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"You're only nineteen." "You don't need to have surgery." "Losing weight isn't impossible. If I can do it, anyone can." "How is it even possible to not lose weight." Sometimes not everyone understands another's decisions. Which is totally rational. Not one person has gone through the same thing as another. In my eyes that gives no one person grounds to judge another person on their decisions. I am nineteen. This is true. But what makes my surgery so much more taboo than another person's surgery? What makes my surgery different that a girl my age getting a boob job, or a nose job? I can't do something to benefit my health, and my over all apperance? To create something better for myself; No matter what the cost. I understand why people believe I shouldn't get this surgery. I get it. I'm young. But the great thing is that I am having a procedure done, early on in my life, that will teach me about the lifestyle change I have to make. In order for me to live a healthy, happy life I believe that I need to have this done. Not only because I know I will be more confident, but I will be able to step away from being a prediabetic as well as my sleep apnea. I used to dream, as a little girl, of what it would be like to feel pretty. To be comfortable. To walk around in my own skin and not feel like I was disgusting. Somedays I didn't want to leave the house. I felt repulsive. I felt like it would be better for the world, and myself if I just didn't go to class that day. No one would have to look at me, and I wouldn't have to look at everyone else...looking at me. For whatever reason. I know that this deicision is the best thing I could do for myself. I know that because I am young, I can change my whole life because of this. And I'm excited for it. I am excited for the new me. I deserve it. My surgery date is October 10, 2012. I am so unbelieveably excited to start my life.

i had a phone call today to tell me there is a problem with the clotting in my blood, i have to go for more blood tests on monday and then wait 2 weeks for them to be processed, then the surgeon will consult with the blood specialist to see if i can have my operation. 15 years ago i had my gall bladder out by keyhole and the day before the op they found my blood was too thin and had a problem with clotting, they did some calculations and i still had my op. When i got home i saw my gp for another blood test and he said my results where fine. I have waited 3 xs as long for this op and worked so hard to loose weight i feel really fed up. I know it is better to wait and check out my blood, but it is just so dissapointing, and i will have to do another 2 weeks on the 800 cal a day diet, can i scream I have had a tandori mixed grill and some chocolate, but will get straight back to healthy eating tomorrow, but 1200 cals and not 800. it will be luxury, :wub: Everything will work together for my good, still trusting in God, one day soon i will be sleeved.

I weighed in at 226.6 yesterday. I am ok with that amount although I wish I was losing more weight. I go over my eating habits everyday, I know what Ive eaten and I stick to the same things each day. Im thinking that I need to increase my water and my protein. Although my scale is slow in moving, I must say that I am pleased with how I feel in my clothes as I am more aware that they are looser on me. Another cool thing that I have noticed is that I used to get winded walking from the parking lot to get inside the building at work and that doesnt happen anymore. That part really feels good because it was embarrassing to be panting behind coworkers as you start off the day, lol. Ive been having some slight aches in my abdomen and im wondering what I can attribute it to. I have been working on my off days at the state fair thanks to my ever so thoughtful husband at his company's display. The coolest part besides him visiting me every night I work is that I met a lady who is working there too and she got the lapband about two years ago and she has lost 150lbs!!! Very cool. She showed me her before pic and said she couldnt believe how big she used to be. We have the same food issues and experiences, so it was a very relatable conversation. She stressed how important it was to get the water and protein in and to exercize or even just start walking. Making my adjustments soon, the colder weather has arrived and I need to get some new cold weather clothing to wrap myself up in.

Welp, I did better than last week and lost -3.1 lbs this week. I'm definitely starting to see patterns in my body, and how it reacts to things throughout the week. On Wednesday I weighed in at 185.6, today (only 2 days later) I'm weighing in at 187 lbs. I'll take a loss, no problem, but it intrigues me how my body bounces up and down a pound or two during the week. One of my healthier habits I've acquired since surgery, is weighing myself only once first thing in the morning when I wake up, and not doing so again until the next day. I use to be obsessive compulsive about weighing myself multiple times a day, praying I would see some kind of loss, if even a few ounces. By only weighing myself once a day, I feel like I'm seeing much better results and not dwelling on it as much. Things I also know that have been working for me are laxatives. On Monday I tried miralax dissolvable (pre-measured packets- love it) in my coffee and it worked wonders. On Wednesday, I tried a good old laxative pill and it worked wonders as well. So now I know that if my body needs a little push to dump the toxins out of my body I have options. I'm very wary of taking any laxative every day because your body becomes dependent on them, and I do NOT want that to happen. I've been fairly regular up until last week, so trying different things this week brought a lot of relief to my system, and my numbers dropped as well. I will say that my biggest NSV to date happened today. I have about 20 pairs of jeans ranging from size 16 to size 8. About 3 weeks ago I was able to squeeze into my size 12's that have been getting looser and looser. Today being Friday and jean day at work, I decided to reach for my prized (slightly expensive, but fabulously fitting) size 10 jeans just to take an assessment of how they fit and how much farther I have to go. I put them on, and to my shock and amazement- they fit. Perfectly. No muffin top either. I went and looked in almost every mirror of my house just to make sure I wasn't hanging out or fooling myself. Nope- they fit! I felt overwhelmed with emotion this morning, over a pair of jeans. It's been YEARS since I've worn them, and even then I remember the last month or so I was able to wear them, I was wearing spanx and girdles trying not to bulge out thanks to the evil muffin top! After I got in my car, got my son to school, and just started thinking- I went into a Zen like state. I just felt like everything was going to be okay. I don't know what my all-time ultimate goal weight will be, or when my body will stop losing weight, but right now, the feeling of having my beloved size 10's fit me, is enough to praise God and count my blessings. I love my sleeve! Height: 5'9 Highest Weight: 216 Current Weight: 187.0 1st Goal Weight: 169 Sleeved: (8/17/2012): 216 lbs Week 1 (8/24): 204.8 (-11.2) Week 2 (8/31): 200.6 (-4.2) Week 3 (9/7): 196.8 (-3.8) Week 4 (9/14): 193.5 (-3.3) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~> 9/17/12- 1 Month Anniversary w/Pics Posted in Blog Week 5 (9/21): 191.6 (-1.9) Week 6 (9/28): 190.1 (-1.5) Week 7 (10/5): 187.0 (-3.1)

The last few days have been more energetic, and I have not taken naps, though I was tired and needed to sit and rest. I've been to the doctor, and he said the scab is normal...but I have to tell you... I don't think it was...I say was because it loosened again, and spun around, then clinged by a thread of connective tissue, and so I pulled on it to see if it hurt. It didn't so I finished taking it off....and then began the bleeding. I can only assume it was a capillary forming a connection....or losing it's connection. Since then, the wound has run clear fluid and gotten smaller, less red and raised on the edges and the middle has filled in a lot more. I think my body was trying to get that scab off! ...amazing what a body can do, how it thinks on it's own. I went to my first post-surgery support group, and it was interesting, to say the least. There was a loud woman there, who sat next to...you guessed it!...me! She interrupted everyone who was talking, including me, and afterward another woman and I got to hear her entire life story, fraught with contradictions, and the spit that sprayed across the sidewalk, onto my arm, as she reached up and moved a hair out of my face with her grody hand, while revealing that her girlfriend who was her fiance, died of cancer! Whoa! She wants to carpool with me! I don't think so! She wiggled her parts all over and showed us very visually how the plastic surgeon who visited held her vagina in his hand, and how she has been single for 8 years...but how she is married to a man now and divorcing after one year, and how this surgeon was getting her off...good grief! Everything she said had shock value to it, and was incredibly unproductive, irritating, and funny. I found myself wondering if I behave that way-if I annoy the bologny out of other people, and I hope to God, not! You never know who is going to show up to that meeting. Today, I am hungry, like all day, I've been hungry. I did lose another pound, today, but all I've wanted to do is eat...and yes, my belly has been physically hungry. Last night, my daughter made flaky buscuits. Once or twice a year I will let her bake them. Trouble is, that's all I've "wanted" to eat. Yesterday, what was left of a gallon bag of meatballs I made in preparation for the surgery was cooked slowly on the stove with sauce for the children....they ate all the others that were in the bag at other meals. I really wanted meatballs after the surgery, and couldn't get or really have any, anyway....so these, my delicious meatballs were smelling so good, and I'm allowed meat. So, I had one, and then the rest of the day, at the other four. I wanted more than what was left over, and wished I had more. Now, I'm wondering, why on Earth am I wanting those buscuits....and what's up with the meatballs?! I know I'm hungry, and haven't been able to eat more than about 500 calories, but today, I have been very hungry...and stuck to high quality protein, except for the bit of buscuit I allowed myself to have....but, I can't have those things in the house, anymore, and told my daughter that they won't be coming back because they are not healthy for any of us. What I don't want is to feel a drive to eat whatever it might be, ever again....whether my hunger is real or not. I need to figure out how to sort this out. On October 15, I have a meeting with the psychologist, and I'm going to talk with her about it. I walked at least a half mile today, and did two loads of laundry, as well as looked after my two little buddies who are both ill...daughter with headache, and son with stomach bug. He slept for twenty-four hours straight...hopefully, he can go to school in the morning. He is very upset about missing school...which is a welcome change from previous years. I prayed for them to be well, as they have prayed for mommy. I am now down 35lbs...and as I write this, I am wondering if PMS has anything to do with my increased hunger. I do get hungrier at that time, and have more pain in my back, as well. I wonder what other ladies go through regarding cravings and hunger post-sleeve, during PMS time...and how they handle it. I have had to take those buscuits and dump water on them, then put them in the trash. I had pain that made me think I was dying after my procedure...and one thing I never want to happen is that I'd forget that suffering and trade it in for a buscuit! And I reject my own rationalizations that lead to making it ok to have one...because that one does not satisfy...another one is always wanted. I want to be successful, and this is thee last resort, it's now or never! My skin has bee so dry that nothing helped. My skin would slough off after the shower when drying with the towel. I went on a search for lotions and remedies, and found a new lotion by Dial called NurtriSkin. I bought the extra dry with shea butter version and I like it. The lotion seeps into the skin and moisturizes for a long time. I also liked the Mango Aloe Vera lotion that Sally Beauty sells, but the Dial one works well enough. The scales on my elbows that were literally sticking off my skin have smoothed and healed, and the backs of my hands are improving, as well. The rosacea is also calming down, as my face has been incredibly red for weeks after surgery.

Happy Thursday everyone. Today I start Stage 5 and it's my birthday. My new life is starting and I am 62. It took me all these years to finally take care of me first. Having lunch out at a fish restaurant with my son and husband. I hope I do well eating something different. Have a great day everyone and think THIN! we are all worth it.

I paid $3.79 for that Muscle Milk; so, by golly, I choked that protein DOWN. lol Shopping today I started making healthier choices for my family. Not rice cakes, exactly, but better quality food which I thought would be healthier than chips and cookies. Cost money to eat a little better, it does. But it's so worth it. I am so glad I am able to exert this gentle influence on their eating habits. This is what I bought for them for snacks: lightly salted, dry-roasted peanuts, honey-roasted peanuts, trail mix (yes, with m&m's), beef jerky, whole wheat muffins, ww bagels, 1% milk instead of 2%. Fruit & juice, but that's not new. I realize this isn't ringing the bell for best nutrition, but it's much better than what they have been eating. I'm encouraging my 15-year-old to drink protein in the morning if he's going to skip breakfast. Both of my kids have been skipping breakfast, even though it is served at school and they have a charge account. I've missed a couple of evening walking sessions because of exhaustion and taking naps. I realize that may sound lame (no pun intended) but it's true nonetheless. I am not going to "push through" any more than I have to. I don't want to make myself sick with overexertion; mostly, I feel this way because I can't handle the mental stress that goes with being soooo tired. If I get too tired, I will freak out. That is my experience. Even so, I'm doing more than I have in recent years. Good night, fellow sleevers!

My thoughts on this---> Here

Well, I'm more than 2 weeks out now. Soreness is all gone, incisions are nearly healed, itching has subsided, and I'm eating regular food now. I was also happy to see that after I got off the mushy food stage and onto "real" food (protien and leafy greens), the weight began coming off better. It was seeming slow to me while I was on the mushy foods, probably because of the carbs and heavier soups, etc. things that Iwas consuming. Now, though, focusing on lean protiens and leafy green veggies has allowed me to jump start the weight loss. I came to a strange realization after my post-op visit. I always knew the RNY was going to be a "tool" for me to be successful in losing weight. But I guess it didn't really sink in how I would use that tool until after it was over with and I had the green light to eat again. I realized then that it's still up to me to lose the weight through my behaviors and getting more exercise, but the RNY removes the things that prevented me from being successful before (HUNGER! and a feeling of deprivation). I suppose I knew it intellectually beforehand, but the reality set in only afterward. I tried the Bariatric Advantage multi-vitamins and calcium. The vitamins are fine; however, I couldn't stomach the nasty mint-flavored Calcium Citrate chewables. I found that I'd much rather take 2 caplets twice a day and found a great alternative right in my local GNC store. Each of us is different and we just have to find what works. I'm starting to notice a difference in my clothing! Things are getting looser and I even had to take a link out of my watchband. It's the little things, right?! Starting: 317# Pre-Op: 296# Today: 283.5# Total Down: 33.5#