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My little reward for losing 85 lbs!! 1ct diamond pendant... just a little somethin' from the hubby Now, I did want to reward myself at the -100 lbs mark, but who am I to tell the man no?! THANK YOU SLEEVE!!! What was some of your rewards for reaching a goal?

By reading my blog's title you no doubt know that I am a Type A personality. I've been this way for pretty much my entire life. The biggest hurdle for me in deciding to have WLS (for over 2 years now) is that I am the type of person who can usually do anything I set my mind to. I have always believed and found if one person could do something and I tried hard enough I could do it too. The problem is that there are truly some things for which I could use a little help. For me it is losing weight, keeping the weight off. For years I didn't want to believe that I needed help. Every Jan. 1st I thought, okay this year, I'll buckle down and just lose the weight. How hard could it be, people on TV, in magazines, etc. do this every day. I'll be one of them. I won't take the easy way out (WLS). So year after year, I not only didn't lose, I gained...and gained well. Did I mention I'm also a high achiever? If there were pounds to be gained, I gained them. It seemed like no matter what I did, the weight not only packed on, but packed on in abundance. I'd lose a bit and then gain more than I lost. Finally, I thought okay this is it. Obviously I need help so I'll go meet with a nutritionist. I did and let me tell you, I have never felt so confused/lost/helpless in all my life. Sure those pyramid charts look great but man, who in the world can construct a meal hitting every food group, with the right portions, and live any kind of life? I'd literally have to spend all day planning meals...who has that kind of time??? But I'm determined, I will do this, I need to do this I figured. So she and I came up with a menu. Well let me tell you about that menu...I ate that menu every day for 3 weeks. Why? I didn't want to eat anything wrong. So at my next apt she had me weigh in. Great, surely I would have lost something. Lord please let me have lost something. I stepped on the scale and sure enough I gained. Yup, with all that weighing and eating and buying ONLY what she told me to, I still gained weight. Talk about a bummer. Again, if there are pounds to be gained they would find me. I looked at her at that moment and said, I need more help. That moment was major for me. I'm not used to needing asking for help. That took both humility and courage for me to say that out loud. My Nut then looked at me and said surgery might be the answer for me. Then she looked at me and asked, so how was it? By this time I'm sad, frustrated, and ready to shake this little woman. How was what I asked her (not in my most pleasant voice that's for sure). She said how was it to weigh your food and restrict your diet. I told her at first it was a challenge (although I'd done it before during other countless diets) but had I lost weight I'd think it was worth it. I wasn't hungry this time like during the other diets. She then went on to explain that my body was in starvation mode. I wasn't eating enough (a big girl not eating enough...really????) and by finally eating the right foods in the right quantities, in the long run with surgery I could meet or even surpass my weight loss goals. Clever! She helped me see that WLS was not in any way the easy way out and that help was available if I would just get over myself seek it. I needed that. I had mixed feelings about surgery because again (my mind began telling me) I could do this if only I just buckled down...or so I thought. It took a while but now I'm at peace with my decision. There is still some disappointment in myself that I could not somehow just do something that would make the weight fall off. But I'm dealing with that. I also had to realize that it is okay to ask for help. That asking for help is not being weak, but rather being wise. This is going to be a challenge but I'm approaching this process with a feeling of relaxation and a one-day-at-a-time attitude as opposed to an I-have-to-control-this attitude. I understand I have to be in control of what I eat and how I exercise my body, but I don't have to feel like I need to control every minute of this process. That helps a lot and makes this much different than any of the other times I've tried to lose weight.

It's Monday, and the good news is that it seems that the sharp, debilitating pain I was having on my left side has dissipated. It is now just a sore area that is tolerable. Prayers work! The bad news, the local surgeon I was going to try to switch over to will not follow up with me. He apparently is not doing sleeves after all. So I am still debating about following up with my original surgeon for the long run. I still think I will try to find another office-I have just really lost all faith in him and his office staff. But I am SO GRATEFUL to my Lord for touching my body and giving me relief! I think this is how I was supposed to feel at 2 weeks out. I really can't pinpoint when the pain stopped, but I realized on Sunday morning that getting out of the chair did not elicit that terrible stabbing pain. I kept expecting it to grab me all day, but nothing I did made it come....I pray it stays that way! Thanks to everyone for the prayers and support, hopefully now I can focus on losing weight and rocking my own lil' sleeve!

A year ago, I would look at people who are the size I am now and think, "Oh, what I would give to be that size!". I just knew I would be full of confidence and that my self esteem would be flying high again. But, now that I am where I was striving to be a year ago (not thin but no longer obese), I'm still not happy with my body. Is this becasue society has told us what is beautiful so many times that we start to believe it? Or, is it much more simpler than that. Is it just that I'm not happy with my body as a whole? Why am I minimizing my success in my head? I know I'm not sabotaging myself, but I also know that when I look in the mirror now, there are parts of my body that I dislike even more now that I've lost weight. Now, before everyone blows up at me, let me explain. I am 110lbs smaller than I was a year ago and aroun90lbs smaller since surgery six months ago. I can look and feel my body and I KNOW it has made tons of positive changes. i also know that even though I mess up with my food intake some times, I have made huge strides in that area as well. For example, this time of year in the past I would have had bough four bags of candy just for my husband and I. To be honest, I ate 3 1/2 of those! Now, I've been very careful. If I do eat a mini bar, it's only one or two for the day and then no more for awhile. I've learned that apples and peanut butter can taste just as good as a Reese's Cup....well, not AS good....but close enough. Plus, the apple doesn't make me feel bad about eating it when I'm done. I also try to exercise when my back will allow. Another huge step. As for my body changes, the pouch over my "lady parts" is so much smaller that when I'm using the bathroom, I marvel that I can see certain parts again. (Sorry if that's TMI). I can now see the numbers on the scale with out having to bend my body all cockeyed when I weigh myself. My arms feel like little girls arms to me when I fold them across my chest and the best part is the way I fit into the area under my husband's arm when he puts it around me. For the first time, his arm goes all around me and can even go down part of my arm. For the first time ever, i feel like I can be that comforted woman in the arms of the man she loves. But, with all the good comes the bad. My boobs continue to try to make their way to the floor. If they continue on their trip, they will be there in a few months and I can turn them into cleaning tools as I walk around the kitchen floor!!! Also, they are much smaller, and I have to admit, I REALLY miss them. (If you read my blog lots, you can see that I say this all the time...I have always had a close relationship to my boobs!!! LOL). The skin under my lady parts and between my thighs continues to look like a bull dog's jowls. My tummy is now wrinkled and I can fold areas of skin and fat over on it. My arms have wings and to really just shock me, I noticed today that my face skin is hanging a little too. I swear, I know it's Halloween, but I do not have any desire to look like a walking melting wax figure!!!!! So, I did what I do and asked myself, "Which would you prefer? Who you were six months ago or who you are now?" No question, hands down, The PERSON I AM NOW!!!!. So what's the problem you may ask? It's simple. I've been overweight my whole life and I always thought that if I lost weight I would have a killer body. But, becasue of my age and the length of time I've been fat (not to mention the inability to exercise the way I would like), my body didn't get my brain's memo and can't just fall back into place.....right now, it can only "fall". Because of this, it adds some negative thoughts in my head about how I look. Now, I know only I and my husband can see my body....and I'm lucky that he loves it the way it is.....but every person I know wants that tight, chest up, butt up, tones arm look!! But for now, I will have to rely on Spanks and the right clothes to hide all these changes....and trust me, I don't mind one bit.

I was sleeved Aug 28th and have lost 37lbs. Lost pretty slow this past month but now have lost 4 lbs this week! I am very proud of myself and feel great. I'm gradually getting into my old clothes and I am 19 lbs. away from my goal wt. I had originally set my goal for 120 but changed it to 130 I feel that this is a more realistic goal. I'm very small framed so if i get to 120-125 lbs that's great, but i feel 130 is a good stopping point for me. I'll be able to wear ALL of the clothes in my closet at 130lbs. I take my MSF motorcycle riding course this next weekend and get my permit today! I'm so excited. I have a brand new Harley Sportster sitting in the garage that I have never ridden. That is my reward for losing this wt. my husband and I rewarded me this way. I want to be thin , dark, and on the road by this next summer. It will be a dream come true. It could be called a Mid-life Crisis by some i guess. Whatever it is I can't wait to make it come true. I have the boots, the jacket,the helmet (of course, won't ride without it),all I need is to learn to ride it!LOL! Thanks for reading my jumbled thoughts...

Have you ever gone into your closet and said " I have nothing to wear"? If you are a woman I'm sure you have lol. Anyway I had this great idea that I wanted to share with all of you. If you have a phone with a camera on it, take a picture of yourself everyday in a different outfit everyday try to only include your favorite ones. (The ones where you say "hey I really look great in this") before you know it you will have a outfit catalog to go to on the days you just don't know what to wear :-) Amanda Out!!!!