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A year ago, I would look at people who are the size I am now and think, "Oh, what I would give to be that size!". I just knew I would be full of confidence and that my self esteem would be flying high again. But, now that I am where I was striving to be a year ago (not thin but no longer obese), I'm still not happy with my body. Is this becasue society has told us what is beautiful so many times that we start to believe it? Or, is it much more simpler than that. Is it just that I'm not happy with my body as a whole? Why am I minimizing my success in my head? I know I'm not sabotaging myself, but I also know that when I look in the mirror now, there are parts of my body that I dislike even more now that I've lost weight. Now, before everyone blows up at me, let me explain. I am 110lbs smaller than I was a year ago and aroun90lbs smaller since surgery six months ago. I can look and feel my body and I KNOW it has made tons of positive changes. i also know that even though I mess up with my food intake some times, I have made huge strides in that area as well. For example, this time of year in the past I would have had bough four bags of candy just for my husband and I. To be honest, I ate 3 1/2 of those! Now, I've been very careful. If I do eat a mini bar, it's only one or two for the day and then no more for awhile. I've learned that apples and peanut butter can taste just as good as a Reese's Cup....well, not AS good....but close enough. Plus, the apple doesn't make me feel bad about eating it when I'm done. I also try to exercise when my back will allow. Another huge step. As for my body changes, the pouch over my "lady parts" is so much smaller that when I'm using the bathroom, I marvel that I can see certain parts again. (Sorry if that's TMI). I can now see the numbers on the scale with out having to bend my body all cockeyed when I weigh myself. My arms feel like little girls arms to me when I fold them across my chest and the best part is the way I fit into the area under my husband's arm when he puts it around me. For the first time, his arm goes all around me and can even go down part of my arm. For the first time ever, i feel like I can be that comforted woman in the arms of the man she loves. But, with all the good comes the bad. My boobs continue to try to make their way to the floor. If they continue on their trip, they will be there in a few months and I can turn them into cleaning tools as I walk around the kitchen floor!!! Also, they are much smaller, and I have to admit, I REALLY miss them. (If you read my blog lots, you can see that I say this all the time...I have always had a close relationship to my boobs!!! LOL). The skin under my lady parts and between my thighs continues to look like a bull dog's jowls. My tummy is now wrinkled and I can fold areas of skin and fat over on it. My arms have wings and to really just shock me, I noticed today that my face skin is hanging a little too. I swear, I know it's Halloween, but I do not have any desire to look like a walking melting wax figure!!!!! So, I did what I do and asked myself, "Which would you prefer? Who you were six months ago or who you are now?" No question, hands down, The PERSON I AM NOW!!!!. So what's the problem you may ask? It's simple. I've been overweight my whole life and I always thought that if I lost weight I would have a killer body. But, becasue of my age and the length of time I've been fat (not to mention the inability to exercise the way I would like), my body didn't get my brain's memo and can't just fall back into place.....right now, it can only "fall". Because of this, it adds some negative thoughts in my head about how I look. Now, I know only I and my husband can see my body....and I'm lucky that he loves it the way it is.....but every person I know wants that tight, chest up, butt up, tones arm look!! But for now, I will have to rely on Spanks and the right clothes to hide all these changes....and trust me, I don't mind one bit.

Today is the day the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it!!!! Hello all....as stated in my previous entries - I am still not smoking and very proud of myself! For the past two days I have had a lot of energy. Yesterday I went to my first post op appointment and previous to that I went to get my hair done. I was so busy moving around all day that I did not drink as much as I should have. The doctor checked my tongue and was able to tell....he said that the whiter it is ...the more fluid you need!!!! Other than that, the incisions are healing fine and I feel better and better every day. My blood pressure was 135/95 while at my doctor visit. I have not taken any of the medication for BP since the surgery so I crushed and took one when I got home. The last two days it has been in the normal range without additional medication. THIS IS WHY I AM SLEEVED. I already feel healthier and more energetic. Can you image when I become a pro at eating and drinking, fully healed, exercising, etc. WOW!!! Today I went to early vote with my son! This is his first year being of voting age with a major election. It took all of 10 minutes and I was so proud of him for getting out there and exercising his right to vote. So after voting, I took my car into the shop to get some warranty work done before it expires...lol and routine maintenance. The good thing is that my dealership provides loaners so I didin't have to wait on it so I came back home and cleaned a bit......did a bit of laundry, made the bed, light work. ENERGY!!!! Now what is really exciting to me is that on Saturday, I can start eating the cream and blended soups - I am looking forward to more flavor! I am not "afraid" to drink anymore and sometimes drink a little too fast and have to wiggle around for the slight discomfort to go away. I bought a nutriblender (made by the magic bullet folks) a few weeks ago so I am looking forward to trying it out starting this weekend. My liquid diet and surgery happened so quickly that I have not been able to use it as initially planned. I will definitely post again once I use it and let you all know if it is something worth your while and if anyone reading this has one....let me know what you think about it. It's time for bed but thanks for reading and allowing me to be a part of such a great community!

My Lap-band is a great tool for my weight loss journey, if only I could band my head. How many times have we thought that? I read it on threads all the time. Well, we can band our head. In fact I have a Banded Brain Tool and it’s called SUPPORT. It comes in all different shapes and sizes. My Banded Brain Tool consists of five things: Cheerleaders – these are my family and friends who from the sidelines are cheering me on. It’s my hubby seeing me struggle and walking up to me whispering in my ear, “You are doing so incredible on this journey, I’m so proud of you.” Or my friends saying, “You look great!” Support Group – My support group meets once a month. Seeing fellow bandster, exchanging stories and ideas gets me from month to month. LapBandTalk – I log on every day, check in with my friends, help and support other bandsters as well as get help and support. MyFItnessPal – Keeps me honest with my food intake and my friends offer help and ideas here too. FitBit – My pedometer on steroids! I never though one little electronic devise would get me climbing stairs every day. It sends me emails when I earn a new badge (never forget the first day I climbed 50 flights – I was a dancing fool). I compete with my friends to see who can walk the most steps and we encourage each other one. Between my Lap-band and Banded Brain Tool I have been able to succeed with my weight loss.

I WAS JUST WONDERING WHERE IS THE PORT AT IN YOUR STOMACH,,,IS IT ABOVE BELLY BUTTON,,ON THE SIDE OR UNDER BELLY BUTTON,,, JUST NOW THOUGHT TO ASK THAT QUESTION ANY ANSWERS WOULD BE APPRECIATED,,, AND IS IT CLOSE TO THE SKIN???

My surgery has been scheduled for Oct 29th. FINALLY! I start my pre-op diet on the 15th. I am scared. I keep trying to talk myself out of it.

Create Curves on Top Wear anything that visually adds more weight to your shoulder and bust area and brings attention to your upper body. This makes your body figure look more proportional like an Hourglass, as well as de-emphasizing your hips and thighs. Details that accentuate your upper body: Necklines stretching horizontally (boat neck, straight, etc.). Although a wrap neckline is slimming on your torso, it adds interest to your bust Light (white, light pink, etc) Bright & bold colors (reds, orange, electric blue, etc.) Details such as stripes, polkadots, sequins, zippers, large collar/lapels, other eye catching embellishments Bell and kimono sleeves Bust-enhancing necklines such as bustier and sweetheart A good push-up bra Scarves, scarves, scarves Also make sure to wear a top that fits properly on the shoulders. If your shoulder line is sloppy the outfit (and your upper body!) won't look good. Work with structured shoulders, shoulders pads and ruched sleeves - they are your pear body shape's essentials. Tips from: http://www.thechicfa...body-shape.html Amanda Out!

So I have never blogged before so I thought this would be a good way to express myself and in the coming months look to see how far I have come not just in loosing weight but also in my growth of knowlegde and acceptance of all stages I will be going through. So surgery was Oct 29th had a rough first night I did get a little too much morphine and was a little snowed, had horrible nausea and I was so scared to vomit however a lot of big burps came up. I did go back to my hotel room the next day and flew out on day 2 post op. Now Im on day 3 having a hard time getting liquids in and of the rolls of gas pain......I wish they would go away. So on word and upward I am going to walk walk walk and sip sip sip.......

I almost feel like I have been living in an alternate reality since I began my journey in May. Once I decided I wanted to have lapband surgery I jumped in with both feet and committed myself to doing it. I got a doctors appointment, set up all the pre-op appointments, got scheduled for sugery and had it done June 22nd. Since surgery I have been busy with work and home stuff and then my Grandmother passed away. I feel like time has flown by. I thought I did terrible when my Grandmother died because I ate food that I don't normally eat (fried chicken), granted I didn't eat 3 pieces like I would have at one time, I ate one and didn't eat desert because my band wouldn't allow me to over eat. I still figured I had gained a couple of pounds over that weekend. The day before I left to go up to meet with the family I was 206 that was on a Wed. I returned home on the next week and on Wed of the next week I was at 203 - WOW- I didn't gain I lost! The only thing I can figure is I was drinking water all the time, rather than snacking I was walking around with a cup of water in my hand so I drank that instead of picking at the endless amount of food. I can't believe I have lost 40 lbs in 4 months. In 4 months life has changed a lot. I am eating differently, I am feeling better, I am more focused, I wear smaller clothes, I think differently- I could go on. I know with out surgery I would likely be sitting about 250-260 right now and miserable, instead I am close to Onederland and feeling good. Even though I lost a dear loved one, I am handling it better because of the band. I was down for a little me and ate some things I shouldn't have, but I got back on the wagon, started counting calories again and moving forward. I feel like fat clouded my life for years- it put my mind in a haze and I am coming out now. I hope my drive and clear mind continue and I can get to my goal of losing 100 lbs or a little more I want to know what life is like on the other side- the healthy side.

These protein shakes are so awful. I only got two down yesterday and something is making me sick, stomach ache and diareha, I think it is the shake. The thought of choking another down today is making me queasy. Anyone have a good tasting one?? This is only day 2 of pre diet. I have 13 days to go!

I think it's time to set some goals for myself. I've been thinking about what they would be and how much weight I need to lose a lot lately (duh). I think the hardest part is coming up with realistic rewards for myself. First Goal: 25 pounds Reward: Mani/Pedi Progress: Achieved! Mani/Pedi scheduled for today! Second Goal: 50 pounds Reward: Spa Day! Massage, Facial, Mani and Pedi Progress: 25 pounds to go! Third Goal: 75 pounds Reward: NEW CLOTHES! Progress: 50 pounds to go! Fourth Goal: 100 pounds Reward: Vacation! Kidless. Just the hubs and I. Mexico? Progress: 75 pounds to go! Fifth Goal: 125 pounds Reward: Bikini Progress: 100 pounds to go! ULTIMATE GOAL: 150 POUNDS Reward: Whatever the hell I want! haha Progress: 125 pounds to go!