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I remember watching movies and wondering how it was possible that every woman who ever took a bath or shower was able to wrap a towel around their body with no issue. Now, to most normal sized people, this probably didn't even cross their minds but to a person who has been over 200lbs for more of her life than not, it was something I thought could only happen to size zero women. And to be honest, I hated them for that. It always looked so neat. Just grab a towel, wrap and tuck near the boobs. It stayed in place and they all looked very sexy in it. However, in one bathroom in Delaware (probably more but I'm just talking about mine) that was a dream that I thought would never be. My mother even went as far to get me the "bath sheets". It's a nice way of saying a REALLY BIG towel for fat people. Because let's be honest, what thin person would want all that towel to have wrap around them. It was be like they were rolling up in a flour tortilla to become a some fat giant's burrito. Well, they worked. They just didn't work that well. I had to figt to get them to stay in place and the idea of feeling sexy....well that NEVER once crossed my mind. It's funny how a towel can have such a negative psychological affect on a person. Going to a hotel or even a friends home ofr a few days was traumatic. i learned to bring my own towel. I said it was just my"thing" and that seemed to take the sting away from having a guest pull out their own towels. But in reality it was becasue I knew that if I had to try to dry myself with the one they gave me I would be in there for days. One leg would have had the thing dripping wet so how was I supposed to get the rest of my body dry? It was even worse if said hotel or friend gave me a thin cheap towel. That could only dry my hand...if that. Then to make it even worse, I would get scratch marks on my body from the sand paper like "towel" they gave me. I have come to an opinion. If you are someplace with towels that are way too short, not thick, and feel like sandpaper that you are at one of two places. 1) A very cheap hotel. This happens. Not everyone has the money for the Hilton (though they have small towels too...but they are soft and can take a lot of water) or 2) your "friend" REALLY doesn't like you that much. Think about this. If you have company over, don't you make sure you give them the best of everything....including your towels? I know I do. I would rather scratch myself all up than have my guest feel like I handed them sandpaper as a drying device. Now, I told you all that to tell you this. I can now get out of the shower and wrap my towel around me and tuck it. I can feel sexy and be dry. I am still using bigger towels, but now they are WAY to big and are beginning to fall off when I walk. Mostly becasue of all the extra "flour tortilla" I have wrapped around me. I did try to put on a regular towel but I'm not there yet.....so close....but not quite there. But, if I continue to do my program, I will be there and despite what it says in "The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy", I won't always have to carry a towel with me!!!! The Big Burrito The Goal..."Soft Shell Taco"

Family. This morning I was on the phone with my sister. We are actually very close, but we live kind of far apart - in nearby, but not neighboring states. However, despite the miles we talk almost every day and we really share openly our emotions and goings-on. So this morning I mentioned that I had a pre-surgery appointment next week and she was asking me how this surgery was going to change my perception of food, in short (no need to provide every detail of the conversation, because it would take too long) and I wondered whether some of what she said doesn't make sense for me. So, if the purpose of this surgery is to help me control portion in order to facilitate weight loss, why can't I do that now? She mentioned eating every couple of hours a small portion of something to keep hunger at bay. And it made me think: how do I eat now? I don't think I even really know the answer to that question. I just know it must be too much or I wouldn't be this fat. So I need to recall what I ate in the past 12-16 hours. This morning I had a bowl of honey nut cheerios with half a banana and 1% milk. It was a pretty big bowl. Probably 1.5 c milk and 2 c cereal. Last night I ate about 1 c homemade baked macaroni, 4 small pork cutlets, 2c salad. Then I had a cup of coffee, three raspberry squares, and before bed a large cheese danish. Not because I needed it. Just because it was there and I wanted it. So, of course I'm fat. No one can eat that many calories and not pay for it. So why did I want it? Texture, taste, sugar... all were part of it, and I remember thinking that if I don't eat it, it could go bad before I can get to it. I also recognize that I have a sweet tooth. How will surgery stop that?! Thanks for reading. As always, comments are welcome!

It has been 7 months today since I had my sleeve.My goodness how different has this been from having the band. The good.I weighed 195.8 today.Hehehe,couldnt say 196 could I?That is down 101.2 pounds since surgery.I am not a compulsive eater anymore.Neither am I a couch potato anymore.I play squash twice a week and exercise at least 3 other times per week.I am shrinking by the day and I am beginning to feel really good about this.I cannot eat away my emotions so I am slightly more moody but more in touch with myself as well.I am somewhat more serious now,dont always have to laugh or joke away my pain about my weight.I have been at this weight quite a few times before in my life so I am now excited to get thin for the first time in 22 years. My bloodwork came back perfect.All my vitamin problems seems to have been solved with the shots I have received and my platelets are now normal. The bad.Somehow I got a hernia on the right side where the dr's used the same spot for all 3 keyhole surgeries.It is painful to move and you must see me tape my stomach to play squash.I am also allergic to plaster so it is a vicious cycle at the moment as I cannot find compression garment that would help,plasters got to do the job for now.No one will do surgery until I am at my goal weight as it will be part of the body lift to fix this. Since surgery I have had petechiae on my torso, upper legs and back 4 times (tiny little point bleeds all over the place) I am full of bruises and I thought it was because my B12 was quite low since surgery.Had a full house of bloods done this week and my dr phoned me this morning saying everything is perfect,even the D is 40 now and the B12 is almost too high,stop the pills and no injections anymore.When I asked him what ia causing the spots and bruises then he just said I dont know.This is a concern to me as where i pulled the little tape they puton after drawing the blood there is a bid red bleed under the skin now,not where the needle was in,but from the pressure of the tape.My theory about the spots is that every time I had a B12 injection I got the spots.And since I started taking the pills it came out again.Dr says not possilbe but there is a direct relationship between the 2.Anyhow,will keep an eye on it. The extra skin is a nightmare but as I am single and not planning on being anything different,it is ok until I can get to goal and start scraping together the courage to go for plastics.My little one says my body is like a jelly spilling out of a cup..lol. My body image is still seriously warped but I "feel" and "see" myself with the scale now and that helps a lot.i still wear a size 18,sometimes 16 clothes which seems very big still but I look much smaller than that as I am tall.Would really like to go to smaller sizes though. Friendships have changed.It is super difficult to be with some of my very overweight friends now.They seem to be so uncomfortable around me.I do see why.We use to be fat together.We always talked and complained about it.We couldnt walk,run or do anything else and now all of this have changed for me.I am excited about life and really try to never make them feel bad about themselves.I do worry about them though as at our age the health issues are so many if you've been fat for so long.I dont say anything and try to never say anything about my surgery or weight loss.We dont eat cake together anymore but hey,I still do lunch.My best friend however have lost 28 pounds since I have had my surgery.She is only 4'11 and is still about 8 pounds from her goal weight but she looks fantastic.She wasnt going to stay chubby while I was losing weight and it has been a delight and pain in the butt as she lives on carbs even now.She still eats about 1800 cals every day and sometimes I find that hard.Jealous of what she can eat...lol.Not really! The ugly.I am severly constipated since surgery.This is a big problem but I hope that once I get to goal and can increase my complex carbs I can add a lot of fibre to my diet.I also have hemoroids that I am never ever going to go to the dr for.This is the biggest and most terrible thing that could have happened to me..lol.No really.I hate this and dont know what to do about it.People say that the surgery for this is excruciating.Not happening! The good.Did I say the good?Since the sleeve I have had to deal with the fact that I have been fat and extremely unhappy and on diet all of my adult life.It was an obsession like no other.It ruled every waking moment of my life.Honestly,I could never stop talking aout my weight,my diet,my failure,my excuse to not so stuff.I had zero self confidence in so many aspects of my life.This I have had to come to terms with now.I kissed out on a lot of things because I was too ashamed to do anything.My world (and Im an expat living in a foreign country) was always quite small and my life lived in anticipation of the day I would be thin,that was when I was going to start living see. The sadness I experienced when different things started being possilbe was unbelievable.The regret of so much time waisted made me so depressed for a few months.But I have thought about all this a lot and I chose to move on now.Time is ticking by and regrets doesnt add to your life it just steals more time from it.I now choose to feel good about each day. My attitude about food has changed.Tonight,after our weekend,we sat in the lounge after dinner and this use to be a big eating night in my life.I felt like a snack,not chips or chocolates...edamame beans...lol.My friend still thinks Im nuts as I really couldnt think of anything nicer to snack on.I go to the beach every day and we use to always eat on the beach,now I dont even think about it. This whole process is sometimes difficult for me because I really wanted to be skinny yesterday..lol.My impatience drives me up the walls some days but this seems to be a great lesson to me too.I am a little less self centered,even though every sentence here started with I...lol and a bit more compassionate to others. Weight loss surgery doesnt fix everything in life and I will surely always be somewhat OCD and messed up but I at least now look normal..lol.I dont really have the desire to just blend in with the crowd anymore as I realized unless I cut something off i will always be taller than most people I know.Other people's opinion of me doesnt really matter that much anymore and this is a great freedom in my life.I was a real peoples pleaser all my life and we know that you cant please all of the people all of the time, which made me very unhappy before. My mother and sister is on a super strict diet as they are so scared I am going to be thinner than them when they see me in December and that can just be good for them. So life is good.And I might freak out soon again if I have another stall,but thats life!

There is only so much room in the sleeve for food....and if you don't fill it with good stuff like protein, water, veggies and fruit.......then you will be sick...The surgery has also removed the chemical in your body that tells you you are hungry even if you are not truly hungry......eating 5 or 6 meals a day will seem like you are eating all the time.....that is at least what I have been told.......pre-surgery myself here...I think that the sleeve makes you more cautious to eat properly and not out of the desire just to eat for what ever reason....I have a problem with pasta and sweets as well....they are my comfort foods........neither of those will help me in my journey to a smaller me.... People say all the time that the surgery changes your likes and dislikes for certain foods......I hope I really hate sugar...lol....... I also know how easy it is to roller coaster diet..that is how I got to be this big....for once and for all.....I will do this and for all the right reasons......I will be able to use this tool to help me stick to it and not gain it all back and more...... It is all a mind set....we don't like food to go bad...because we were taught that others did not have as much as we did...so eat up..it stays with us....we have to change our thinking and put food in its rightful place...to nurture our bodies ....not our pain, desires and emotions...... I have always controlled what I ate and how much...I will still be in control....for the process of losing all of this.....I still have the power and I plan on using it to help me to continue to grow into a better me....better place and finally put the real power where it belongs.......to eat to live not live to eat....... I could not do it before..too many issues....wasn't ready........really had to work on a lot of stuff to get here...now I am here and forward ho I say....engage!!!!!!! Good luck to you....

You look so awesome!!! I'm 5 months out and have lost only 75 pounds but I'm so thankful for that. I love my "dreamsleever"!

Hello, I was on the pre-op diet for 1.5 months. I was good and only ate what they said I could eat and I got rid of 30 lbs. My co-workers wanted to know why I didn't just stay on the pre-op until I lost all the weight that I wanted to. My answer to them was because I wouldn't stay with it. I know me. I love to eat. I'm a chocoholic. I knew that I would only be able to control staying away from sweets for so long. Besides, I'm also an emotional eater and I always gave in to the emotions. I wouldn't stay on protein shakes and chicken broth. Your breakfast sounds like mine except I ate a whole banana. I could make a pan of Hamburger Helper and eat half of it. People had said 'eat to live not live to eat' but I knew that wasn't me. I didn't live to eat. Wrong. The first day of my pre-op diet was horrible. I was in a panic by the end of the day. I kept telling myself that it wasn't worth going thru this. That was the moment that I realized I was living to eat. from then on it was easier. I prayed often for strength. My tastes changed after the surgery and that's ok. I won't tempt myself by trying a pastry or a piece of Hershey candy. It's only been two months since my surgery so I want to wait until I know my willpower is strong. As mentioned above there isn't much room in your sleeve. I was having a very hard time at first getting enough protein down because it wouldn't fit. Then I found the protein shots at Wal-Mart and that solved the problem. As mentioned above it is a mind-set. Once I made up my mind I was ready to have the sleeve...didn't want the others...I was determined. I don't crave anything yet and I hope I don't. I can sit and watch my friends eat turtle cheesecake and not want any. I love being able to do that. I love being able to walk. You will know when you are ready to take the step for surgery. I had to try another stab at Weight Watchers and that lasted maybe two weeks. I knew I was ready for this emotionally and physically. Good luck in your journey. I have found that the people on here are great about answering questions that I have.

Six months ago today at this time I was laying in my hospital bed in so much pain I didn't know if I should cry or attempt to rip out my own stomach (or what was left of it). It look my husband going mad to get the doctor to understand that the meds they had me on were nothing when you take in consideration my nomal daily pain meds. Once he changed my meds I was much better. I remember wanting to sleep but being woken up every hour by the nurses. NOT FUN. I also remember wondering if this was all worth it. Well, I am getting ready to give you some photos so that you can see that YES, it is worth is. Mind you, I have more to go but as of today I am 110lbs down from my highest and around 85lbs down from surgery day. I think that's pretty cool. The only thing that bothers me is the extra skin on my tummy. I seem to look so much better with clothes on....but I think most women feel that way most of the time. LOL So, enjoy the photos. Hope they help you remember that all this is worth it. Even if we're not where we want to be right now, we have all done something and all those somethings add up to big things. I just can't wait to post another photo blog in six more months and see how much more I have lost. However, even if I'm only 20lbs smaller I'll still be happy. Why? becasue any loss is good. Note: White Shirt photos were from six months ago. Blue Shirt photos with hair up were four months ago. Blue Shirt, hair down from today! Oh, red shirt and glasses was day of surgery...only one of those though. Enjoy the photos and let me know what you think.

You look great! Thanks for sharing your photos, they are so inspiring!

This could be a form of dumping. They say it doesn't happen with the sleeve, but it sure happened to me a few times. Food moves into the intestine too quickly. If it was soup and a bit rich or sugary, it makes perfect sense. Eat slow...one spoonful every 3 minutes. If you're early on, you may still be healing.