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Until recently, I thought that WLS was for the unmotivated or lazy. The more I researched I found that surgery is just like buying diet aids and spanx. It is a tool to help overweight people to reach their goal of good health. I research both the lap band and the sleeve and concluded that the sleeve was the right procedure for me. On October 1, I went to Dr. Jayaseelen for a consultation. His staff was nice and he was there to discuss the procedure during that initial visit. They verified that my UHC benefits covered the procedure but I would have to get individual approval and provide a 5 year history of obesity. Now, this was not going to be hard because I've had the same doctor since moving to Texas 11 years ago, worked for the same company, and held the same insurance.....but I was still just going through the motions and tried not to get excited. Well, on October 9th, I received a call from Dr. Jay's office stating that I was approved by my insurance and that I could select a surgery date.....my head was spinning! The nurse told me that I could schedule it as early as October 24th! Instead I opted for October 30th. Now you must know that there was a lot to be done in a short amount of time. I had to attend a pre op surgery class, have the EGD procedure, pre-op meeting with the surgeon, blood work, ekg, stress test.....The doctor's office worked with me to get as much as possible done in one day so that I would not have to make several trips back and forth. That was very much appreciated. I started my liquid diet on the 22nd of October and guess what happened on the 25th????? My doctor's office called me and asked....would you like to move your surgery up to tomorrow? Of course I was speechless and could only studder for a few seconds or so. I asked them to give me about an hour and I would call back with my decision. But since I knew my out of pocket costs and was ready to pay, had my short term disability started at my job, been to the grocery store and bought presurgery laxatives, liquid protein, gas x, b12, juices, crystal light, etc. - I decided to go for it because I was prepared!!!! Well here I am on Sunday night, sitting in my family room 2 days after surgery and feeling quite nice. 5 lbs down.....

Well, my Hospital just called me today for my pre-registration information for my sleeve surgery coming up Nov 6th! Wow, it's getting "so real" now. LOL Another step towards my new beginnings! I have the butterflies in my stomach when I think about my surgery day. I wish I didn't get anxiety so fricken bad! I know the night before I won't sleep well, and I will feel sick to my stomach the morning of. *Sigh* Kathy

Well it has been two years this weekend since I had lap-band surgery. Official date for surgery was October 27, 2010. All I can say is wow, I have learned so much these past two years and still learn everyday but only hope and pray it all sticks with me for the rest of my life. When I started this journey two years ago, I was morbidly obese and like many of you had struggled for years with the ups and downs of yo-yo dieting. My medical health had started to suffer under the weight of my added poundage and my life expectancy was being greatly affected by my poor choice of diet. I loved food and what is even worse I am an excellent cook and baker and was so scared I could not change. This journey for me has been a very personal journey like I know it is for all of you. I think my biggest fear in the beginning was that I would fail or I would lose some weight but not all the weight. Can anyone identify with those thoughts? I am sure you can. On the outside to people looking in, I look like I have made this journey easy but that is so far from the truth. I fight back the urges of my alter ego daily. What do I mean by that, I have head hunger just like the rest of you but I know if I allow myself that one indulgence that I may not be able to stop. Everyone has those few things that I chose to call their kryptonyte and those are the things that if presented with them you find them the hardest to resist. Mine are potato chips and french fries. Hmmm, wonderful crunchy salty yummy potato chips and wonderful hot salty FF from of yes McDonald's. Today if presented with these two items I would still indulge in their forbidden goodness. I know, I know, I should be stronger right, well I am human and we all have our weaknesses and that is mine. So how do I avoid them, simple don't buy them. If you were to do a sweep of my cupboards and fridge and freezer you would find healthy snacks. Apples, bananas, natural peanut butter, SF syrups, Dark Chocolate (I buy one bar at a time of Chocoluv Dark Chocolate with Sea Salt and it has to last 2 weeks, that is one itty bitty square at a time), healthy pop corn(no added butter) Raw Almonds and protein shakes and bars. May sound boring but I have found these to be my new delights when I want a snack and actually find myself craving my new found healthy snacks. I still have several obsessions with my weight loss journey, I have to record my food intake daily, (MFP) I have to make recipes for any foods I do in combination (I use the recipe builder on MFP, before I indulge in them), I still 2 years out weigh and measure my food, I still eat off a salad plate. (All of these rituals sometimes drive my husband crazy, he even told a Friend this weekend that he was actually jealous of my blogging and all the time I spend on MFP and LBT, I looked at him and said. Seriously, "Would you rather have the old Diane back?" "If not get over it, deal with it, this is my therapy and this is what helps me stay honest and clean with myself." So now you know my other obsession today, my computer time, this new found love for recording food, responding to blogs and forums is my indulgence and helps me stay focused on why I am doing all of this. So if your still reading my long winded ranting, I am sure you are wondering where the pot of gold, the fairy dust, magic wand and words of great wisdom are? Well guess what there are none, there is no magic, there is nothing special about lap band, it will not help you fix your obsessions with food, it will not cure your head hunger and most important it will not stop you from eating. Now it will give you some negative reinforcement if you chose to break the rules and over indulge in bad band behavior. So I guess one word of wisdom is to get your head screwed on right. You see day after day I read on this web site all the comments from fellow bandsters about needing help because they have fallen off the band wagon, they need to refocus, the need to get back on track, they say they cheated, they say they have been banded for days, months, years and still are struggling with losing weight. Honestly all of this makes my heart hurt, , you ask, Why? Because, these people are still waiting for the band to tell them not to eat (RESTRICTION), their still waiting for that wonderful Sweet Spot they told us that would come. That wonderful spot when the band was perfect, and it would help them not feel hunger and take away all the urges for wanting to eat. They told us this would help, they told us this was going to be a tool and this tool would help us not to feel hungry and help control our hunger. Guess what guys, STOP WAITING because that day will never come and if it does it usually only lasts for a few weeks or months and over time we lose fluid in the band, it loosens and you get a fill and you start all over again. So I guess my one small gem of wisdom is learn to control your head hunger and stop waiting on the band to control your eating habits and learn to control the band. The only person who can really help you lose weight is YOU, yes the band is a tool, you can have more fluid put in to it and continue to sit and wait for that wonderful SWEET SPOT or you can take control of your life and learn to control your behavior and relationship with food. The band is not going to fix you, you have to fix you and that my friends takes time and patience. That is where the word cheating comes in, when you fail to fix you, you continue to make the same bad choices and excuses day after day, month after month and wonder why you are not losing weight. It is easy to blame the tool, after all they did tell us this tool would help us to succeed where we had failed with so many other diets and plans. But guess what there is no full proof guarantee with WLS of any kind. There are many people who have the band, the sleeve and full bypass who continue to loss and gain the same weight over and over again just like they did before. So what do I do if the band is not working for me? I suggest you take a good long look at the person in the mirror because honestly she or he are the only persons who can really help you to get to where you want to be. I want to share a poem with you that I find very motivational and have kept a laminated copy of this on my mirror in my bathroom. Any of you that have followed me these past two years have heard me time and time again speak about positive affirmation's and learning to love your self. The key to my success is not my band but me, I have changed. I am not the same person I was 2 years ago. I don't think the same and I don't feel the same. I have reached my goal weight and on the out side I am thin but on the inside is where I really feel different, I no longer feel like a fat girl. Yes I will continue to work on the emotional me and I will always remember where I once was. After you read the poem below you will understand why I titled this blog, Is it really worth not cheating, because if you fail to lose weight and fail to learn to control your food chooses the only person you are failing is you and honestly haven't you hurt yourself enough! So if you are still struggling with losing, still waiting on the band to fix you, get some counseling, dig deeper into yourself and find out what makes you tick. You are worth it but you have to know that and really believe it. You see I am not allowing my band to control my journey any longer nor am I allowing the band to dictate what I eat or when. i am in control of me and my behavior, yes i have bad days but the success to those bad days is I do not give in to the behavior because i have to face the 'Lady in the Glass" Enjoy and I wish everyone peace, hope and success on the journey we call "Bandster Living." I am not perfect but a work in progress and taking this one day at a time. The Man In The Glass Peter Dale Wimbrow Sr. When you get what you want in your struggle for self And the world makes you king for a day Just go to the mirror and look at yourself And see what that man has to say. For it isn’t your father, or mother, or wife Whose judgment upon you must pass The fellow whose verdict counts most in your life Is the one staring back from the glass. He’s the fellow to please – never mind all the rest For he’s with you, clear to the end And you’ve passed your most difficult, dangerous test If the man in the glass is your friend. You may fool the whole world down the pathway of years And get pats on the back as you pass But your final reward will be heartache and tears If you’ve cheated the man in the glass.

Today is sunday, that means clear liquids all day. For a heart patient with a fluid restriction of 1000ccs or, 33 fl oz per day this is rather an impossible task. Let me back up and tell you about what happened in 2009. I had graduated four days earlier with my Bachlor of Fine Art in Photography. I had everything lined up, a job, an apartment all those grown up things.I thought I'd come to visit home for a few days before going back to the place I was going to be working. At 9am in the morning at my mothers house I started to feel faint. Thank God there was a phone beside my bed but the numbers looked so foreign. All that got my mom on the end of the line was me remembering the pattern of her phone number. If not for that ... I wouldn't be typing this here now. She called an ambulance and came home right away. After many tests and lots of pain the ER Doctor said I had heartfailure. An unknown virus had attacked my heart for what seemed like 1 or 2 years and as it slowly ate the muscle wall it caused my heart to jump up to 275bpm on that day. Fast foward 2.5 years and here I am needing a new heart. However, I weigh to much to be put on the eligibility list. So my Cardiologist suggested that I have a Gastric Sleeve to loose weight rapidly to get on the list quicker because my time is short. And that ladies and gentalman leaves me driving to memphis at 3am tomorrow morning to have this life saving gastric sleeve operation. The liquid diet is killing me, I have horrable heartburn and my stomach is all messed up from the magnesium citrate I drank earlier. As miserable as I am I know that everything will be worth it in the end. I can use all the support I can get, so please add me as a friend! -G

I'm on my 7th day of my L.Q. diet. Seven days down, and 7 days to go until I'm sleeved! Wow, it's coming up fast now! I have waited 7 months to get this done since my insurance company said I had to do at least 6 months of diet and exercise. Well, I did it! I have lost 52 pounds so far, 47 pounds before I started my L.Q. diet, and 5 pounds since I started L.Q. diet. People are really starting to notice now! It's nice to hear, "Wow, Kathy you're looking great"! I still don't see me as "Looking great" yet! I have went from a size 26/28 W to a 20/22 W so far, and I'm happy about that, but I can't wait to be a size 12! I got to say, I am missing being able to eat certain things. Not "bad" things really, but meat, hot meals, vegetables, fruit, and things like that. I know it's only temporary, but some days it sure is rough not being able to have them. My husband is very supportive, but when he makes himself some "real food" that's when I feel like, "Oh man, can I do this"? The smell fills the house, and it makes me so hungry for what he's eating! I haven't eaten anything I'm not suppose to, but Lord knows it hasn't been easy! I have to give myself "pep talks" everyday telling myself, "You can do this Kathy"! I try to remember to look at the big picture, and how great it will be when I reach my goal. I'm so glad I joined this web site, because it helps knowing I'm not alone, and others are going through allot of these same feelings. Any advice on things we can have on this L.Q. diet that are hot, and not cold? I can't have just any soup, because I have gluten allergies, and allot of soups have gluten(Wheat) in them. Thanks for caring, and reading my blog. Kathy

Well, I am doing good today! Maybe because my husband was nice enough to sleep out on the sectional with me last night. It felt like a slumber party! I have my first post op appointment with Dr. Kemmerling Tuesday and it can't come fast enough, maybe he will clear me for puree two days early! I feel like I am healing pretty darn good! My 5 inch long incision doesn't look so scary, it looks ALMOST gone, just a few more days and it will just be a pink mark. The doctor will cut my one stitch and it will feel a lot better, I remember that from last time I had a stitch by my incision. I have only 4 more days and I am onto puree! I will not lie, I cheated a bit today. :ph34r: I was not sure how things would taste so after I made my husband (Golash- Hamburger, noodles, corn, string green beans, milk and cream of mushroom soup) It tasted so freeeekin good. I am SO ready for the puree time to come. I told my husband that I cheated (he ran up north to bait for hunting) and he was really upset at me, and I felt bad but that little cheat gave me some hope that the days will get a bit easier. High hopes for the rest of my and everyone's recovery! (I am having a little "stabbing" pain every once in a while on my right side but it may just be muscle pain I just have to keep taking it one step at a time! That't my anthem song, think it fits well. Stay positive everyone!!!! Ang

I took my husband to Longhorn Steakhouse today for his birthday. I knew exactly what I was going to order (plan ahead is the best advice for eating out). I ordered a 6oz Renegade Sirloin Steak with fresh veggies and a mix salad, raspberry vinaigrette on the side. I also knew I would be taking over ½ of it home with me (part of the plan). Salad comes and I have 2 or 3 bites and stopped, I wanted my steak so I wasn’t going to get full on salad. Waiter comes up and says, “Is everything alright with your salad?” “Yes, everything is fine.” I push my salad aside (wouldn’t let them take it away…..my chickens would never forgive me if I did). My steak arrives; I eat about 2oz of the steak, 1 small crown of broccoli & 2 small carrot bites. I’m full. The waiter comes up and says again, “Is everything alright with your steak?” “Oh yes, it’s delicious.” He walks away with the most confusing look on his face. Meanwhile my husband is sitting beside me trying to not laugh at this guy. I notice the smirk on my husband’s face and ask, “What?” To which he replies, “You are enjoying this aren’t you?” “I don’t know what you mean. I’m enjoying a nice steak here.” The waiter returns and I ask for 2 to go boxes, one for our food and one for the food for my chickens (yes, I spoil them). He brings me 2 small boxes and I say “Do you have any bigger boxes; I have a lot of leftover food here?” “I’m sorry, was there something wrong with the food, you didn’t eat very much?” At this point my husband couldn’t hold it in anymore and started laughing. I replied, “The food was wonderful, I just can’t eat the volume you serve.” “We do serve a lot of food here, but you would be surprised how many people can eat it all.” He brought me the larger containers and we left, both happy with our meal. Plus, my hubby gets steak and eggs for breakfast as well as a baked potato with everything on it (He ordered but didn’t touch) for lunch. To top it off my chickens were so very happy with their treat tonight!!

My name is AJ and I’m a scale-a-holic. I have lied to my LBT friends, it wasn’t intentional… I don’t know how it got so out of control. You see in the beginning I only weigh myself once a week, but back then I was seeing my doctor every week or two. Now I go every 4-6 weeks and that will get stretched out more. When I weigh in at my doctor’s office, that is my ‘official’ weight, I update my profile based on that. So when I weigh at home it doesn’t officially count…. Like I said I started weighting once a week, I even had a set day (Sunday morning). Then I started ‘just checking’ on Wednesdays, then Fridays too and before I knew it I was weighting every day. Then it was twice a day, once in the morning & once in the evening (just to see if there was a difference). It wasn’t my ‘official weight’ so what harm is there….. Well my scale died last night. Yep after ten plus years it went kaput. My beloved scale was no more. Panic set in, how am I going to weigh myself in the morning? Where can I get a new scale and fast…. Boy was I in a panic! I searched on line all evening, need to find a good scale and fast. Thankfully, I go to the doctors tomorrow and will get an ‘official’ weight. But in the mean time I realize that I have an addiction that I need to manage. The first step in the detoxing is cold turkey. I found the scale I want on Amazon, ordered it & selected Super Saving Shipping (It wound get here till next week). Next, if I have to I’ll have my husband lock it up….hopefully that won’t be necessary. lol

Yesterday was Friday, I called the surgeon's office as he had requested to give an update on my abdominal pain. Of course I had to go through his nurse, ok, fine, well she puts me on hold then comes back and says doctor would be happy to call in a refill for Vicodin for me. I start to lose my patience and tell her I never finished the first prescription of Vicodin, I hate the way it makes me feel, I cannot function, I just pass out and then wake up in more pain! So, finally she puts the good doctor on the phone. He says, "Yes?", I relay, again, that I have not gotten any relief with the Celebrex, and I now I am having pain when I am NOT moving, and my heart feels like it is racing. I ask if he could order an MRI on my chest and abdomen to rule out any other complications such as herniation/abscess/microscopic leak/muscle tear/or whatever. He firmly states "You do not have a leak, a bleed, or an abscess. Your pain is musculo-skeletal. An MRI will show nothing that the CT did not already show. I have nothing more to offer you". Really? Wow. Wow. I thank him (don't know why) and hang up. I know I was going out on a limb, but I called a chiropractor in town who specializes in neurological pain and "failed surgeries". He got me in within a couple hours. He sat at his desk, looking at my papers that I had completed regarding my history and my symptoms. He shook his head and said there was nothing he could do for me. But he did recommend I get a second opinion from a bariatric surgeon, if I could find someone who would see me. He confirmed that something is not right, and he believes it is a nerve that is damaged or injured as my pain is described as being a sharp stabbing pain. So I leave. Today, Saturday, I have devised Plan B, tentatively. There is a bariatric surgeon in town, although he just started doing the sleeve, he has a lot of experience with RNY and bands. I will attempt to make an appointment on Monday and see what he thinks. It's a place to start. He is the surgeon that did my gallbladder surgery about 10years ago, I was very pleased with his work back then, he's a reputable doc, and I think as I'm a previous patient he will see me. So the saga continues.....and the pain...