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Week 31 and 32 Last week’s weight – 193.6 This week’s weight – 191.8 Total weight lost this week – 1.8 Beginning weight – 246 lbs Total weight loss since surgery – 54.2 lbs Sorry for the failure to post last week. My weight stayed the same from week 30 to week 31 (193.6) but dropped in week 32 by 1.8 lbs. I got my period in week 31 and had a major Halloween candy binge (for me… with the sleeve…which was nothing compared to my pre-sleeve Halloween candy binges. Thank. God.). I am a little sick (cold like symptoms) this week but I have stuck to my Crossfit gym routine. I have to say when I stepped on the scale this morning I almost fainted from shock. I was expecting to see more of the same (bouncing between 193 and 195 which I have been doing lately). So seeing 191 on the scale was super exciting. That means I am pretty close to the 180’s. Yay! My goal is 150 (with a fantasy goal of 145). I went to an evening session of Crossfit (I am normally a morning girl) and someone I met when I first joined 2 months ago was impressed by my weight loss since I joined. I haven’t loss that much since I joined Crossfit but I think I must look “toner”. That was a nice compliment to get. It made my evening. Basically I am still trucking along. It is easier to stay on track when I am busy and not as easy to stay on track when I am off schedule (we had a week off for fall break that messed up my eating habits a bit…as in I was eating more). I ran into someone from my husband’s work at the voting poll and she said that my husband had said I had lost a lot of weight….since he never brings it up at home I was surprised he had said anything. He is a great guy who will love me at any size but it is nice to hear that he has been noticing.

Well I joined Curves last week. I've gone before but lacked motivation. This time I have a new attitude and am motivated. The local Curves has a new owner and sure makes it more enjoyable. It just feels good to get moving and not sleep all the time.

I walked the dogs just now, noticed the mail on the washer on my way out. It was an envelope from aetna.....my letter of appeal has been approved. I'm so relieved.

A year ago, I would look at people who are the size I am now and think, "Oh, what I would give to be that size!". I just knew I would be full of confidence and that my self esteem would be flying high again. But, now that I am where I was striving to be a year ago (not thin but no longer obese), I'm still not happy with my body. Is this becasue society has told us what is beautiful so many times that we start to believe it? Or, is it much more simpler than that. Is it just that I'm not happy with my body as a whole? Why am I minimizing my success in my head? I know I'm not sabotaging myself, but I also know that when I look in the mirror now, there are parts of my body that I dislike even more now that I've lost weight. Now, before everyone blows up at me, let me explain. I am 110lbs smaller than I was a year ago and aroun90lbs smaller since surgery six months ago. I can look and feel my body and I KNOW it has made tons of positive changes. i also know that even though I mess up with my food intake some times, I have made huge strides in that area as well. For example, this time of year in the past I would have had bough four bags of candy just for my husband and I. To be honest, I ate 3 1/2 of those! Now, I've been very careful. If I do eat a mini bar, it's only one or two for the day and then no more for awhile. I've learned that apples and peanut butter can taste just as good as a Reese's Cup....well, not AS good....but close enough. Plus, the apple doesn't make me feel bad about eating it when I'm done. I also try to exercise when my back will allow. Another huge step. As for my body changes, the pouch over my "lady parts" is so much smaller that when I'm using the bathroom, I marvel that I can see certain parts again. (Sorry if that's TMI). I can now see the numbers on the scale with out having to bend my body all cockeyed when I weigh myself. My arms feel like little girls arms to me when I fold them across my chest and the best part is the way I fit into the area under my husband's arm when he puts it around me. For the first time, his arm goes all around me and can even go down part of my arm. For the first time ever, i feel like I can be that comforted woman in the arms of the man she loves. But, with all the good comes the bad. My boobs continue to try to make their way to the floor. If they continue on their trip, they will be there in a few months and I can turn them into cleaning tools as I walk around the kitchen floor!!! Also, they are much smaller, and I have to admit, I REALLY miss them. (If you read my blog lots, you can see that I say this all the time...I have always had a close relationship to my boobs!!! LOL). The skin under my lady parts and between my thighs continues to look like a bull dog's jowls. My tummy is now wrinkled and I can fold areas of skin and fat over on it. My arms have wings and to really just shock me, I noticed today that my face skin is hanging a little too. I swear, I know it's Halloween, but I do not have any desire to look like a walking melting wax figure!!!!! So, I did what I do and asked myself, "Which would you prefer? Who you were six months ago or who you are now?" No question, hands down, The PERSON I AM NOW!!!!. So what's the problem you may ask? It's simple. I've been overweight my whole life and I always thought that if I lost weight I would have a killer body. But, becasue of my age and the length of time I've been fat (not to mention the inability to exercise the way I would like), my body didn't get my brain's memo and can't just fall back into place.....right now, it can only "fall". Because of this, it adds some negative thoughts in my head about how I look. Now, I know only I and my husband can see my body....and I'm lucky that he loves it the way it is.....but every person I know wants that tight, chest up, butt up, tones arm look!! But for now, I will have to rely on Spanks and the right clothes to hide all these changes....and trust me, I don't mind one bit.

Week 30 Last week’s weight – 194.6 This week’s weight – 193.6 Total weight lost this week – 1 Beginning weight – 246 lbs Total weight loss since surgery – 52.4 lbs Surprised I lost 1 lb this week mainly because I had one of those “I’m tired of constantly thinking about what goes in mouth” week and pretty much said “the heck with it!” I ate poorly the majority of the week. Maybe that shocked my system?!?! Who knows. I did A LOT of medicine ball squats at Crossfit and someone told me that a good leg workout burns more calories than any other muscle group in the body. Maybe that contributed to my loss this week? Whatever…I will take it. Bottom line is I am getting closer to getting out of the 190’s. It definitely feels like a slow process to get out of there though. I have semi shelved the vitamix idea (unless I happen to come across one that is priced really really well). I did come to the realization that week that I am officially not a huge fan of vanilla protein powder. I bought a tub from Unjury and I’m not loving it. In their defense I didn’t like the slimfast vanilla protein drink either. I made a drink the other day with oj, vanilla protein powder, and frozen berries and I am thankful I looked in the mirror before I left for school because I had seeds from the berries all over my teeth from drinking it. I do like their chocolate splendor and strawberry sorbet and I usually drink two a day (for a total of 40 grams of protein). I still avoid soda but I have indulged here and there. I drink it very slowly and I never can finish one. There isn’t one particular food I avoid because it bothers my pouch. I can pretty much eat anything at this point but in smaller amounts. I don’t experience hunger like I did prepouch which is AWESOME. I’m becoming ambivalent about food and don’t feel the need to eat until I am stuffed. At week 30 I am still very glad I had the procedure done!

I've noticed something and I can't quite figure it out. Every AM (usually around 7) for breakfast I have a protein shake (Syntrax Nectar) in which I add - Greek yogurt, 1 c. almond milk, 1 Del-Monte fruit cup. I blend and then sip (yes still this is a challenge). This keeps me full all AM (even through my commute where I walk and stand a lot). Usually by the time I feel hungry it is between 12:15 - 12:30 PM. However, I've tried having the same thing for lunch and it is a no go. If I have the shake for lunch (12:30 PM) I am literally starving by 3 PM. I'm not sure why this doesn't keep me full in the afternoon. I'd like to get to the point where I can do 2 shakes and a small dinner. I like the feeling after the shake (feel satisfied but not weighed down) but it is such a no go twice in one day. Anyone experience this? Any suggestions? I'm not trying to do this every day, but on my busy days I just don't always have time for a full sit down lunch.

So last night I went to my first wls support group, I had missed the last meeting because I rather had worked out. I wish I just would have gone to the gym this time. It was forty minutes of how to handle stress and not that the information was bad, but it was a seminar not a support group. I really love this website where I can discuss my feelings and get feedback which is what I assume would be what a support group is suppose to be like. I did go work out at the gym and swim laps afterward but I just hate being bored or wasting my time. Well, at least I now know I am not missing anything, so maybe it wasn't a total waste. I think the most frustrating thing is when I don't lose weight as much as I would like. The scale is messing with me it is staying at 296 but I don't want to worry about it. I had my surgery on 8/29/12 so it's only been two months. I have never lost 44 pounds in two months in all my life, so I am heading in the right direction, the weight is coming off and my pants are loose. So my plan is to continue to lose weight and gain some patience with the process. The thing is I have spent so much of my life fat I want to live it healthy and at normal healthy weight but all good things will come in time.

just spent 45 mins typing an update and poof, when i tried to preview it and edit a word it dissapeared basically, still waiting for blood test results, really fed up of waiting, not got my hopes up to have my op in november any more. Today i have cast my cares on the Lord and will have my op when He gives me the date, He knows best. I know i still want my sleeve, and will restart the liver shrinking diet when i have a new date for my sleeve. I am not concerned if it is just before christmas, any time soon will be ok with me, i was motivated and ready for oct 9th and can do it again, but this time without the problem of my blood it will be safer. Hope everyone is doing well, sleeved or to be sleeved, God Bless, xx

It's been six months since my doctor removed 85% of my stomach. Since then, I haven't had any regrets...unless you take in consideration the thought that went through my head when I woke up while they were removing my breathing tube. But I don't count that since I was all drugged up and not thinking straight. Also, having Nurse Hatchet didn't help matters. However, with fall here and winter around the corner, I have to admit, there are a times I miss it a little. Not much, only a little bit. Like, I wish I had 25% of my stomach instead of 15%. Now, before you all go jumping on my back allow me to explain. Tonight for dinner I made homemade chicken and dumplings. Now, that's bad enough for a sleever but I had to add more temptation to the mix. I had to make corn bread from scratch as well. I mean come on, you can't have one with out the other. It's just not Southern!!!! No self respecting Southerner would make chicken and dumplings with out making cornbread. And, though I'm not quite Southern...I'm below the Mason-Dixon line, so I'm close enough. LOL Also, I started feeling bad for my husband. Since my surgery, his diet has consisted of PB&Js and chicken. Not at the same time. But considering he's a meat and potato man, it's been a hard six months for him. He considers it a treat if I stop at McDonald's for him. Which is VERY hard for me as the smell has always turned my stomach but after surgery it's even worse. So, I decided that if I were going to make him eat chicken again, I would make something he enjoys. I thought I would be fine with it. I know I can have about 1/4 a cup (a little less) of the chicken and dumplings (mostly chicken...maybe one or two dumplings) and maybe a bite of two of the cornbread. The problem is, I had forgotten how much I love both of these things. This is one thing my tastes buds did not change their opinion of....which isn't a good thing. Why couldn't they find both as disgusting as they find Whey protein? Or better yet, like Whey protein and hate the other? So, after a little nibble of cornbread (a very little nibble), I wanted to eat the whole pan! This is the first time in six months that I've wanted to just gorge myself. Then, top it off with the chicken and dumplings and I actually had the thought of, "Man, I wish I had my stomach right now!" WHAT??? Why am I thinking thoughts like this? I know I won't over eat any of this yummy stuff in my kitchen but the thought of, "I would if I could", crossed my mind more than once. Now, the reason I find this so strange is that I have always been a carb fanatic. I loved bread and pasta. I could eat a whole loaf of fresh baked bread in one sitting with no bad feelings. However, since surgery, I haven't really craved either things. Don't get me wrong, there are times I will have a little less than a 1/2 slice of wheat bread, toasted, with some type of protein but most times, i don't even think about it. That was not the case today. Those simple carbs wanted me and I have to admit, I wanted them. The attraction is still there despite how far we have both moved on with our lives. So, with all this said, it's a good thing I only have 15% of my tummy. Because no matter how good either look, smell or taste....I wouldn't give up my 100+ pound weight loss for either things. That doesn't mean I can't dream about them...and how yummy a big bowl of chicken and dumplings and two or three slices of homemade, buttery cornbread would taste.....yes, I can dream and lose weight or I can eat and slime and possibly stretch my tummy out. I'll take that dream and weight loss any day of the week and twice on Sundays. So readers, have you had anything like this happen to you yet? I think for me it has more to do with fall and winter coming and what I consider "comfort" food. All the warm, cheesy, gooey, stick to your ribs (and add pound after pound to your weight) has always been one if not the only good thing about a cold winter day. Looks like I'm going to have to find something else to take it's place....let's just hope it's not more chicken. I think my husband will finally leave me if I don't come up with something new for us to eat. I swear if he found a woman who cooked like I used to, he'd be a little tempted to cheat on me just for the food. Just kidding....I know he would never do it JUST for the food. LOL

I'm finally in the 170's!!! I'm so relieved to see the 170's I can't tell you! My primary goal is 169 lbs, and my birthday is in 2 weeks. Today I weighed in at 177.9, which means I'm only 8 lbs away from my goal- most importantly my birthday is in 2 weeks!!!!! I want so badly to make my goal by my birthday, a present I've never really been able to give myself before. I have friends coming to visit me and I'd like to get dressed up in a fabulous tight dress and show everyone AND take pics!! I still haven't told the rest of my social world about my surgery (not really planning too) but I also haven't posted ANY pics since my weight loss started, and now every time someone see's me they kind of freak out a little bit. So I figure my birthday in two weeks is a great coming out party for weight loss pics, and even bigger motivator to get this last 8 lbs off! I can do this! And my NSV this week? NSV... my skinny jeans/pants I bought in Nurnberg, Germany years ago on the Euro size chart at H&M... FIT! Like a glove. Hallelujia! About a size 9/10 on the American standard. Here is my before and after 2.5 months after surgery! Size 16 to size 9/10!!!! Check out the before and after below!! Height: 5'9 Highest Weight: 216 1st Goal Weight: 169 Sleeved: (8/17/2012): 216 lbs Week 1 (8/24): 204.8 (-11.2) Week 2 (8/31): 200.6 (-4.2) Week 3 (9/7): 196.8 (-3.8) Week 4 (9/14): 193.5 (-3.3) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~> 9/17/12- 1 Month Anniversary w/Pics Posted in Blog Week 5 (9/21): 191.6 (-1.9) Week 6 (9/28): 190.1 (-1.5) Week 7 (10/5): 187.0 (-3.1) Week 8 (10/12): 181.9 (-5.1) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~> 10/17/12- 2 Month Anniversary w/Pics Posted in Blog Week 9 (10/19): 181.4 (-.5) Week 10 (10/26): 177.9 (-3.5)