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OMG!! I received approval from my insurance today!! I am sooo happy. I was in such a slump...this has been such a roller coaster so far. After being denied by BCBS of IL a few weeks ago (said I needed more documentation for my two co morbidities) I went back to my primary MD, had more labs done and resubmitted. I called the insurance yesterday and was told it was denied again because there wasn't anything new submitted. I very nicely started to ask questions about the new info we had sent...hight cholesteral, started on new med, etc. She had not seen that and started to look thru my submission again. She agreed to send an email to the doctor that decides. Today I received a call from her and the new information was enough to get it approved for the vertical sleeve. I am so happy. This just goes to prove what everyone else has said...keep trying. Surgery date won't be till around 1/13.

We all come into this world as blank canvases waiting for the various colors of life to be painted into our world. As children, our first knowledge of who we are comes from our parents. If our parents continue to feed us positive affirmations of our worth and value, we tend to grow with a positive self-esteem. However, if we are told over and over again that we are nothing and that we won’t amount to much in life, we will begin to believe this is true. As a child I used to hear people say, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” This is not true. Even the bible tells us that the tongue can both cut and heal. We must be careful what we say to others, especially children. Accepting Oneself We live in a time when accepting who we are can be difficult. Most of us compare ourselves to unrealistic standards set by advertising agencies, movie stars and the lives of the rich and famous. What we fail to realize, is that oftentimes these standards are a facade like movie sets on the lot of a studio. They represent a “front” with no real substance, constantly having to be propped up because they can’t stand on their own. I’ve had the opportunity many times to talk to people that others would often admire or envy. What I have discovered is, the very people we put on pedestals would love to trade places with people that could be classified as ordinary. I have learned that we must be careful what we desire because many times what we think we are running to, is often what we are running from. Historically in the African American Community, the subject or discussion of “self esteem” has carried mixed emotions. When we look up the definition of self-esteem in the dictionary, we see that it means belief in oneself. We know that if we do not believe in ourselves and what we do, neither will anyone else. However, oftentimes people confuse “belief” in oneself with “vanity.” If we look at success models over time, the ones that have truly made a difference were those who not only accepted who they were, but did so with pride. Many who have left their mark on history were those who had to stand-alone or convince others to see things their way. It is important for you to know 1) who you are, 2) understand where you have come from and 3) determine where you want to go, if you are ever going to accept who you are to be. Knowing Who You Are When I was a little girl my grandmother would often say, never let anyone tell you who you are. I have a friend who always says, “never let anyone call you out of your name.” We have all heard the saying, “if you don’t stand for something, you will fall for anything.” I believe that it is very important to know what you stand for in life. When I speak at various functions around the country, I often share with people that it is important for you to know your meaning in life, so that you can prepare your message, in order to carry out your mission. When you know and understand your purpose and why you are here, it is much easier for you to accept who you are and the person that God has made you to be. We are all pieces of a puzzle that fit together to make a beautiful picture. If we are constantly trying to be someone else, we will not “fit” into the spot that has “our” name on it. If you are currently struggling with who you are, what you look like or comparing yourself with others, I urge you to do the following three steps. Empowerment Points: Write down on a piece a paper, all of the positive things that have happened in your life over the past year. If you can’t think of any let me give you a few suggestions. You have your health, a roof over your head, a job, a sound mind, and people that care about you. I heard a minister once say that if you count all your blessings, it will be hard to be depressed. Make a list of all the positive things that people say about you. Once again, let me give you a few suggestions; she really has a nice personality, she has really nice skin, she is so thoughtful, she’s really a kind person. Maybe people comment on your discipline to work out, or your compassion for others. Never underestimate the gifts that God has given you, to make you unique. Remember, one man’s junk is another man’s treasure. What you would easily throw away, others would take in a minute. I had a friend once tell me that she thought I had the gift of hospitality and encouragement. I thought to myself “what kind of gift is that?” Growing up in church, I wanted the gift of singing or playing the piano or something that the other girls had. Little did I know that the gifts of hospitality and encouragement would be the very way I would live my life and help others today. Finally, make what I call a “wish” list. Write down the things that you would like to have or accomplish and then set a reasonable timetable to begin making them happen. The key here is to make sure you set realistic goals or expectations. Don’t wish that you were 5’11 if you are 4’9. But if you’ve always wanted red hair and your hair is brown, dye it! If you want a better body, diet and exercise. Just make sure whatever standards you set, you are doing it for yourself and that it is what you want, not what others say you should be. Remember that we are all little kids in adult bodies. We all get up in the morning and put our underwear on one leg at a time. We all have good days and bad days. The next time you look into the mirror, say to yourself that you are wonderfully and beautifully made just the way you are. God does not make junk! http://www.blackwomenshealth.com/ Amanda Out!

I don't really come on the forums as much anymore, but I'd like to keep a record for both myself and those who are looking through posts to find information about surgery. So I'm trying to at least keep my blog updated once in a while. I had my 3 month appointment last month, which went well. According to my labs I am high on Vitamin D, so I'll be stopping my supplements. I am also low on my Vitamin A, which kinda surprised me because I never really considered it would be something I'd be low on, so I am going to be taking a supplement for that for a while. Aside from that I guess everything was good. I haven't actually gotten a copy of my labs yet, I'm waiting for them in the mail, so when I do get them I'll have a better idea of where I'm at. My weight loss has continued steadily. I am down 76.2 pounds now. It's hard to believe really. There are days I feel thinner and there are days that I feel like I'm still the 325 pound person in the mirror. It's trippy to fit into new clothes but not see the difference when you look in the mirror. I am solidly in size 24s and just on the verge of being able to fit into some 22s. I have not been following the diet as well as I should. I know that I have not been getting in enough protein lately, so that's something that I'm actively working on. I also have not been doing workouts, but I have been walking a lot. School has been busy, and I've been going to stay with the guy I am seeing almost every weekend, which means I am almost never home nowadays. I need to make it a priority again. I don't think I get enough in to eat in general. I have not regained any of my hunger, which is a great thing for my weight loss, but it makes me at high risk for being tempted to skip meals when I'm busy. I have been doing better the past week or two, but it's very easy to slip into the "I don't feel like eating" thought process nowadays. It's really kinda strange because I never imagined it was even physically possible for me to turn into one of those people who just didn't really care if they ate. But I don't. I have had my period for almost 4 months straight now. It started a week or two after surgery and I've had maybe one week off of it. It's not heavy like a normal period, it's on and off moderate/light, but it's annoying. My gyno thinks that it's all the hormones and the fact that my pcp told me I could use 2 nuvarings in a row without having a period. She sent me for an ultrasound to make sure there was nothing else that could be causing it and they think I might have a cyst on my right ovary that they're going to take another look at in 4-6 months when I have lost more weight, but that there wasn't anything that would increase my bleeding. I've got my fingers crossed that it will stop any day now. I think it has been one of the hardest parts of the surgery for me. It's physically and mentally taxing to be on your period 24/7. I know this is probably TMI, but I wanted to vent a little! My life has been good. Things are going pretty well with the guy that I've been seeing, which has been great. He loves to share meals with me, which I think is fantastic. School has been crazy. I am doing pretty well though, and I just can't wait for this semester to be over. I am really not cut out to be a pediatric or ob nurse. While I have had a ton of really interesting experiences this semester, I am ready to go back to adult care. I never thought I'd say it, but I kinda miss medsurg (I know I'm gonna be eating those words next semester). Anyway, overall things are great, I love my life, and I'm gonna keep working on keeping myself on track. Can I just say, VSG changed my life in a way I never thought possible. This Thanksgiving it is one of the things I am endlessly thankful for. Thank you modern medicine.

So here i am, most of my friends and family are just as excited as me...some even more than me. But then there are the select few who tell me "i'll support whatever choice you make, but i wouldn't do it if i were you." Hearing those things makes me hesitant to go through with this. It almost feels like they think i'm not trying hard enough or that i'm taking the easy way out. In fact...this isn't easy for me at all. Those of you reading this already know that though. I struggled to make this choice and come to the conclution that this is what i need to do. In fact, a year ago i thought i didn't need this surgery and that i could do it on my own. I lost 15 pounds then, but a year later, i am at my highest. Well, that was 6 days ago that i was at my highest. Thankfully i have lost 10 pounds so far during this pre-op waiting game. Anyways, they tell me of all the horror storied of the people they know who've gotten the bypass (which i'm not getting) and how you turn into a totally different person even down to your personality, how i'm going to have these crazy adiction transfers, and how i might lose my loved ones because of how much i'll change as a person. Stuff like that obviously scared the crap out of me...but i had to think, what's more important: having a healthy life where i know i wont die before 45, or POSSIBLY running into one or more of those previously stated issues? After asking myself that AND if i really thought that "without surgery would i be able to lose this weight and maintain it on my own", i realized that this is my only choice. Thank God i have insurance, otherwise this wouldn't be possible. So, again, here i am......and this time i'm fully excited. I haven't really told my nay-sayers about my decision, but when the time comes, i will. I'm keeping a tottaly WIDE open room for communication with my boyfriend to make sure that he feels comfortable with all this and that he doesn't feel like i'm dragging him on this rollercoaster. haha Soon i'll tell the rest of my family, cause so far only my mom, grandma, and cousin (who had bypass surgery) know of this. But for now i'm just making a YouTube journal of this whole thing (JessiesSleeveJourney) and documenting on here now too. My mom says i shouldn't tell any of my family when we go to Thanksgiving, but i'll let you know if i do. haha -Jessie

I am doing what I was told and DRINKING!! I drink any where from 80-100 oz of water a day and I seem to live to potty. I swear my co-worker must think I have an over active bladder. Unfortunately my bosses office is right across from the woman bathroom and I am afraid he will say something about me going to the bathroom every 20-30 min. Do you have this problem? However, now that I have started drinking this much a day, if I go a day and drink less (like a busy weekend day) I feel thirsty. I know it's good to rid my body of the bad stuff, but geez I feel like I have to go pee as soon as I get into anything. To another topic-- My weight has stalled out for 2 weeks in the 201-202 range. It is my week for my TOM, but no bleeding- only cramps. I do weigh everyday (chill it's ok- I do not let this bug me- I look at patterns not the day it's self) and each day I am getting any where from 201.6 to 202.4 and I weigh at the same time of day each day with the same thing on. I have had this happen before so I know it will get better, however, I had made a goal for myself to be below 200 by Thanksgiving and I am so freaking close. The last few days in prep for the holiday I have been steaming/shampooing my carpets rather than working out. I work all day then come home and start working on my carpets. I have a 3000 sq ft house and 2 dogs (one is a puppy), 2 cats and a husband. I gotta get back to the normal workout, but I also have to have my house ready for the invasion of in-laws (which I am happy about). Then this weekend the hubs wants to deck the halls since this will be our Thanksgiving and Christmas with his family. Oh well, pray for me all I will need it!!

Thanksgiving day will be my 5 month band anniversary. As of today I have lost 43 lbs. I feel good and feel that I have been pretty successful. This hasn't been the easiest journey, but hasn't been as difficult as I once imagined. I struggle with hunger at times and am in an ever evolving mode of searching for new healthy food options. I love finding tasty new ideas that are healthy. I have found a tasty stir-fry that both the hubs and I love that uses chicken breast, onions, 2 cloves of garlic and a bag of bird eye steam fresh asian medley veggies- so yummy with just a touch of low sodium soy sauce, a sprinkle of ginger, and a dash of red pepper flakes for heat. Breakfast has become a struggle since I don't do mornings and can't drink protein shakes (makes me sick- I am odd I know). Some bandsters on here said to try a boiled egg or oatmeal- which I will be trying over the next couple of days. Gotta come up with something that will feel me up and not let me get so hungry before lunch. Each time I go in for a feel and as I lose more weight things change and evolve regarding what works and doesn't work. At the start bread was no issue for me, however now, bread gets stuck, I guess that is because of the band being tighter. Whole wheat thin toast works ok. All meat use to be ok, but now if it is the slightest bit tough and I mean slightest I can't do it- just as well spit it out (I know gross). I have had to learn to brush a touch of olive oil over my chicken breast prior to baking so they are tender and juicy and that works great. I am learning not to be so picky. As time goes on, I can eat so little at one time that I have gotten over being picky about what I have for a meal. If I have some left over veggies and can sprinkle some WW cheese on it heat them up and call it a meal. Before I would have had to have a full course. I suppose everything is an evolution, I evolved into a fat person over years of over eating, not I am going the other way. I guess a slow steady evololution is the best way to go, which is what the band is helping with. As this journey continues, I wonder what else will change? I wonder what I will learn to eat and what I will learn I don't want any part of?

I forgot to weigh my self yesterday AM, so I weighed myself last night I was 218 at night,(usually I am that in am and then by night I am up anywhere from 1-3lbs) and i just knew I would be at least 217 this am and was totally shocked that I was 216!... I dont know if I posted in the last one but I measure my waist and I am 3 inches smaller for a total of 7 inches!!! I decided I needed a night away so my mom, sister and I are going to go stay the night at the casino/hotel Saturday, which is in town but its just the point of "getting away" kind of excited! I have decide that I will take 300.00 with me and play the dollar machines! Heck I must feel rich and skinny!~ I think its been 6 months or longer since I have been out there. We usually take 30 bucks or so out and blow that!

All is well and being sent off to the insurance dept. for approval. Surgeon said they may have trouble getting in before end of the year. He can do it but may not have an operating room available, I told him to,just do it in the hall. Lol. He was impressed with my weight loss, that made me happy. I can even wear a smaller size underwear, yeehoo. I tried some of that UnJury shake stuff and it made me gag, the chocolate wasn't so bad but every thing else I tried was awful. Going on a quest to find something better. Stay tuned, it's getting closer!

Last night I went for my Surgeon Seminar. There the surgeon discussed all things WLS. He also, made a few points that I think I knew deep down (I'll get to that in a bit). However, what had me really worried and upset was the wait times. He mentioned he is one of only 2 Kaiser surgeons in my area. Yes the DC Metro Area. So that means, a really long wait. In fact, one guy there last night mentioned he was not only approved, but also met with the surgeon 3 months ago and was still waiting on his date. What..A...Bummer! 6 months pre-qualification only to find out you have to wait 6 more months!?!? This guy (on tap for a Feb surgery) will have waited a full year from his initial meeting. That is horrible. I realize you don't want your surgeon to rush, but I mean 1 year. That is a long time especially given that 6 months of that was AFTER you qualified. So after getting over that. I was happy that my husband seemed a lot more at ease and learned a lot about the WLS. Much of the pre and post-op diet "stuff" I knew from stalking reading this site. But I was glad he had a chance to hear the risks and other information so he wouldn't be worried about me. Now, the interesting part...the surgeon totally disagreed with the diet the Nuts have been promoting for post-op. He mentioned that there was absolutely no way anyone would lose weight following their diet. He said in fact it would lead to gains. The reason he didn't agree is that he said the amount of carbs (via fruits and veggies) the Nuts want us to eat, would be too high. (I totally knew this but thought I must be wrong). He said, he wants us to stick to 30g of carbs a day (if possible for life). He mentioned that 1 small banana would overshoot the 30g alone. So he said, throw out the idea that we need these pretty meals that have...a protein, veggie, fruit, grain, etc. and especially the idea of 6 meals. Sure a snack perhaps but 6 small meals...no way. I'm so glad he mentioned that because I know for a fact, even though I love berries, I have to eat them sparingly if I am going to lose weight. He also mentioned what we all know already about walking and other exercise daily. But...and this is a big BUT... I had NO clue that I'd have to give myself shots twice a day for 2 weeks post-op. This is to prevent blood clots which is certainly important. BUT I am the biggest punk when it comes to needles and didn't even have to do this after my very painful c-section. I mean I'm a cry, roll around on the ground, really low threshold type of punk person. This surprised me. I thought I'd take something orally. His response, no, the shots or no surgery. I didn't expect to have to inject myself twice a day. So, all in all I guess it is a good thing that I have a few months longer before surgery. I'll use that to build up enough courage to do those darn shots.

OK, so un-lucky me, I had to be one of the "UN-lucky" ones that had a very hard time with nausea either from the Anastasia, or the fact that my doctor had to also repair two hernia's while he did my sleeve! I had a higher up one and a belly button one too. I didn't feel to bad the day of my surgery, and thought, "Oh well, this isn't so bad"! Unfortunately the next day I was not doing so swell! I woke up feeling like I'd been hit by a Mack truck, and so nauseated I just wanted to "leave my body", and go somewhere, anywhere else, but in my body right now feeling like I did. They gave me drugs to help with nausea, but it didn't help really at all. I hadn't pre-pared myself for feeling this badly! My poor husband felt so bad for me, and I could tell he wanted to help me, but there was nothing he could do for me! I thought I'd only be in for a couple days, but ended up in there from Tuesday morning until Friday morning! I got to say, I was thinking, "What did I do to myself"? That is until I got home, and felt a little better on Friday, a little more better on Saturday, and little more better on Sunday, and then woke up Monday morning feeling like a NEW women!! The nausea was completely GONE!!! Things actually smelled good again, my drinks actually tasted good again too. My wonderful nurse's in the hospital kept telling me that I would turn the corner one of these days, and start feeling better, and they were right! I went in for my post op check up, and I lost 5 pounds since day of my surgery, but I'm still swelled up, and have fluids from my hospital stay. Would I still do it if I knew then what I know now? Yes, yes I would! It will get better! I promise!