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I was kinda worried how today was gonna go, but thank God it all worked out. My SIL made her famous cream cheese ball and I just put some on a stalk of celery instead of cracker. Turkey and a tossed salad for dinner, and I planned on a sliver of pumpkin pie but our Aunt brought a pumpkin pie trifle and it was all sugar free. I only had a half a cup of it. Just enough to enjoy but not too much. I am so glad I survived, and when everyone else was stuffed and actually hurting, I was content. Now I know I can do this! Thank you Jesus!

At some point about 2 hours before the surgery time, I sort of "accepted" that it was really going to happen. Of course I've been planning this for 6 months, but the entire process had gone so smoothly, that when the time came, I couldnt really believe it. And with my last minute nerves, I had visions the day before of backing out (see previous blog entry). When I arrived at the hospital 2 hours before surgery time, they got me back to the pre-op room right away. The nurse went through a checlist to make sure all paper-work was done and signed off by me and Dr. Pirrello. and checked my vitals. then another checklist to confirm which medications I was taking. Finally, another checklist to make sure I didnt have a pacemaker, hidden jewelry in weird (non-visible) places, metal hip, etc. After a few minutes, she gave me instructions to use the bathroom if I needed, strip all the way down, and put on these loooong white hose/nylons which are used to help prevent blood clots. So after I had put the very tight hose on (they are thigh - highs so being a guy I felt a weird and getting the standard hospital gown on, the nurse came back in and had me lay flat on the exam table while she put leg-length foam-straps covering the hose. I later learned that these foamy staps had little inserts in them that variably espanded and contracted to help control blood flow and prevent clots durning and after the surgery. The best way to decribe the action of these things is that they're like a combination of a message recliner chair like you see in Brookstone stores and a blood pressure cuff for the way it expands. Then she shaved my entire stomach which tickled like hell. I laughed uncontrollably and so did she. I soon had a fast visit from the anesthesiologist, my surgeon's assistant, and finally my surgeon. Each helped to relax me, but didn't really give me any new information. They're a very good team and I had always been impressed and appreciative of the time my surgeon spent explaining things to me. My pre-op office visit with my surgeon, Dr. Pirrello, the week before surgery was 2 hours long! He's great. Verrrry slowy I began to feel relaxed. Although no one had said so, I was sure they had started me on type of relaxation medication. Felt like a Valium or drinking 2 beers. I'm glad they did. Then they allowed my wife to come back to the pre-op room for a few minutes. By that time I was even more relaxed. But we spent a few minutes together talking, laughing and praying. Someone peeked their head in the door indicating that the time had arrived. It was time to head to the big show. At this point, my memory starts to go in and out a little. I remember (mostly) being wheeled into the operating room on the gerny then being laid onto another table with bright lights above. But again, it seemed like I was going in and out of consciousness. it was dream-like. I could hear several people around me, and also remember the anesthesiologist whispering to me from behind. I think she might have said "you're going to sleep now.", and I was out. Then they gave me the sleeve I presume I came out back into consciousness slowly, much as i had gone out. So I remember talking with my wife breifly, then I was in my hospital room in a bed. After that, I became fully conscious, but didnt feel any pain. More soon...

I have been doing my reading, research, and starting to stock "My Cupboard". I am mostly packed for the hospital. I have cleaned out my whole wardrobe of "ugly" clothes and put aside my "too small" clothes for later. I am still really EXCITED about the surgery. I am also emotional! Everything that is a distraction in my life is wearing on my nerves. I am finally taking the time to take care of myself and I resent all the petty stuff that is distracting me. I just want to be relaxed and focused. Even working out I feel frustrated. At first I loved working out but the more I am "pushed" out of my comfort zone...ie until I am going to vomit. The more I don't want to be around them. So, I am going to try a couple of sessions at the gym by myself. I am hoping that this moodiness is just PMS and nerves. Ughhh.

Today is sleeve day. Hopefully the first day of the rest of my life. Woke up last night sweating in a panic attack. It was terrible and I had thoughts of backing out. I mean, who in their right mind would voluntarily have 85% of their stomach removed?! But once I get past that thought I remember how good I'll feel and how much better my health will be. Today I feel good, upbeat, nervous, and excited but still have a sort of surreal feeling like I'm dreaming this is going to happen. I've prepared as much I could have prepared; read all of the info on the web, talked with people who actually have the sleeve, and used the information from this website. I took the "before" pictures and body measurements last night. Now all that's left is to have it done. I'll write some more blog entries as soon as i can after the surgery because I know I have a lot question going in and hopefully I can help someone else by sharing my experience. I'll see you all on the other side! Joe

Why am I this heavy? How could I have let myself get this far? Why even try when you know you’re going to fail again? I can’t tell you how many times I asked myself these questions this week. I thought last week was an emotional week…..boy was I wrong. I think it all started when I thought about the 7 hour flight I have to do in about a week. I have to travel to Washington, D.C. for work and knowing that it’s going to be a hard trip is scaring me. Trying to fit into a seat that is made for someone half my size and sitting next to a person who is eyeing you because you are spilling over into their seat makes me want to cry. Knowing that you can’t go to the bathroom because they were apparently made for a Barbie! I have avoided flying for the longest time but this trip seems to be the hardest thing to try and get out of. After a really long cry and kind of beating myself up I decided that getting an extra seat would be a better solution. This will be my first time purchasing two plane tickets just for me but I know that I will be comfortable and there will be less embarrassment if I bought it in advance. Boy what a wake-up call that was…..oh the joy of flying. I know that there will be a time when I do fit in one of those seats and not have to worry about the looks and whispers. So I haven’t told my family except my sister about the surgery and I just found out last week that my mom is going to do the surgery too. It was surprising to hear this but no really because my mother and father have always bothered me to get it too. So one emotion I was not ready for regarding my mother getting surgery was jealousy. I am not a jealous person but for some reason I am now. I think the reason I am is because she doesn’t have all the restrictions I do because of my surgeon and insurance. All she has to do is try and lose 15 pounds then she will be able to get her surgery before they leave for Hawaii in April. Now I have to be on a 6-month supervised diet, work with a nutritionist, have a psych evaluation, and even then it doesn’t mean my insurance will approve. A friend told me that my surgeons are more detailed because they really want you to succeed in this process. Don’t get me wrong I am proud of my mother for doing this but I am just not ready to share this process with anyone. I know that I will get over this and I hope it is soon. P.S. I did get a call from the surgeon’s office and I have my first appointment on December 5th. I am so excited and I also was assigned the surgeon that I wanted . Thankfully being in D.C. for 2 weeks will help me get to this date faster.

First off I had my seminar this week. It was nice meeting the surgery team. They are nice but also really funny. That’s a good sign because I love to laugh…who wouldn't I should be getting a phone call from my surgeon to set up an appointment this week. I’m excited and can’t wait for that phone call. Luckily I have another issue I’m taking care of (PCOS doctor appointments). Plus keeping busy with work has helped. Not sure how I’m going to handle 2-4 weeks away from work. One thing you should know is I love what I do and the people I work with. I know, it’s crazy but I do . One thing I didn't expect so soon was all the emotions I felt this week. I know that your emotions will be up and down but I didn't realize it would be this soon. During this week, around 2-3 days, I was feeling alone. I’m single at the moment and all my family lives 300 miles away. I go to doctor appointments alone, figure out meals alone, and feel pretty much alone. Some might say this is ideal for this process but I really have mixed feelings about that. It’s funny because I have felt alone before but not like this. Today has been a good day, actually yesterday was too. They say you need to take it one day at a time but I have come to the conclusion that I need to take it one hour at a time. Need to work myself up to that one day but until then I am good with taking it hour by hour. I’m so proud of myself thought because I have really started watching what I eat. Cutting out soda and sugar has been going good (even with Halloween I was good – no candy!). Trying to get in the protein and veggies but the carbs thing has been hard. I have to try because I want to get ready even though I am probably 6-9 months away from surgery…but this will be a large part of my success. One last thing (I promise), I bought the Weight Lose Surgery for Dummies book and I have got to say it was the best thing I could of done. There is so much info in there and I feel a little overwhelmed but a good overwhelmed. I have a feeling I will be caring this book around with me everywhere and know it will be my companion for a while. I do recommend this book to anyone who is starting or even close to surgery date. Well another week down and many more to go. Understanding this process is like a roller coaster ride….you will have ups and downs but in the end you will have a smile on your face and on your way to a healthier you.

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Well I made it through with no problem. I meet with a group of women every Wednesday and we either eat at a local Mexican restaurant for lunch or at a local Inn that has a country buffet. Today they chose the buffet. I called ahead to find out what they had and I happen to get the owner. I asked her about just buying one item off the buffet and explained my situation and she said I could just have the childs buffet price and that way I could try more than one item. My plate consisted of: 1/2 cup of Black Eyed Peas 1/4 cup of Tuna Salad 1/2 a boiled egg 1/4 cup of mashed potatoes I was pretty full but very satisfied. It was great. I did have to stand up after I ate. That seems to help the food move down for me. Success!

Well it was my first weekend of soft foods and I got a chance to see if my body was going to reject anything. I ate rather well. Friday night I had 3 ounces of Cod that I prepared. Saturday I had an egg with reduced fat cheese and it was wonderful. Sunday I tried Tuna and it did not sit so well with me. It had quit sitting well with me prior to this diet and it again gave me a tummy ache. I made tuna salad and it was good but I think I got over full because I was a bit uncomfortable. Not drinking while eating is very very hard. I would suggest practicing that before the surgery if you have time. It is so typical to drink a lot while eating. I am very thirsty after eating. I am tolerating grits with no problems at all. Actually everything I have tried has been ok. I just can't eat a lot at once which is what this procedure is supposed to do for you. I am very satisfied off one packet of instant grits. I used to eat 2 or 3 packets as a meal. I am very content after breakfast this morning. I really don't think there are going to be a lot of food issues which makes me very happy. I am keeping my caloric intake at about 800 and I am very pleased with how full I am. This week I am going to start exercising. 30 mins a day on the treadmill. My current weight is now 262.5. I am hoping to loose at a rate of about 3 -4 pounds a week and I will be thrilled. My protein intake is not so great so I do need to work on that. I have to get in 80 grams of protein a day! If anyone has any protein ideas I can use I will take them! Thanks and Happy Monday to everyone (: