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Week 31 and 32 Last week’s weight – 193.6 This week’s weight – 191.8 Total weight lost this week – 1.8 Beginning weight – 246 lbs Total weight loss since surgery – 54.2 lbs Sorry for the failure to post last week. My weight stayed the same from week 30 to week 31 (193.6) but dropped in week 32 by 1.8 lbs. I got my period in week 31 and had a major Halloween candy binge (for me… with the sleeve…which was nothing compared to my pre-sleeve Halloween candy binges. Thank. God.). I am a little sick (cold like symptoms) this week but I have stuck to my Crossfit gym routine. I have to say when I stepped on the scale this morning I almost fainted from shock. I was expecting to see more of the same (bouncing between 193 and 195 which I have been doing lately). So seeing 191 on the scale was super exciting. That means I am pretty close to the 180’s. Yay! My goal is 150 (with a fantasy goal of 145). I went to an evening session of Crossfit (I am normally a morning girl) and someone I met when I first joined 2 months ago was impressed by my weight loss since I joined. I haven’t loss that much since I joined Crossfit but I think I must look “toner”. That was a nice compliment to get. It made my evening. Basically I am still trucking along. It is easier to stay on track when I am busy and not as easy to stay on track when I am off schedule (we had a week off for fall break that messed up my eating habits a bit…as in I was eating more). I ran into someone from my husband’s work at the voting poll and she said that my husband had said I had lost a lot of weight….since he never brings it up at home I was surprised he had said anything. He is a great guy who will love me at any size but it is nice to hear that he has been noticing.

A year ago, I would look at people who are the size I am now and think, "Oh, what I would give to be that size!". I just knew I would be full of confidence and that my self esteem would be flying high again. But, now that I am where I was striving to be a year ago (not thin but no longer obese), I'm still not happy with my body. Is this becasue society has told us what is beautiful so many times that we start to believe it? Or, is it much more simpler than that. Is it just that I'm not happy with my body as a whole? Why am I minimizing my success in my head? I know I'm not sabotaging myself, but I also know that when I look in the mirror now, there are parts of my body that I dislike even more now that I've lost weight. Now, before everyone blows up at me, let me explain. I am 110lbs smaller than I was a year ago and aroun90lbs smaller since surgery six months ago. I can look and feel my body and I KNOW it has made tons of positive changes. i also know that even though I mess up with my food intake some times, I have made huge strides in that area as well. For example, this time of year in the past I would have had bough four bags of candy just for my husband and I. To be honest, I ate 3 1/2 of those! Now, I've been very careful. If I do eat a mini bar, it's only one or two for the day and then no more for awhile. I've learned that apples and peanut butter can taste just as good as a Reese's Cup....well, not AS good....but close enough. Plus, the apple doesn't make me feel bad about eating it when I'm done. I also try to exercise when my back will allow. Another huge step. As for my body changes, the pouch over my "lady parts" is so much smaller that when I'm using the bathroom, I marvel that I can see certain parts again. (Sorry if that's TMI). I can now see the numbers on the scale with out having to bend my body all cockeyed when I weigh myself. My arms feel like little girls arms to me when I fold them across my chest and the best part is the way I fit into the area under my husband's arm when he puts it around me. For the first time, his arm goes all around me and can even go down part of my arm. For the first time ever, i feel like I can be that comforted woman in the arms of the man she loves. But, with all the good comes the bad. My boobs continue to try to make their way to the floor. If they continue on their trip, they will be there in a few months and I can turn them into cleaning tools as I walk around the kitchen floor!!! Also, they are much smaller, and I have to admit, I REALLY miss them. (If you read my blog lots, you can see that I say this all the time...I have always had a close relationship to my boobs!!! LOL). The skin under my lady parts and between my thighs continues to look like a bull dog's jowls. My tummy is now wrinkled and I can fold areas of skin and fat over on it. My arms have wings and to really just shock me, I noticed today that my face skin is hanging a little too. I swear, I know it's Halloween, but I do not have any desire to look like a walking melting wax figure!!!!! So, I did what I do and asked myself, "Which would you prefer? Who you were six months ago or who you are now?" No question, hands down, The PERSON I AM NOW!!!!. So what's the problem you may ask? It's simple. I've been overweight my whole life and I always thought that if I lost weight I would have a killer body. But, becasue of my age and the length of time I've been fat (not to mention the inability to exercise the way I would like), my body didn't get my brain's memo and can't just fall back into place.....right now, it can only "fall". Because of this, it adds some negative thoughts in my head about how I look. Now, I know only I and my husband can see my body....and I'm lucky that he loves it the way it is.....but every person I know wants that tight, chest up, butt up, tones arm look!! But for now, I will have to rely on Spanks and the right clothes to hide all these changes....and trust me, I don't mind one bit.

Week 30 Last week’s weight – 194.6 This week’s weight – 193.6 Total weight lost this week – 1 Beginning weight – 246 lbs Total weight loss since surgery – 52.4 lbs Surprised I lost 1 lb this week mainly because I had one of those “I’m tired of constantly thinking about what goes in mouth” week and pretty much said “the heck with it!” I ate poorly the majority of the week. Maybe that shocked my system?!?! Who knows. I did A LOT of medicine ball squats at Crossfit and someone told me that a good leg workout burns more calories than any other muscle group in the body. Maybe that contributed to my loss this week? Whatever…I will take it. Bottom line is I am getting closer to getting out of the 190’s. It definitely feels like a slow process to get out of there though. I have semi shelved the vitamix idea (unless I happen to come across one that is priced really really well). I did come to the realization that week that I am officially not a huge fan of vanilla protein powder. I bought a tub from Unjury and I’m not loving it. In their defense I didn’t like the slimfast vanilla protein drink either. I made a drink the other day with oj, vanilla protein powder, and frozen berries and I am thankful I looked in the mirror before I left for school because I had seeds from the berries all over my teeth from drinking it. I do like their chocolate splendor and strawberry sorbet and I usually drink two a day (for a total of 40 grams of protein). I still avoid soda but I have indulged here and there. I drink it very slowly and I never can finish one. There isn’t one particular food I avoid because it bothers my pouch. I can pretty much eat anything at this point but in smaller amounts. I don’t experience hunger like I did prepouch which is AWESOME. I’m becoming ambivalent about food and don’t feel the need to eat until I am stuffed. At week 30 I am still very glad I had the procedure done!

I've noticed something and I can't quite figure it out. Every AM (usually around 7) for breakfast I have a protein shake (Syntrax Nectar) in which I add - Greek yogurt, 1 c. almond milk, 1 Del-Monte fruit cup. I blend and then sip (yes still this is a challenge). This keeps me full all AM (even through my commute where I walk and stand a lot). Usually by the time I feel hungry it is between 12:15 - 12:30 PM. However, I've tried having the same thing for lunch and it is a no go. If I have the shake for lunch (12:30 PM) I am literally starving by 3 PM. I'm not sure why this doesn't keep me full in the afternoon. I'd like to get to the point where I can do 2 shakes and a small dinner. I like the feeling after the shake (feel satisfied but not weighed down) but it is such a no go twice in one day. Anyone experience this? Any suggestions? I'm not trying to do this every day, but on my busy days I just don't always have time for a full sit down lunch.

How many carbs are in the shake after you add the fruit, yogurt etc...Maybe that particular mixture has a little to much sugar? I know I'm that way as far as if I eat anything early in the day that has too much sugar, I'm starving by 1 or 2.

I have noticed from others that sometimes after being banded for a while, it is easy to forget or stray from the original guidelines or some banders didn't get adequate information from their centre initially. For starters, I would log what you are eating (ideally through myfitnesspal or something like that that will track calories too). You should not exceed (per my doctor) about 1200 calories per day and should have about 60+ grams of protein. Try not to exceed 1 cup of food per meal and have a planned healthy snack in between meals (piece of fruit) or something. If you are not able to get even yogurt down, perhaps your band is a little too tight which may be causing you to eat some unhealthier items (sliders) that will go down easily and that may be part of the problem. It sounds like you could really benefit from a visit (or 2) with a nutritionist to get back on track. You shouldn't feel so defeated and frustrated with your food choices. I am able to eat most anything as long as I eat slowly and eat small bites. I would urge you to see out one (my bariatric clinic has ones on staff) and they have a lot of great ideas and advice. I truly don't feel deprived and only did when I was too tight and struggled getting solid food down. I also have found healthier ways to still enjoy many foods I loved before but now in a healthier way. There is a website called Emily bites (I believe) and there are many recipes that you make in cupcake pans so they are portioned out into appropriate sized meals. They are healthy versions (ie. lasagna) of everyday foods. I really enjoy them. Good luck to you!

Don't feel bad. I read on this site from loads of people how bored they got with chocolate protien, but you know I never did. And its the one thing I still actually look forward to drinking from the dreaded 6 weeks of healing where I had to rely on protien shakes alone. My favorite is still the Chocolate Splendor from Unjury as well. I never tried the strawberry, because well... I like chocolate flavor so much more. I have a huge tub of Roadside Lemonaide, a bag of cookies and cream, and vanilla protien that I can't seem to bring myself to want to drink.

Juny, I'm preop too. I feel so out of control right now as I wait, and wait, and wait.... I could have totally eaten that batch of brownies! I think it is stress and worry that makes me do this. I'm sure it is very normal. I have not started my preop diet yet. Have you? Dee:)

That is really cute!! Love the cut and the smile.