2 weeks, that is one itty bitty square at a time), healthy pop corn(no added butter) Raw Almonds and protein shakes and bars. May sound boring but I have found these to be my new delights when I want a snack and actually find myself craving my new found healthy snacks. I still have several obsessions with my weight loss journey, I have to record my food intake daily, (MFP) I have to make recipes for any foods I do in combination (I use the recipe builder on MFP, before I indulge in them), I still 2 years out weigh and measure my food, I still eat off a salad plate. (All of these rituals sometimes drive my husband crazy, he even told a Friend this weekend that he was actually jealous of my blogging and all the time I spend on MFP and LBT, I looked at him and said. Seriously, "Would you rather have the old Diane back?" "If not get over it, deal with it, this is my therapy and this is what helps me stay honest and clean with myself." So now you know my other obsession today, my computer time, this new found love for recording food, responding to blogs and forums is my indulgence and helps me stay focused on why I am doing all of this. So if your still reading my long winded ranting, I am sure you are wondering where the pot of gold, the fairy dust, magic wand and words of great wisdom are? Well guess what there are none, there is no magic, there is nothing special about lap band, it will not help you fix your obsessions with food, it will not cure your head hunger and most important it will not stop you from eating. Now it will give you some negative reinforcement if you chose to break the rules and over indulge in bad band behavior. So I guess one word of wisdom is to get your head screwed on right. You see day after day I read on this web site all the comments from fellow bandsters about needing help because they have fallen off the band wagon, they need to refocus, the need to get back on track, they say they cheated, they say they have been banded for days, months, years and still are struggling with losing weight. Honestly all of this makes my heart hurt, , you ask, Why? Because, these people are still waiting for the band to tell them not to eat (RESTRICTION), their still waiting for that wonderful Sweet Spot they told us that would come. That wonderful spot when the band was perfect, and it would help them not feel hunger and take away all the urges for wanting to eat. They told us this would help, they told us this was going to be a tool and this tool would help us not to feel hungry and help control our hunger. Guess what guys, STOP WAITING because that day will never come and if it does it usually only lasts for a few weeks or months and over time we lose fluid in the band, it loosens and you get a fill and you start all over again. So I guess my one small gem of wisdom is learn to control your head hunger and stop waiting on the band to control your eating habits and learn to control the band. The only person who can really help you lose weight is YOU, yes the band is a tool, you can have more fluid put in to it and continue to sit and wait for that wonderful SWEET SPOT or you can take control of your life and learn to control your behavior and relationship with food. The band is not going to fix you, you have to fix you and that my friends takes time and patience. That is where the word cheating comes in, when you fail to fix you, you continue to make the same bad choices and excuses day after day, month after month and wonder why you are not losing weight. It is easy to blame the tool, after all they did tell us this tool would help us to succeed where we had failed with so many other diets and plans. But guess what there is no full proof guarantee with WLS of any kind. There are many people who have the band, the sleeve and full bypass who continue to loss and gain the same weight over and over again just like they did before. So what do I do if the band is not working for me? I suggest you take a good long look at the person in the mirror because honestly she or he are the only persons who can really help you to get to where you want to be. I want to share a poem with you that I find very motivational and have kept a laminated copy of this on my mirror in my bathroom. Any of you that have followed me these past two years have heard me time and time again speak about positive affirmation's and learning to love your self. The key to my success is not my band but me, I have changed. I am not the same person I was 2 years ago. I don't think the same and I don't feel the same. I have reached my goal weight and on the out side I am thin but on the inside is where I really feel different, I no longer feel like a fat girl. Yes I will continue to work on the emotional me and I will always remember where I once was. After you read the poem below you will understand why I titled this blog, Is it really worth not cheating, because if you fail to lose weight and fail to learn to control your food chooses the only person you are failing is you and honestly haven't you hurt yourself enough! So if you are still struggling with losing, still waiting on the band to fix you, get some counseling, dig deeper into yourself and find out what makes you tick. You are worth it but you have to know that and really believe it. You see I am not allowing my band to control my journey any longer nor am I allowing the band to dictate what I eat or when. i am in control of me and my behavior, yes i have bad days but the success to those bad days is I do not give in to the behavior because i have to face the 'Lady in the Glass" Enjoy and I wish everyone peace, hope and success on the journey we call "Bandster Living." I am not perfect but a work in progress and taking this one day at a time. The Man In The Glass Peter Dale Wimbrow Sr. When you get what you want in your struggle for self And the world makes you king for a day Just go to the mirror and look at yourself And see what that man has to say. For it isn’t your father, or mother, or wife Whose judgment upon you must pass The fellow whose verdict counts most in your life Is the one staring back from the glass. He’s the fellow to please – never mind all the rest For he’s with you, clear to the end And you’ve passed your most difficult, dangerous test If the man in the glass is your friend. You may fool the whole world down the pathway of years And get pats on the back as you pass But your final reward will be heartache and tears If you’ve cheated the man in the glass.

Hello everyone! I am 32 years old and 253 lbs and am 5'5". I finally reached the point where I just don't think I can lose 100+ lbs on my own. Even working out I feel like I have a fat suit on making me just want to give up. I barely ever saw more than a 5 lb change since I had my last baby 3 years ago. It is time for me to do something for me. I just didn't realize how hard it would be to get other peoples opinions not to matter. It seems like everyone has an opinion on what you should or shouldn't do. So, I have had my 1st appointment with my Dr. Dr Friedman was great. He had said any medical records from the last 6 months (blood/xrays/ekg's) could be used so we didn't have to redo them. I still had to have a new EKG and get about 15 vials of blood taken (felt like they owed me a cookie and oj!). I had already been cleared by PSYCH at Psychiatrics Associates. We set up my appointment with the Nutritionist for this Monday the 29th Oct. If I get an all clear from her they are going to submit me with whatever bloodwork is in within 2 weeks and I have a tenative surgery date of NOVEMBER 26th! I am more excited than nervous about the surgery being soon. It gives me 25 days before we leave to go visit family for xmas. I am hoping to be on pureed foods by then. I have done tons of research on food options, the procedure, and what to expect. I have never had surgery before, and I will be about an hour from home when I am in the hospital so I don't know who will be with me or how often. I am supposed to be out within 2-3 days. I have already started doing Zumba and Crossfit workouts now to get back in the mentality of working out. I am just hoping that my recovery with be relatively simple with no complications. One of my biggest struggles in the is whole thing has been OTHER PEOPLE. The "I think this is what you should do" crowd. I had a (gastric sleeve/lapband) and you should too. The "I heard about this person who..." telephone game. I even had to combat my hubby thinking "If you just do X amount more workouts". Luckily I came to the realization that they can get on board my "train of thought" or I am just going to run them over and move on. It was a hard tactic for me because I am pretty non-confrontational. I am convinced that I am making the right decision...FOR ME. As my Dad said to me " A new year, a new you." I think I am here under the "fat suit"...somewhere.