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Hi, I had my sleeve surgery on August 6th, 2012. I actually tried to get the lap band back in 2006 but due to insurance regulations and morbidity-lacking qualifications, I was unsuccessful back in 2006. Jump forward a couple of years to 2012 and I finally had the right insurance and actually had some morbidities that helped me get the desired surgery. I kinda felt alone having to do this surgery because none of my family members have had some type of weight loss surgery, or had any friends that has gone thru this type of surgery. My husband was not very supportive in my decision and basically said "why ask my opinion when your mind is set already". Pretty much it was a true statement. All of my friends, coworkers, and mom stated that I didnt need the surgery, "your beautiful just the way you are". I appreciated all the kind words and concerns BUT none of them could even start to comprend what I see every day. Im not talking about being on a scale, Im talking about seeing myself in the mirror every day. Before finding this site, I started blogging my thoughts, my journey on www.blogger.com (Rhelm of Droopy). I hope you take the time to check it out, you will see my pre-surgery picture and my monthly pictures that I try to update on the 6th of every month give or take a few days. Lets make my first blog entry short, my consultation weight was 235. My two-week liquid diet before surgery weight was 210. My two-week follow up weight was 191. My two month post-surgery weight was 189 and just this past Tuesday, November 13th, I weighed in at 176. So give or take, Im losing 10 pounds a month, Im going to be honest, wish it was more but Im happy nontheless. Clothes are starting to be baggy, I've gone thru alot of clothes and have given some to the salvation army. My face is alot thinner and thou my double chin still is visibily seen, its not as much as before. In my blogs I mention how a chubby girl notices weird things. I noticed that my inner thighs got thinner. By this I mean, when I walked my thighs would rub sometimes even chaffe from the friction. I guess you have to be chubby to understand this feeling but now I have notices that they dont rub as much as before. There are so many things that a chubby girl notices that a slimmer individual would take for granted. Yes, I have lost some pounds, BUT I'm looking for particular things in my weight loss and they may seem weird but it's something I personally want to see. Im not saying that everyone is the same, Im saying these are things I want to see personally in my "transformation". They are, naturally the weight loss, duh who doesnt! I want to see my collar bone popping out, I want to see the bone on the top of my shoulder's popping out, I want to see my torso start slendering rather than see my love handles sticking out or as I call them "my arm rest" defining my pants. I hope this makes sense because honestly in my head it does lol. Getting rid of my clothes gave me anxiety. I kept telling myself "no save that or save this, what if you dont loose your weight, you wont have any clothes". I swear my mind is my own worse enemy. I did however get rid of alot of clothes and kept telling myself "you will loose weight". I was an 18/20 and currently Im a snug 14. My tops that I normally would buy in a XL or 1X are falling off my shoulders. My pants that are 16 or 14/16 are real bagging in the crotch area but I refuse to buy any clothes for the simple reason that Im going to try to reach my goal weight and to be buying clothes every time I go down a size is just really crazy. I dont know about you but I know I surely dont have money growing on my tree in the back yard. So yes, Im wearing baggy crotchy pants, and the shirts/blouses I have are in the 14/16 range in size. I actually went to the store yesterday and just window shopped. Funny how I would like a blouse and automatically would look for a 1X or an X-Large when clearly I could possibly may fit in a Large now. My mind is so used to being a certain way that even thou I see my full figure transformation I refuse to see my Skinny figure transformation. My mind is my worse enemy! Im not going to lie, I am my own worse critic, I still see the chubby me every day in that mirror. You would think that im on a scale daily to see my progress BUT im not. I have fear of gaining and a bigger fear of not losing. Make sense? Im not saying that this will happen to you, Im telling you that this is what Im dealing and going thru on a daily basis. Im glad I found this sight, I hope that I can read some of the blogs and in some way compare notes, take pointers on how someone is dealing with particular things, find some sort of comfort knowing that Im not the only one that may feel this way or that way and most importantly, find moral support that we may have in common.

So here i am, most of my friends and family are just as excited as me...some even more than me. But then there are the select few who tell me "i'll support whatever choice you make, but i wouldn't do it if i were you." Hearing those things makes me hesitant to go through with this. It almost feels like they think i'm not trying hard enough or that i'm taking the easy way out. In fact...this isn't easy for me at all. Those of you reading this already know that though. I struggled to make this choice and come to the conclution that this is what i need to do. In fact, a year ago i thought i didn't need this surgery and that i could do it on my own. I lost 15 pounds then, but a year later, i am at my highest. Well, that was 6 days ago that i was at my highest. Thankfully i have lost 10 pounds so far during this pre-op waiting game. Anyways, they tell me of all the horror storied of the people they know who've gotten the bypass (which i'm not getting) and how you turn into a totally different person even down to your personality, how i'm going to have these crazy adiction transfers, and how i might lose my loved ones because of how much i'll change as a person. Stuff like that obviously scared the crap out of me...but i had to think, what's more important: having a healthy life where i know i wont die before 45, or POSSIBLY running into one or more of those previously stated issues? After asking myself that AND if i really thought that "without surgery would i be able to lose this weight and maintain it on my own", i realized that this is my only choice. Thank God i have insurance, otherwise this wouldn't be possible. So, again, here i am......and this time i'm fully excited. I haven't really told my nay-sayers about my decision, but when the time comes, i will. I'm keeping a tottaly WIDE open room for communication with my boyfriend to make sure that he feels comfortable with all this and that he doesn't feel like i'm dragging him on this rollercoaster. haha Soon i'll tell the rest of my family, cause so far only my mom, grandma, and cousin (who had bypass surgery) know of this. But for now i'm just making a YouTube journal of this whole thing (JessiesSleeveJourney) and documenting on here now too. My mom says i shouldn't tell any of my family when we go to Thanksgiving, but i'll let you know if i do. haha -Jessie

I had a very bad night last night, and a bit of a set back! I was doing fine most of the day, vacuumed my hardwood floor, put dishes away in my dish washer, made my bed, and even did a little laundry. I was still feeling OK, but now just a little tired. About 5:00 p.m. I made myself some beef bullion with some unflavored protein powder in it, then heated it in my microwave. I slowly drank that down over about an hours time. I started to not feel so good about 7:00 p.m. I got more and more nauseated, and started to vomit. Plus I was still having problems with my stools being very lose, and allot of gas. By 9:00 pm. I was feeling so bad, and was feeling very weak and tingly in my arms, and legs. I was feeling like I might pass out! Mind you, I am home alone as my hubby works 2nd shift! I tried not to call him at work, but by 9:00 p.m. I was getting worried that something was wrong with my sleeve, or something! I called my hubby home, and he took me in to the ER at the hospital where I had gotten my sleeve 8 days ago. They ran some test on me, gave me anti nausea meds., pain meds., and IV fluids as I was dehydrated by then. We were there 4 hours, and they said everything looked OK with my sleeve, and told me to double up on my Prilosec, and take one A.M., and one P.M. to help with excessive acid my stomach was apparently making! My doctor that did my sleeve thinks I need to give dairy a break for a bit. I don't know what happened, but I know I felt terrible! This morning I feel allot better, and I'm going to be more careful about what I eat, and try to stay away from things that say they contain MILK! I can't wait until I can add more things to my diet for some variety. Anyone else experience anything like this?

Today I wish I was normal.Not only thin normal but not ADD or OCD and not I wish that I could take medication to "fix" me! All I wanted to do today was eat,all day long!I couldnt stop thinking about food for a minute.It was one of those me me me me days that I just hate. And I wish I lived in a country where it wasnt such a mission to find a therapist that is going to stay put.But we are all expats,habitual movers! Once I found a pill,for 2 weeks..lol.I went to my gp and said I am sick of myself and need something.He yanked a sample of Cymbalta out of his drawer and said try this and see me in 2 weeks,remember it only works after 10 days.After exactly 24 hours I knew that was what normal felt like.I was calm.My OCD was gone,my mind started focussing for the first time EVER!Didint have a 100 tracts playing in the head all at once!I could drive a car without it being a competition to see who wins,I could deal with life without the impending sense of doom and having to tell myself a million times a day that everything is fine,nothing to worry about.I slept a full night for the first time in my life and most important,my fear of people all but disappeared. Then my kidneys function started being affected but I couldnt care less.After 10 days I could hardly walk but happy as I have ever been.Said they would have to wressle the little suckers out of my stone cold hand after my death.He just didnt give me a perscription and that was the end of that! Lol I have been a born again Christian for 15 years now and the Lord have really changed me since then.But I am still me and non of the things I have considered very important like the above mentioned,have changed.I suppose there were so many other things that needed change that this might not even have made the list.I really love the Lord and I know He loves me but boy I wish He would renew my mind more! But He clearly has a plan for my life.And He clearly smiles patiently upon me when I tell Him to hurry up and change me more NOW! Accepting ourself,warts and all, might be so important in a successful future with the sleeve.I am blessed beyond measure in so many aspects of life that I should be able to say its ok to be me.Its ok to not be perfect,its ok! Well,it is the middle of the night now and close to my bed time.Tomorrow,or just now..hehehe...is a new day.I can put this one behind me,live just for the new one,not worry about the future and breathe. God is good all the time and maybe I dont really need that pill.

So I am pretty down at the moment. Last month I kicked butt - lost 8lbs. This month 1 so far. I am stuck at 201. I know that for the last week I am eaten a little more than normal, but still well below my BMR. I know I only have myself to blame so I should just shut up and get back on the program. With Thanksgiving coming and me cooking it, I hope that I can be good. I am really an addict. I see all the wonderful food and I want it. I have got to get back in touch with my control. I was so gun ho at the get go, but now I am falling down. Life has gotten busy and I am rushing trying to prep for Thanksgiving and Christmas. I have something scheduled every single weekend from now until mid-Jan. I don't make time to excercise because I am going from before the sun rises until my head hits the pillow at night. Hadn't even had time to have "play" time with the hubs in 2 weeks until he finally said last night you gotta stop I just need a little time- so I stopped at 8:30 and spent and hour with him, feel kinda bad I feel asleep on his should. I know this journey is all about me and I have got to take ownership of it, it is my responsibility to do what is required to make the band a success. The thing of it is that I have never had a lot of confidence in myself so I always have that fear in the back of my head that I will fail. Today when I get home I have to go to the attic and get out all the christmas stuff - since Thanksgiving with the in-laws is both Thanksgiving and Christmas we are decorating. This is going to be a long couple of months!!! Any encouragement would be appreciate!

today I weigh 189.5 You've got to love the sleeve!

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Well I made it through with no problem. I meet with a group of women every Wednesday and we either eat at a local Mexican restaurant for lunch or at a local Inn that has a country buffet. Today they chose the buffet. I called ahead to find out what they had and I happen to get the owner. I asked her about just buying one item off the buffet and explained my situation and she said I could just have the childs buffet price and that way I could try more than one item. My plate consisted of: 1/2 cup of Black Eyed Peas 1/4 cup of Tuna Salad 1/2 a boiled egg 1/4 cup of mashed potatoes I was pretty full but very satisfied. It was great. I did have to stand up after I ate. That seems to help the food move down for me. Success!

Well it was my first weekend of soft foods and I got a chance to see if my body was going to reject anything. I ate rather well. Friday night I had 3 ounces of Cod that I prepared. Saturday I had an egg with reduced fat cheese and it was wonderful. Sunday I tried Tuna and it did not sit so well with me. It had quit sitting well with me prior to this diet and it again gave me a tummy ache. I made tuna salad and it was good but I think I got over full because I was a bit uncomfortable. Not drinking while eating is very very hard. I would suggest practicing that before the surgery if you have time. It is so typical to drink a lot while eating. I am very thirsty after eating. I am tolerating grits with no problems at all. Actually everything I have tried has been ok. I just can't eat a lot at once which is what this procedure is supposed to do for you. I am very satisfied off one packet of instant grits. I used to eat 2 or 3 packets as a meal. I am very content after breakfast this morning. I really don't think there are going to be a lot of food issues which makes me very happy. I am keeping my caloric intake at about 800 and I am very pleased with how full I am. This week I am going to start exercising. 30 mins a day on the treadmill. My current weight is now 262.5. I am hoping to loose at a rate of about 3 -4 pounds a week and I will be thrilled. My protein intake is not so great so I do need to work on that. I have to get in 80 grams of protein a day! If anyone has any protein ideas I can use I will take them! Thanks and Happy Monday to everyone (: