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So.....this is me and my journey of what brought me to where I am today.... This blog may make you laugh, smile and even cry.. but I just want everyone to see who I am and what brought me to this amazing experience... As of today I am 29 years old and 35 pounds lighter than I was a month ago... but what got me to the point of having to have the sleeve? Well let me lay it out for you... I have always been fat...from the day I was came into this world I always had more padding than was needed! My parents and sisters are both extra fluffy as well so growing up I didn't realize how different I was or what I was missing out on or not doing because of my weight because being around my family I seemed normal...I never really got teased in school for my weight, there were occasional times where kids would tease me..one time I walked past a girls desk and she started shaking like there was an earthquake. I grew up in Arizona where there aren't earthquakes, the thing is she was the same size as me so I tried not to let it bother me. Then there was the time when I wore a red shirt and kids called me the kool-aid man. After that I started wearing blacks, grays, browns, darker colors that never really brought attention to myself.. wow I just realized as I wrote that why I tend to still to this day wear those colors and shy away from anything bright! In middle school my mom had me do weight watchers in the summer, I lost a good amount of weight, but I was still chunky, by the end of the school year I had gained it all back and then some. The thing is, I still wasn't bothered by my weight. Boys were interested in me and had been since the 4th grade, but that probably was because I was the only 4th grade girl that was already a full B cup.. In high school I always had a boyfriend, it seemed that was not an issue that my weight let get in the way. There were even times when I had a few boys interested in me at once, by the end of high school I was already in a size 18/20. But that didn't seem to bother me or stop me from doing anything. My weight was something I felt would never stop me from doing what I wanted. I was happy and that is all that mattered. I started college and the same thing, still had boys interested in me. Met boys in classes and made me feel like there wasn't anything wrong with my weight. I always heard people say oh boys won't like you because of your weight, but to me it wasn't an issue. I seemed to be the serial fat girl dater. After a few years of the college life I decided to move away from my family and all I knew in Arizona. It was time to branch out and I felt as though I was going no where in this town... So I packed up my car and moved to San Diego at the age of 21. A city that I loved, though didn't know a single soul in. A big move for this girl who actually was shy! You wouldn't have guessed that with all that you've read so far, I bet So I started a new job, had my own place and that's when I realized that being fat, was being fat and there was nothing good about it. Living in California and a beach city to top it off there were beautiful girls everywhere. Going to the beach I felt like a beached whale and that everyone stared at me... but then again I started meeting men.. they were interested in me and I thought wow if they are interested in me and there are those barbie girls out there then I am doing ok. I did start to work out and eat a little healthier, tried to get into the California lifestyle.. But even working out and eating right didn't seem to matter my weight stayed the same and eventually I gained more and more. I had a few serious relationships, one right after another and they all loved me for me and thought I was beautiful no matter what size I was. I was always told I had such a pretty face, so again never let my weight get to me. I've done walks and the more weight I gained the more the simple things became harder... I would determine if I would go somewhere based on how far I had to walk, if there were stairs, how crowded it was. I wouldn't go to a restaurant unless I knew there were tables instead of booths for the fear of not being able to fit into a booth.. Now I mention that the men I date were not fat, they were in good shape some in great shape with six packs! I really started to become self conscious of who I was, what I looked like and who I had let myself become. My older sister had the lapband, lost a lot of weight but then had issues with the band and is slowly gaining the weight back. I started doing boxing and kickboxing at a boxing gym and loved it. I struggled but made it through every single hour long class! Weight loss surgery has been something that I've thought about, but always thought I know I can lose the weight without it.. it will be my last resort! Then I met this new guy,... and we fell in love and got married! Going on just over a year right now. He is amazing, but he is fit, very active and health minded. That didn't seem to bother him, he always told me I was beautiful and loved me no matter what.. Then we decided we wanted to have children.. the thing is I hadn't had a period in years... I mean probably since I was in high school and college... and now I was 27 years old. I know what needs to happen to have babies... I was scared to tell him that I didn't have one and that I knew right now I would not be able to get pregnant. I so went to my OBGYN and started talking to her. She put me on medication to force me to have periods every 3 months... it worked, but still I was not ovulating. So she sent me to an endocrinologist.. and there is where I realized for one of the very first times in my life being fat is taking something from my life that I wanted so badly. So they found out I had PCOS, a condition you get being overweight that causes you to resist insulin, you don't ovulate you don't get your monthly cycle. I felt like I was the only woman in the world who wanted to have regular periods every month! So they put me on medication for it to help me lose weight and get my cycles back.. well I never happened. I was thinking about weight loss surgery again, after all it would get me in the best position to have children the fastest. But I was worried too.. what if it doesn't work? Then I have tried every option possible and I am still left fat and childless... then will my husband still love me? Then the true nightmare began... as I mentioned my entire family was over weight. Well as the years went on my mother was extremely overweight. She was 55 and struggling so much she was in a scooter..... my mother became very ill very fast.. she went to work on A thursday and became so ill that Saturday my dad took her to the ER. By the time I got into town, I knew I was going to lose my mother. Sunday morning at about 5 am my mother passed away. Her weight was the factor, they thought she had arthritis, which is why her back hurt and she had a scooter. Turns out it was kidney failure, and my mother had an infection and became septic. There was nothing that they could do for her in the hospital. My sister and I lost our mother, our father lost his wife, my grandmother lost her daughter and her siblings lost their sister.. because of weight. That scared me because I was heading down the same path.. was that could to be me in 30 years? This happened June of 2012.. Then I had a dream a few night later... We were all back at the hospital and my mom was laying on the bed, she suddenly woke up and said, " Now that I'm ok, we all need to work on getting healthy". That was my breaking point, my vow to do whatever I had to do to live a long healthy life. So I went to my Dr and said I want to do surgery, I went to the seminars and decided that I wanted to do the vertical sleeve. It was the best option and I have a little over 200 pounds to loose.. I was ready and willing to sacrifice anything to get my life on track. Being that I had already been going to the weight loss center I only had 2 more months until I could qualify through insurance since they required 6 months of visits.. So two months later my surgery date was set for Sept 14th, 2012. And I was ready. Insurance approval went through easy and I was set! Surgery day came and I still didn't feel like it was going to happen. My surgery went amazing, no complications I was on the table an hour. My recovery was just as great, I was discharged the next day by noon. I was at one of the best hospitals possible so I knew the care I was getting was what I needed. Now here I am almost 4 weeks later and 35 pounds lighter. THis was the best decision of my life and I don't regret it. The only thing I regret is not doing it sooner. Maybe even sooner so maybe my mom would get to see how life changing it was and maybe make the decision to do something about it herself.. then maybe just maybe I would still have a mom... As today marks 4 months from the day she was taken from us all too soon.. So next time I think that being fat doesn't mean anything, I will think again because to me fat is no longer an option or a lifestyle.. it is going to be the old me, the me who really didn't think about what it was doing to me or my family.. Fat made me who I am today and without being this way I probably wouldn't have met my husband, but it also took my mother from me... So here is to the start of the new non-fat me... seeing where this journey takes me. I know that wherever it does I will not be needing to ask for a seatbelt extender any longer

Tomorrow marks 1 year since I started my journey. Oct 12, 2011 was the day I walked into my Surgeon's office and introduced myself and told him I was ready to make a change and a life long commitment to myself. I had at this point been researching the band for about 6 months off and on and had attended an informational seminar a month earlier. That day I was weighed in at 488lbs and they took all sorts of measurements and pictures along with a thorough physical. They sent me on my way with no promises of surgery until I met all the requirements and criteria. One of those requirements was to lose minimum 5% of my weight. They explained the need to shrink the liver for a safe surgery. I hit that 5% goal which was 24lbs in less then two months. Weight Center was surprised and impressed but I told them that losing is not hard. Keeping it off is hard. I was also given a laundry list of testing that had to be done along with meeting a 3rd party Doctor who had to clear me for the surgery. Also on that day I met with the in-house Nutritionist and was given a pre-op diet to follow along with a schedule for Nutrition classes. It was at that appointment they confirmed I needed to complete a 6 month mandatory monitored diet due to insurance policy. November 28, 2011 the first Monday after Thanksgiving I spent a good chunk of the day at the hospital for the following tests Upper GI Abdominal ultrasound Cardiac Echo Chest X-ray EKG Blood work On December 1, 2011 I returned to the office for a Psychological Evaluation and another follow up with the Nutritionist. Between January 9, 2012 and February 13 I attended a 6 session (we met once a week) class called the Hungry Head. Hungry Head program is to help one distinguish the differences between head hunger and real hunger and to develop skills to manage urges to over-eat. This class also allowed me to meet my mandatory requirement of attending 6 pro-op Support Meetings. I found this class to be an eye opening experience and it really allowed me to take a long honest look at myself. I was a binge eater. I would plan binges. I would go to the store on the way home from work and buy soda, cheese its and ice cream. I would finish a meal and wonder when and what my next meal would be. Eating in front of t.v. was just plain bad for me. I am the one in the Patriots shirt standing with my Dad. We were just wrapping up a fishing trip. This picture was taken in August of 2011. I have no real idea how much I weighed in this picture but it was taken two months before my consult appointment in October. So if I wasn't 488 here I was darn close. This is a more recent picture. Weighing 364lbs down 124lbs. I seems like it took forever to get to Surgery day but wow what a fast year it has been. It was well worth it..wait strike that! I am worth it and I would do this again in heartbeat. Even at 364lbs I have a new lease on life and it can only get better from here. If you read this far I thank you i know I tend to ramble. I will close with a quote posted by Chris Powell from ABC's Extreme Makeover: Weight loss Edition "You will never change your life until you change something you do daily". - John Maxwell Words to live by and I'm still trying....

The main point I want to get across to people considering VSG is this: Regardless of your starting weight, if you are a yo-yo dieter, grazer, food addict and/or compulsive overeater with self-sabotaging tendencies, the surgery alone will not be enough. You will also need to get some form of counseling or treatment to control your compulsive overeating/grazing if you're serious about reaching your goal weight. (Read the symptoms of food addiction, compulsiver overeating here) Now that that's out the way. Here are my stats: Beginning weight: Approx. 193.5 Current weight: Approx. 132 Shocker right? I started this journey in the so called "lightweights" category--basically people with a BMI below 35. I only wanted to lose 68 pounds, and so far have lost 61. So what, if anything, went wrong? Well, first let me say that I do not regret the surgery. Here's the deal: I'm a chronic yo-yo dieter and compulsive overeater. Before the sleeve, I had tried multiple diets in 2011, losing 25 lbs pretty quickly each time. The problem was, each time, I quickly regained the weight that I had lost in a period of days. Those setbacks became pretty discouraging after a while. I did a little research and decided that VSG would solve my problems. Once I had the surgery, I fell into my normal pattern of periods of intense effort followed by periods of little or no effort towards reaching my goal. That got me to 152 lbs (approx. 41 lbs down) around 3.5 months out. From there, during periods of increased effort, I'd get down into the mid 140s. When I fell off the wagon, I would find my way back to around 152, which appeared to be my ceiling, regardless of how many bad days I had. Again, regardless of how many bad days I had. THAT's the reason why I do not regret this surgery. Were it not for the surgery, my 40 lb loss would have eventually turned into a 60 lb gain. With VSG, the worst case scenario appeared to be gaining back 5 lbs or so to end up back at 152 (I'm sure that over time, my ceiling will creep back up, but that's another issue). Fast forward a few weeks... I stumbled on to the fact that I might have a mild form of adult attention deficit disorder. I was discouraged by all the projects that I was falling behind in, and I was very unhappy with my tendency to procrastinate and not put forth my best efforts. I met with the psychiatrist who prescribed adderall. I was aware of all the stories about adderall and weight loss, but after failing at weight loss surgery, I had pretty much moved on from thinking that I could lose weight from drugs or any other interventions. My main concern was getting my behavior under control so that I could be more effective at work and at home. I started taking the medication around June. Within a few months, my schedule had become super busy and I had addressed the issues I had been avoiding for years head on, including home refi, ending a bad relationship, and revamping a few side businesses. But there was another side effect--while the medication was in effect, I was not a food addict. I ate when hungry. At night, when the medication wore off, I would resume grazing and eating just because. Of course, with the sleeve you can only eat so much. With my food addiction somewhat under control during the day, I have gone on to lose an additional 20 lbs over a period of 4 months. This was with no effort, since I've been so devoted to the projects I'm working on that I haven't made time to workout or follow any particular meal plans. I recently resumed my gym membership and fully intend to start working out again and eating as healthy as possible but I'm trying to get everything else in order first. I'm not advocating medicine to people suffering from food addiction--I'm advocating any treatment, including group meetings or counseling, that will help keep it under control. It turns out my weight issues are directly related to how much I obsess over food when I'm not hungry---no diet, fat burner, workout plan, or even surgery can solve that problem. However, it's probably not a great idea to just rely on medicine to control food addiction, because when the medication stops, the problem returns. In the end, counseling and coping tools are key to managing the disorder.

It has been a while since I logged in here. But Almost 3 years later I am 6 pounds from goal weight of 140 and I have lost 100 pounds! I lost 68lbs in first year and 20 lbs each year thereafter. I have not worked out so would have been faster if I did that! But went to see Dr Rantis today and band position looks good! I have a 10cc band and it is filled to 5.25ccs and no more restriction needed! I am a size 6 and it feels great! Foods that have been eliminated from diet are Soda and Soft Bread. Everything else is eaten on strict portion control! This has been the best decision I have ever made! I have had no health or complication issues and blood work keeps coming back good. I am starting a home workout routing - Jullian Michaels Body Revolution to tone up. I have the occasional times that I eat too fast or dont chew enough and I get stuck but I have managed that pretty well by now. So for now, I am very happy and hope to reach my goal weight very soon and get back into shape!

Despite my current cold I seem to have I am feeling healthy. I am not sure if it's the weight loss, my state of mind, the vitamins I am on or what, but I am looking and feeling healthier. I've lost 37 lbs in 3.5 months I am working out more, taking vitamins and eating better. My hair is shiny and soft - my curls are fluffy and pretty. My skin is clearning up, obviously I am smaller because I am wearing smaller clothes. My nails look healthier. All in all I look different not just in size. It's nice to start feeling better about myself again. I am only about half way to my goal, but seeing these signs of health are motivating. I want to be healthy and I would like to be pretty to. I have always been the big girl who wanted to fade into the back ground in my personal life, in work I am more of a go getter. I do a lot of traning and talking in front of large groups and that doesn't bother me because I am talking about something I know well. Now work is changing we are switching up databases so I must learn an entire new system and train my staff on it. While I am nervous, I am always up for a challenge at work, so why was I so worried about the challenge in my personal life. This weightloss is a challange. I am having to say no to things I would have once said yes to. I am having to choose to eat better things and less of it. I have finally gotten it through my thick skull that a calorie is a calorie no matter if it's from salad or steak. I am becoming more of a balanced person, I feel accountable and in control of my work life and my personal life and what a great feeling that is. There are days and even weeks where I get discouraged and down, but I have great friends and family who are ready to pick me up and cheer me foward until I can get the wind back in my sail again. Thanks to those of you out there who have been the wind in my sail a few times when I've been down. I hope I can return the favor one day.

All day today I have been washing my clothes, putting summer clothes that I wore this summer and last in a bag to give to Goodwill. I am getting myself in the mindset that I will not be able to wear them next summer, so the time for them to leave is now in order for me to make room for what this journey has to give me. Out with the old to make room for the new. In my adult life I have not been smaller than a size 14 and I didn't stay at that weight that long, so I have a few 14 size clothing that I washed today and are now handing. They have replaced the size 20/22's that are now too big on me. I am in a size 16/18 my RNY date is Oct. 15, 2012 so I should be in the size 14 very soon. I went to goodwill today just to look around and some of the clothing, they have some very cute things there. I think that I will start picking up a pice or two every week until I can get into them, that will motivate me to work harder to get into them as I LOVE nice clothing and I have found some very nice designer things that I would totally rock. I bought one today It is a size small green and brown sweater that is made from 100% Organic Cotton...I couldn't walk away from it. As I wash my clothing I am starting to pack my bag for the hospital. The only thing that is in there thus far is my robe it's very thick cotton and very warm, I'm always cold and I'm sure I will be there also, so I plan on keeping it on the whole time that I'm there. Today is also the second day of my liver shrinking diet and I did very good. My plan is to follow all the rules and have a smooth recovery. I'm very happy and can't wait until my date is here...ONLY 9 DAYS TO GO!!!

today I weighed under 90kg's for the first time in many years.For people that weigh in pounds 200 seems to be the big number to break through but in kilos being less than 90 is the ultimate YES! Interesting stat from my dr this morning.In 4 months I have lost 20kg's which translates into 44 pounds.It averages out to 11 pounds per month in the last 4 months.Which is not something that I could see for some reason. Of course my first thought was to celebrate with food.This is something I will have to really work on.I dont mean bad food,just more food.I've been eating really little lately and I do miss eating tasty meals. Because of the protein struggle (and to keep my cals below 800 when eating dense protein) I've been eating protein pancakes made with egg white and protein powder,too often. If I could cut the amount of milk I use per day it would be easier but I like my tea and coffee with milk and 4 cups (3 tea) translates into to much milk. Anyhoo,awaiting the blood results now but the dr isnt too worried about the petechiae as it is already clearing up a little.I did have a B12 and D injection again as well.And I have been wondering how do people get off their blood pressure meds.My blood pressure is now 120 over 80 which is normal but with the very strong meds I am taking.How does the dr decide to stop it?Do they just stop it or go on lower dosage or what?I forgot to ask. Still,it is not normal and only bloods would tell if it is something to worry about.The dr wasnt to sure about the blood work needed so I kind of told him a few I thought was important.Will read up on it a little and maybe have the rest done with my GP. Beach weather here in Dubai so this weekend,starting today will be spend working on the Vit D

I haven't had any trouble at all with anything except once when I ate too much too fast and well, you know. I am still drinking my Juven, my protein shakes, Powerade. But I've started solids, too. I feel so much better with some food that sticks with me for a bit. Right now it seems impossible that I wouldn't lose weight no matter what I do (almost) because I am able to eat so little. I won't be bingeing, that's for sure. I don't have cravings, except possibly for meat. That goes with my cycle, I think, with ovulation and menses. I had some cheese on Triscuits last night without difficulty. I do notice that if I wait to stop until I feel "full" then I become overfull. Not sure how to check that. Once I start eating I want to keep going. I have been doing really well with throwing out food I don't finish. Before the sleeve, for most of my life, I felt all food served had to be eaten or saved for later. It's a little funny that my kids won't eat leftovers. They know it's ok to leave food on their plates once they're finished eating. Well, I am keeping up with my 10 minute walks twice daily, pretty much. I can't really see the benefit, but this is something I "decided" to do and I am going to stick with it. I'm still getting bouts of extreme tiredness; but I had that before surgery. I have intentionally foregone relying on caffeine. It is a last resort now, not a daily necessity. Somehow, I just don't want to have to have it and I guess I'm hoping that eventually I'll be all right on my own. I don't know why this dogged thought persists, but it does. I've had no trouble whatsoever letting go of soft drinks. I drink coffee occasionally and then only one cup. I'm definitely losing from the top. lol oh well.

Super excited scared & nervious all at the same time..I finally got my first appt on Oct 16!!! I know its only my first consultion but its a start to a new begging ...

I have learned that the weight loss journey is very personal. Yes, we can glean support and some answers from people on this sight, but what works for them may not be for you. Each of us has our own issues with food that lead to us becoming obese and each must deal with those issues inside of us. That is so hard, especially if those issues have been there for many years. We can go through all the psych evals in the world, but nothing will prepare us for the journey - the ups and downs. It's human nature to compare ourselves to others, so then the question and frustration start - well so and so lost dat-ta-dat in 3 months why haven't I. Weight loss is dependant on so many things and I have studied and googled every thing I can to learn. Basically what I have learn is what I have always known in order to lose weight I must have a calorie deficit. That being said I never really knew how many calories I needed a day. Through research I found that you need to know your BMR- they amount of calories you would burn if you just stayed in the bed all day long. I always make sure my calories are below my BMR. But because the BMR is based on your height, age, weight each persons will be different. So I have started to look more at me, not everyone else. I have stopped compairing myself with others. I look to me, what me I do, what must KIM do to succeed. I am the only one who can be successful for me, I must take responsiblity for my actions or lack there of. If I fail, I fail- not my doctor, not this site, not my nutritionist, but me because I failed to take responsibility for me. So today I take resposibility for myself and I will be accountable for what I do or don't do. I will celebrate my success and I will look at my failures as a learning tool. Support is awesome, but we must look at ourselves and into ourselves to make the changes we must to be succesful on this journey! I wish you success on your Journey and I hope that I can help you on your road.