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So, I went to my first pre op doctor's appt today and am excited to say that I am down 27lbs so far. The down side is that she wants me to stay on the liquid diet for one more week because she says that she does a very tight sleeve. But overall she said I am doing good and I really do feel great!!!!!!!!!!!

I am a lil behind on posting as I was not to encouraged as this week I gained weight. I have read plenty posts about the dreaded 3 week stall or weight gain but I was convinced I would beat it...Not... But all in all it has been a good week. I started eating soft foods and it was a welcome addition. Eggs with cheese was my first meal. I have made some othe recipes from Emily Bites andTheworldaccordingtoeggface. Most of them have turned out pretty good...I even managed to eat some shrimp and handled it okay considering I did not like shrimp pre-surgery...However at 21g of protein and only 1.5g fat and 4g carbs, it will become a frequent visitor on my menu. Still eating about 2-3 ounces of food before I get full and still adjusting to making sure I chew my food well to avoid that stuck feeling in my chest. My body still has not figured out how to resume regular bowel movements. I could probably lose a few pounds justing taking a good ole dump...lol TMI I know...My heartburn has also become more frequent over the past couple of weeks so I am resolving to taking priolsec or something of that nature with my daily vitamins. I started but stopped but realizing at least for now this is not possible. This week I hung out with my cousin who had lapband surgery in Jan 2012. She has had minimal success with it. I was so amazed at how much she could eat compared to the amount I was able to eat. Now mind you she had 7 months on me but I still thought our eating habits would be the same. I took a high protein, low carb potluck dish over it went over well but all the things she made were so high in carbs or fatty. She also tend to graze which all the reading I have done said this is a way you "eat around" your band or sleeve. I also notice that her pantry was riddled with things I would be afraid to bring in the house because all willpower would be gone...I do not say all this to judge but i do so it to say that even with the surgery we have to still exercise healthy eating habits. The surgery is only a tool and if we do not use the tool properly it is unable to perform as intended. I was careful not to judge her because I did not want to come off as a surgery eating expert after just 4 weeks of diet compliance. It was just an eye opener to be cognizant to not let my old eating habits that led to me being overweight erode the sleeve. On to the good news...I started out my journey a size 18..Well, this week I got into a size 13/14 jeans I had bought about two years ago...A phenomenal feeling that was...so despite having gained two pounds this week, I looked over it as I twirled around in the mirror 4 sizes smaller than I was a month ago...And so many folk are noticing the weight loss and that too is a really good feeling. Something that nags at me is that thought no less than 20 people have told me I lost weight, my ex-boyfriend has not acknowledged my weight loss...I know he is an ex and I should not care...Obviously there was something that put him in the ex category and it wasnt good so I should let go. Easier said then done but that is another story. I also measured today (09/16/12) and was pleasantly surprised at those numbers as well. I first measured on 08/23 so just under a full month Neck -1 in Thigh -3/4 in Hi Wasit (just below breast) -2 in Natural Waist 2 in Belly Button (Abs) -3 3/4 in Chest 1 1/2 in Hips 2 1/4 in Biceps 1 in Shoulder -2.5 in.....Total Inches Lost 16.75.. :D VSG 08/17/12 HW 232 08/13/12 SW 227 CW 210.4

Happy 1 month Sleeve Anniversary to me! It's my 1 month Sleeve-versary and well, it's been a rough one! I just spent the last 4 days fighting the urge to smoke a cigarette because I'm struggling with my coping skills (and I haven't smoked in YEARS!!!). I drove 9 hours one way, just to see my grandmother who's terminally ill in Hospice in FL. My sleeve acted more as a shock collar because I kept eating terrible foods. Two bites in was throwing up. My sleeve is teaching me to change my behavior, but with so much emotional stuff going on in my life lately it's really been testing me to make the right decisions with food. This indeed is a journey, of learning and understanding. <3 Knowing my past habits, I know I would have derailed already and would have binged ate at certain emotional crossroads. At my family dinner on Saturday night, family I hadn't seen in years gathered to say their final goodbyes to my grandmother- and then came the food. Food I would have eaten and eaten and eaten and never stopped. But my sleeve didn't let me fail. I know this sleeve is the best decision I have ever made. Even when I had the urge to give up on myself, my sleeve wouldn't let me. It keeps me honest. It keeps me accountable. And for that I'm so very, very, very, grateful. I could only imagine how much my life will change in 6 months, just the progress in the last month has been such a welcomed relief and gives me hope of a better tomorrow. I might not be at goal weight right now, but I'm getting closer and closer everyday. And I see progress- which is much more than I can say for any diet I've ever been on before. And I don't feel deprived. Now that I'm 4 weeks out, I can eat anything I want- except I don't want the garbage, since I can only get a few bites in, I want to make them count with good delicious flavored food. Me, chicken, and steak, are now BFF's. I <3 my Sleeve. Height: 5'9 Heighest Weight: 216 1st Goal Weight: 169 Sleeved 8/17/2012 @ 216 lbs Week 1 (8/24): 204.8 (-11.2) Week 2 (8/31): 200.6 (-4.2) Week 3 (9/7): 196.8 (-3.8) Week 4 (9/14): 193.5 (-3.3)

Today and tomorrow are the last days I will be able to eat whatever I want. My surgery is 9/26 and I should have started pre-op on the 12th, but I mistakenly had my mind set on ten days' pre-op so I am sticking with that. The psychological willingness to do this seems very fragile to me; i.e., not the surgery itself, but my part in changing my lifestyle. I am a compulsive overeater, addicted to food, seeking comfort. I don't see how surgery is going to change that; yet it is a last ditch effort. I quit drinking; I quit smoking; I don't want to die addicted to food. I don't like being a slave to it. I want to get out from under this addiction, and that is the hopeful goal of my surgery. I know that once established healthy habits become the norm and preference; at least that's my past experience with it. So, there's all that. I am counting on prayer to pick up the difference between what I can do and what I must do. That's how I got through drinking and smoking withdrawal, which can be and were for me lengthy and torturous. Or, you could just say, I was a mess, felt like I was losing my mind. God got me through it ODAAT. But I have a family . . . and spending this money on sleeve surgery instead of having my son's tonsils removed or a down payment on a new truck my husband truly needs for work seems terribly selfish. We are hoping that once I have the surgery I will lead the family into better eating habits. No junk for me, none for you. My son has issues with his weight and while he's too old for me to dictate, we hope that healthier foods at home will help him. So, it;s all about me. Of course, I look forward to the hoped for personal evolution weight loss can bring--new energy, ambition, freedom of movement, clothing, desire to go out, dress up, etc. I particularly miss yoga and hope that I will find joy in that again. If you read this and want to comment, please do. I wouldn't write it here if I didn't want to share how I feel.

I am now 5 days post-op. I feel pretty good. Seem to have gas after I eat, but pain has been minimal. I have been craving meat and I am a vegetarian. It hasn't been easy getting in my protein because I do get full easily. Returning to work tomorrow, not really looking forward to going back. I have one more week at this job and will be starting a new job the following week. I am looking for postive change, positive people and a new skinny me. Here's to positve changes in life "toast".

Howdy fellow sleevers!!!! It has been quite some time since my last posting and I have a bit to say. If you have been following my blog you have seen my ups and downs, my struggles with anxiety and other emotions, my issues with being able to eat and getting nauseous when eating, and my early morning troubles. I am here today to tell you that things are finally starting to stabilize! I had my 6 week check up with my doctor a while ago and told him about how hard it is for me to eat or drink in the mornings, how I feel like crap in the morning, and how it takes me hours to get going. He assures me the by between month 3 and 4 that should stabilize. Well...It is finally starting to do just that. I am starting to feel better in the mornings and eating or drinking in the morning is getting easier. I am even doing better at work in the mornings and have improved mental clarity and focus! I still have some normalization that needs to happen, but given my current pace, I am sure that by month 4 I will be feeling 100% better. My emotional state is improving as well. I have not required an anxiety pill for almost a month now and was able to work through my stress and anxiety by myself. I had a death in the family that caused me to begin to have a panic attack, but I managed it without drugs! I am feeling more confident, happy, and healthy each day! I am able to eat more normal foods and enjoy the company of others when I eat. It feels so good now that things are starting to get normal. I still cannot eat soft (untoasted) bread, but that will come at around the 6 month mark along with pasta. I was actually able to eat sushi the other day which made me sssssssssssoooooooooooooo happy!!! I love sushi, it was one of my favorite things before my surgery and I am so glad that I can still enjoy it! I am trying new stuff daily and finding it getting easier and easier to eat. I still struggle with eating 4 ounces in 20-30 minutes, but I know that that will happen in time as well. For now I take about 45 minutes to eat. Things are really starting to happen for me and I am filled with joy, relief, and a positive outlook. For any of you that are struggling, hang in there...it will get better. You will have ups and downs (I still do from time to time), but this was a good choice and soon you will be thinner, happier, and above all healthier!!! Ciao 4 Now!

This is just to remind you why smoking ever again would be a stupid thing to do. You constantly want to snack now that you dont have the smoke to run to.Everything but proteins have carbs.So edamame is nice but the carbs .....,even the bullets have 2 carbs an if you eat 5 per day that adds another 10 carbs.The dreaded feeling that you have just self sabotaged like you always do is horrible isn it?Not knowing if you will lose more weight?Not seeing the bright side of life because 1.either your smoking like a thief with something to hide or 2.your withdrawing like a junkie once again.... Having to go through the cravings and being so mad at yourself all the time is quite unhealthy dont you think? The way you feel at the moment sucks.Dont do it again. Ok,day 3 is over and I must admit.Without being able to eat the whole time,this was tough.

I had a very nice supper last night with family. Everyone prayed for me when the meal was blessed. It was a grand finale of the old days and my dad outdid himself. Today I had my first protein shake. I'm so relieved it quenched my hunger. I am going to make it through this day, and beyond that, I'm not going to wonder. Caffeine hasn't been the huge withdrawal I expected. I don't know yet if that's God's grace or just a delayed onset. I am eager for the surgery to be done and over with. Still 10 days away.

Omg! I can't believe my surgery is this close! I'm a little nervous about the pain and/or discomfort from the surgery, but reading what other people have gone through helps! I have put index cards on my mirrors that say "I'm worthy of being healthy", "I'm not addicted to food", "today is a new day". It has helped me to read those often to change the negative thoughts that I have into positive ones! We are all worthy of being healthy and happy!